This Will Never Hold Night Ranger OR Air Supply Songs. EVER

How cool is this — someone sent me this:

Yes, the Journey MP3 player, which comes preloaded with their latest album Revelation. Showed up in the mail yesterday, and I’ve been terrifying the pets with it ever since. The thing is tiny — basically the size of the disposable lighters one would hold up during “Open Arms” or “Faithfully” — and while the little screen does not have the sort of iPod mini-monitor look, it does scroll the lyrics to the songs, so you can karaoke along if you like. The thing also has a wee little external speaker if (heh) you want to share, and also a microphone for voice recording, which is actually kind of useful. In all, a very cool and thoughtful little gift. I’m definitely bringing it to Denvention and ArmadilloCon, just to spook the squares. My “Scarab of Rock” mp3 player will own you, man!

To the folks who sent it to me: Expect a return gift in the mail at some near point in the future. And thanks. Made my day, it did.

56 thoughts on “This Will Never Hold Night Ranger OR Air Supply Songs. EVER

  1. basically the size of the disposable lighters one would hold up during “Open Arms” or “Faithfully”

    And by “one” here, you mean “someone else entirely”. Right? Otherwise I’m calling pronoun abuse. Ambiguous constructions kill.

  2. I just saw Journey at their San Diego concert. Some hyper Asian dude is lead singer… he sounded ok, but they played all these new songs nobody knew. Twas not epic.

  3. See, JRL, if you have the mp3 player, you would know the new songs.

    And, Dave: Journey is coming for you. In the night. With guitars. And lighters.

  4. Cool. Plus, it looks like it’s only got three buttons, and that’s pretty much all I can handle.

    Rock on, Scalzi! Rock on.

  5. I wish they could give the MP3 player a flock-of-seaguls haircut to really capture the ‘essence’ of the Journey-Era…

    mmmm…Flock-of-seaguls….

  6. That’s really cool. Much smaller than I thought it would be.

    But I wont get one until it comes in Duran Duran or Thompson Twins.

  7. You realize that you just threw down the gauntlet, don’t you?

    The challenge to the Whatever readership is how to figure out a way to sneak Night Ranger and Air Supply songs on that thing before the end of ArmadilloCon. MP3-bearing ninjas may be sighted at those conventions, attempting to surreptitiously upload additional files….

  8. That’s cute. Is something similar available for other bands?

    I wouldn’t mind a Jethro Tull MP3 player.

  9. The U2 Ipod is still better… on many levels.

    More memory
    Etched artist autographs on the back

    the artists and their careers haven’t gone their “Separate Ways”

  10. >>Mike @ 14
    I dunno. iPods are pretty pretentious already. I can’t see being in the company of a U2 iPod without the mathematically improbable levels of pretentiousness ripping a hole in the fabric of reality, unleashing hordes of angry, foul-mouthed Irishmen to drag me screaming back to Dublin.

  11. 1) Purchase identical Journey mp3 player
    2) Load up sister_christian.mp3
    3) Rename sister_christian.mp3 to faithfully.mp3
    4) Employ personal ninja to innocuously swap players with John Scalzi
    5) stalk Scalzi, wait for cranial explosion

  12. Wait, those are Journey songs? Journey ruined my childhood! Those horrible songs are lodged in brain taking up valuable space that could be used for something that isn’t torturous. (Not that bands with the initials NR or AS are any less horrible.)

  13. That’s what I don’t understand. There was a reason all those Journey fans had lighters: They were high! That’s the only reason to listen to Journey: you’re too high to get up and turn it off.

    I thought you never touched the stuff, Scalzi?

  14. Honestly, you just do these things to make it difficult for us to make up crazy facts about you, don’t you?

  15. “…size of the disposable lighters…”

    That’s the word I would use for this MP3 player. Disposable.

    I’d keep it if it were a Motley Crue or Ratt MP3 player. That would be awesome, dude!

  16. “I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you. I know you were right, be-LEE-vin’ for so long. I’m all out of love; what am I without you? I can’t be too late to say that I Was So Wro-oo-ong.”

    Take that.

    Oh! What about an REO Speedwagon one???

    “Heard it from a friend who-oo-oo, heard it from a frieeeend who-oo-o heard it from another you been messin’ arow-ownd.”

  17. Coming soon! The REOSpeedloverjourneywagonboy Band MP3 player! Loaded with your favorite songs from the 80s! But wait … this isn’t your typical MP3 player! This special edition beauty is so slim, it fits in your back pocket JUST like the comb you carried in the back of your stone washed Levis! And for the ultimate collector – you can order the limited edition head band accessory. Slip the player into the headband, tie it on and be ready to ROCK! (Available in red, yellow and black and white checkerboard.)

    *giggles*

  18. The boyses are playing Bon Jovi on the Rockband Puppy’s gramma sent him for his birthday. They are very freaked out by the fact that both I and the ex know all the words.

    Come to think of it, I was pretty freaked out too, because by the time this came out, my hair was dyed black and I was mopey, bereft, disaffected and a little bit dangerous (in my mind).

  19. “I’m bringing it to ArmadilloCon…”

    Finally, something more irritating to hear than someone else’s cell phone ring tone.

  20. They sell it at Wal-Mart, folks. That’s all that needs to be said.

    …along with Ipods and all sorts of other players. I just don’t understand all this Journey hate.

  21. How could they not make it also function as an actual lighter?

    That would have raised it to high art.

  22. Sorry for the second post, but…

    If there is a god, someone buy one of these and it’ll come preloaded with WASP. Or G. G. Allin.

  23. I once mistakenly walked in on Scalzi in the shower. He was bellowing a Michael Bolton song.

    I’m still in therapy.

  24. C’mon, Air Supply isn’t all bad. They did pimp for Jonathan Coulton. Now, if only Night Ranger would throw away their integrity and make a cheesy infomercial…

    Wait, did I just use “Night Ranger” and “integrity” in the same sentence?

  25. I just discovered that in between these Duran Duran/Journey/Night Ranger discussions last Sunday was the fifteenth anniversary of the release of Siamese Dreams. To be honest, I didn’t listen to it for another couple of years, until I was fourteen or fifteen… it still makes me feel OLD, anyway. *sigh*

  26. This is creepy. Last night I had a dream/nightmare and this damned Journey mp3 player appeared in it. My mom was listening to it. And here I thought she was cool…

  27. Lovely Journey player. However in my world it is possible for NightRanger and Journey to exist on one machine, but only in an extreme emergency, like the emergency war power setting for the throttle on a P-51 Mustang during WWII. NightRanger’s Brad Gillis was the immediate replacement for Randy Rhodes in the Ozzy Osbourne band, for much the same reason – Believe It!

  28. #50 – “So will Rohypnol, but so I don’t recommend it either Air Supply.”
    FTFY

    #53 – How about an Air Supply appetizer with a Dead Can Dance entree, and a Massive Attack dessert?

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