Me, letting Lopsided Cat through the door: There you are. Dude, I was worried about you last night. It got down to single digits and the wind tore shingles off the roof. I thought you might become a catsicle.
Lopsided Cat: Yes, well. I know you might not have gotten the memo, but rumor is that I have a really thick fur coat. And if it gets too cold I just disembowel a raccoon, snuggle into the carcass for warmth and then eat my way out of its body in the morning.
Me: I see. So, want some cat food?
Lopsided Cat: No thanks. It was pretty frosty last night. I’m kinda full.
Lopsided Cat: I saved you some. It’s by the garage steps.
Me: You shouldn’t have.
Lopsided Cat: I’m just giving that way. Anyway, not that this isn’t fun, but you’re blocking me from my nap.
Me: Sorry. I know you need your rest.
Lopsided Cat: Damn straight. Those raccoons don’t disembowel themselves, you know.