And it is:
“Hello! John Scalzi has several very important things he needs to do today before he can come and play with you all, so he told me to tell you that he’ll probably be out for most of the day. He sent me because I’m so adorable that you can’t help but be winsomely amused by whatever I do or say. See how I’m cocking my head? Adorable!
“Anyway, Scalzi says to feel free to talk amongst yourselves and he’ll see you probably later this afternoon. Okay, bye now!
“Oh! And I almost forgot: The reason my head is adorably cocked? I’m looking at that thing you got stuck between your teeth. Really, man. You need to, like, brush or something. Just saying.”