My 12:10pm flight today has been delayed until 11:00pm tonight, and all things being equal, I imagine the airport gods will find some way to poke and taunt me some more. So who knows when I’ll actually get home.
Here, have an open thread. To get you started: Write a haiku about flying. Here’s mine:
Stupid airport gods
Why won’t you let me go home?
This Easter just sucks.
Your turn.
Where did the rain go?
There was sun in Ireland
And in London too!
Back in N.Y.C.
There was foul weather and snow!
Good vacation choice.
LAX is Home
Stuck between thein weather gods, Oy
Lament, those Airport Gods
A big metal tube
Hurtling through the skyways.
Are you kidding me?
I travel by air,
Or that’s what they tell me.
Does this airport fly?
High up in the air
I fly without an airplane
Or is it just my mind?
Sandwiched between them
Big fat guy, couple with child
I am flying coach
Scalzi’s homeward bound
Scalzi’s luggage, not so much -
It’s gone to Tampa
Delta Airlines you
torment me in Atlanta
stranding me all night
I sit in the plane
Waiting two hours for takeoff
Seatbelt sign is on
Beauteous Ghlaghghee
Scalzi where are my pictures
Lopsided Cat rocks
The Official Ghlaghghee Fan Club
Oh, it was supposed to be about flying.
Sorry.
Schedules designed to
maximize efficiency
cause twelve hour delay.
Cabin pressure loss
Masks descend from the ceiling
No bacon for John…
Four hour delay
on tarmac in thunderstorm:
I hate JFK.
My luggage went home.
I went to Cincinnati
instead of my bed.
One, Two, Three, Four, Five,
Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, ‘leven.
Twelve hours on the ground.
Stuck in the airport
Waiting for my flight to board
Hopefully today
Pastor almost caused
liturgical inferno
borrowed cope is safe
Pressure differentials
Are enough to levitate
metal? Are you sure?
Six syllables in
the first line (perhaps seven)?
Sorry. My mistake.
Now I’ve forgotten
To sign the above haiku.
Perhaps it’s bedtime.
Computers gossip:
“Look! It’s a sci-fi writer!”
“Let us mess with him!”
01001000
01000001
Again I clutch you,
companion of all landings,
dear air-sickness bag.
Hail, o airport gods!
Please finesse the flight schedules;
I want to go home!
The crawling columns
At the security gate
Remind me of ants
Only difference
We’re not trapped in glass and sand
At least, I hope not
Neither rain, nor sleet,
nor snow, nor wind, nor dead of …
OK, maybe snow.
Flying tomorrow
Coast to coast on Jet Blue Air
Life sucks then you fly
Ice storm in Nashville
Only one deicing truck
Fours hours sitting
Sciatia pain
Sitting, waiting for luggage
But no more Vioxx
Who’s to say which moves.
The passengers, or the earth
Below. I wonder?
Impossible? Flight
Heavier than air, aloft?
How about the birds?
My dream is someday
Beaming will replace flying
But I’ll likely have died.
“I’ll likely be dead”
Has five syllables instead
I said in my head
Schedule butchery
While bringing home the bacon
Co-opts the sizzle.*
*Fo shizzle.
Bad fear of flying
Atavan is my new friend
No brains when we land
Flying is not planes
it’s hassel, shuffle and flow
the tote board will lie
No free in-flight snacks?
Five bucks for fruit and some chips?
I’ll just bring my own.
Silver wings above
But they do not carry me
Stuck at gate seven
Spam is getting through
Nobody here to kill it
John must be asleep
Flying is a chore
Get there hours in advance
Just to sit and wait
Thunderstorms delay
Never fly through Chicago
Find my luggage now
It clearly wasn’t the ariport gods. First, the spam lords cause Scalzi to be delayed, then, they invade Whatever, posting their missives to the masses. I’m sure they love it when a plan comes together.
Oops – not in Haiku form.
First, Scalzi is trapped
Then we invade Whatever
Come look at my patent.
Don’t click on ‘patent’
or ‘evden eve nakliyat’.
They are just blog spam.
flashing “patent” link
begs to be clicked to see it
now stuck in spam hell
The next spam filter
will reject all but haiku.
Spam won’t stand a chance!
then spammers evolve
haiku automation now
filter goes bye-bye
red-eye flight homeward
hope ingnites cities to flame
civility burns
delay opens door
reader talent is unleashed
many ways to fly
God damn I hate plane!
“The fuck you doin’ on my plane?”
Chill in custody.
I love flying. It’s the stuff on the ground I can’t stand.
So, with that said:
Looking down at ground
Worries are lost far below
But quickly they rise
Saturday morning.
Snow on the cherry blossoms!
Global warming hoax?
Proof that bad haiku is easy:
Heart,
is home
Body,
en route.
Please don’t frisk my ass:
Your gloved hands frighten my soul.
No Fly List? Bullshit!
Shoes off for screening,
Belt, watch, sweater in bin. Next
time I’ll go naked.
Bad sushi
Buddy Holly plane
Winter comes
Flying is lovely.
Being stuck in airport sucks.
Where’s my flying car?
Civilization,
Like ants seen from up on high.
Squish them! Squish them all!
Terminal Eighteen
Looks, feels, smells, exactly like
Dante’s Inferno
Up, up, and away!
Superman needs no airplane
Mere mortals fly coach
My darling first son
Frozen by security
May never see home
Airports have airplanes
I hate to fly but more,
I hate to be searched.
TSA makes trouble:
“See the fat old white lady
Proves we don’t profile!”
[I hate to fly but much more]
Sigh.
Airport delays suck
But you fly home like a god
Riding a contrail.
Indigestible
Poop in blue on stainless steel
Salisbury death