Mar 22 2002
I Hate Your Politics
I hate your politics.
No, I don’t know what they are. And no, I probably don’t know who you are, either. Really, those two points are immaterial (no offense). As it turns out about, about 46% of you are liberal, 46% of you are conservative, and the rest of you just want your guns, drugs and brothels (here in the US, we call them folks “libertarians”).
Each of you carries baggage from your political affiliation, and all of that baggage has a punky smell to it, like one of your larger species of rodent crawled in and expired in your folded underwear. Listening to any of you yammer on about the geopolitical situation is enough to make one want to melt down one’s dental fillings with a beeswax candle and then jam an ice pick into the freshly-exposed nerve, just to have something else to think about. It’s not so much that politics brings out the worst in people than it is that the worst in people goes looking for something to do, and that usually ends up being politics. It’s either that or setting fires in trashcans.
In the spirit of fairness, and of completeness, let me go down the list and tell you what I hate about each major branch of political thinking.
Liberals: The stupidest and weakest members of the political triumvirate, they allowed conservatives to turn their name into a slur against them, exposing them as the political equivalent of the kid who lets the school bully pummel him with his own fists (Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself). Liberals champion the poor and the weak but do it in such condescendingly bureaucratic ways that the po’ illedumacated Cleti would rather eat their own shotguns than associate with the likes of them. Famously humorless and dour, probably because for a really good liberal, everything is political, and you just can’t joke about things like that.
Defensive and peevish even when they’re right. Under the impression that people in politics should play fair, which is probably why they get screwed as often as they do (nb: 2000 Presidential election). Feel guilty about the freedoms their political positions allow them, which is frankly idiotic. Liberals are politically able to have all sorts of freaky mammal sex but typically don’t; good liberal foreplay is a permission slip and three layers of impermeable barriers. The only vaguely liberal person we know of who seemed to enjoy sex in the last 30 years is Clinton, and look what he got out of it.
Fractious and have no sense of loyalty; will publicly tear out the intestines of those closest to them at the most politically inopportune times. The attention spans of poultry; easily distracted from large, useful goals by pointless minutiae. Not only can’t see the forest for the trees, can’t see the trees for the pine needles. Deserve every bad thing that happens to them because they just can’t get their act together. Too bad those they presume to stand for get royally screwed as well.
Conservatives: Self-hating moral relativists, unless you can convince me that an intellectual class that publicly praises family values but privately engages in sodomy, coke and trophy wives is more aptly described in some other way. Not every conservative is an old wealthy white man on his third wife, but nearly every conservative aspires to be so, which is a real waste of money, youth, race and women. Genuinely fear and hate those who are not “with” them — the sort of people who would rather shit on a freshly-baked cherry pie than share it with someone not of their own tribe.
Conservatives believe in a government by the oligarchy, for the oligarchy, which is why the conservative idea of an excellent leader is Ronald Reagan, i.e., genial, brain-damaged and amenable to manipulation by his more mentally composed underlings. Under the impression they own the copyright on Jesus and get testy when other political factions point out that technically Christ is in the public domain. Conservatives don’t actually bother to spend time with people who are not conservative, and thus become confused and irritable when people disagree with them; fundamentally can’t see how that’s even possible, which shows an almost charming intellectual naiveté. Less interested in explaining their point of view than nuking you and everything you stand for into blackened cinders before your evil worldview catches on like a virus. Conservatives have no volume control on their hate and yet were shocked as Hell when Rush Limbaugh went deaf.
Conservatives clueless enough to think that having Condi Rice and Andrew Sullivan on the team somehow counts as diversity. Pen their “thinkers” like veal in think tanks rather than let them interact with people who might oppose their views. Loathe women who are not willing to have their opinions as safely shellacked as their hair. Let their sons get caught with a dime bag and see how many are really for “zero-tolerance.” Let a swarthy day laborer impregnate their daughters and find out how many of them are really pro-life.
Libertarians: Never got over the fact they weren’t the illegitimate children of Robert Heinlein and Ayn Rand; currently punishing the rest of us for it. Unusually smug for a political philosophy that’s never gotten anyone elected for anything above the local water board. All for legalized drugs and prostitution but probably wouldn’t want their kids blowing strangers for crack; all for slashing taxes for nearly every social service but don’t seem to understand why most people aren’t at all keen to trade in even the minimal safety net the US provides for 55-gallon barrels of beans and rice, a crossbow and a first-aid kit in the basement. Blissfully clueless that Libertarianism is just great as long as it doesn’t actually involve real live humans.
Libertarians blog with a frequency that makes one wonder if they’re actually employed somewhere or if they have loved ones who miss them. Libertarian blogs even more snide than conservative blogs, if that’s possible. Socially slow — will assume other people actually want to talk about legalizing hemp and the benefits of a polyamorous ethos when all these other folks really want is to drink beer and play Grand Theft Auto 3. Libertarianism the official political system of science fiction authors, which explains why science fiction is in such a rut these days. Libertarians often polyamorous (and hope you are too) but also somewhat out of shape, which takes a lot of the fun out of it.
Easily offended; Libertarians most likely to respond to this column. The author will attempt to engage subtle wit but will actually come across as a geeky whiner (Conservatives, more schooled in the art of poisonous replies, may actually achieve wit; liberals will reply that they don’t find any of this humorous at all). Libertarians secretly worried that ultimately someone will figure out the whole of their political philosophy boils down to “Get Off My Property.” News flash: This is not really a big secret to the rest of us.
I’m guessing you thought I was way off on your political philosophy but right on the button about the other two. Just think about that for a while.
I'm the Creative Consultant for this television show, appearing Fridays on Syfy. Miss a week? For US residents, 
Banter.
Jenna and I were talking about the blog this morning. She thinks that I cover the stuff I choose to talk about pretty well (perhaps *too* well — I seem long-winded even to myself); but she wants to know why I’m not posting more about current events …
Hi John,
Found you via the Writing Tips for Non-Writers Who Don’t Want to Work at Writing.
You certainly do have a way with words. You have an uncanny ability to rip with authority. I believe these tips will help my writing improve and that’s better than continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again.
I started off in business with basically horrible writing skills, but an ability to speak and tell a story. I’ve gotten better over the years, but not from what I learned in school. I got better from writing and needing to write to make sales proposals and business communications. Your tips make a lot of sense for me, and I will recommend them to anyone I know who needs help with their writing – especially the tip about speaking what you write.
Regarding this politically charged post, I can’t believe that no one has engaged into an intellectual wrestling match with you; on any of your points. Just in case you’re wondering, you don’t have a fighter here. Basically, I agree with everything you wrote. Does agreement make me a realist, a cynic, or simply an Independent?
I’m just wondering how you would characterize a mild Ralph Nader 2000 supporter? I did not paint my car or anything like that; just a bumper sticker. I still like Nader because he seems to be ready and willing to change politics as usual. People characterize him as crazy, or a liberal, or as a spoiler for Democrats, but I admire what he has done and has tried to do for this country. Too bad more people in this country did not follow him, because I can’t imagine how things would be worse with him vs. the current disaster of a President. Do you think there would there be less corruption, cleaner air, more accountability and less war? Would we be safer as a nation? Look what Nader did with the auto industry. I don’t think he’d leave us any more vulnerable than the puppet GW and his Daddy and Dick have. I guess we’re just going to keep on electing morons until we can’t elect anymore. Maybe we’re already at that point.
Gee, I had no idea I had all these political thoughts until I started writing a comment to your post. I’ll have to send Nader some money now.
Again, thanks for your contributions to those of us who should have listened better in our writing courses. This is a writing sample. If you could, I’d love to get your critique about any writing flaws or bad grammar tendencies, either in a comment or by email to sturcotte at backbonemedia dot com.
I am libertarian and you got only one right…
…the one about the libertarians.
p.s. amazon still hasn’t delivered your book yet and I blame you for it.
Stephen Turcotte:
“I can’t believe that no one has engaged into an intellectual wrestling match with you; on any of your points.”
They did when it first came out, but I wasn’t using this particular blogging software then and didn’t have the ability to log comments. So it all happened in e-mail. The piece has since been put into the new software but is so far back in the time stream (four years ago now), that most people don’t see it.
Joshua: I accept all blame, naturally. It’s all my fault. Everything is.
Well, if it helps any, I’m a liberal, and you got all three of them pretty much right on the nose.
I know funny liberals and sometimes I am one. They’re just not funny about politics: bad enough to have walking jokes running the country, without making jokes about it.
There _are_ funny liberals, considerate conservatives, and compassionate libertarians, but you have to admit that they’re the exception, not the rule.
I go to Pomona college, and while it’s nice that people don’t say things like “that’s so gay” here, the stifling liberalism can get overwhelming. There’s this assumption that everyone shares the same politics, and as long as someone is “on your side,” you shouldn’t question their reasoning.
I’m not sure how I found this page but I enjoied the read.I sometimes wonder if there is no such thing as a majority only those who manipulate the best. I wish there were a party called “Other” or the “None of the Above” Party. One thing I am sureofis that a 3rd party can not now really elect a president. Best we can hope for at this time is enough, Congressional Representatives or Senators to sway thebalance and gain power. Ido findit really sad though that I,as a moderate, am being made to feel like a left wing racical by a bunch of theives on an eight year looting frenzy on the people of the US. Nice blog
Paul
hey guys,
the only thing which is very necessary in here is that we need good leaders. that good leaders can be and only be sort out from the political parties and let us be a good and responsible citizens in this entire populace by choosing those people who are capable in running down the office.
Hi, John,
I was cleaning up dead links on my “political views” page (www.sff.net/people/geoffrey.landis/politics.html, if you care), noticed that my link to “I Hate Your Politics” had gone 404, and googled around until I found where it moved to. I’m amazed to see that, five years later, you’re still getting recently-dated comments! Yow!
Still a great opinion piece, and still funny as hell.
Found your article from a comment on the Volokh website. Hilarious! And all true. I profess to be a cynic. I’d like to be a libertarian, but as you said above …
By the way, The Android’s Dream made me laugh out loud several times as I read it. That’s unusual. Thank you.
As a Libertarian I’m flattered. We’ve not had this much consideration in years! Just to be included in a political party discussion is a coup. Now get off my lawn!
Pretty funny stuff. There are a lot of anal-retentive P.C. liberals out there, but what about all the funny people in Hollywood? Larry Flynt is a left-winger, by God.
Bravo.
Liberals will admit you have a point.
With the state of the world as it is right now, I don’t think it’s very productive to be publishing this kind of “humor,” especially not when the bandwidth required to do so could be much more efficiently used by NOA and SETI. Also, if we all come together and work at it in good faith and with a bipartisan spirit, I think we can make great headway in developing a package of regulation and incentive programs that could significantly reduce the fecal ppm in cherry pie by the year 2018.
Jenniebee:
I don’t give a damn whether you think it’s productive or not.
Also, please look at the date on which it was originally published, which is on the thing. Your complaint is about seven years too late.
It strikes me that professionally funny people tend to be liberal, whereas the only truly funny conservative I’m aware of is P. J. O’Rourke.
(FYI, you got linked at Balloon Juice today.)
Yep, I’m aware of the link, obsessive-compulsive stat reader that I am.
John outs himself as a liberal, judging by his brittle response to a plainly jesting jenniebee.
Jay B:
If only you knew how many people here rather seriously leave me messages just like that one.
John:
Of that I have no doubts.
Still, your response was funny in the context of the “taxonomy” you ably laid out (as a liberal, I enjoy the pretards and hoistings and all that, it makes my huffy response to the one about the black lesbian feel less priggish).
This, to me, was the tell: “I think we can make great headway in developing a package of regulation and incentive programs that could significantly reduce the fecal ppm in cherry pie by the year 2018.”
And I also think the Bush years helped liberals find their irreverence again. Near fatal amounts of bullshit may have helped.
[...] Obligatory Scalzi link: [...]
[...] the link at Balloon Juice, but thsi I Hate Your Politics is pure genius, and like Cole, my favorite is his take on libertarians … [...]
Liberal here, and, other than the part about sex, I thought you were right on about us. And the other two for that matter.
Notice how many liberals say “You got me, I admit it” as a way of showing they are NOT partial, biased, unaware, etc., and therefore not REALLY part of the description. This is the liberal dream– I’m beyond all description, I’m just “me.” This is why liberals turn on each other so viciously– the worst thing in the world is thought to be part of an oppressive, unthinking herd. What happens? They get shellacked by an even more oppressive, unthinking herd. Until someone smart says, “Wait, this makes no fucking sense…” and starts to organize on the basis of the other liberal dream– to be part of something greater than anything else on earth. Et voila…
The program to reduce the shit in cherry pie by 2018 was, I thought a pretty significant tell. Just in case you missed the priggish “wouldn’t this bandwidth be better used by SETI” – I mean, who would say that seriously? Seriously?
Salma:
Or maybe it’s simply because many liberals have a capacity for objectivity — the ability to see themselves as others might see them — and the good humor to say, “you got me.”
Isn’t being “part of an oppressive, unthinking herd” among the worst things in the world? I’m really sorry for you if you honestly don’t think so.
And as for getting “shellacked,” you apparently need it spelled out that the left of center won in November and is in charge right now.
Sum: you didn’t make much fucking sense here.
Yup, linked at Cole’s Corner. Don’t know why I missed this the first time around – the Heinlein/Rand cocktail is exactly what I drank. It’s kind of creepy to realize that this happened to other people too. Where are y’all? Keep your hands where I can see them…
Thanks, Salam. I think being defeated by Bush was worse than winning with a less-than-perfectly progressive Gore. I know, I know, it’s crazy, but it’s how I feel. So yes, being part of one relatively unthinking herd is better than losing to a worse one. As for the last two elections, um, think about ‘08 and read the last couple sentences of my post. Slowly, and rest on the word “organize” for a second or two. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised…
Salma: I take it I misinterpreted your original comment, for which I apologize. I’m still not completely clear on your point, but I’m willing to concede it’s possibly me being dense today.
That’s not funny!!!!!! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my regularly scheduled Wednesday afternoon circular firing squad.
Salma von Hayek: some of the themes in your original response remind me of David Brin’s “Dogma of Otherness”. Can’t find a legit link, but it’s worth a read. I don’t take it as gospel truth, but it does have some interesting perspectives.
The fact that, seven years later, this is still hilarious is either wonderful or should cause us all to despair for humanity. I’m honestly not sure which.
Why not both?
Why not both?
I’m detecting a Joker or Comedian vibe here. And I like it!
Like an old horoscope, this is eerily on the money. You nailed my humorless liberal soul. Brilliant.
Actually, I think you hit the nail a little too close to the head for my tribe, as it were, which, when you figure out which tribe that is, will probably make perfect sense. LOL
Better still is that you said the thing we’ve been saying to ourselves for ages and may i say it has led to better “tribal counciling,” which may explain the recent election outcomes.
Here’s to a continuously good game of “beat the interviewer” by coming up with the ace answer for “What’s your biggest weakness and how have you overcome it?”
Can’t believe how many years it took for this to come across my desk. Found via links on Twitter.
[...] a funny blog here (H/T John Cole) that summarises the key points of the main three tendencies in US political [...]
That’s not funny, dammit.
Okay, actually, it’s really effing funny. And closer than I think you think it is.
[...] * Pois é, também me sinto assim. Mas, bastante, também assim. [...]
personally, I think that libertarians are just conservatives out of power.
Truth is eternal, which is why your comments are still valid and funny. Let me try to elucidate another interpretation of the three groups:
Liberals believe that life is not a zero-sum game.
Conservatives believe that it is
Libertarians don’t want to play.
I’m a socialist – which is another label that ought to be de-demonised in America.
Here in Europe I like to think that I am a libertarian, but then it (the name) doesn’t carry the same connotations on this side of the pond as it does on yours.
Alan,
Aalborg
Denmark
keep up the good work, and thank god for stumbleupon.
Wonderful! Came over from snark central at tbogg’s, and I love this post. Thank you for skewering us all. We needed that.
Okay, wait – if I thought all three were funny I can’t be a liberal….
*implodes*
Political apathy always bothers me greatly.
Liberal, libertarian, conservative – they’re all highly movable feasts. You should perhaps have prefixed them with ‘American’. I found it funny nonetheless, which I guess takes me out of the liberal camp. Additional to the libertarian one would be, “Stop spending my own money to tell me what to do!”
gt, i think you might have misunderstood, if you took this entry as political apathy. peek around the rest of the site and you’ll see what i mean. :)
TBogg, bless his heart, suggested we come and read this. Lord above, it’s maybe the funniest thing I’ve read all week. I suppose in your spectrum I’m a Liberal, and I’ve never read a more accurate description of the breed. Thanks for making my day!
Additional to the libertarian one would be, “Stop spending my own money to tell me what to do!”
No, it wouldn’t, as that’s reasonably self-complimentary.
[...] check out the rest of John Scalzi's post from 2002 — he's every bit as mean toward, and accurate in his assessment of, liberals and [...]
These are some cuttingly delicious descriptions of the three political philosophies in modern America, no doubt. Any honest liberal, or conservative, or libertarian, can recognize the truth in them. Dishonest ones will fall out of their chairs laughing at one or two of these, then launch into a pages-long refutation of the last one — which just happens to be their philosophy, and which is off-limits for lampooning.
I’d like to suggest a fourth political philosophy: Disaffection.
For those of us who have grown tired of seeing Liberals and Conservatives in Washington D.C. consistently pawn away their spines and their values, thus betraying their stated positions and ideology when it’s politically convenient. Because in the end, you know these people only believe in ONE thing: that it’s more important to stay in office than to actually stand for something.
[...] He is one of my fake-cyber-boyfriends (but shh, don’t tell him!). Go to his blog and read his 2002 take on politics. Yes, it was written nearly seven years ago, and, yes, it still applies [...]
Conservatives will invite you to lunch; lecture you on profligate spending and personal responsibility; eat steak and lobster; excuse themselves to the restroom, and then disappear leaving you the tab.
I hope Obama brought his Diner’s Club card.
Liquid Daddy,
That’s a good one.
Here’s mine.
A liberal is someone who bitches endlessly at the office about how everyone ought to be taking public transit to work, and how we’re making Global Warming worse through all the needless impulse and single-occupancy driving. Then at the end of the day while you go catch the bus home, the liberal goes down the parking garage and drives away in their VW turbo bug. Alone, behind the wheel.
I’m shocked, shocked I say, that the liberal v conservative potshots in the comments aren’t as witty as the equal opportunity bashing of the post.
Nobody could have predicted that.
Liberals are Larry, conservatives are Moe, and libertarians are Curly.
Get off my property.
Hey! This is my property!
Neither liberal, nor conservative, nor libertarian nor neo-con
and all I have to say is: “lol!”
I must take issue with the humorless liberal thing: We have Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Wanda Sykes… (ad infinitum.)
Conservatives have Ben Stein.
We win.
(OK, so the libertarians have Penn and Teller, I’ll give them a point for that one.)
Conservatives have more than just Ben Stein.
But I’d not expect a liberal to know this.
#17, P J O’Rourke calls himself a libertarian. The only true blue Republican funny guy I can think of (except for Ann Coulter) is the late Lewis Grizzard. Everyone else who is funny is either a democrat or a libertarian (objectivist libertarians are, however, completely humorless).
I have no idea why this should be the case.
Even though I’m a liberal, I agree with the liberal section 100%. I get frustrated at many of my dour, humorless fellow liberals who are so fucking P.C. about each and every single issue. Also, the fact that Democrats and liberals cave like papier mache to Republicans despite the fact that the Dems have easily won the last two elections drives me nuts.
Your sections on conservatives and libertarians made me laugh out loud because I know many of both and they fit the stereotype to a tee.
Why does this essay contain so many sentence fragments? The fragments make it more difficult to read.
Because I felt like it.
Conservatives have more than just Ben Stein.
But I’d not expect a liberal to know this.
True! They also have Joe the Plumber and Bobby Jindal. Also, the boys at Big Hollywood are a laff riot.
Democrats and liberals cave like papier mache to Republicans
And in between sips of my vanilla latte (made with 100 percent fair trade coffee and soy milk using only free-range soys), I note that the term is, in fact, papier-mâché.
Will there be an updated 2009 version of this post? Or do you still hate politics for the same reasons as you did seven years ago?
I’m not planning to update it, no. I have new and exciting things to kvetch about now.
And people say the intertubes are an ephemeral medium. I think people say that, anyway. Very glad this floated back to the top.
I think you’re pretty much dead on about all three, Mr. S. Some thoughts:
Liberals: My designation for sure, but the traits you ascribe are the ones that annoy the shit out of me, particularly the need to be “fair” and “better than” our enemies/adversaries/opponents when they’re kicking you in the nuts and you don’t even want to shove them away before they get in another. If I see these traits amongst too many of my ideological brethren, yet don’t possess them myself, would you say I should still be lumped in with your assessment?
Conservatives: “the sort of people who would rather shit on a freshly-baked cherry pie than share it with someone not of their own tribe.” Poetry. I feel damned good that at least one person who writes that well gets paid.
Libertarians: “secretly worried that ultimately someone will figure out the whole of their political philosophy boils down to “Get Off My Property.” Since brevity is the soul of wit, wouldn’t a more effective reduction be, simply, “Fuck Off!”?
WOLVERINES!!!!!
A citizen asked me, with rue,
“Now, what is a voter to do?
For Moe is a knave
and Larry’s not brave
and Curly has hardly a clue!”
Hey Sub-Odeon – you’re not anywhere near as funny as the rest of ‘em. Maybe it would help if you realized that, while they are taking potshots at the cons, they aren’t being needlessly mean like you are.
Try dialing it back one or two notches and try again. I know there’s a sense of humor there under the dried low-hanging fruit you call a heart.
As for you, Scalzi. I am a Liberal, and that was not funny at all. Well, except for the stuff about the other guys. That was hilarious.
Corby, yours is the funniest post yet.
[...] I Hate Your Politics « Whatever I’m guessing you thought I was way off on your political philosophy but right on the button about the other two. Just think about that for a while. (tags: politics liberalism funny glibertarians conservatism rants johnscalzi) [...]
[...] as cost savings out of the goodness of their hearts instead of keeping as additional profits. This is almost seven years old, but it still works: [...]
Bookmark this, liberals!
You rated a link from Tbogg on this one, and rightly so.
It’s not so much that politics brings out the worst in people than it is that the worst in people goes looking for something to do, and that usually ends up being politics. It’s either that or setting fires in trashcans.
That sounds like a line one of Rogers’ writers would’ve penned for an ep of ‘Leverage.’
oh, gods, now i don’t know *what* i am!
i mean, yes, after 32 years of life i STILL resent that Heinlein isn’t my daddy (although, to be fair, *my* dad tries really hard to be Heinlein. really, he does. its actually sometimes creepy… *G*)
butbutbutbut – i CAN’T be a libertairian! i refuse!
(in my political science classes, i identify myself as a “rational anarchist”. this is not actually funny anymore, and constantly garners me invitations to do stupid things like blow up the public library. the public library which i use CONSTANTLY. kids today don’t what *anarchy* really is!)
:D
Yeah, I must have been high. I love this blog and I don’t know what came over me. Certainly, this isn’t an example of political apathy.
Great column. Anybody who lets ideological blinders keep them from at least considering another point of view is cheating themselves and deserves some ridicule.
Awesome analysis :)
Funniest damned thing I’ve read all day… had me in stitches…
My views are very simple:
Politics comes from two root words –
Poly – meaning “MANY”
and
TICKS – meaning “BLOOD SUCKING VERMIN”…
so basically, I wash my hands of the whole mess of parties and allegiances… and I simply vote for the guy I think will do the least amount of damage… which, admittedly, is one hell of a challenge today…
Thanks again for the insight, laughter and general disdain for the system… enjoyed the hell out of it…
J (goteeman)
Laughed out loud at the liberal and conservative ones. Although I am a libertarian, I got a few chuckles out of the libertarian one as well.
But I feel that you’re minimizing our contributions to America’s political scene: that one guy we got elected was the chairman of a local water board, not just a mere member. And it was a very prestigious local water board at that. ;)
John,
Well done. I pulled a muscle laughing. I stumbled on this column today because Megan McArdle linked to your blog comment for today (June 24, 2009), which led me to your autobiography, which led me to Wikipedia, which led me to this column.
Thank god for the internets.
Tim in Portland
I don’t know how many times I’ve read this, but it’s still awesome. So here’s a democrat/republican joke:
How do you tell the difference between a democrat and a republican? Find a man drowning 50 feet off shore. The democrat will throw him 50 feet of rope, promptly drop his own end and go looking for someone else to help. A republican will throw out 25 feet of rope and yell “Swim for it!”
[...] Hates Your Politics Re: Scalzi’s Post: Pretty much what I entitled this [...]
[...] blogger and I’m thrilled to be able to feature him on Blog Nosh. Read the original post here, follow John on Twitter here, and oh yes, he’s got his own Wikipedia page. That’s [...]
As a red blooded american Marxist I do believe that you hit the three nails on head.
I’m a liberal and I found your entire blog extremely witty and quite hilarious.
snort
The Democratic Party wants to turn the government into your Mom.
The Republican Party wants to turn the government into your Dad.
The Libertarian Party wants to turn the government into your crazy Uncle Lou. :D
One more observation about Liberals vs. Conservatives:
Hypocrisy is a “head-shot” to a Liberal’s political career, but it seems to have no effect on Conservatives. Conservatives are able to have it both ways I suppose because of the moral relativism you describe, whereas Liberals will stone each other to death (or, if no one throws stones, they will slit their own wrists) as soon as the right kind of hypocrisy is exposed, no matter how insignificant.
[...] …and yes, as has been pointed out to me: read this. 32 Comments [...]
@Shawn: a great example is Jon Edwards vs. Newt Gingrich. Or John McCain. Or any of those closeted foot-tapping Republicans.
@despicable: as a red-blooded Marxist myself, I have to admit that our tribe has some of the Liberal traits (sense of humor, f’rex).
@John Scalzi: I read this aloud to my girlfriend. We laughed a lot. Thank you for reposting this! :)
[...] I Hate Your Politics � Whatever He hates on both sides pretty well and throws in libertarianism to boot. This section is relevant to this discussion. Quote: [...]
[...] been wanting to use this classic post (I Hate Your Politics) for years, but never really had the opportunity. Well… I do now. And what I’m [...]
The only thing that is relevant is my politics!
[...] in a million years but he gives me something to aspire to, which is good. I particularly enjoyed this entry from 2002. I also finally got around to cracking The Red Wolf Conspiracy by Robert V.S. Redick and while [...]
One thing you failed to mention, but illustrated perfectly…no one every thinks of any other p.o.v. but these three.
Alas poor Moderate! I knew him well, Horatio…
I’m a liberal and I’m terribly offended at what you wrote. blah blah blah classism blah blah patriarchy blah blah the dominant paradigm.
Actually, I thought it was quite funny and on-point. I think I was expecting to get angry when you asserted we were the stupidest, but most of what you said was right-on and hilarious.
@Emmanuel: In my personal experience, most “moderates” I’ve met are either liberals, conservatives, or libertarians who just don’t want to admit it. They seem to think that “not choosing a side” makes them superior even though their opinions indicate they have clearly chosen one but just like to think they haven’t because they don’t use the label. Either that, or they simply don’t care about politics, or they’re big fans of the false compromise fallacy.