Jeez. Is there anyone these days whose memoir is actually based in reality?

You know, the rules of a memoir are pretty simple. If an event actually happened to you, you can use it in a memoir. If it didn’t actually happen to you, you can’t. Because then it’s fiction, you see. Which is different from a memoir. No, really; you can look it up. I’m not sure why this has suddenly become so difficult for everyone to process.

On the other hand, I’m looking forward to selling my memoir of my life as a teenage transvestite in the Bogota slums, who later joined the Navy SEALs and adopted the twin daughters of the ruthless Afghan opium warlord whom I battled to the death using only a spoon and 14 bars of the 1812 Overture, and then, having beaten back a terrible addiction to khat, went on to become one of the most famous celebrity chefs on The Cooking Channel. Because apparently this would be at least as true as most of the other memoirs on the market today. And, I’d wager, a great deal more entertaining. I’m waiting for my check, I am.

Does anyone really think Hillary Clinton is going to leave the race if she blows it in both Ohio and Texas tomorrow? Really? How can she possibly usurp at the convention if she’s not still in the race? That would be madness!

Heh. Sorry.

My expectation at this point is that Obama wins Texas, Clinton gets Ohio, and in both cases they get delegates out of both states, Obama stays in the lead for the delegate race, and things just keep grinding on. But on the flip side, my mailbox will no longer be full of political flyers and I won’t be receiving any more robocalls for at least a few months. I can live with that.

Over at Whateveresque, they’re having a conversation on literary “One Hit Wonders” — folks who had one interesting/impressive book, and then just sort of dropped off the face of the earth. I myself offered up as an example Barry Hughart, who wrote the absolutely wonderful and World Fantasy Award-winning Bridge of Birds, but then had bad luck on the next two books in the series and then more or less dropped out of publishing, as far as I can tell. My paperback copy of Bridge of Birds went missing long ago, but I bought the omnibus edition of the series when it came out, which I suspect is now out of print, which is a shame. I hope one day Hughart is able to get back to the writing; I’d like to read more of his stuff.

If you’re a Whateveresque member, you can add your own favorite “one-hit lit” pick there; if you’re not, share in this thread the authors who you think wrote too little, and should write more.

Subterranean Press was doing inventory and came across a lettered edition copy of Agent to the Stars (it comes with its own tray case, even) and has decided to auction it off. This is the book that people are trying to sell for $1000, and SubPress’ opening asking price is $9.95. So, you know. A bit off the asking rate. For the moment, anyway.

Is:

James R. Thorsen, D.V.M., who bid $2,051.01 for the bound manuscript, which I am even now signing to him and sending on its way later today. The entire sum of his bid has also been donated to the Disabled American Veterans Charitable Service Trust no more than five minutes ago; I was going to deduct Paypal and eBay charges, but then I thought, screw it, I can handle those. I’ll post confirmation of the donation when it arrives.

I want to thank James Thorsen for his winning bid, and I certainly hope he enjoys the novel; he paid enough for it. And I would like to thank everyone who made a bid for the novel. It’s really kind of humbling to have people willing to pay two grand for a book. Now, to be clear, I think that fact that the money went to the Charitable Service Trust meant it got a higher bid than it would have if the money was just going into my pocket. Even so.

As a head’s up for folks: Early Wednesday morning (Eastern time) my host provider is going to be doing upgrades to its servers, including the one Scalzi.com is on, so it’s possible Whatever will be inaccessible for at least some part of that time. So if you can’t reach the site during that time, don’t panic. It’ll be back up soon. I’m letting you know early to give you time to incorporate this event into your world view. You’re welcome.