Comments on: Needed: John Scalzi “Facts”

By: Larry

Larry — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:42:06 +0000

Scalzi could have won a Tony. He was supposed to be a co-writer with Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder on the classic “Young Frankenstein”. But they argued about a classic line, and Mel gave Scalzi the boot.

John wanted the exchange to be:

Dr Frankenstein: “I resolved to make the creature of a gigantic stature. Of course, that would simplify everything.”

Inga: “In other words, his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs, all would have to be increased in size.”

Dr. Frankenstein: “Exactly.”

Inga: “He would have an enormous puckerguard!”

Dr. Frankenstein: “That goes without saying.”

Inga: “Woof.”

Igor: “He’s going to be very popular.”

By: Ingvar M

Ingvar M — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:32:48 +0000

John Scalzi was the model for JOHNNIAC, an early IAS-architecture machine. He then proceeded to build BESK and later designed the Fuzzball IMP, the precursor to the Internet.

His specialities is creative writing, checking the calculus done by NASA engineers and feeding his cats. Mr Scalzi no longer builds the INternet, he considers it a Done Thing.

By: John F.

John F. — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 01:22:22 +0000

John Scalzi is secretly made of hyperintelligent cheese.

John Scalzi wears the pie; the pie does not wear him.

John Scalzi can speak three languages that exist only in dreams.

John Scalzi has a lawn capable of independent locomotion and speech; it harbors an intense disliking for teenagers.

By: Alternative Eric S.

Alternative Eric S. — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 14:50:13 +0000

Scalzi is nimble and light on his toes/My respect for Scalzi continually grows

By: Kathryn Cramer

Kathryn Cramer — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 13:44:19 +0000

John Scalzi looks cute in a tiara.

By: Ben

Ben — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:39:34 +0000

John Scalzi has nimble fingers. So much so that he can manipulate genes with his bare hands.

By: DG Lewis

DG Lewis — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 22:29:44 +0000

John Scalzi’s first published work was a translation of the collected lyrics of Neil Diamond songs into ancient Babylonian. Amazingly, “Sweet Caroline” turned out to be the long-lost fourteenth codex of the Hammurabi Code.

By: Robert Cruze Jr.

Robert Cruze Jr. — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:53:39 +0000

John Scalzi was actually the real-life inspiration for the TV show “MacGyver” because, after winning a TARDIS in an all-night Texas hold ‘em game with a Time Lord, he traveled back in time and saved Richard Dean Anderson’s life using nothing more than Scotch tape, bacon (thick-cut in this instance), and his trusty cat.

By: Kevin

Kevin — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:04:37 +0000

John Scaliz is so incompetent he once shot a man in Denver just to watch him die — and the man lived.

John Scalzi is a zombie. He was killed by a man in Denver.

Johan Scalzi uses bacon to cover the smell of his rotting, zombie flesh.

By: John O.

John O. — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 11:42:14 +0000

John Scalzi enjoys rare French 18th Century fruitwood Bergere armchairs. Exactly how he enjoys them is a secret closely guarded, sometimes by massive legal action, and at least once with a phone call to a certain someone. Who “handled” it quite discretely.