Bill Peschel’s Scalzi on Writing, Digested, in which he boils down my writing book to 500 very amusingly snarky words:

To be a writer, be just like me. I’m goddamn brilliant. I work hard, have lots of contacts in the industry, and I never, ever rewrite. I work it all out in my head, with the help of hour-long showers. You need to work hard and be confident in yourself. I’ve been told I have my head up my ass. They’re probably right, but I’m a published author. I make over $100,000 a year and have for several years. Do you? No? So shut up.

That sounds nothing like me. Nothing!

Busy day today, so I’m off to do things and stuff. To keep you amused and occupied and possibly disturbed while I am away, I offer this participatory thread:

Foods that make your children cry. No, not like Brussels sprouts. We’re talking foods that they will need therapy to get over. Like this:

“From the heart of the Shetlands, Shetland hearts.”

Your turn. Keep it clean, if disturbing.

Happy March 12! As you all undoubtedly know, March 12 is the day that Coca-Cola was first sold in bottles, which means, for a Coca-Cola fiend such as myself, it’s pretty much a national holiday. As you all are no doubt also aware, it is customary on Coca-Cola Bottling Day for science fiction authors to celebrate by decanting an excerpt of their latest work for their thirsty audiences.

With that in mind, allow me to present to you the infamous first chapter of The Android’s Dream, the one which begins with the the immortal line “Dirk Moeller didn’t know if he could really fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.”

As it happens, this is an excellent chapter to offer up to you, because I think of it rather like the opening sequence to a James Bond movie — a sequence that is self-contained, and yet starts the ball rolling for the rest of the story. Of course, no James Bond movie ever started with diplomats farting with malicious intent. The world is poorer for that.

In all seriousness, I think as you read this chapter that it’s clear that I as the author had entirely too much fun writing it. I hope you have as much fun with it as I did.

For those of you who have already read and enjoyed The Android’s Dream, this will be a fun rerun. For those of you yet to read it, I hope the chapter gets you excited to find out what comes next in the book. The novel is still out there to get, and I hope you’ll consider picking it up. Also, of course, feel free to point folks here to sample this chapter. It’s fun to share.

The chapter awaits you, behind the cut.

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