33 thoughts on “To Head it Off at the Pass

  1. Okay, it has nothing to do with bacon, but since we’re sharing silly news,how about the guy who turned himself blue without makeup or paint?

    http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2007/12/19/haagenson.blue.man.kfsn

    Just add in something to the colloidal silver extract, perhaps a Hep virus liver killer, like jaundice or something and you could be green!

    Oddly enough, I wonder if that would work. If you became sick with Jaundice, would you actually turn green if you were already blue?

  2. Jesus, those all-bacon snacks are scary.
    I do appreciate his honesty regarding feeling terrible when he finished the sandwich and the cereal though.

    He also needs to learn to put something starchy in his burgers or they’ll always fall apart. a tablespoon of oatmeal, or crushed bran-flakes or something. At worst, he could knead an egg into the bacon-mush.

  3. I feel your pain, John. My website, linked above, features a “website mascot”– a cute little one-off joke that proved to be really popular– in this case a baby dragon whose favorite food was ham.

    This leads to many people thinking *I* am obsessed with ham just as much as my website’s “mascot”.

    My wife and I have been working on a children’s book on and off again for ages– she created a llittle sister for said website mascot, and the little sister dragon’s favorite food was pickles.

    People assume that my wife does, too.

    When we announced our wedding years ago, a few ‘net friends even joked “So will there be ham and pickles at the reception”?

    … now while we got catering done by Dickie’s BBQ… this did mean that brisket and pickles were served– but it’s TEXAS. If you’re doing a BBQ spread, that’s pretty much de rigeur!

  4. I hear you, Shawn. I write about beer and booze occasionally, and now it seems as though I’m a raging alcoholic in spite of the fact that I rarely drink all that often.

    I guess people will run with whatever they wish.

    As for Scalzi, well… No bacon until you meet your deadline.

  5. Johnny Carruthers, I believe the person who tries to do such a thing might be regretful for the few seconds they would have left to them after she severs their head from their neck.

  6. Even with bacon involved, death by decapitation isn’t all that original.

    But I’m willing to speculate that if everyone wants to keep bugging our host about bacon, he’d be willing to arrange a hot fry pan for them. That would be more original. Or maybe extra crispy. (I’ll give it a miss.)

  7. “You see these magazine articles?” he said, pointing at the files and shaking his head. “I wrote all of those articles, but do they call me Scalzi the Journalist? No.”

    He turned around to the computer glowing gently in the corner. “You see those websites? I built all of those websites, but do they call me Scalzi the Webmaster? No.”

    He walked across the room to the bookcases, beckoning wildly at the shelves. “Those books! I wrote all those books! They don’t call me Scalzi the Author!”

    Stalking, muttering through the house, he arrived at the kitchen. As I, wheezing, arrived back at his side, he lifted one trembling finger to the cat sleeping on top of the fridge, and quavered, “I tape one piece of bacon to one cat….”

  8. Scalzi, your only solution is to start taping other objects to cats. Once they see your photo album of your dog taped to your cat like some unholy alien hybrid, no one will be talking about a trivial thing like bacon.

  9. I’m kind of bored with the “John loves bacon” routine. It feels like forced quirkiness, and while I love bacon as much as the next guy, it’s really not a particularly interesting preference. I don’t know if that’s John’s point in this post, but that’s what I take from it.

    But I was geek for the bacon wallet, I must confess.

  10. Well, I don’t know. If I were you, I might go with my strength and make this the clearinghouse for all bacon-related information on the internet.

    Think of the potential audience. EVERYBODY loves bacon.

  11. Scalzi – You might have a deadline, but you still have time to tell us not to send you wonderful bacon links _after_ you’ve checked them out. ;-)

    Just saying is all… We know you love the attention ;-)

  12. Tick, tick, tick the deadline approaches. If you make your deadline then bacon be your reward. Failure will result in you having to create a new website not containing bacon, cats or fart jokes. Good luck.

  13. Even with bacon involved, death by decapitation isn’t all that original.

    But I’m willing to speculate that if everyone wants to keep bugging our host about bacon, he’d be willing to arrange a hot fry pan for them. That would be more original. Or maybe extra crispy. (I’ll give it a miss.)

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