How to Make a Schadenfreude Pie

My word, what is this dark and vaguely sinister-looking pie you see before you? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s the world’s first Schadenfreude Pie, the pie to enjoy while you are reveling in the horrible misfortunes of others. Why is there a Schadenfreude Pie? Because after I wrote the headline for this entry, I wondered to myself, “what would Schadenfreude Pie taste like?”

My guess: Dark. Rich. And oh so bittersweet.

And you know what? That’s exactly what it tastes like. Also — and this is really just a perfect but unintentional extension of the whole schadenfreude metaphor — you really only want a small slice; too much of this pie and it’ll sit in the pit of your stomach like a rock of judgment, pulling you down. Small slice? Excellent. Big slice? You’ll regret it. Just like schadenfreude itself.

Want a slice? Sure you do. Here’s how you make it.

Let’s face it, schadenfreude is a dark emotion. It deserves a dark pie. Here are your ingredients.

1 cup dark brown sugar
1 cup dark corn syrup
1/2 cup molasses
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks
3 large eggs (I used brown eggs in keeping with the spirit of things, but white eggs are fine)
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 splash Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
1 graham cracker pie crust (9 or 10 inches). Choose regular or chocolate graham cracker crust according to taste.

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees (Fahrenheit). Melt butter in largish mixing bowl; add in corn syrup, molasses, brown sugar and cinnamon. Mix well. Melt chocolate; fold into existing mixture. Add eggs and Kahlua; mix vigorously until mix has an even consistency. Pour into pie crust (depending on size of crust you may have a little filling mix left over).

Shove into oven, center of middle rack, and bake for about 45 minutes. At 45 minutes, poke pie with butter knife. If butter knife comes out clean, your pie is done; otherwise give it about another five minutes.

Once you take the pie out of the oven, let it set at least 20 minutes before you dig in. It’s really good when still warm, however.

Serving recommendations: small slices (this is an awesomely rich pie) and an ice cold glass of milk to go with it.

Got it? Groovy. And now, pictures of the production of the very first Schadenfreude Pie ever:

Athena mixes the pie filling ingredients while plotting the downfall of all those who oppose her.

Appearing as if the baleful eye of retribution, the pie awaits its cookination!

The darkest of all dark pies, fully cooked.

“From Hell’s heart I stab at thee, Schadenfredue Pie!”

The unspeakable malevolence of the pie, in single-serving size.

Sure, it’s a pie freighted down by the petty weaknesses of men, but how does it taste?

Excellent! And now, let us have a maniacal laugh of victory, if you please:

Joy at the misfortune of others — and pie! Truly, the best of all possible worlds.

Comments

  1. suanie says:

    This one deserves a Flickr Academy Award

  2. Fireangel says:

    YUM. If I asked really really nicely, would you send one over to Malaysia? Thank you. :P

  3. suanie says:

    Or a plane ticket to your home so I could taste it fresh? :P oh wait, I’m a nobody :(

  4. Liz Case says:

    Oh man! I gotta make me some of that.

  5. Will "scifantasy" Frank says:

    *Hums music from Avenue Q*

    Not many pies have a theme song, you know.

  6. Will "scifantasy" Frank says:

    *Hums music from Avenue Q*

    Not many pies have a theme song, you know.

  7. Steve Ely says:

    Seriously, though–we’re gonna regret schadenfreude?

  8. Anne C. says:

    I am going to make that.
    [mops up drool with a bath towel]

    I love the photos, particularly the ones of Athena and Krissy laughing maniacally after taste testing the pie.

  9. Wickedpinto says:

    I hate sweets, but I love your slide show. Thats just too good a family and life you gots there.

  10. Jess says:

    I may be in a minority here but I’m more impressed that you invented a new pie then when you taped a piece of bacon on your cat.

  11. Jess says:

    I may be in a minority here but I’m more impressed that you invented a new pie then when you taped a piece of bacon on your cat.

  12. kerewin says:

    Schadenfreude is one my favorite words. All. Time.

    Still, the pie might be a bit much. Glad everyone enjoyed it.

  13. David Moles says:

    Man, I miss Fafblog. Thanks for stepping into the pieblogging gap.

  14. Ted Lemon says:

    Dude, you are clearly going to heck in a handcart. I mean, not only are you teaching your kid how to make schadenfreude pie, but you gave her a bottle of Kahlua! Next thing you know she’s going to be sleeping in a gutter with crumbs on her shirt…

  15. D. says:

    Dark brown sugar and corn syrup and molasses? Sounds like it outdoes the Savoy Truffle…

  16. Dr. Phil says:

    On my Sony laptop with the awesome screen (no anti-glare texture on the glass) sitting in the dark of the living room, the picture of the pie in the oven… the pie looks like some malevolent black hole, sucking all the light out of the room.

    Mmmm….

    Dr. Phil

  17. Thingo says:

    Schadenfreude pie,
    Schadenfreude pie,
    I think that I will get some,
    If someone else would die.

    With apologies to Dennis Lee.

  18. Mitch Wagner says:

    Will you be making Klingon Revenge next?

    Taste fine warm, but, of course, best served cold.

  19. Wickedpinto says:

    I just reviewed the pictures, and in NONE of them does Athena have the kalua in her area. I was kinda worried about that once lemon mentioned it, but then, I looked at the joy The Boss’s family had during the slide show and I was completely enamored at his wife’s cheekbones, and how that feature is passed so prominently to his daughter.

    MAN! you are a lucky man, I don’t imagine you can spend a moment of your day and life without having images as pleasent and playful as this flashing through your head. (my family was “broken” so I appreciate the simple things thats why I make these observations, sorry if it seems odd that a strange guy pops in and makes them.)

  20. Ginny says:

    If you can come up with a Schadenfreude cake I could serve it to my mother-in-law for her next birthday, and be eternally grateful. I’d imagine that such a cake would involve black icing, which I’ve already perfected whilst making a Darth Vader cake one year.

    All the kids’ mouths turned purple, and stayed that way for about a week. It was awesome.

  21. birchsprite says:

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  22. Mmmmm. The misfortune of others never had such a flaky crust.

    Pie is a big thing for you, isn’t it? Figures prominently in OMW. And here as well.

    Hey, is Krissy like 6’2″ or something? She looks rather statuesque in pictures. Especially the one with teh bat. If so, it means Athena is 5’4″ at age 7 which is possible (my niece is 11 and 5’10″. Yeah!) That makes you…?

  23. John Scalzi says:

    Krissy is 5′ 10″. I’m just a shade under 5′ 8″. Athena is well over four feet tall.

  24. Michele says:

    I love Athena’s expression as she’s mixing the pie.

  25. Dave says:

    I was totally with you until the graham cracker crust, but I guess that’s just for color. I’d also be tempted by some ground roasted pecans, and possibly nutmeg and allspice.

    Bitchin’ idea though, and great shots.

  26. John Scalzi says:

    I use graham cracker crust for two reasons. One, it’s easy. Two, the filling carmelizes against the crust and makes it chewy and excellent.

  27. Jennie says:

    Reminds me of shoofly pie, a staple in Amish country.

    Oh, and Ginny? Howz about sharing the Darth Vader cake recipe?

  28. Jennie says:

    Reminds me of shoofly pie, a staple in Amish country.

    Oh, and Ginny? Howz about sharing the Darth Vader cake recipe?

  29. John Scalzi says:

    Indeed, it’s not unlike shoofly pie.

  30. Shoofly.

    Schadenfreude.

    So similar.

    So tasty.

  31. Dave says:

    Ignore that pecan and nutmeg stuff above. I was clearly on crack. What I would try is 1/2 tsp. of dried ancho chile powder. Fits the theme, and the chocolate/ancho/cinammon/coffee combination has to be tasted to be believed.

    (I’m unable to read a recipe without suggesting improvements. I get shots for it and go to meetings and everything. Pity me.)

  32. Chris Gerrib says:

    Methinks somebody has too much time on their hands :-)

  33. Actually, I suspect this is part of a larger trend towards Foods of Darkness. Liquor made from the distilled despair of shattered dreamers has become quite popular at College Republican gatherings, and prime rib delicately seasoned with the crushed dignity of outsourced workers has become *the* dish at five star restaurants.

  34. Actually, I suspect this is part of a larger trend towards Foods of Darkness. Liquor made from the distilled despair of shattered dreamers has become quite popular at College Republican gatherings, and prime rib delicately seasoned with the crushed dignity of outsourced workers has become *the* dish at five star restaurants.

  35. Betsy K says:

    I love that you’re a whole family of nerds! You guys always look like you’re having so much fun.

  36. Terri says:

    Just reading the list of ingredients turned me into a diabetic! Good looking pie (and I’m glad your family enjoyed it) but wow, I can almost taste the dark, bitter-sweetness! :o

  37. ajay says:

    …I asked him, “Is it good, friend?”
    He answered, “It is bitter-bitter,
    But I like it,
    Because it is bitter,
    And because it is Pie.”

  38. Janiece says:

    You had me at “pie,” because “it’s always a good time for pie!”

  39. Pie is always good.

    I would think schadenfreude pie would best be served in heaping huge slices, myself.

    I see your rating at Technorati going apeshite right about now…

  40. Mark DF says:

    The Kahlua is in Athena’s milk. Sheesh, do you people not have kids?

  41. Oh man, this looks incredibly delicious. I’m going to have to try out this recipe while my wife is in Singapore next month (so that if I screw it up, I won’t have to inflict it on her).

  42. Isn’t that chocolate black-bottom pie?

  43. John Scalzi says:

    TNH:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if it is very similar. I think the cinnamon and Kahlua may differentiate it.

    For those keeping score out there, the basic pie here is a “chess pie,” which is a pecan pie, minus the pecans. Pecan pies usually use light corn syrup and light brown sugar (and no molasses). I used dark versions of the corn syrup and brown sugar added chocolate, molasses, cinnamon and the kahlua.

  44. Laurie Mann says:

    Wow, talk about your “heart attack in a pan…” ;->

    Of course, I made homemade mac & cheese for dinner last night, so I’m a fine one to talk.

  45. Janiece says:

    Laurie,

    Want to trade you home-made Mac-n-Cheese recipes? It’ll be good with Schadenfreude Pie for dessert!

  46. Gary Pilkington says:

    John… your entire family has way too much time on their hands

  47. John Scalzi says:

    Oh, sure. My family does something together, just like all those family experts tell us to, and suddenly we have too much time on our hands.

    That’s it. Back to the salt mines for Athena!

  48. Alison B. says:

    May I use this for a tagline:
    “Joy at the misfortune of others — and pie! Truly, the best of all possible worlds.”

    The pie looks tasty, too.

  49. John Scalzi says:

    By all means, Alison. Have fun with it.

  50. John Scalzi says:

    By all means, Alison. Have fun with it.

  51. Diatryma says:

    I get paid in a week or so, and will be having a dinner-party sort of thing. And it’s getting chilly, so baking is good. And I really want an excuse to have brown sugar in the kitchen; I was one of the kids who’d steal it and hide it in my bedroom just to eat.

    Now all I have to do is find someone else’s misfortune. Maybe the partiers nearby will do something stupid like burn a house down.

  52. Josh Jasper says:

    Schadenfreude is illegal in Singapore.

  53. Yet another reason to move to Singapore :-)

  54. Adam Rakunas says:

    Hell, isn’t pie illegal in Singapore?

  55. John Scalzi says:

    Only if you spit it out on the sidewalk.

  56. Patrick says:

    Is it anything like guilt pie?

    Someone on a mailing list I’m subscribed to mentioned reading in a book about guilt pie. Basically, whenever some disaster happens and lots of people want to shoulder all the guilt themselves even it was not the fault of any one person, someone bakes a pie and slices are handed out to everyone. Each slice represents each person’s share of the blame.

    Of course, this sort pie would work just as well for lots people wanting to claim credit for something good happening.

  57. Adam Rakunas says:

    Or if you make a pie with gum, I suppose.

    This has been an inspiring post. I want to have a pot luck where all the meals are metaphysical concepts, brought to tasty life. Behold: Forbidden Fruit Cobbler! Revenge Vichysoisse (served cold, of course)! And a bunch of other things that I’d think about if it weren’t lunchtime and I weren’t so damn hungry!

  58. Adam Rakunas says:

    Or if you make a pie with gum, I suppose.

    This has been an inspiring post. I want to have a pot luck where all the meals are metaphysical concepts, brought to tasty life. Behold: Forbidden Fruit Cobbler! Revenge Vichysoisse (served cold, of course)! And a bunch of other things that I’d think about if it weren’t lunchtime and I weren’t so damn hungry!

  59. Ginny says:

    Jennie, my Darth Vader cake was a devil’s food cake (you can buy a mix, or use your favorite “from scratch” recipe) but the key here was that it was baked in a Darth Vader-shaped cake tin, which I got at a garage sale years ago (and ultimately sold at a garage sale of my own when my children grew out of silly-shaped cakes). The key, really, was frosting it to make it look precisely like Darth Vader; this was accomplished by heading out to my local party store and buying a load of frosting equipment, including the dyes they had to make your own colored frosting that you’d mix into white frosting. When it came to black–and most of the cake was black–no matter how much black dye I used, the frosting stayed grey; so rather than a couple of drops of dye I poured an entire container of the black dye into a tub of frosting. It turned a glossy jet-black, and so did my fingers–well not black, more like purple.

    mmm-mm! The kids mouths also dyed purple when they ate Darth, much to my amusement and the chagrin of the parents whose children attended that particular birthday party.

    The cake pan I used, I just discovered, is a rare> cake pan. I just found it as part of a set of four on eBay for TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS. Maybe I shouldn’t have sold it at my garage sale for fifty cents.

  60. hobbyns says:

    Pie is good. Pie is kind.

    Except this one, which I want to try. Poste haste!

  61. netsearcher says:

    *bookmarking and printing*

    I must try this, and for so many reasons, most of them fattening! :)

  62. Ginny says:

    Jennie, just for you I scanned an old photo of the Devil’s Food Darth, complete with the tale of the black icing:
    http://ginnysanchez.com/nucleus/index.php?itemid=159

  63. Shveta says:

    Wow, how both funny and delicious!

  64. Gwen says:

    Wow, that looks tasty. Now I want to make it, and eat it, but we have almost none of the ingredients. (We have Kahlua, chocolate chips, butter, and cinnamon.) Feel free to revel in my misfortune now.
    Adam: and if anything required a frying pan (the Omelette of Necessity, for which making you *have* to crack a few eggs?), you could use the infamous Frying Pan of Doom. (And as a tasty bonus, at the end of the Book of Enchantments there’s a recipe for a very delicious-sounding After Battle Triple Chocolate Cake. Not metaphysical, but probably yummy.)

  65. Stefan Jones says:

    I’m going to gather the ingredients together for a couple-three Schadenfreude Pies on November 7th.

    If things go well for the Republic, I’ll bring them into work in the morning.

  66. Michael Feldman says:

    John,

    Just made the pie, and oh my lord, so good! Thanks for the evil yet delicious times.

    My girlfriend liked it so much, she’s going to bring it to the preschool she teaches at tomorrow. For the teachers, not the kids, thank god. Three olds hopped up on brown sugar, corn syrup, molasses and chocolate doesn’t seem like the best idea for some reason.

    By the way, for an added kick, instead of just plain milk, I ended up making Kahlua and milk as the perfect drink to go with the pie: wholesome milk coupled with sinister yet oh so tasty coffee liqueur. Mmmmmm…..

  67. Mitch Wagner says:

    OK, here’s Julie and my pie story:

    We often have Thanksgiving at the home of our friends Barbara (whom we call “Barbaa,” because that’s what Julie calls her, because that’s what her signature looks like) and Dave. Of course we bring something. One year, our assignment was to stop by Marie Callendar’s to pick up pie. You have to go to Marie Callendar’s early to get pie on T’giving, the wait is, like, a half-hour. Everybody wants Marie’s pie for T’giving.

    So we slept in, and–

    Wait, I didn’t tell you this part: Julie and I both wear earplugs when we sleep, because we both snore. Okay, now I told you that part.

    So we slept in, and Julie was worried that I had slept too late for the pie, so she rolled over and shook me awake, and the very first thing I saw or heard that day was Julie shouting (so I’d hear her through the earplugs): “PIE!”

    And that’s our Thanksgiving tradition. We shout, to each other, “PIE!”

    Also, about a week ago, we were watching some TV one night. Well, actually, we watched a lot of TV that night. And it got to be bedtime and Julie turned off the TV and turned to me and said — without any preamble — as a matter of fact, we probably hadn’t said anything of any consequence to each other for a really long time at that point, because we were watching a lot of TV — she turned to me and said, out of nowhere, “I have four static IP addresses.”

    So I sneak up on her now, every once in a while, and say, “I have four static IP addresses.”

  68. Wickedpinto says:

    That’s it. Back to the salt mines for Athena!

    Cracked me the F up. I laughed out loud.

    I think al franken is borderline retarded, but I agree with his opinion on families. It isn’t just about quality time, it is about wasteful time, as long as you are spending time with your wife and your kids, it is always quality, and it is clear that you and your wife have something along those lines acting.

    Still. . . .That’s it. Back to the salt mines for Athena!

    I FLOGGING HILLARIOUS!

    If you create a new world, Please! have one that includes parents sending their beloved children to the salt mines. That is just a flogging funny contrast.

  69. For any commenters who would happen to be in the general vicinity of Stockholm, I offer Schadenfreude Pie (Skadeglädjepaj) in Husby this Friday at 5 PM. (Just search for my name and Husby to call in advance.)

  70. For any commenters who would happen to be in the general vicinity of Stockholm, I offer Schadenfreude Pie (Skadeglädjepaj) in Husby this Friday at 5 PM. (Just search for my name and Husby to call in advance.)

  71. ajay says:

    Therese: I intend to use the word Skadeglädjepaj as a character name in a short story. I hope this is all right. (“Skad” for short.)

  72. ajay, you almost made me spray soda over my keyboard! Of course it’s OK, but I want to read that story when you’re done.

    That’s even more fun than when Robert Jordan named one of his Aes Sedai Kiruna, or the Gene Wolfe novel The Sword of the Lictor, which was translated as Liktorns svärd, The Sword of the Foot Corn.

  73. Allen says:

    That is the most awesome pie I have seen. I must have this for my birthday.

  74. ajay says:

    “The Sword of the Foot Corn”. I like it.

    Apparently a garbled report of the forthcoming publication of “The Citadel of the Autarch” led to one magazine reporting news of Gene Wolfe’s latest novel, “The Castle of the Otter”.

    And “Space:1999″ featured an exotic planet called Luton, which no doubt sounds all very skiffy (“Wel-come, tra-vell-ers. We bid you wel-come to Lu-ton”) unless you are British and know it as a rather dull town to the north of London.

    At least if I use “Skadegladjepaj” I will be able to give an exact answer to “where do you get your ideas from?”

  75. John Scalzi says:

    Skadeglädjepaj — A minor Norse god, associated with improper feelings of joy at others’ misfortune, and dark pies.

  76. ajay says:

    Hey, back off, Scalzi, I saw it first.

  77. John Scalzi says:

    Yeah, and you have me to thank for it! Be grateful, damn you!

  78. Jennie says:

    Ginny – I am eternally grateful. See, I surprised my husband with a Millennium Falcon cake at our rehearsal dinner (10 years ago). The bakery had never had such an unusual request. And the frosting was GRAY, oh so gray. Which I guess was alright for the MF. But a Darth Vader cake – too effing cool. Now if I just had $250 for the Darth Vader pan . . . .

  79. Laurie Mann says:

    Janiece

    Your wish:

    Macaroni and Cheese with Crunchy Bread
    (so named by my daughter many years ago)

    All quantities are “roughly.” I like my mac and cheese strong, so the more sharp cheddar cheese, the better.

    3 cups milk
    2 cups grated cheddar cheese
    1/2 cup flour
    1 pound cooked macaroni, drained
    several slices bread/buns (stale is fine)
    grated cheese

    Heat oven to 350.
    Warm milk, gradually stirring in grated cheese.
    Wisk in a little flour at a time until the sauce thickens.
    Dump cooked macaroni in a glass baking pan.
    Stir in cheese sauce over macaroni, mix well.
    Break up bread over top of macaroni.
    Add additional grated cheese on top of break.

    Bake 30-45 minutes until bubbly.

    You can always add meat or veggies to this, but we tend to take our mac and cheese plain.

  80. Is it too much meta if I say that the asir certainly celebrated Skade‘s marriage to Njord with skadeglädjepaj?

  81. (Truth in advertising: pun originally from my husband.)

  82. Rachel says:

    I think Schadenfreude Pie needs some vanilla ice cream to go with it. Or would that lighten it up too much?

  83. John Scalzi says:

    Schadenfreude a la mode? That’d totally be mixing linguistic genres.

  84. Jeff Hentosz says:

    You could use an ice cream like Triple Fudge Brownie Bypass or whatnot, and call the whole mess something fancy like Schadenfreude coup de grace.
    Mmm…tastes Darwin-y.

  85. Adam says:

    Made this tonight. Delicious, but a little hard to serve. Keeps falling apart. I might not have cooked it long enough. :(

    Also, do not try to make cupcakes from the leftover mixture. This may be common knowledge for normal folk, but this is a warning for people like myself, who have no business experimenting in the kitchen. The schadenfreude mix does not work for brownies. Trust me.

  86. ajay says:

    Or fill it with ice cream and call it a Schadenfreude Bombe.

    “Get down, sir! Schadenfreude bomb!”
    KABOOOM
    “Are you all right, sir?”
    “Yes, looked like it overshot and hit Charlie Company. Ha! Suckers!”

  87. Zerocreature says:

    To the guy who said “with you till the graham cracker crust”-

    They DO make an oreo cookie crust that would nicely suit this pie… >:D

  88. Fannie Farmer (Mrs.) says:

    I came here because you were mentioned in the comments column of the relatively inactive Fafblog – my compliments to the chef, and family.

    As far as homemade mac and cheese goes – I like to kick it up to the next level with some mustard.

  89. Fannie Farmer (Mrs.) says:

    I came here because you were mentioned in the comments column of the relatively inactive Fafblog – my compliments to the chef, and family.

    As far as homemade mac and cheese goes – I like to kick it up to the next level with some mustard.

  90. AA says:

    This way folks! One at a time!

    relatively inactive – compared to, say,
    the U.S. Constitution, or a dead 3-toed sloth.
    One of which is tasty breaded and fried. (Hint: not the blog.)

  91. Thank you for letting us share in your delightful yet evil daily life! I’m enjoying your fortunes – including the gorgeous gorgeous I Want One for Myself green bittersweet berry border that seems to be this autumn’s “whatever” fashion statement. Yum so much to both!

  92. Dick Durata says:

    That is a great series of photos, my thanks to the photographer and thanks to the subjects for sharing their culinary adventure.

  93. rogue1971 says:

    Keeping with the theme and all what this pie needs a splash of distilled usernet bitterness.

    Or at least that’s what Sid would do.

  94. Beth Meacham says:

    And your timing couldn’t be better! Just in time for the Foley Follies!

  95. Eric says:

    Yay!
    The awful creeping darkness of the pie moved me to the brink of world domination…
    Then I thought “Why bother?”.

  96. Nathan says:

    Beth

    The Foley Follies seem likely to prove as good (bad) as it gets.

  97. Dorothy says:

    Three comments:

    1) Wow, you do a great version of Fafblog! I’ve been needing a fix lately.

    2) Your daughter is sooooooo adorable, particularly in the “MWAHAHAHAHAHA!” shot. (Of course, she looks a lot like my mischief-maker, so I may be prejudiced. So what?)

    3) That’s the most decadent-looking Schadenfreude ever! aAny chance you can give us a recipe for crow that we can serve to those people whose misery we are so tastily enjoying?

  98. Amanda says:

    Wow, that looks amazing. I found this link off a friend’s journal–it just looks simply amazing.

    Do you mind if I use the recipe? I’d love to make it sometime.

    Amanda

  99. John Scalzi says:

    Go right ahead, Amanda. That’s why I posted it.

  100. Jonathan says:

    Just when I was going to reach for a nice fat slice of Republican flavored Schadenfreude Pie, I was halted mid-reach by the online gambling rider.

    Doh. Foiled again by ‘conservative values’ saving me from self destruction (except when it comes to state lotto) and providing deliverance from my spiraling path to hell. It’s a good thing the GOP is around to show moral strength and leadership. It’s been a great victory for freedom and Democracy these last few years. Oh, you moral majority! What else do you have in store for me? What other freedom might I lose? How ironic if Foley was enjoying a slice of pie right now, and thinking of me… Eew.

  101. In re the “pie in the oven” shot, I can only say:

    BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU SEE THE PIE.

  102. Nomie says:

    My friend and I tried making Schadenfreude Pie this weekend. It was a dismal failure.

    I’m not sure where we went wrong. We had a slightly too small amount of brown sugar, so we substituted white and a bit of molasses. But we ended up with a solid top and liquid gooey insides. Even with an additional hour of cooking time.

    Also – the recipe says 3 eggs, but the picture only shows 2. Maybe that was our problem?

  103. John Scalzi says:

    No, it’s definitely three eggs.

    Couldn’t tell you where you went wrong, except possibly to suggest your oven might not be evenly cooking (or alternately, may be running a temperature lower than it reports).

  104. Faith says:

    We could not resist your recipe, and we blogged the experience. :) http://lusciousmango.livejournal.com/186472.html

  105. Darcy says:

    I made 2 Schadenfreude pies this past weekend in honor of: 1) The Republican Party and 2) Mr. Foley. I think it just means more if you have a reason for the schadenfreude. I don’t really believe in schadenfreude for the sake of schadenfreude, mostly because it’s a heckuva a mouthful to say.

    I kind of hate graham cracker crusts with every fiber of my being, so I used Oreo cookie crusts instead. It made the pies look even darker: like tar poured into asphalt molds.

    I messed with the recipe further by using very dark 85% cocoa chocolate, and adding chocolate chips just before baking. But some may say that I have an unhealthy relationship with chocolate.

    Thanks for sharing the concept, I think I’m enjoying it more than the pie itself. It amuses me to offer the pie to people and see if they get the joke.

  106. John Scalzi says:

    Darcy:

    “I kind of hate graham cracker crusts with every fiber of my being, so I used Oreo cookie crusts instead.”

    Well, had I had an Oreo crust, I would have used that myself, so I think that’s allowable. Likewise, 85% cocoa seems reasonable to me. Extra chocolate chips? Hey, it’s your pie.

  107. AzureLunatic says:

    Gossip around work is that my two least-favorite co-workers are unexpectedly expecting. Therefore, it’s time for me to try out this recipe. Since I care, I’m bringing this to my ladies’ writing night tonight.

    I’m experimenting with two little custard cups of pie that do not have any of the booze, as one of my writing group ladies doesn’t eat items with alcohol ingredients.

    I put in more than the recommended amount of chocolate. The melted chips were 60%. The random garnish I threw in was 70%. I plan to shave some 70% on top. Mmmm, pie.

  108. Ceri says:

    I made two schadenfreude pies on Friday night for a party — actually, I ended up with enough batter for three pies, so there was much malevolance about. Perhaps that was part of your plan all along — the schadenfreude you get knowing that all that extra pie will be lurking in our kitchens.

    The knife inserted in the center of the pie never came out clean, though. The pie was liquid when it came out of the oven and set just fine over the next 20 minutes or so.

    I think there were two people in the room who finished their slice — it’s so rich! And evil! And delicious! And it gave at least one person nightmares! Truly a success.

  109. Bean says:

    Black icing – chocolate icing colored black. Gets a true black without that horrified parent effect. Of course that horrified parent effect is FUN.

  110. Bean says:

    Black icing – chocolate icing colored black. Gets a true black without that horrified parent effect. Of course that horrified parent effect is FUN.

  111. Thanks for posting this!

    In two days, my Thanksgiving experience will be marked by SCHADENFREUDE!

  112. Mogalike says:

    I attempted this pie for Thanksgiving, and it was an enormous hit.

    Goes well with vanilla ice cream, as well (though it becomes intrinsically less evil in the process).

  113. Ellistrae says:

    Mmmm…I’ll have to try that recipe. And I was inspired to post this link.

    http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie.htm

    Weeble and Bob. PIE!!!!!!

  114. Anonymous says:

    you realy sucks

  115. John Scalzi says:

    But at least I can spell.

  116. mccutcheon says:

    that pie looks absolutely deadly. Like, death-of-any-stomach-deadly.

  117. Jason Orrill says:

    Told my wife about this recipe this morning, and she said, “Guh, that doesn’t sound good at all!” So of course I had to make it. We both just had a slice with ice cream, which I have dubbed Shadenfreude Pie à la Hope. Funky texture, but altogether yummy.

  118. Rae says:

    The look of awe on Athena’s young face as she takes her first bite of the pie… PERFECT!

    I just got a vision of a surprise “you’re not getting any birthday presents this year” party for my brother… teehee :)

  119. Jacob Haller says:

    I tried to make a vegan version tonight, substituting margarine for the butter and applesauce for the eggs. I wouldn’t quite call the result a success, but I wouldn’t call it a failure either.

    This video of the result might be of interest: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jwgh/3054323339/

    I had two slices, and the second one is currently sitting in my stomach like a lump of iron, so I think there’s some sort of family resemblance between the two sorts of pie, even if there are also notable differences.

    I have a bunch leftover, and I can’t imagine it’s going to go bad any time soon. Maybe I’ll bring it to my dad’s for Thanksgiving.

  120. ioresult says:

    I tried to reproduce your pie, and I’d say I was successful. However, I still have trouble feeling joy at the misfortune of others (I also have trouble finishing the pie).

    http://feliscogito.blogspot.com/2008/11/tarte-ct-sombre.html

    (I called it “the Dark Side pie” in French)

  121. Anali says:

    This pie sounds awesome!! I have to try it. Should I feel guilty for wanting to?

  122. Elia says:

    I wish I wasn’t going out of the country next week. I have been DYING to try out this recipe! It sounds so richly, darkly, and wickedly delicious!

  123. Francoise says:

    PLEEEEEASE send a pie- no, make that several- to the Westboro Baptist Church! They dance with gloating glee at funerals, and rejoice in the deaths of babies in the Australian bushfires. They would have to be the world’s most deserving recipients of this culinary marvel.

  124. abarefootboy says:

    i love this photo story .. i will return to feast again and again and again.

  125. Steve says:

    I tried this tonight as well, and got the same wet, fluid insides I saw in a couple cases above. Our oven cooks pretty much everything I’ve tried in it as expected, so I don’t think it’s cooking cool…

    Fluid or not, tho, it’s delicious! I’m refrigerating it to see if it gets things all settled a bit better. At least so it can be properly sliced.

  126. John Scalzi says:

    Steve:

    I’ve notice it’s sometimes inconsistent — one time I have no problem with it setting, other times it runs all over the place. I think if you continue to have a problem with it running, you can cut back the butter a bit.

  127. Micro Mouse says:

    This is brilliant! The wife sent me this link yesterday and I just got around to reading the whole thing. The idea is delicious and the recipe is ingenious. Or is the idea ingenious and the recipe delicious?? :) This house loves your shadenfreude pie. Thanks!

  128. Thena says:

    I’ve been looking at this recipe for over three years now and still thinking I really ought to make it some day.

    (It calls for ingredients that aren’t normally in our house, namely corn syrup, so it would involve a Special Trip To The Store.)

    Why no, I’m not an early adopter, why do you ask?

  129. Katherine Burgess says:

    I am SOOOO going to make this! It sounds like my kind of pie.
    Thanks.

  130. Eva Whitley says:

    So going to make this for Dec. 14th when someone who helped cause me a lot of misery has to go to court. Thank you for this recipe.

  131. I got tapped to make some dessert for tonight, so I decided to try this. Matters were complicated by the brown sugar my brother-in-law bought having caked itself into chunks that were AS HARD AS ROCKS. I spent a good hour at the second step, whisking everything together while trying to get the brown sugar to dissolve into the mixture. “Chunks of brown sugar,” I said, “your dissolution is entropically favorable. Dee-ess over dee-tee is greater than zero, dammit.” Eventually I managed to invoke the Second Law of Thermodynamics sufficient times that I could move on to folding in the melted chocolate.

    Anyway, the pie turned out pretty good.

  132. Heather says:

    We ruined one of our bowls while melting the chocolate chips. Hope you are happy w/our misfortune! ;-)

    Excellent pie though! Thanks for the recipe!

    ~Kat

  133. PixelFish says:

    We have made the Schadenfreude Pie at long last. But mine stayed rather molten for quite some time. Wonder if I did something wrong….on the other hand, it was tasty.

  134. oshkin says:

    i’m thinking of making this, now that tom de lay just got sentenced to three years in prison!!

  135. azurelunatic says:

    My 2006 pie came out excellently, and the version without booze worked nicely.

    The next time I do it, I’m considering trying my hand at making brown butter for the occasion.

    I mentioned on Twitter that since at least one of my friends does not do corn syrup, we ought to be able to try maple syrup (the darkest grade available, naturally). That should be a separate batch than the brown butter one, to isolate the variable.

  136. Charlotta Fagina says:

    I came across the Schadenfreude pie recipe by accident while helping to prepare my 5th grader for her County Spelling Bee. We are both officially obsessed. I have resolved to end all unpleasant conference calls with anal-abysses by shrieking an exaggeratedly German accented “Schaaaaaadenfroooooooodeh” and subsequently e-mailing the link to the pie recipe! I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Might I share the response of my beloved, brilliant attorney (who graduated Harvard Law the year I was born) to the Schadenfreude pie recipe? “Perhaps because I am now a senior citizen living my golden years in a society psychically controlled by and under the influence of self-deluded narcissists, the pleasure I take from life is wholly my own. I rarely consider the pain or pleasure of these others, as the former now provides no pleasure and the latter no pain.”

  137. mizunogirl says:

    gonna hate to make this…. sadly for me and a friend.

  138. Joanne says:

    “Murdochalypse” of late (thanks, Marketplace) has made me think of this. So tempted to throw the recipe link up on my Facebook page. Any objections?

  139. John Scalzi says:

    Nope, feel free.

  140. fizzchick says:

    Finally got around to making this, when I knew I would have many people around to share it with. Delicious. FYI, for those of you who prefer making your own crust, not very gingery gingersnaps make an excellent substitute for graham crackers or chocolate wafer cookies.

  141. Brenda T. says:

    Made this pie tonight, and while it’s very tasty… is it supposed to be so chewy?

    The top and the graham cracker crust were like chewing taffy.

    Just wondering.

    Thanks for the recipe.

  142. Frankly says:

    Got here from the library auction post – it may be a great timing. I am currently receiving radiation treatments for throat cancer (one of 4000 non-tobacco using American to experience this treat this year). One of the things that happens is all food tasted like metallic/chemical hell and eating is a nightmare. Two things that cut through the haze – sugar & chocolate. Since I am losing weight by the minute I am going to whip up one of these. It sounds great

  143. Amy says:

    You have MADE my night … now I’m off to bake while I revel that my ex-husband is cheating on his new wife ….

  144. Stacey says:

    @ Amy ~ the ex is cheating on the new wife? Priceless!

    Can’t wait to try this! Wondering if perhaps those who have mentioned that their pie was runny may have used a bit more than a “splash” of Kahlua? How much is a “splash”…approximately?

  145. I am going to the grocers right now! Schadenfreude Pie, my love?

  146. Jeff Faria says:

    What, no Rocky Road to Hell ice cream?

  147. Doc Rocketscience says:

    It just now occurred to me. Do you have a food dehydrator? Cause we need a recipe for Objectivist Jerky.

  148. April says:

    Currently working on a new recipie for a “Wrath of Khan” cake… ;)

    Soup Of The Day… “The Tears Of Our Enemies”

    ~A~

  149. I’ll take “Things I Never Expected To See” for $1600, A/l/e/x/ John….

    Not only is your Schadenfreude Pie recipe on the LIVESTRONG website, the recipe page includes the pertinent nutrition info. Yowser.

    http://www.livestrong.com/recipes/john-scalzis-schadenfreude-pie/

    (Apologies if this is old news to all. The page shows that Pixelfish submitted the recipe to LIVESTRONG back in December, 2010.)

  150. james says:

    I wonder if Americans realise that you can buy food that doesn’t come in plastic packages – and tastes like food.

  151. J R in WV says:

    Just saw this posted on a thread at Balloon Juice, wonderful creative work!

    I used to bake pies, and actually won a pie making contest party with a pecan pie that I used Maple Syrup for since I didn’t have corn syrup – major improvement, esp. with Ice Cream!

    Thanks John!
    Keep up those creative juices!

    Anyone think this is peak wingnut yet, or do we have to wait for inauguration?

  152. Jordan Gray says:

    The maniacal laugh at the end is adorable to the nth power for arbitrarily large n.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] sign. At this point, though, that smacks of schadenfreude. I think it’s best to have your Schadenfreude Pie, then move [...]

  2. [...] only read one personal blog of a science fiction personality, you could do worse. (Plus he’s supremely snarky – we love those types around here.) See also: Tor, Neil Gaiman, Antick [...]

  3. [...] think that I’ve avoided the union-bashing response, but I know I’ve had the occasional Schadenfreude moment at the thought that big, gas-guzzling, noisy cars might someday stop [...]

  4. [...] Pie Schadenfreude Pie [...]

  5. [...] the demise of the puffed-up, IPO-fueled e-businesses. In those days we all had a hefty case of schadenfreude as we happily watched the e-brats lose their pre-Threadless shirts and pre-Tesla test [...]

  6. [...] in the meantime, here’s a fabulous recipe that’s just right for celebrating something dark and dismal happening to someone who deserves [...]

  7. [...] How to Make a Schadenfreude Pie « Whatever – might as well just delicious the schadenfreude pie, too [...]

  8. [...] this evening, muahahahha. My brain needs a bit of a vacation anyway; and I might just make that Schadenfreude Pie that I was supposed to make on Pi Day (March 14). Filed under: Daily Blah by Kayeita at 3:32 pm [...]

  9. [...] like I was chained to my own little stack of Collect All 21! copies while everybody else was eating Schadenfreude Pie. Still, being amidst a crowd of do-it-yourselfers, I figure I’ll equip myself for some casual [...]

  10. [...] hot dogs, and then we’re having a Pie Contest. Several years ago Nancy sent me a link for Schadenfreude Pie Leslie and I are going to attempt to make a couple and if they are good enough, I’ll enter [...]

  11. [...] hot dogs, and then we’re having a Pie Contest. Several years ago Nancy sent me a link for Schadenfreude Pie Leslie and I are going to attempt to make a couple and if they are good enough, I’ll enter [...]

  12. [...] mouth often offends). But at the same time, it’s funny when it happens to other people. Mmm, pie. Chapter 40: Hunter of [...]

  13. [...] from the GOP. Nice of you to finally notice. Now excuse me while I go cut a huge, steaming slice of schadenfreude pie. With ice [...]

  14. [...] While I’m thinking about Scalzi, a recipe I must try: Schadenfreude Pie. [...]

  15. [...] of my goals with this pie experiment was to recreate the famous dark chocolate and molasses based Schadenfreude Pie.  Pie created from the emotion of joy based on the suffering of others! If you’ve never [...]

  16. [...] kind of smirk and snark just made it worse. Like ladling a cup full of condescension sauce over schadenfreude pie. No one likes being the on the receiving end of [...]

  17. [...] Of course, I think it can be generally agreed among people who are fond of both chocolate and coffee (eg, me) that the best pie of all is John Scalzi’s Schadenfreude Pie. [...]

  18. [...] plan to make the terrifying Schadenfreude Pie for Christmas dinner – if there were ever a better time for a pie composed entirely of sugar [...]

  19. [...] the one hand, I don’t like the way I feel when seeking out other players’ displeasure. Schadenfreude pie doesn’t usually taste good to me (though anyone who claims they’ve never enjoyed it is [...]

  20. [...] were something like 20 pies in attendance, feeding 26 or so people. Some of the highlights included Schadenfreude Pie (also known as the Pie of No Return, the Seven-Pound Pie, the Neutron Star Pie, and the LaBrea [...]

  21. [...] – Sean Parker — the Napster guy — may be set to buy Warner Music Group. For those of you keeping score, that's Metallica's record label. Who wants pie? [...]

  22. [...] Is there anything it can’t do? [...]

  23. [...] about Schadenfreude Pie: Schadenfreude is German for “Couldn’t happen to a nicer [...]

  24. [...] think I’ll go make some Schadenfreude Pie. Filed under Corruption Comments are closed  |  Permalink « [...]

  25. [...] the old Neil Diamond song “Porcupine Pie?” You can substitute Schadenfreude Pie in the title; it will still scan [...]

  26. [...] this post quite some time ago (I happened to run across it while looking for the famous recipe for Schadenfreude pie, because hey, pie), but it raises some interesting questions sort of related to thoughts I’ve [...]

  27. simple syrup recipe for snow cones…

    [...]How to Make a Schadenfreude Pie « Whatever[...]…

  28. [...] link is so very old, yet oh so very delicious: Schadenfreude pie! [...]

  29. [...] aren’t. Well fuck you too, Barnes and Nobles. Not pictured but real all the same like the rock of judgement: Kobo’s store displaying search results even more pathetic than [...]

  30. [...] be over here enjoying my schadenfreude pie, [...]

  31. [...] (Scalzi’s Schadenfreude pie.) [...]

  32. [...] http://whatever.scalzi.com/2006/09/26/how-to-make-a-schadenfreude-pie/ Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. from → Uncategorized ← Kerfuffle No comments yet [...]

  33. [...] So why have we not been gloatingly reporting these stories, diving into slice after slice of Schadenfreude pie? Well, let’s answer that oh-so-reasonable question. We’ve been holding-off on this one for two [...]

  34. [...] John Scalzi’s recipe for Schadenfreude Pie (Avdi) [...]

  35. [...] briefly contemplated the potential schadenfreude y’all would feel if I mixed up my Tazorac with toothpaste or the eye goop. But the real [...]

  36. [...] bit late for Thanksgiving, but How To Make A Schadenfreude Pie is a classic so I’m linking to [...]

  37. [...] Gave me some kind of sick thrill.  But I should have known – once you get that first taste of schadenfreude pie, you need a bigger and bigger slice every time.  Soon I couldn’t get enough of the comments.  I [...]

This is the place where you leave the things you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s