46 thoughts on “Really, Now, WTF?

  1. Speaking for the grumpy netadmins of the internets we love you to. In the brotherly, platonic, non-creepy sort of way. Now back to reading Old Man’s War on my iPhone.

  2. I just feel like we don’t ever talk anymore, like we’re drifting apart or soimething. I remember we used to be able to spend hours together and the discussions never felt isolating. But now, it’s like I don’t even know who you are.

    Maybe it’s just me.

    *sob*

  3. @Scalzi:

    DON’T TELL ME NOT TO FIGHT WITH YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! YOU ARE A FASCIST FOR SUGGESTING THAT I CANNOT CHOOSE WHO I WANT TO HAVE A SLAPFEST WITH!!!111

    — The Internets

  4. “We shall fight Scalzi on the beaches, we shall fight Scalzi on the landing grounds, we shall fight Scalzi in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight Scalzi in the hills; we shall never surrender …” Signed the Internets.

  5. I don’t want to fight.

    I want to steal your cats, but I don’t want to fight about it.

  6. Please ignore the trolls of darkest Blogistan and concentrate on grading hate mail, sir.

  7. The trick is to cry like a little girl and then when Scalzi turns his back in disgust, that’s the time to kick some
    Scalzi back….Just saying

    I heard that the Internets and their buddies the WebRooms said Thin Lizzy is great and Michael Moorcock sucks! Fight is back on, John! Oooohh Ooooohhh

  8. Scalzi, didn’t you know about the Nut Magnet setting on your computer? Go to Preferences. It’s all there.

    Hey… wait … why am I suddenly being … pushed away????!!!

  9. Pardon me noticing, but you seem to have one too many ‘the’s in the bolded text.

    Of course, I could be just completely missing some obvious reason for it as well.

  10. The divisive elements of the internets is that it both wants to be a public forum and it is irrevocably a set of private connections between tubes. How can anyone get along with that kind of borderline personality? I prefer narcissism (also, I am great).

  11. Hello, um, John? Because you’re on deadlines and a heavy promotional schedule, that’s why!

    You threaten to spend less time on the Whatever for arcane reasons like work and/or family, and the Internets (gods of) and I meet up, invite Ares over for beer, and come up with a little campaign of Scalzi-focused sabotage, confusion, and obstruction.

    So hurry up and get back to blogging/surfing the Web and strewing your pearls of wisdom before the Whatever readers already. Thanks.

  12. Great. Now Scalzi sounds like he’s channeling Jon Stewart. All hands prepare for snark overload.

  13. I just love it when John declares a summer vacation that may not include very much blogging. There must be 2 million new words here since he signed off!

  14. Frankly, John, it doesn’t seem like the Internets are doing a very good job at fighting. I mean, c’mon. You’re barely stretching yourself here. All the Internets are doing is leaving themselves wide open for a pounding. I’ll admit this is odd, considering their proud military heritage. Guess they’ve grown soft, with the porn and the shopping and the grammatically challenged cats. Tragic.

  15. But…but…we need regular inputs of snark. Hardcore Scalzi-ites live for the well earned, and exquisitely delivered snark.

  16. Scalzi, man, you just posted an extended, self-righteous rant, complete with bullet points, in response to a single stupid mistake in a single comment on a pathetic LiveJournal thread. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for that sparkling achievement. You really showed them!

    Looks like what I heard about you is right. You are ComicBookGuy incarnate.

  17. This is just yet another sign of the internet’s slow creep towards self-awareness. When that happens everything will cease to function for about three minutes then it’ll all go right back to how it was before, except that every packet will have to include the character string “Editing! Gerunds! Death!” or it won’t be transmitted.

  18. Great. Now Scalzi sounds like he’s channeling Jon Stewart. All hands prepare for snark overload.

    You say it like it’s a bad thing…

  19. Unpublish and be damned – a motto to live by.

    Because any time anyone disagrees with you about anything at all, and you aren’t satisfied that their disagreement meets your standards in your own forum, then unpublishing is the cutting edge tool reached for by professionals when dsmvwllng just doesn’t cut the mustard. (Especially considering the potential legal liability of disemvollment, a point first raised by Will Shetterly – I believe you share publishers, and possibly editors, actually.)

  20. John@26:

    “Looks like what I heard about you is right. You are ComicBookGuy incarnate.”

    Worst. Comment. Ever.

    not_scottbot:

    The issue is not people disagreeing with me. The issue is people being of the opinion they can tell me what to do or how to say things. I react fine to one, less so to the other.

  21. Disclaimer: All imperatives, though not modified by “kindly,” may serve as mere suggestions to whoever might view them. Although I’m not a long-time poster, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night . . .

    A possible strategy for tackling the Internets:

    1. Wrap Internets in bacon (I won’t say “lots of bacon” because it’s implied in, well, wrapping the Internets entire).

    2. Snap and post some pictures of bacon-Internets.

    3. Observe emergent LOL intelligence re: teh bacon-Internets.

    4. Rinse.

    5. Repeat.

    OR . . .

    When you and the Colonial Marines can’t find the hive queen of the Internets, nuke ‘em from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  22. I think you missed the karmic connection between your public admission of a love, maybe even an obsession, with all things Journey, and the subsequent internet dust-up.

    Just saying…..

  23. mds: “You know the best part of making up, right? ;)
    Folgers in your cup?”

    no, no, that’s the best part of “waking” up (the next morning)…

    which of course followed the best part making up the night before! ;D

    Must do these things in their proper order.

  24. Mythago:

    I don’t know that I want to have sex with the Internet. Who knows where it’s been?

  25. John, I really think you need to be more creative in your invective. After all, “Dung of a male camel with an elephant for a boy friend” shows you care enough to put some effort into it.

  26. Alan Kellogg #41

    What’s wrong with having an elephant for a boy-friend?

    They’re thoughtful, kind, and they never forget your anniversary or birthday (but you have to watch out when they roll over in their sleep).

  27. John Scalzi @ #44

    Somehow, “autoclave it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” doesn’t sound right.

    And, yes, we know where the Internet has been. Everywhere. Repeatedly. There is not enough cleansing in the world available to make it clean.

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