Sep 26 2006
The Winner of the “Why I Deserve an ‘Android’s Dream’ ARC” Contest
It’s “That Neil Guy,” because he went and procreated during the actual contest, and it’s hard to top that (although, to be fair, more credit for the actual birth work goes to the mom, now, doesn’t it). I sense he’ll have more than a few late nights in the reasonably near future, tending to new kid and all. Perhaps the book will help him get through the nights, and if not, then his fatigue will lend the book an extra hallucinatory quality. That can’t be a bad thing.
Congratulations, Neil, and e-mail me your address so I can send it off in the mail to you.
For everyone else: Thanks — I was deeply amused by the comment thread. I had enough fun with this that I might do it again in the future. ARCs of The Last Colony should be out in, oh, March or so.
I'm the Creative Consultant for this television show, appearing Fridays on Syfy. Miss a week? For US residents, 
Congratulations again, Neil. Seems like you’re having a great week, and it’s only Tuesday!
If I send you some money, will you, umm, pick me up a couple of lottery tickets?
Congratulations, Neil!
Yes, congrats, Neil — all around — although it wasn’t like your winning strategy required any work.
And, uh, John? C’mere a second. Now that’s done and they’re all gone, can I, um, have the Coffee Shop ARC?
Yes, congrats, Neil — all around — although it wasn’t like your winning strategy required any work.
And, uh, John? C’mere a second. Now that’s done and they’re all gone, can I, um, have the Coffee Shop ARC?
Fess up, Scalzi. You set this up. You tipped him off ten months ago!
March 2007?! Damn, that’s only 6 months. That’s going to mean an immacualte conception for my wife. Dang, :)
Congrats, Neil. Yeah, I think your wife deserves it more, though. I mean, you were there sharing in the fun part, but when it was work you just kept breathing and getting ice chips. :)
Congrats Neil! (you bastard)
JUST KIDDING! At least you don’t have to change the ARC’S diapers.
Congrats, Neil! Of course, had I known that getting my tubes tied and turning my womb into a dusty, barren wasteland would screw me out of a book, I would have never done it.
…I have priorities, after all.
Congrats, Neil! Of course, had I known that getting my tubes tied and turning my womb into a dusty, barren wasteland would screw me out of a book, I would have never done it.
…I have priorities, after all.
I was all jealous until…
DAMN IT THAT’S A CUTE BABY!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Congratulations, Mrs. Neil! You have provided your husband an heir and an ARC. At least it’s not an heir in an ark.
Neil, may I suggest that once the coveted item arrives, you provide the masses with a pic of your lovely co-creator with said item?
Make that a picture of your co-creator, progeny, and ARC (if co-creator has enough arms).
Congrats, Neil. See, it never hurts to make that last pitch.
Congratulations on hitting the jackpot 2 times!
You truly are a lucky guy!
Lady Day
Congratulations on hitting the jackpot 2 times!
You truly are a lucky guy!
Lady Day
Curses! One of my personalities didn’t win! (I don’t wanna hear any lip from you, Gwen, or I’ll take us straight bact for some more ECT.)
smacks forehead
I mean none of my personalities won. I took advanced semantic logic in university, honest.
Congrats Neil.
Just more proof that that whole “slacker lets wife do all the work” strategy is as sound as ever.
Enjoy it all.
Congrats Neil.
Just more proof that that whole “slacker lets wife do all the work” strategy is as sound as ever.
Enjoy it all.
Wow! Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Never have I done so little and yet won so much. Even with the first kid, all I got was the kid. This time, I get a book, too! Woo hoo!
I want to thank John for having the contest, his lovely wife and daughter for all they do for him, the bacon and the cat for obvious reasons and all you kindly Whatever readers. I couldn’t have done it without you. And, oh yeah, thanks to my wife for actually having the baby.
Money for lottery tickets will be gratefully accepted. I promise I won’t just put it into the kids’ college fund.
I look forward to receiving my third child — The Android’s Dream ARC — in the mail.
Neil,
You had a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth while you were giving your acceptance speech.
That’s just wrong on so many levels.
I knew I should have delayed my son’s birth. Dammit.
I knew I should have delayed my son’s birth. Dammit.
Clearly bringing a life into the world is more valued by Mr. Scalzi than taking one out of it. Curses! Foiled again!
To heir is human, to father an ARC… well, that’s divine. Congrats Neil.
Congratulations to both you and your wife, Neil. Blessed twice over – that’s terrific!
And I’m only a little pouty because I didn’t have the foresight to get pregnant nine months ago to win. I could try to get pregnant now, but six months just ain’t enough time.
Bugger.
Well yeah, a baby. An alleged baby. Has any one actually SEEN this alleged baby?
What am I getting at? Nothing. NOTHING. I’m just saying . . . fine, whatever.
For the record I already did the baby thing – four times, and did I need anything to keep me going? Sure, it would have been nice, a little, but I managed just fine going without.
As usual.
Well yeah, a baby. An alleged baby. Has any one actually SEEN this alleged baby?
What am I getting at? Nothing. NOTHING. I’m just saying . . . fine, whatever.
For the record I already did the baby thing – four times, and did I need anything to keep me going? Sure, it would have been nice, a little, but I managed just fine going without.
As usual.
You know, I think every parent should be given an ARC of thier choice. I mean, it teaches a good lesson.
“Sure, there are typos, and you’re going to screw up at some point being a parent, but see, it all works out in the end. And the final product is very nice.”
of course, technically, he assisted in procreation nine months ago — all that happened during the contest was the culmination of the event. if he’d actually engaged in the act while writing his contest entry, i’d be more impressed (though his wife might not have been).
still, (she concedes grumpily) congratulations on both events!
As you may read upthread, my immediate reaction to Niel winning the ARC was to congradulate him and chear him on.
However, having now seen the schadenfreude pie, I’m having disturbing thoughts about targeted defenestration; thus causing me extreme horripilation.
Oops…sloppy spelling!
Oops…sloppy spelling!
Congratulations!
–she said, almost strangling on the word–but it was necessary, because it was possible that for the next ARC contest the Bacon-Taping God of Unhealthy Pie would search the archives to see who was a poor sport losing last time. Still, she would remember That Neil Guy if ever their paths crossed in the meatworld.
On a lighter note, there’s something funny about mispelling “cheer” and “Niel” but not “schadenfreude” or “defenestration.” Perhaps you really wanted to type “take” instead of “cheer” (as in “take him on in a fight to the death”) and “Nathan” instead of “Neil”?
Whom or what would you defenestrate? The pie, That Neil Guy, yourself? And how far up would the window be?
-Blushing with embarassment-
As atonement, I’ll demonstrate self-defenestration.
But I’m only gonna do it from the basement window. Its half above and half below grade. I may get some road-rash from the gravel there, but I shouldn’t break anything.
I’m hoping that this singular act will cause someone to coin a new word meaning “one who tosses himself out of a lower floor window while thinking of schadefreude pie as an act of atonement for misspelling on blogs”. You never know when such a word might be required again.
And Gwen, I was apologizing for misspelling congratulations. Thanks for pointing our my other deficiencies. LOL
out……Doh!!!
out……Doh!!!
Wouldn’t that be “D’oh”? :P
I’m all a-tremble thinking about the possible mispellings* in my previous post and this, as the Irony** Gods eagerly await Internet grammar-and-spelling corrections, for obvious reasons.
*It was at exactly this point in the sentence that I realized that I misspelled the word “misspelled” in the previous post and was mid-word in misspelling the word “misspelling” in this post. The Irony** Gods have outdone themselves this time. (I am leaving the asterisked misspelling in for a sacrifice to them. Much less painless than self-defenestration.)
**Yeah, I know, there are all those pedantic people who insist that I’m misusing the word “irony.” I don’t care. Everyone else “misuses” the word this way, and even the pedants contradict each other (one site declared that dramatic irony wasn’t, while the site that linked to it said that it was…), so, phooey to them.
Actually, I meant dough….for the pie. But I mispelled it.
Now THAT’S irony. (or is that Flintstones vitamins?)
Well, I almost hesitate to add this out of fear for my growing family (after reading some of the stuff above) but here is a link to a photo of my two newest children…
http://profilesincuteness.blogspot.com/2006/09/we-won.html
Man, the guy had a kid! So it’;s like the had two prizes. it’s hard to feel grudgeful when the baby is that cute. grumble grumble – awwwwwww!
Man, the guy had a kid! So it’;s like the had two prizes. it’s hard to feel grudgeful when the baby is that cute. grumble grumble – awwwwwww!