Jul 29 2008
It Has Been Completed
Yes. Finally. It is done.
What is it? It is this.
And it will be visited upon one of you.
Soon.
Yes, soon.
You should prepare yourself.
Although nothing can truly prepare you.
Because it is evil. Yet awesome.
And it is coming.
It can be held back no longer.
And when it arrives, you will know.
And you will tremble before it.
BWA HA HA HA HA HAH HA!
Hey, I remembered the evil laugh this time.
Excellent.
Eeeeeeek!
(Hugh leaves website to change underpants………)
Igor, bring up the lightning!
Was the horrible death whinny of Bad Horse I just heard?
Gee, I love it when other people make me look sane ;)
Also, intrigued and plumped full of anticipation.
You do realize that you still haven’t told us what this is, right? You’ve just threatened(?) to visit “it” upon one of us. But, it is Scalzi, so…
RUN AWAY!!!
“One of us”?
Is this one expecting it?
Hell, I’m trembling now.
Kyle Maxwell:
Indeed not.
Does it involve handcuffs, papercuts and the musical stylings of one Mr. Wayne Newton?
I think you need to hook up with Dr Horrible’s voice coach.
“Is this one expecting it?”
“Indeed not.”
Is it the Spanish Inquisition?
excellent.
I just want to know how you prounounce the “B” with an “H” partially superimposed on the bottom of it (on my screen the large letters overlap a little). Is that an airy “B” sound?
John just got a bald, miniaturized version of himself. And a laser printer. I can hear him now:
“Mini-me! Stop humping the Laser printer!”
Oh dear, if you’re going to visit it on me, I’d really prefer a couple hour’s notice so I can vacuum the carpet and pick up the teenager’s scattered laundry.
Is it bigger than a bread box?
I thought the rights to evil-but-awesome were owned by Neil Patrick Harris.
Maybe that’s the horrible-but-awesome rights.
I could use some awesome evil right about now…
The last time you sent it my way, I had to shave it bald and use an industrial strength shampoo on it. Even then I ended up with a dead wall and a pregnant couch. Ever look for an abortionist for a couch?
And you still haven’t reimbursed me for the blue ringed octopus calamari and leather frottage polisher I had to provide the spoiled brat.
(No, I’m not going to tell you how much regenerating nasal passages itch. I don’t want to remember how much regenerating nasal passages itch.)
Animal, vegetable or mineral?
OMG he is going to take one of us to Candy Mountain NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I was hoping to post something delightfully demented here, but Alan and his couch abortionists have frightened me.
Okay, I request a series of cryptic clues.
Or else a series of triptych clues.
Or else a cookie.
Please.
Well I have a free slot next Friday afternoon, about 3pm GMT if that is of any use. Else you’ll just have to inflict some future evil fate on me.
Poor kittehs.
Sorry, but I don’t do evil. Awesome is allowed, but not evil.
Who am I kidding – it’s not for me, anyway.
Absolutely… NOT.
I will not babysit that thing. I don’t care where you got it from, it’s not coming in my house! I just cleaned up from the last thing that was sent my way. Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince the FBI that; no, you’re not harboring an interdimentional being, it’s just your neighbors pet?
Or, for the kinky, animal oil, vegetable oil, or mineral oil?
At least it won’t be visited upon me! I never win anything but bad luck.
Oh shit.
you finally have a winner for the hate mail contest?
you finally finished The High Castle (?, sequel to Android’s Dream)
you finally clones/grew in your vat, a cat with bacon as fur?
you recieved the AI snark auto email respoder program?
Trouble is, I do NOT have the fertile and evil Scalzi imagination. I, a mere mortal, have no chance of even having an inkling of what mayhem it may have produced. It has taken you over three months. This makes me very, very scared.
Maybe there will be photos, I hope there are photos, I like photos.
There’s something wrong with me. I have no idea what “it” is, but I’m commenting solely so that I qualify as “one of you.”
I am one of me as well.
Dang it, Scalzi. Did you TP my house again?
I told you to stay out of my yard!
Dude, we know you opened your own Counter-Creation Museam… And frankly, I’m not impressed. It looks like ever other natural history museam. Except for that part where you maintain that T. Rex loved him some bacon. The baby FSM weeps at your mangling of the geological record.
Ah, I know. There is only one news item today of sufficient awesome-cum-evilitude to qualify for a bwuhahaha.
You had a hand (a *dead* hand?) in this.
I am afraid.
I am very afraid.
It is not the depth of the approaching evil that frightens me.
It is the certainty, the inevitability.
Oh no! My nemesis. the Deliberately Vague Man has completed his non-specified task! If only I could do something, but I have no idea what I’m supposed to react to!
Blast you, Deliberately Vague Man!
Must run, got a plane to Uzbek to catch.
If Evil and Awesome come around, would you ask them to water my plants?
Dude, we totally got you monologuing, and now the hero is going to totally fsck-up your plans.
But first, the heroine/love interest will accidentally start the unstoppable timer on the doomsday machine. With her ass.
Just make sure you let us know what the safe word is.
“Albatross!”
In the first post, Scalzi mentioned that the wheels were set in motion. So, now that “It’s been completed”, we can only assume that the wheels have stopped. Inasmuch as we all know his proclivity for Journey, it therefore only follows that the Wheel in the Sky is no longer turning, and John Scalzi is no longer trying to make it home, and he does know where he’ll be tomorrow.
So, in other words, John is going to kick back at home for two days. Yeah, kind of a let-down, isn’t it?
It’s your debut single, isn’t it?
I told you, “Don’t Stop Believin’” is something you have to build to! You should have started smaller!
Oh well, it’s your career. Maybe K-Fed will want to impregnate you.
As long as it’s not Sharks with laser beams, I am unafraid.
Bring it on, you worthless bitch! The NIGHT RANGER Legion will own your evil scheming ass!
(Man, that post still cracks me up.)
Well, I’m already coming back as a pillbug, so it can’t be me.
>quacks<
Heh. I post here so seldom that I get to be pretty sure I won’t be getting it.
And that means butterscotch Schadenfreude pie. Yum!
“Blucher!” *insert sound of horses winneying*
But seriously, I’m leaving really early Saturday for vacation, (going camping in western PA) so if it’s me, please bring it on soonest. I’m ready with my hatchet, bow and arrows.
Do you see the same voice coach as Dr. Horrible? I can hear you working on those vowel sounds in your evil laugh.
Well, seeing how the “It Has Begun” entry was posted on my birthday, and seeing how the universe does indeed revolve around me (sorry to burst any bubbles out there), it only follows that I am the one on whom this awesomely evil thing will be visited.
Whether this is a good thing or not remains to be seen, but I wait patiently. Just remember to call my cell number, since I never answer the front gate buzzer (it’s connected to my roommate’s phone, which I never answer).
So, the Bacon Ray is completed?
. . .
Now, here’s something scary: After writing the above comment, I decided to do a Google search on “bacon ray”.
OMG, there really was such a thing! “Bacon Ray” was the name of a rock band in the 1990′s. Eep.
I thought it was muHAHAHAHAAAAAAA-*cough! cough! cough!*
Well it can’t be the fractured english ninjas John threatened me with; they’re all at the wrong end of a sticky death.
(Eating too many cinnamon buns will do that do you)
@53:
Me too, although the variant I am familiar with is MWAH-hahahaha. Regional variations?
Brett L @35 Dude, we know you opened your own Counter-Creation Museam…
Wouldn’t that be The Destruction Museum?
The one with the world’s largest Dioramageddon™?
I tremble in anticipation of the aweful evilness of it all.
Oh, sorry…awesome evilness…of it all.
But if it turns out to be cat poo or doggy doo, maybe “aweful evilness” is the correct description.
I hope John remembered to include instructions with the evil, reminding the one whom it is visited upon to comment here and end the speculation…..If they survive that is.
Awesome evil eh?
Like Joe-Pesci-back-of-the-head awesome?
Or Joe-Pesci-Its-The-Bitches-That’ll-Gitchas awesome?
#56 Neil W.
“Dioramageddon™”
Heh, love it!
Quit playin with my emotion.
uh oh……
Do I have to tremble before it? Can’t I just run away, and then tremble after it when I feel (if misguidedly) safer?
we don’t get a whole lot of awesome evil around here since that noce Captain Harkness moved in nex door, so I’m a little out of practice.
PS – was rememberering the maniacal laugh on your to-do list, and if so, why was no bacon involved?
One could suppose about many things but we all quake in anticipation. ( maybe that’s what caused the shaker in So Cal – hmmm)
Neil W @56:
Well, an Evolution museum might be technically more accurate, but where can I get me a scale model Dioramageddon™?
-prepares self, trembles a bit-
Evil yet awesome…like Dark Helmet?
I have to admit dioramageddon was coined by our host for this exhibit at the Creation Museum.
I just trademarked it.
(I appreciate the effort gone to with “Counter-Creation”* – analogous to the Counter-Reformation? – but felt I could still delibrately misunderstand it.)
* Rather than “Anti-Creation” Museum, which I would probably have felt compelled to misunderstand as the creation museum on the opposite side of the road to the original creation museum.
I have already put my protection in place. See below.
Answering machine says: “Esther is not at her desk right now or she’s on another call. Leave a message and she will return your call as soon as possible. If your name is John Scalzi then you have reached the wrong number and your message will be deleted without being listened to.”
I was pretty sure I’d heard of dioramagddeon before. But its all in fun. Since Scalzi has been more tease and less treat than a PG-13 movie lately, we have to make our own.
Not that Scalzi shouldn’t be writing pay copy instead of playing with us groundlings.
Wow. Okay… The comments page accepted my meta-tagging as valid HTML. The second paragraph was supposed to be wrappered with funny. Just go ahead and insert funny around it.
I’m not sure whether I should be anxious or frightened. Perhaps both?
You forgot the picture of you in a nehru jacket stroking a fluffy cat.
My terror, let me show you it.
Does it come with ice cream? I only ask because it’s summer and summertime is ice cream time.
CarolElaine@51: you show your ignorance, the universe does not revolve, rather it is doing a multidimensional dance routine:)
Brett @71:
Just inscribe the runes “ampersand ell tee semicolon eff you en en wye ampersand gee tee semicolon …mumblestuff … ampersand ell tee semicolon slash eff you en en wye ampersand gee tee semicolon”, spin around three times and spit on the ground, and Bob’s the male sibling of one of your parents.
<funny>
Not that Scalzi shouldn’t be writing pay copy instead of playing with us groundlings.
</funny>
“Yes. Finally. It is done.
What is it? It is this.
And it will be visited upon one of you.”
Right after this post, it arrived. Eight minutes isn’t much of a warning. It nailed a 5.4 on the Richter Scale. Literally. Please to be moving your aim further away from Cali. Will send Double-Doubles as incentive, soonest. kthx.
I’ve got it sussed out.
Old Man’s War: The Musical.
Cue platoon chorus of “It’s Not Easy Being Green”.
I’ll start to shiver with antici-
tizen?
nnamon?
catrix?
It’s a Ninja Giraffe Support Group, isn’t it…
Chris H @71:
Not that Scalzi shouldn’t be writing pay copy instead of playing with us groundlings.
Got eaten
where blah =pre-emptive cringe from Scalzi snark attack
It was scary
Will we know “It” when we see it? This isn’t another Segway, is it?!
Oh goody!
Are the batteries included or do I have to go out and buy some?
Lauretta
PS It’s the least I can do after being blessed/cursed with so much laughter. You guys rock.
If you’re going to invade my dreams (again) give me a heads up, so I can go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Yeah. Again my markup-text got eaten. Although is showed up correctly in the preview… Firefox 3 bug maybe?
Bah. I was married for eight years to “The Hungarian Harpy From Hell”. There’s not a whole lot that scares me these days.
Scalzi, you’re a big tease.
Oxygenated eggs have anything to do with this?
Uh-oh. He must’ve found out where I live.