Clearing the Sulferous Air

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Just to address the rumors:

1. Yes, apparently a gateway to Hell randomly appeared in my basement last week. That “sump pump flooding” story: A tissue of lies. Sorry.

2. Yes, I was briefly possessed by an entity of pure unfathomable malevolence, who claimed various names, among them “Sulferlucent,” “Gadsennezzar,” and “Tom Delay,” and who demanded to watch episodes of Who’s the Boss and to feast on kittens.

3. No, we did not feast on kittens. Yes, we watched Who’s the Boss, but only briefly — just long enough for the malevolent entity to confirm there were worse things than Hell.

4. Yes, a Weekly World News reporter and photographer happened to photograph me whilst possessed. No, I don’t know their current whereabouts or how they could have disappeared without a trace. You’ll to ask someone else about where their bones may lay. Their sweet, crunchy, marrow-filled bones.

5. Yes, the entity of pure unfathomable malevolence eventually left my body, closing the Hellish portal behind it. Well, mostly. No, our house is not now powered exclusively from geothermal vents. The vents are certainly thermal, but scientists and theologians both might argue the “geo-” aspect.

6. No, I’m not liable to be possessed again anytime soon.

7. Yes, your bones look very sweet indeed.

23 Comments on “Clearing the Sulferous Air

  1. Please step away from the Photoshop slowly. Or did you teach Athena some cool Photoshop tricks today? In that case: go Athena! Great background!

  2. You can almost hear some sort of deadline approaching, can’t you?

  3. You can almost hear some sort of deadline approaching, can’t you?

  4. Indeed, this is what writers’ Hell looks like.

  5. Indeed, this is what writers’ Hell looks like.

  6. We don’t do fart jokes around here, Jim. Demonic possession, murder and cannibalism jokes, yes. Fart jokes, no.

  7. We don’t do fart jokes around here, Jim. Demonic possession, murder and cannibalism jokes, yes. Fart jokes, no.

  8. Yes, Jim, I don’t know why you were doing expecting Mr Scalzi to put fart jokes on the Whatever. Really! What were you thinking?

    He saves the A-material for his books.
    ;^)

  9. Indeed, I will argue that “The Android’s Dream” has possibly the best fart scene in all of science fiction. Probably not the thing I will eventually want to be remembered for, mind you. But for now, it’ll do.

  10. Of course he doesn’t eat kittens! You have to wait until they grow into cats, the better to sodomize them while smoking crack.

  11. Of course he doesn’t eat kittens! You have to wait until they grow into cats, the better to sodomize them while smoking crack.

  12. Oh, come now, people. If you eat the kittens, you have nothing to place poker bets with.

  13. SEE the resemblance is uncanny!!! You look like your sister before coffee…I “don’t” have photoshop hahahahaha

    I’m reading backwards of course… Peace

  14. SEE the resemblance is uncanny!!! You look like your sister before coffee…I “don’t” have photoshop hahahahaha

    I’m reading backwards of course… Peace