Aug 06 2008
Toward a Canonical List of Zombie Rhymes
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Scott Beale / Laughing Squid (laughingsquid.com)
Scott Beale / Laughing Squid (laughingsquid.com)
I’m off at an ungodly early hour to catch my flight to Denvention and am likely not to be back on at all today. So while I’m away, here’s something to keep you busy:
Make Zombie Rhymes.
What are zombie rhymes? Well, they’re like this:
Q: What do zombies like to eat?
A: BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.
Q: What do vegetarian zombies like to eat?
A: GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.
Q: What do vegetarian zombies eat when they’re on vacation in Jamaica?
A: PLANTAAAAAAAINS.
Q: What is the favorite city of Illinois zombies?
A: DES PLAAAAAAINES.
Q: What are zombies’ favorite scale model entertainment?
A: MODEL TRAAAAAINS.
Okay, now you try one.
I'm the Creative Consultant for this television show, appearing Fridays on Syfy. Miss a week? For US residents, 
What do zombies like to sing?
REFRAAAAAAINS
Q: What do sloppy zombies get on their clothes when they eat?
A: STAAAAAAAAAINS.
Why do zombies take their clothes to the laundry?
STAAAAAAAAINS
What is a zombie’s favorite underwear?
HAAAAAAAAINS
What construction equipment are zombies good at running?
CRAAAAAANES
What Magic:The Gathering card is a zombie’s favorite?
PLAAAAAAAAINS
Where do zombies get their sugar?
CAAAAAAAANES
Why do zombies pay such high taxes?
CAPITAL GAAAAAAAINS
What do bad zombie puns give me?
PAAAAAAAAINS
What did zombie Eliza Doolittle sing?
THE RAAAAAAAIN IN SPAAAAAAIN STAAAAAAYS MAAAAAAAAINLY…OH, SCREW THIS *NOM NOM NOM*
What is a zombie’s favorite breed of dog?
GREAT DAAAAAANES
Who is zombie Tarzan’s favorite girl?
JAAAAAAAAAANE
What is a zombie’s favorite musical?
FAAAAAAAAAAME
How do zombies react to zombie rhymes?
PAAAAAAINS.
Andrew Hackard, sadly, already sniped my contribution with that third one.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. OW.
Who are the rulers of zombie dwarves?
THAAAAAAAAAANES
What’s a zombie’s favorite TV show catch phrase?
DE PLAAAAAAAAAAANEZ!
What did Zombie Grendel eat?
DAAAANES.
What’s a zombie’s least favorite injury?
SPRAAAINS.
What’s a zombie’s favorite poetic form?
QUATRAAAINS (actually, villanelles, because they’re so repetitive)
What do zombie physicists study?
BRAAAANES.
Where does the zombie DWP do most of its work?
ON THE MAAAAAAAAAAINS
Where are most zombie car collisions?
IN LAAAAAAAANES
Who’s a zombie’s favorite actor?
BILLY ZAAAAAAAANE
Speaking of Zanes, do zombies like the work of the erotica writer with that same name?
NO WAAAAAAY
Well, whose work do zombies like?
MARK TWAAAAAAIN
How does a Zombie play dead?
He FEEEEIIIIIIIGNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!!!
What’s a Zombies favorite Welsh beer?
BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINSSSSSS!!!
What’s a Zombies favorite court?
SMALL CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIMSSS
What’s a Zombie’s favorite defense publication?
JAAAAAAAANNNNNNE’SSSSSS
What is a zombie’s favorite type of chemical?
ALKAAAAAAANES
Where would a zombie most want to travel in Great Britain?
BRISBAAAAAAANE
What does a zombie want the moon to do?
WAAAAAAAAAANE
Who does a Democrat zombie dislike the most?
MCCAAAAAAAAIN
What do zombie plumbers specialize in?
DRAAAAAAAAAAINS
Who do zombie shrinks work with?
THE INSAAAAAAAAANE
What’s a Zombie’s favorite movie character?
Captain Louis Renault!
Who’s a zombie’s favorite character on the Dukes of Hazzard?
ROSCOE P. COLTRAAAAAAAAAAAIN
What do zombies fear most in cold climates?
CHILLBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
What do zombies think of this post?
LAAAAAME!
(Okay, not really, but it was such a good opportunity.)
Where do zombies get their business news?
CRAAAAAAAAAAIN’S
How do zombies identify aircraft?
JAAAAAAAAANE’S
Where do the zombies eat their brains?
ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN, ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN
And where’s that blasted plain?
IN SPAAAAAAAAAIN, IN SPAAAAAAAAIN
All together now: The brains in Spain fall mainly on the plain!
How did the zombie senator vote?
I abstaaaaaaaaain!
What was the zombie’s favorite song?
You’re so VAAAAAAAIIIN!
Where does slow zombie traffic keep to?
RIGHT LAAAAAANES!
I’m shocked that my contribution hasn’t appeared yet!
What does a zombie mechanic do?
he MAINTAAAAAAAAAAINS
A slightly different spin on a previous contribution: what does the teetotal zombie do?
REFRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
What is every zombie’s favourite musician?
John COLTAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE
Where does the zombie get his water?
From the MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
The zombie wielding rhymes ENTERTAAAAAAAAAINS
And finally, what does the zombie think with?
STOMAAAAAAAACH
That may not have been as clever as I though it was?
Where do zombies find themselves when they leave the plaaaaains?
The montaaaaaaaaagnes.
What is the favorite hobby of zombie science fiction fans?
COMPLAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.
What is the favorite attitude of zombie editors?
DISSSDDDAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.
What’s good advice for wanna-be writers?
REEEFFFRRRAAIIIIIIIINNN.
Who’s the favorite SF editor of zombies?
Jim Baaaaaeeeen.
The zombie anti-nuclear proliferation group: SAAAANE.
How are zombies created?
Puns drive them INSAAAAANE
Which kind of cake inspires Zombie writers?
MADELEEEEEEEEEINES
What do Zombie gourmets despise the most?
Fast food CHAAAAAAAAAAIIIINS.
Where do zombies go insane?
In the MEMBRAAAAANE!
Where is Oz?
Over the RAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIINBOW
oh, the ignominy. it burns.
What do you get when a zombie has eaten your braaaaaaiiiins?
Migraaaaaaiiiiine
What is a zombie’s favorite movie?
Citizen KAAAAAAANE!!
Who have the least interesting brains to eat?
MUNDAAAAANNNNNEEESSS!
What is the zombies’ favorite Western.
Shaaaaaaane
What do zombie drug dealers sell?
Cocaaaaaaaine
What happens to them after they’re arrested?
They’re arraaaaaaaaigned.
Who’s the zombie’s favorite cast member in a Harry Potter Movie?
Robby Coltraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine!
Who’s a zombie’s favorite singer?
Frankie Laaaaaaaaaaaine!
How do Zombie’s travel across Europe? (respin of a previously used rhyme)
Traaaaaaaaains
What does Zombie Hans Christian Anderson Eat?
Daaaaaanes (respin of a previously used rhyme)
What do Zombie Cows eat?
Dead Graaaaaaaains
What happens to Zombies that meet Buffy?
They’re slaaaaaaaain
Who’s the hardest working Zombie in Show Business?
Rick Jaaaaaaaames
Who’s the meanest Zombie on the Serenity?
Jaaaaaaaaaayne
What happens to arctic zombies?
Chillblaaaaaaaaaiiiins
What do zombie shaolin monks study?
Southern craaaaaaane (respin of a previously used rhyme)
What do zombie bees feed their queen?
I dunno… royal jelly?
What do you call zombie ladies of easy virtue?
Demimondaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnes
Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite Dixie Chick?
A: NATALIE MAAAAAAAAAAINES.
Q: Whose suicide do zombies find most tragic?
A: KURT COBAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.
Q: What do zombies use to reverse the effects of hair loss?
A: ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE.
Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite character actor?
A: BOYD GAAAAAAAAAAAINES.
Q: What film character’s catchphrase do zombies find overly cliche?
A: JOHN McCLAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.
Q: What is the zombies favorite brand of pickles?
A: CAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.
Q: Which presidential candidate’s proposed energy policy do the zombies like least?
A: JOHN McCAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.
Q: What brand of fine quality writing paper do the zombies use to send thank you notes?
A: CRAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.
Ugh puns. Damn you, Scalzi!
What do zombies drink to celebrate?
Champaaaaaaaaain.
What do you call a cosmopolitan zombie?
Urbaaaaaaaaaaaane.
What do zombies shilling for the GOP call Obama?
B. Huseeeeeeiiiiin.
Whose street magic do zombies like best?
DAVID BLAAAAAAAAAAINE’S
Who are zombie’s favorite minor Star Trek characters?
ZEPHRAM COCHRAAAAAAAANE and
VIC FONTAAAAAAAINE
What is a zombies favourite musical?
My fair lady (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Fair_Lady)
Why?
They love the song “The raaaaaaaain in Spaaaaaaaain stays maaaaaaaainly in the plaaaaaaaain”
When do older zombies get joint pain?
When it raaaaains.
Do zombies use recreational drugs?
They refraaaaaainnn.
What do zombies use when they have a headache?
Head-on, apply directly to the braaaaaaain.
Q: Hey, Zombie Tattoo, what’s that in the sky?
A: DA PLAAAAAAAAAANE…
Q. : Who does rise from the grave to annoy the politically correct ?
A. : Zombie HEEEEEEEINLEEEEEEEEEEEIN.
Who is the zombies’ favorite French poet?
Verlaaaaaaaaine.
Zombie’s favorite classical literature character?
Quartermaaaaaaaain
What else do vegan zombies eat?
BRAAAAAAANNNNNNS
OK, it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s almost as clever as grains.
What’s a zombie’s favorite WWII Battle?
EL ALAMEEEEEEEEIIIINNNNN
What do zombies really like to eat?
Baaaaaaaaacon.
Oh come on! Did you really think this thread was safe?
Who is the zombies’ favorite exercise guru?
Jack LaLaaaaaaaane!
Whose portrayal of the invisible man is a zombie favorite?
CLAUDE RAAAAAAAINS
Zombies’ favorite lake?
PONTCHARTRAAAAAIN
Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I really wish you’d let us in
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
All we want to do is eat your brains
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
If you open up the doors
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
oops. Can someone close that tag. Sorry.
Why do zombies love My So Called Life?
CLAIRE DAAAAAAAAAAANES!!!!!!!!
Who was the zombie founder of Quebec?
Samuel de Champlaaaaaain!
What is the favourite zombie women’s magazine?
Chatelaaaaaain!
Which actor did zombies like most in Kill Bill?
Uma Thurmaaaaain!
What is the toughest problem zombie computer scientists face?
Creating AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
(lacks the final “n”, I know. It’s not nice to make fun of zombie computer scientists who have speech impediments.)
What aristocrat do zombies admire most?
ELEANOR OF AQUITAAAAAAAINE!
What do kinky zombies like?
WHIPS AND CHAAAAAAAAINS!
Who is the zobmie’s favorite billionaire playboy/masked vigilante?
Bruce WAYYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNE!
What do zombie anesthesiologists want?
Paaaaaaaaaaaaains!
What does the zombie SEC tax?
Capital gaaaaaaaaaaaaains!
Q: What do zombies have when they steal brains?
A: ILL GOTTEN BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.
And, as a bonus:
Q: What do zombies have when they steal wheat?
A: ILL GOTTEN GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.
What kind of books do cheap zombies buy?
remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.
Alternately, what do zombie integers produce when they try to divide into each other?
remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.
What do zombie TA’s do?
A: They Explaaaiin.
What do cowboy zombie’s sing?
HOME ON THE RAAAAAAAANGE
Where do zombies go to buy 10 brains or fewer?
EXPRESS LAAAAAAAAAAAANES
What superhero do zombies like?
Dr. Straaaaaaaaange.
What freaked out the zombie dad when his zombie wife gave birth?
The placenta. He hates membraaaaaaanes.
When teenage zombies roam the halls
Of local schools and shopping malls,
Despite their elders’ classic refrains
Instead of calling out for brains
These horny undead newbies,
Lurch around moaning, “BOOOBIEES”.
What do zombie knitters have?
Skeeeeeeins.
Dog Zombies get
MAAAAAAAAINGe !
btw not cool :0)
Who did the zombies like best in “The Outsiders?”
Diane Laaaaaaaaaaaaane!
What is a zombie’s favorite Cuban side dish?
Plantaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!
What do Zombies floss with?
VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEINS!
MarkHB @ 73: Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
What do zombies wear under their clothes?
HAAAAAAAAAAAAANES…
Where do zombies go on vacation?
SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN…
What do zombies with thinning hair use?
ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE…. (because they can’t pronounce Minoxodil with a mouthful of brains).
Who is the zombies favourite butler in Batman movies?
Michael CAAAAAAAAINE………
Which former Ohio capital do zombies like to visit?
Zaaaaaaaaaaaaanesville.
What do zombies get when their brains have spoiled?
PTOMAAAAAAAINE (poisoning)
… when their hair is thinning?
ROGAAAAAINE
What do zombies consult to see which way the wind is blowing?
WEATHER VAAAAAAANES!
(Except for Zombie Bob Dylan, of course).
How did zombie pioneers move west?
WAGON TRAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS
across the PLAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSSSSS…
What’s a zombie’s favorite asterism?
Charles’ WAAAAAIIIINNNNNN
What’s a zombie’s favorite long-lived Venetian painter?
TitiAAAAAAAAAN
Who’s a zombie’s favorite potential Democratic VP pick?
Tim KAAAAAAAINE
Two (2!) Bonus Alternate Monster Rhymes
What’s a werewolf’s favorite Chinese philosophical system?
The DAOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Who’s a vampire’s favorite pioneering aviator?
BLEAHriot.
What’s a zombie’s favorite Gene Kelly movie?
Singing in the RAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN
Where did the zombie lose it’s wedding ring?
Down the DRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN
Zombies’ Eastern European country of choice?
Ukraaaaaiiiine
Zombies’ favorite piece in China Mieville’s Looking for Jake?
The Taaaaaaiiin
What’s a zombie’s favorite Middle Eastern country?
BAHRAAAAAIIIIIIN
Which famous economist became a zombie?
KEEEEYYYYYYYNES
(Hey, all the easy ones were taken already…)
What’s a zombie’s favorite state?
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINEE
What do zombie environmentalists hate most?
ACID RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN
What do zombie Nostradamuses like?
Quatraaaaaaaains.
(Hey, complain to my attorney!)
What are zombie Crazy Eddie’s prices like?
INNNSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE
Who’s zombie Batman’s worst nemesis?
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNE
If a French zombie is being polite, he or she would grunt:
SIL VOUL PLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
(I probably have the spelling wrong)
What type of habit is hardest for a zombie to break?
INGRAAAAINED
What street do the zombies lurch down?
MAAAAAAIIIN
What do zombie sheep get?
MURRAAAIIIIN
Q:Who are Zombies’ favorite Europeons to Eat?
A:DANNNNES
Q: Where do zombies drive on the highway?
A: Fast Lannnnnnes
Q:What are zombie’s favorite birds?
A: CRAAAAAAAANES
What the zombie king does?
REEEEIIIIGNNNNS
How zombies look on people who didn’t read all the comments before posting a duplicate?
DISDAAAAAAIIN ;)
What are zombies sick of hearing about?
CAMPAAAAAAAIGNS!
What does a zombie moderator do when seeing another off-topic post about the above topic?
First COMPLAAAAAAAINS! that it’s not GERMAAAAAAIN! and EXPLAAAAAINS! the posting policy which one ATTAAAAAINS! on the board’s FAQ page which CONSTRAAAAINS! what people may post but SUSTAAAAAINS! ease of communication and REMAAAAAAINS! in force while the moderator REIIIIIIIGNS!
Trolls will be SLAAAAAIN!
Q: What are a zombie’s favorite shoes?
A: Mary JAAAAAAAANES.
Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite holiday snack?
A: Candy CAAAAAAANES.
Q: Why don’t zombies like zombie jokes?
A: Because they are INAAAAAANNNE.
Hey, I work in Des PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINES and I can tell you, it really is true. Or at least where I work.
What do Zombie Investors hope for?
Unrealized GAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
Heh, I work in Des Plaaaaaaaines too. A reference locals will get:
What’s the Des Plaines Zombie’s biggest pain?
Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…
What’s part of France did German zombies annex in 1940?
ALSACE-LORAAAAAAAAINE
What was the rallying cry for the Spanish-Zombie war?
REMEMBER THE MAAAAAAAINE!
Who was in love with Superzombie?
LOIS LAAAAAAANE
For the love of God!
Stop now, people – think of the children……….
THINKING of the Zombie Children for you, Hugh.
What do zombie children like?
Fun and GAAAAMES!
-michael
Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite Swedish melodic death metal band?
A: In Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames.
I thought of the children. I’d rather they be corrupted.
Q: Zombie’s best friend?
A: A loyal Great DAAAAAAAAAANE
Q: A Zombie’s favorite made up singer?
A: Chris GAAAAAAAAINES
(Ok, not even zombies like Chris Gaines. That is just me trying to be witty.)
She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie?
COCAAAAAAAAAINE.
And I wonder, still I wonder?
WHO’LL STOP THE RAAAAAAAIN.
Zombie sing-along!
What can you find a bunch of zombie reptiles?
Snakes on an airPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE.
What did the zombie need when he broke his leg?
A CAAAAAAAANNNNNNEEEEEEE.
With what do zombies see non-zombies?
DISDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN
What do male zombie lions have?
A MAAAAAAAAAANE
Which movie is the favorite of old discerning zombies?
CITIZEN KAAAAAAAAAAANE!
Zombies favorite lake in Louisiana?
Ponchartraaaaaain!
Favorite winery?
Chateau Souveraaaain!
Favorite song?
Traaaain in Vaaaaain!
Favorite song from a Musical?
The Raaaain in Spaaain falls Maaaainly on the Plaaain!!!
ok. i’ve had enough.
I’m sorry if this has been done, but I can’t look through all of them.
What’s a zombies favorite internet meme?
Chocolate Raaaaaaaains!
What does zombie Santa Claus use to drive his sleigh?
Reiiiiiiigns.
One more.
Why does a zombie take prozac?
Stay saaaaaaane.
Where can you find zombie Babe Ruth?
Hall of Faaaaaame.
I’m very sorry to have to complaaain
about the political incorrectness of this whole refraaaain
but please allow me to explaaain,
that as a zombie with a braaaain,
who’s trying to run a political campaaaaign,
to highlight our plight in this domaaaain,
I find it totally inhumaaaane
to treat my people to this disdaaaain.
I would therefore ask you to kindly abstaaaaain
from allowing your friends here to maintaaain
their constant insults in this veeeein.
If not, we’ll be forced to get the traaaain,
or possibly even our old warplaaaane,
and drag you off to the Ukraaaaine
where we’ll force upon you much cocaaaine,
and extra helpings of bad chow maaaain,
heavily laced with dogsbaaane, woflbaaane or ptomaaaine.
We’ll then cause you such great paaaaain
with our flame-throwers powered by butaaane,
that you’ll never be the saaaame,
Your guts will smell like a proverbial draaaain,
as you begin farting pure methaaane,
You’ll take to dancing naked in the raaain
and end up going by the name of Jaaaane.
(I’m sorry, so very, very sorry. Once I started I couldn’t stop – if it helps, being this inaaaane has given me eyestraaain and my great Daaaane, Elaaaine thinks I’ve gone completely insaaaane. Sorry. Really sorry.)
How can you tell the Zombie Lions from all the other animals in the zombie zoo? By their maaaaaannnnneeeeesssss of course, silly.
Zombie Supermans love interest?
Lois Laaaannneeee
How does a zombie order his brains at the drive thru?
Plllllaaaaiiiiinnnn
What movie musical is a favorite among zombies?
Faaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee
Favorite work out guru among zombies?
Jack Laaaaaallllllllaaaaaiiiinnneeee
Zombies favorite place to find love sick brains?
Lovers Laaaaannnnneeee
When zombies go bad(der) they become?
VILLAAAAAAAAINS!!
What’s a zombies favorite addiction?
JAAAAAAAAAAANE’S!!
On what do zombies blame President Bush’s low citizen happiness numbers?
BRAAAAAINS
Very funny. Now who is the zombie’s favored presidential candidate?
BRAAAAAAAAINS
That’s not a candidate. Do zombies tend to skew conservative or liberal?
BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS
Look, I don’t see any reason to continue if your not OW!
*nom* *nom* *nom*
Who played third wheel to Aphrodite and Adonis all those times?
HELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE
Who do you wish would just shut UP and identify your damn items?
DECKARD CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE
Justin, you’ve got quite a treasure there in that Horadric cube…
Q: What does the balding zombie use to get his hair back?
A: ROGAAAAAAAAAINE
What does Zombie under the rain?
Again…again and again
If I had a milkshake
and you had a milkshake,
the zombie has a very long straaaaaaaaaaaw
Was going to make a zombie top 10, but I’m gonna be late for work.
1. The Zombie formerly known as Prince
Purple RAAAAAIIIN
2. The Zombie Beatles
Penny LAAAAAAANE
Which Indian religious minority do Zombies prefer?
JAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNSSS
Why do so many Zombies have an affinity for David Carradine?
SHHHHHAAAAANNNNNNNEE
If Tay Zonday were bit by a zombie he’d become…?
TAY ZOMBAAAAAAAYY
Then of course he’d have to call his song…
CHOCOLATE BRRAAAAAAAIIINN
**I move my mouth away from the mic to eat brains
Why don’t zombies have a place to live any more?
Eminent DOMAAAAAAAIN.
How would you characterize an attempt to canonically list all possible Zombie Rhymes?
Totally inaaaaaaaaaane.
Y’all are AWESOME.
What Pittsburgh university’s mascot is the Duke?
DUQUEEEEEEEEEEEESNE’S
If someone objects to something said in a court room, the zombie judge presiding will likely say:
SUSSTAAAAAAAAAAINED
Q: What’s the Zombie religion?
A: They’re all Jaaaaaaaaaains!
Where do zombies take their siesta?
SPAAAAAAAAAAIN
Who plays zombie Alfred?
MICHAEL CAAAAAAAAAAINE
What do zombies hate most on the internet?
FLAAAAAAME (wars)
How do zombies like their cats?
TAAAAAAAME
What do zombies like most about Simba?
His MAAAAANE
How do zombies tell which way the wind is blowing?
Weather VAAAAAAANE
How do zombies get haemorrhoids?
They STRAAAAAAIN.
what do zombies walk?
They are all Lame like John WAYNE
zombie james hetfield? gone insane. but the memory
REMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.
How did zombies get to Kennedy airport in the early 1980s?
They took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES…
limerick or villanelle, zombies write poems which CONSTRAAAAAIN
to proper form — while spitting rhymes so boss, they rival tony danza.
and though haiku, sestina, tanka are forms in which they’re TRAAAAAAINED,
zombies prefers to craft their lines and stanzas,
into sicilian QUINTAAAAAAAAAIN.
Who is the zombies’ favorite grunge musician?
Laaaayyyyynnnne Staaaaaaaaaaaley from Alice in Chaaaaaaaiiiiiinns
——-
Why did zombie Adam and Eve cover themselves in the Garden of Eden?
They were ASHAAAAAAAAAMED.
——-
who is zombie Jerry Seinfeld’s wacky neighbor?
KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER
——-
Better get back to work, or I’ll get LAAAAAAAAAID OFF… I mean fired.
On what ship did the zombie captain go nuts when he thought someone had swiped his strawberries?
THE CAAAAAAAAAINE
What’s a Zombies favorite river?
THAAAAAAAAMES
In 2005, zombie hurricane Katrina flooded Lake PONTCHARTRAAAAAAAIN.
Who’s the Zombies favorite character in “Old Man’s War”?
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE
From which university did the CFO zombie get her MBA?
TULAAAAAANE
Zombie’s favorite character in the Bewitched remake?
Shirley McCLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN
Who said “Go Ahead, make my day” and then ate your brains?
John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE
Zombies favorite Gene Kelly movie?
Singing in the RAAAAAAAAAAAAIN
Zombie’s Favorite character on seinfeld?
ELAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE
Zombie who can’t think of any good zombie rhymes overuses people’s NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES.
Zombies who have ulcerative colitis can’t eat GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.
What eastern Utah town is a likely breakout spot for the zombie invasion?
DUCHEEEEEEEEEEEESNE
How do zombies get from Iowa to Wisconsin?
VIA PRAIRIE DU CHIIIIIEEEEEEN
(cheated a bit on that one)
What late-nineties biopic film do zombies watch in order to see a mustachioed Jared Leto?
PREFONTAAAAAAIIIIIINE
What to celibate zombies do about sex?
Abstaaaain.
How would you describe a cursing zombie ?
Profaaaane
Why do zombies consume aspirin ?
Migraaaaines.
Who is the Obama zombie’s competition ?
McCaaaain.
What do president wanna-bee zombies do ?
Campaaaaign.
Who’s a Zombie’s favorite actor?
VING RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES
What does a Mr. Colbert zombie say about his arch nemesis after a dance off?
RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN
Which edgy, ex-chef, traveler, writer with a TV show where he visits far-away places and samples exotic foods is a zombie favorite?
ANTHONY BOURDAAAAAAAAIN
Q: Why did the pubescent zombie feel like no-one felt the way he did?
A: GROWING PAAAAAAAINS
Q: Who is a zombies favourite fictional jail-breaking banker?
A: ANDY DUFREEEEEESNE
Why did the zombie avoid canyonlands?
Rough terrraaaaain.
What is a zombie’s favorite Anime?
Serial experiments Laaaaain.
Zombies weaaaar theeeeeir haaaaaair in braaaaaids.
Blind zombies read Braaaaaille.
Japanese zombies might be Aaaaaaainu.
Zombies in the black tower followed Mazrim Taaaaim.
Q: Who is the Zombie’s favorite writer?
A: MARK TWAAAAAIN
What did the Zombie say after Teresa Nielsen Hayden was done with him?
BRNS!!!!
What zombie was outed as a CIA agent by zombie journalist Robert Novak?
Valerie PLAAAAAME
(I really DID read through all of the responses, and I didn’t see this one…)
What does the Zombie Fonzie say?
AAAAAAAAAAaaayh!
No different from the live Fonzie really.
Q: What street magician do zombies hate most?
A: BLAAAAAAAAAAIN.
Q: Now, once again where does it rain?
A: PLAAAAAAAAAINS.
Q: And where is that soggy plain?
A: SPAAAAAAAAIN.
What 1990 Andrew Dice Clay movie does no zombie, or sentient human being for that matter, remember fondly … if at all?
THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLAAAAAAAANE
Zombies’ favorite city in Idaho?
Coeur d’Alllleennnnne!
Q: What does zombie Lucille Ball do when she gets home?
A: ‘SPLAAAAAAAAAIN.
Q: What do Programming Language do Zombies use?
A: Well.. sometimes C#, but mostly Python. (What? You think Zombies like DOMAAAAAAAAIN Specific Languages?)
D: Esperantistoj zombij mangxas kie?
R: En La KUIREEEEEEEEEEEEEJO.
Q: What do you do when your human doesn’t taste “right”?
A: COMPLAAAAAAIN.
And a themed set:
Overly impulsive zombies have…
MAAAAAAAAANIAS!
A zombie that claims they aren’t after brains has …
MythoMAAAAANIA!
A zombie who pulls out their already decaying hair has …
TrichotilloMAAAAAAAANia
The zombie god has …
TheoMAAAAAAAAANIA!
The zombie king has …
MegaloMAAAAANIA!
Where do zombies hike in the mountains?
on the MORAAAAAAAAAAAINE
Q: What does Zombie with a soul do?
A: ABSTAAAAAAIN.
Q: Where to sophisticated zombies live?
A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAIGN.
Q: And what do sophisticated zombies drink with dessert?
A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAAGNE.
Q: Why does Zombie wish he was “sponge worthy”?
A: ELAAAAINE
Q: What do you call a handsome mexican zombie?
A: GUAAAAAAPO
Q: Whose world would Zombie like to visit most?
A: WAAAAYNE’S.
Q: What did Zombie stumble on in central Mexico?
A: AAAARCHAAEOLOGICAL REMAAAAINS
For all you musical zombies out there
Favorite Dylan album:
Slow Traaaaaaaain Coming
Favorite Alt Metal Band:
Staaaaaaaind
Favorite Rapper:
Big Daddy Kaaaaaaane
Favorite Fiercely Independent Punk Bank:
Fugazi (weird, huh?)
What did the zombie Spock sense when he Vulcan mind melded with the Horta wreaking havoc in the pergium mining colony on Janus VI?
PAAAAAAAAAIN
Why do zombies hate Scott Westerfeld?
He killed ZAAAAAAAAAAAANNEEEEEE.
What do Zombie Plumbers work on?
DRAAAAAAAAINS
Really?
Well, and MAAAAINS
What do Zombie Chemists work on?
MEMBRAAAAANES
What do Zombie Wood Workers use?
STAAAAINS
Zombie House Builders?
FRAAAAAMES
Zombie Stock Analysists look for?
GAAAAINS
Zombie Bowlers?
LAAAAAANES
Zombie Carters?
WAAAAAINS
Q: what do Mid-world ka-tet zombies ride?
A: Bllaaaaiiiiine
Q: what do Hawaiian zombies grow?
A: Sugar Caaaaaaane
Q: what does zombie pollution make?
A: acid raaaaaaiiiiin
Q: where do irresponsible zombies drive?
A: in the bike laaaaaaaaane
Q: what do columbian zombies traffic?
A: cocaaaaaaaine
Q: where does a zombie get his lobster?
A: Maaaiiiiinnne
Q: What kind of LSD do zombies drop?
A: window paaaaaaane
Q: what is the best 80’s hardcore punk zombie band?
A: Bad Braaaaaaiiiiiins
Q. What do zombies who don’t get the point of this list (and can’t rhyme anyway) like to eat?
A. HUUUUMMMAAAANN FLESSSHHHH!
Q. Who is the Irish zombie’s favorite mythological hero?
A. CU CHULAAAAIIIIINNNN!
How to zombies cool off?
They drink lemon aaaaiiiiiiiiiiid.
What do they add to tuna fish?
Mayonaaaaaaiiiiiissssse.
Why did so many zombies do the macarena?
They love the latest craaaaaaaaaaze
Who was the zombies’ favorite Dr Who?
Tom Baaaaaaaaaaaaaakr
Q: Who are the most sought after members of the zombie crew team?
A: COXSWAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.
Apologies if this one has already been done…
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite line in The Graduate?
A: “ELAAAAAAAAINE!!”
Q: Who is the favorite TV character of Seattle zombies?
A: Frasier CRAAAAAAANE
What was Lynton Kwesi Johnson doing when he was attacked by zombies?
Standing in the RAAAAAAAAIIN AGAAAAAAAIIN, LORAAAAAAIIN!
What did Billy Holliday say to her zombie husband when he came home late
Don’t EXPLAAAAIIN!
What kinds of magic tricks do zombies like?
LEGERDEMAAAAIIN!
Who is the magician that bugs the crap out of me?
David BLAAAAAINE.
What’s a zombie’s favorite B-52s song?
Quiche LORRAAAAINE
What happened when the zombie tried to go through airport security?
He was DETAAAAINED
Kung Fu Zombie
KAAAAAINE
For whom are Zombies going to vote?
MCAAAAAAAAAAIN
(he is one of them after all!)
What did zombie Sherlock Holmes do to the facts?
ASCERTAAAAAIIN
What does the zombie LAPD do to minorities?
FRAAAAAAAME
My mind slow,That’s why I don’t *nom* wit da big Four-o bro’, I got ta maintaaaaaaaain`Cause a zombie Like me is goin’ insaaaaaaaane!
Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
Craaaaaaaazy insaaaaaaaane need some braaaaaaaain!
Insaaaaaaaane in the membraaaaaaaane
Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
Zombie BRAAAAAAAAAAINS
are connected via VAAAAAAAAAAINS
to their heart that PAAAAAAAAAAINS
due to muscular STRAAAAAAAAAAINS
after sticking forks in the electrical MAAAAAAAAAAINS.
Silly Zombie – tut tut.
Where did the zombie go for fresh lobster?
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!!!!
What was the zombies favorite western movie from the 50’s?
SHAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!
Name the character actor the zombie thought was under appreciated by larger audencies…
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE Smith!!!
Where in Washington State do zomibes live who want to be very near the Canadian border?
BLAAAAAAAAINE
What is the favorite Bob Seger song amongst zombies?
Down on MAAAAAAAIN Street
What about Fleetwood Mac?
The CHAAAAAAAIN
Crosby, Stills, and Nash?
Daylight AGAAAAAAAAAIN
Nirvana?
On a PLAAAAAAIN
Finally, how about something for zombie fans of country & western?
Blue Eyes Crying in the RAAAAAAAIN
Q. What do these puns have in common with the crimes Zombies commit?
A. They’re heeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinous.
Which asian adult female actress does a zombie like watching the most?
Charmaaaaaaane Star
Q: What did zombie Tattoo Say as he pointed to the sky?
A: PLAAAANE, PLAAAAANE
Q: What do zombie idiots eat?
A: PEA BRAAAAAAAINS.
Q: What do zombie string theorists study?
A: BRAAAAAAAANES.
Q: What did Zombie 007’s lover say upon conclusion of coitus?
A: OOOOH JAAAAAAAAAMES
STRAAAAAAAAINS!
What is a zombies favorite drug?
COCAAAAAAAAAAAAINE
What is the zombie choice for gas?
PROPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE
aw cmon!
Where do fat zombies find it difficult to scratch?
Their TAAAAAAAAAAINTS
Why do zombies watch True Grit?
John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE
What are zombies made of?
REMAAAAAAAAAAAAIINS
What do these zombie jokes fail to do after the first five minutes?
Entertaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnn.
What do zombie weathermen do?
Tell you when it RAAAAAAAINS.
What do zombies never do when they attack?
PLAAAAAAAN…
How do zombies attack?
RAAAAAAADOM….
So much repeating. Even of incorrect rhymes…
Right. This should be #204. If not, I’m not repeating, I just didn’t see the new ones.
Q: What d’you call a zombie wearing makeup?
A: VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN.
Q: What do zombie 40k players make with polystyrene and cardboard?
A: TERRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINS.
Q: Why do zombies like whoever their favourite comedian is?
A: He/she ENTERTAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINS.
Thank you.
What do zombies use to navigate the universe?
Melaaaaaaaange.
begin
file = dictionary; x = 0
while x < length(dictionary)
x = x + 1
if word(x) = (rhymes_with_”ains”), then print “Q. What’s a zombie’s favourite “(word(associated_with_word(x)))”? A. “(allcaps(drawn_out(word(x))))”!!!”
wend
end
You’ve got the right idea. Although that method associated_with_word would probably be quite complex.
Along the lines of the Zombie Rhymes, my office mate came up with some gems… Ghost Rhymes…
How do ghosts get high?
Sniffing Gluuuuuuuuuuue!
What’s the Ghost Favorite Red Sox Outfielder?
J.D. Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
First Base?
Kevin Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuklis!
What did the ghost buy at Thom McCann?
Shoooooooooooes!
What’s a Ghost’s favorite music?
The Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuues!
What do hip-hop ghosts wear?
FUBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
What does the ghost watch at 11:00?
The Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews!
Why does the ghost have the sniffles?
The Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What’s a zombie’s favorite cell phone?
iPhone.
What is a zombie’s answer to gridlock?
MORE LAAAAANES
What does an anorexic zombie do in the bathtub?
Slide down the DRAAAAAAAAAAAIN
What does the dominatrix zombie like to use?
Whips and Chaaaaaains!
lol! kinky zombie!
What’s a zombie ballerina’s favorite move?
PLIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE