Daily Archives: June 9, 2007

All Right, Fine, I Will Go to The Creation Museum… IF…

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Joe Hill writes in the previous thread, in which I explain why I won’t go to the Creation Museum:

NO! No, no, nonononoNO.

Scalzi should not be allowed to get off so easily. The Whatever Community needs to rise up and DEMAND he pay a visit to this important cultural center ASAP. In fact, we need to give him an irresistible reason to go. Here’s my idea: not only will I pay the price of the Scalzi family tickets to the Creation museum, I will donate an amount matching the price of those tickets to the charity of John’s choice… but only AFTER he files a comprehensive report about his visit on the Whatever.

Are there any other Whatever readers willing to make a modest donation to a Scalzish charity to compel a Creation Museum visit? C’mon, let’s pass the digital hat. Who’s in????!?!?!

So this is how you want to play it? Well, fine. Then here’s the deal:

I will go to the Creation Museum and file a full, detailed and delightfully snarklicious report of the trip IF AND ONLY IF I receive at least $250 in donations via PayPal by 11:59pm NEXT FRIDAY, June 15, 2007. ALL the proceeds (minus PayPal’s processing bite) will then be donated to Americans United for Separation of Church and State, an organization which for sixty years has striven to keep the chunky peanut butter of religion out of the dusky chocolate of good government.

Bear in mind that $250 is the absolute minimum that I will accept to drag my heathen ass to that place for you people; I’d much rather all y’all donate more. A lot more. Because, damn. In fact, I’ll sweeten the deal by saying that if I get $1,000 in donations, everyone who donates will get two special extras from me: an appropriately-themed short fiction piece and something else that I’ll think up of later but which will probably be ridiculous and stupid and hopefully a little funny. So there you have it — a reason (two, actually) to donate beyond making me haul my carcass out to this travesty of science.

Now to the questions:

How do I donate?
My Paypal address is “detrius@scalzi.com.” Go to PayPal and send me money in the usual fashion there. Please put “MUSEUM DONATION” in the comment box when you send the money, so I can keep track of who is sending me donation money. Also include your regular e-mail address if you want the extras, should the donations crack $1k.

How much should I donate?
Donate however much you want. Personally I suggest $5 or so.

How do we know you’ll give the money to Americans United for Separation of Church and State?
Because I’ll post the receipt for the contribution when I get it.

When will you make the donation?
Monday, June 18, 2007.

What happens to the donated money if it doesn’t get to $250?
I’ll send it along to Americans United for Separation of Church and State anyway.

If you get to $250, when will you go to the Creation Museum?
Before the end of July, and I’ll probably go sooner than later, because, really, I’ll want to get this over with.

Will you let us know when we’ve passed the threshold of sending your ass to the Creation Museum?
I’d actually prefer to keep you all in suspense, the better to drive donations, both toward the $250 and the $1K mark. I’ll announce the official results on Saturday, June 16. I won’t stop people from discussing the fact they’ve donated in the comment thread to this entry, however.

Can I tell other people, so they can help drag your ass to the Creation Museum?
By all means share the news and link to this entry. The more donations I get, the better I’m going to feel about this whole sorry adventure.

Are you gonna let Joe pay for your ticket?
No, no. I’ll pay for my own damn ticket. Trust me, I plan to make Joe pay in another way. Bwa ha ha ha hah ha!

So there you have it. You want me to go to this thing and tell you about the experience, this is how you do it. So, go ahead.

I dare you.

Creation in My Own Backyard

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People keep e-mailing me to tell me that the new Creation Museum is just down the road from me. Yes, folks, I know. Oddly enough, we do have newspapers and television stations here to keep me abreast of the local news, and not just when the Museum’s “Adam” turns out to be a fellow who talks online about all the dirty, dirty sex he’s had.

The people who are e-mailing me are also often suggesting I should go to the Museum and check it out. Thanks, no. I feel I can extract sufficient comedy value out of people who believe dinosaurs lived with humans and that T-Rexes had six-inch, knife-like teeth to open coconuts from a safe, non-contagious distance. No need to spend $20 on an admission ticket just to mock them up close.

Anyway, the folks at Ars Technica have covered it for you, and it’s pretty much what I would say on the matter, although almost certainly with less snark.