Toward a Canonical List of Zombie Rhymes

I’m off at an ungodly early hour to catch my flight to Denvention and am likely not to be back on at all today. So while I’m away, here’s something to keep you busy:

Make Zombie Rhymes.

What are zombie rhymes? Well, they’re like this:

Q: What do zombies like to eat?
A: BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies like to eat?
A: GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies eat when they’re on vacation in Jamaica?
A: PLANTAAAAAAAINS.

Q: What is the favorite city of Illinois zombies?
A: DES PLAAAAAAINES.

Q: What are zombies’ favorite scale model entertainment?
A: MODEL TRAAAAAINS.

Okay, now you try one.

214 thoughts on “Toward a Canonical List of Zombie Rhymes

  1. Why do zombies take their clothes to the laundry?

    STAAAAAAAAINS

    What is a zombie’s favorite underwear?

    HAAAAAAAAINS

    What construction equipment are zombies good at running?

    CRAAAAAANES

    What Magic:The Gathering card is a zombie’s favorite?

    PLAAAAAAAAINS

  2. Where do zombies get their sugar?

    CAAAAAAAANES

    Why do zombies pay such high taxes?

    CAPITAL GAAAAAAAINS

    What do bad zombie puns give me?

    PAAAAAAAAINS

    What did zombie Eliza Doolittle sing?

    THE RAAAAAAAIN IN SPAAAAAAIN STAAAAAAYS MAAAAAAAAINLY…OH, SCREW THIS *NOM NOM NOM*

  3. What is a zombie’s favorite breed of dog?

    GREAT DAAAAAANES

    Who is zombie Tarzan’s favorite girl?

    JAAAAAAAAAANE

    What is a zombie’s favorite musical?

    FAAAAAAAAAAME

  4. What did Zombie Grendel eat?
    DAAAANES.

    What’s a zombie’s least favorite injury?
    SPRAAAINS.

    What’s a zombie’s favorite poetic form?
    QUATRAAAINS (actually, villanelles, because they’re so repetitive)

    What do zombie physicists study?
    BRAAAANES.

  5. Where does the zombie DWP do most of its work?

    ON THE MAAAAAAAAAAINS

    Where are most zombie car collisions?

    IN LAAAAAAAANES

    Who’s a zombie’s favorite actor?

    BILLY ZAAAAAAAANE

    Speaking of Zanes, do zombies like the work of the erotica writer with that same name?

    NO WAAAAAAY

    Well, whose work do zombies like?

    MARK TWAAAAAAIN

  6. How does a Zombie play dead?

    He FEEEEIIIIIIIGNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS!!!!

    What’s a Zombies favorite Welsh beer?

    BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINSSSSSS!!!

    What’s a Zombies favorite court?

    SMALL CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIMSSS

    What’s a Zombie’s favorite defense publication?

    JAAAAAAAANNNNNNE’SSSSSS

  7. What is a zombie’s favorite type of chemical?

    ALKAAAAAAANES

    Where would a zombie most want to travel in Great Britain?

    BRISBAAAAAAANE

    What does a zombie want the moon to do?

    WAAAAAAAAAANE

    Who does a Democrat zombie dislike the most?

    MCCAAAAAAAAIN

  8. What do zombie plumbers specialize in?

    DRAAAAAAAAAAINS

    Who do zombie shrinks work with?

    THE INSAAAAAAAAANE

  9. Who’s a zombie’s favorite character on the Dukes of Hazzard?

    ROSCOE P. COLTRAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    What do zombies fear most in cold climates?

    CHILLBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

  10. What do zombies think of this post?
    LAAAAAME!

    (Okay, not really, but it was such a good opportunity.)

  11. Where do the zombies eat their brains?

    ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN, ON THE PLAAAAAAAAIN

    And where’s that blasted plain?

    IN SPAAAAAAAAAIN, IN SPAAAAAAAAIN

    All together now: The brains in Spain fall mainly on the plain!

  12. I’m shocked that my contribution hasn’t appeared yet!

    What does a zombie mechanic do?
    he MAINTAAAAAAAAAAINS

    A slightly different spin on a previous contribution: what does the teetotal zombie do?
    REFRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    What is every zombie’s favourite musician?
    John COLTAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    Where does the zombie get his water?
    From the MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    The zombie wielding rhymes ENTERTAAAAAAAAAINS

    And finally, what does the zombie think with?
    STOMAAAAAAAACH

    That may not have been as clever as I though it was?

  13. What is the favorite hobby of zombie science fiction fans?

    COMPLAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.

    What is the favorite attitude of zombie editors?

    DISSSDDDAAAAIIIIIIINNNN.

    What’s good advice for wanna-be writers?

    REEEFFFRRRAAIIIIIIIINNN.

  14. Who’s the favorite SF editor of zombies?

    Jim Baaaaaeeeen.

    The zombie anti-nuclear proliferation group: SAAAANE.

  15. Which kind of cake inspires Zombie writers?

    MADELEEEEEEEEEINES

    What do Zombie gourmets despise the most?

    Fast food CHAAAAAAAAAAIIIINS.

  16. What do zombie drug dealers sell?

    Cocaaaaaaaine

    What happens to them after they’re arrested?

    They’re arraaaaaaaaigned.

  17. Who’s the zombie’s favorite cast member in a Harry Potter Movie?
    Robby Coltraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaine!
    Who’s a zombie’s favorite singer?
    Frankie Laaaaaaaaaaaine!

  18. How do Zombie’s travel across Europe? (respin of a previously used rhyme)
    Traaaaaaaaains

    What does Zombie Hans Christian Anderson Eat?
    Daaaaaanes (respin of a previously used rhyme)

    What do Zombie Cows eat?
    Dead Graaaaaaaains

    What happens to Zombies that meet Buffy?
    They’re slaaaaaaaain

    Who’s the hardest working Zombie in Show Business?
    Rick Jaaaaaaaames

    Who’s the meanest Zombie on the Serenity?
    Jaaaaaaaaaayne

    What happens to arctic zombies?
    Chillblaaaaaaaaaiiiins

    What do zombie shaolin monks study?
    Southern craaaaaaane (respin of a previously used rhyme)

    What do zombie bees feed their queen?
    I dunno… royal jelly?

  19. Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite Dixie Chick?
    A: NATALIE MAAAAAAAAAAINES.

    Q: Whose suicide do zombies find most tragic?
    A: KURT COBAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: What do zombies use to reverse the effects of hair loss?
    A: ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE.

    Q: Who is the zombies’ favorite character actor?
    A: BOYD GAAAAAAAAAAAINES.

    Q: What film character’s catchphrase do zombies find overly cliche?
    A: JOHN McCLAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.

    Q: What is the zombies favorite brand of pickles?
    A: CAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: Which presidential candidate’s proposed energy policy do the zombies like least?
    A: JOHN McCAAAAAAAAAAAIN’S.

    Q: What brand of fine quality writing paper do the zombies use to send thank you notes?
    A: CRAAAAAAAAAAANE’S.

  20. Ugh puns. Damn you, Scalzi!

    What do zombies drink to celebrate?
    Champaaaaaaaaain.

    What do you call a cosmopolitan zombie?
    Urbaaaaaaaaaaaane.

    What do zombies shilling for the GOP call Obama?
    B. Huseeeeeeiiiiin.

  21. Whose street magic do zombies like best?
    DAVID BLAAAAAAAAAAINE’S

    Who are zombie’s favorite minor Star Trek characters?
    ZEPHRAM COCHRAAAAAAAANE and
    VIC FONTAAAAAAAINE

  22. When do older zombies get joint pain?
    When it raaaaains.

    Do zombies use recreational drugs?
    They refraaaaaainnn.

    What do zombies use when they have a headache?
    Head-on, apply directly to the braaaaaaain.

  23. What do zombies really like to eat?

    Baaaaaaaaacon.

    Oh come on! Did you really think this thread was safe?

  24. Who was the zombie founder of Quebec?

    Samuel de Champlaaaaaain!

    What is the favourite zombie women’s magazine?

    Chatelaaaaaain!

    Which actor did zombies like most in Kill Bill?

    Uma Thurmaaaaain!

  25. What is the toughest problem zombie computer scientists face?

    Creating AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

    (lacks the final “n”, I know. It’s not nice to make fun of zombie computer scientists who have speech impediments.)

  26. What aristocrat do zombies admire most?

    ELEANOR OF AQUITAAAAAAAINE!

    What do kinky zombies like?

    WHIPS AND CHAAAAAAAAINS!

  27. Who is the zobmie’s favorite billionaire playboy/masked vigilante?

    Bruce WAYYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNE!

  28. Q: What do zombies have when they steal brains?
    A: ILL GOTTEN BRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

    And, as a bonus:

    Q: What do zombies have when they steal wheat?
    A: ILL GOTTEN GRAAAAAAAAAAINS.

  29. What kind of books do cheap zombies buy?

    remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.

    Alternately, what do zombie integers produce when they try to divide into each other?

    remaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinders.

  30. What superhero do zombies like?
    Dr. Straaaaaaaaange.

    What freaked out the zombie dad when his zombie wife gave birth?
    The placenta. He hates membraaaaaaanes.

  31. When teenage zombies roam the halls
    Of local schools and shopping malls,
    Despite their elders’ classic refrains
    Instead of calling out for brains
    These horny undead newbies,
    Lurch around moaning, “BOOOBIEES”.

  32. What do zombies wear under their clothes?

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAANES…

    Where do zombies go on vacation?

    SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN…

  33. What do zombies with thinning hair use?

    ROGAAAAAAAAAAINE…. (because they can’t pronounce Minoxodil with a mouthful of brains).

    Who is the zombies favourite butler in Batman movies?

    Michael CAAAAAAAAINE………

  34. What do zombies get when their brains have spoiled?

    PTOMAAAAAAAINE (poisoning)

    … when their hair is thinning?

    ROGAAAAAINE

  35. What do zombies consult to see which way the wind is blowing?
    WEATHER VAAAAAAANES!
    (Except for Zombie Bob Dylan, of course).

  36. How did zombie pioneers move west?
    WAGON TRAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS
    across the PLAAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSSSSS…

  37. What’s a zombie’s favorite asterism?
    Charles’ WAAAAAIIIINNNNNN

    What’s a zombie’s favorite long-lived Venetian painter?
    TitiAAAAAAAAAN

    Who’s a zombie’s favorite potential Democratic VP pick?
    Tim KAAAAAAAINE

    Two (2!) Bonus Alternate Monster Rhymes

    What’s a werewolf’s favorite Chinese philosophical system?
    The DAOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Who’s a vampire’s favorite pioneering aviator?
    BLEAHriot.

  38. What’s a zombie’s favorite Gene Kelly movie?
    Singing in the RAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN

    Where did the zombie lose it’s wedding ring?
    Down the DRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN

  39. Zombies’ Eastern European country of choice?
    Ukraaaaaiiiine

    Zombies’ favorite piece in China Mieville’s Looking for Jake?
    The Taaaaaaiiin

  40. Which famous economist became a zombie?

    KEEEEYYYYYYYNES

    (Hey, all the easy ones were taken already…)

  41. What’s a zombie’s favorite state?
    MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINEE

    What do zombie environmentalists hate most?
    ACID RAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNN

  42. What are zombie Crazy Eddie’s prices like?

    INNNSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    Who’s zombie Batman’s worst nemesis?

    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNE

    If a French zombie is being polite, he or she would grunt:

    SIL VOUL PLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
    (I probably have the spelling wrong)

  43. What type of habit is hardest for a zombie to break?

    INGRAAAAINED

    What street do the zombies lurch down?

    MAAAAAAIIIN

    What do zombie sheep get?

    MURRAAAIIIIN

  44. What the zombie king does?

    REEEEIIIIGNNNNS

    How zombies look on people who didn’t read all the comments before posting a duplicate?

    DISDAAAAAAIIN ;)

  45. What are zombies sick of hearing about?

    CAMPAAAAAAAIGNS!

    What does a zombie moderator do when seeing another off-topic post about the above topic?

    First COMPLAAAAAAAINS! that it’s not GERMAAAAAAIN! and EXPLAAAAAINS! the posting policy which one ATTAAAAAINS! on the board’s FAQ page which CONSTRAAAAINS! what people may post but SUSTAAAAAINS! ease of communication and REMAAAAAAINS! in force while the moderator REIIIIIIIGNS!

    Trolls will be SLAAAAAIN!

  46. Q: What are a zombie’s favorite shoes?
    A: Mary JAAAAAAAANES.

    Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite holiday snack?
    A: Candy CAAAAAAANES.

    Q: Why don’t zombies like zombie jokes?
    A: Because they are INAAAAAANNNE.

  47. Hey, I work in Des PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINES and I can tell you, it really is true. Or at least where I work.

    What do Zombie Investors hope for?

    Unrealized GAAAAAAAAAAAAINS

  48. Heh, I work in Des Plaaaaaaaines too. A reference locals will get:

    What’s the Des Plaines Zombie’s biggest pain?

    Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…

  49. What’s part of France did German zombies annex in 1940?

    ALSACE-LORAAAAAAAAINE

    What was the rallying cry for the Spanish-Zombie war?

    REMEMBER THE MAAAAAAAINE!

    Who was in love with Superzombie?

    LOIS LAAAAAAANE

  50. THINKING of the Zombie Children for you, Hugh.

    What do zombie children like?
    Fun and GAAAAMES!

    -michael

  51. Q: What’s a zombie’s favorite Swedish melodic death metal band?

    A: In Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames.

    I thought of the children. I’d rather they be corrupted.

  52. Q: Zombie’s best friend?
    A: A loyal Great DAAAAAAAAAANE

    Q: A Zombie’s favorite made up singer?
    A: Chris GAAAAAAAAINES

    (Ok, not even zombies like Chris Gaines. That is just me trying to be witty.)

  53. She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie?
    COCAAAAAAAAAINE.

    And I wonder, still I wonder?
    WHO’LL STOP THE RAAAAAAAIN.

    Zombie sing-along!

  54. With what do zombies see non-zombies?

    DISDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN

    What do male zombie lions have?

    A MAAAAAAAAAANE

    Which movie is the favorite of old discerning zombies?

    CITIZEN KAAAAAAAAAAANE!

  55. Zombies favorite lake in Louisiana?
    Ponchartraaaaaain!

    Favorite winery?
    Chateau Souveraaaain!

    Favorite song?
    Traaaain in Vaaaaain!

    Favorite song from a Musical?
    The Raaaain in Spaaain falls Maaaainly on the Plaaain!!!

    ok. i’ve had enough.

  56. I’m sorry if this has been done, but I can’t look through all of them.

    What’s a zombies favorite internet meme?

    Chocolate Raaaaaaaains!

  57. I’m very sorry to have to complaaain
    about the political incorrectness of this whole refraaaain
    but please allow me to explaaain,
    that as a zombie with a braaaain,
    who’s trying to run a political campaaaaign,
    to highlight our plight in this domaaaain,
    I find it totally inhumaaaane
    to treat my people to this disdaaaain.
    I would therefore ask you to kindly abstaaaaain
    from allowing your friends here to maintaaain
    their constant insults in this veeeein.
    If not, we’ll be forced to get the traaaain,
    or possibly even our old warplaaaane,
    and drag you off to the Ukraaaaine
    where we’ll force upon you much cocaaaine,
    and extra helpings of bad chow maaaain,
    heavily laced with dogsbaaane, woflbaaane or ptomaaaine.
    We’ll then cause you such great paaaaain
    with our flame-throwers powered by butaaane,
    that you’ll never be the saaaame,
    Your guts will smell like a proverbial draaaain,
    as you begin farting pure methaaane,
    You’ll take to dancing naked in the raaain
    and end up going by the name of Jaaaane.

    (I’m sorry, so very, very sorry. Once I started I couldn’t stop – if it helps, being this inaaaane has given me eyestraaain and my great Daaaane, Elaaaine thinks I’ve gone completely insaaaane. Sorry. Really sorry.)

  58. How can you tell the Zombie Lions from all the other animals in the zombie zoo? By their maaaaaannnnneeeeesssss of course, silly.

    Zombie Supermans love interest?
    Lois Laaaannneeee

    How does a zombie order his brains at the drive thru?
    Plllllaaaaiiiiinnnn

    What movie musical is a favorite among zombies?
    Faaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee

    Favorite work out guru among zombies?
    Jack Laaaaaallllllllaaaaaiiiinnneeee

    Zombies favorite place to find love sick brains?
    Lovers Laaaaannnnneeee

  59. When zombies go bad(der) they become?
    VILLAAAAAAAAINS!!

    What’s a zombies favorite addiction?
    JAAAAAAAAAAANE’S!!

  60. On what do zombies blame President Bush’s low citizen happiness numbers?

    BRAAAAAINS

    Very funny. Now who is the zombie’s favored presidential candidate?

    BRAAAAAAAAINS

    That’s not a candidate. Do zombies tend to skew conservative or liberal?

    BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS

    Look, I don’t see any reason to continue if your not OW!

    *nom* *nom* *nom*

  61. Who played third wheel to Aphrodite and Adonis all those times?
    HELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE

    Who do you wish would just shut UP and identify your damn items?
    DECKARD CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

  62. Was going to make a zombie top 10, but I’m gonna be late for work.

    1. The Zombie formerly known as Prince
    Purple RAAAAAIIIN

    2. The Zombie Beatles
    Penny LAAAAAAANE

  63. Which Indian religious minority do Zombies prefer?
    JAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNSSS

    Why do so many Zombies have an affinity for David Carradine?
    SHHHHHAAAAANNNNNNNEE

  64. If Tay Zonday were bit by a zombie he’d become…?
    TAY ZOMBAAAAAAAYY

    Then of course he’d have to call his song…
    CHOCOLATE BRRAAAAAAAIIINN

    **I move my mouth away from the mic to eat brains

  65. How would you characterize an attempt to canonically list all possible Zombie Rhymes?
    Totally inaaaaaaaaaane.

  66. If someone objects to something said in a court room, the zombie judge presiding will likely say:

    SUSSTAAAAAAAAAAINED

  67. What do zombies hate most on the internet?
    FLAAAAAAME (wars)

    How do zombies like their cats?
    TAAAAAAAME

    What do zombies like most about Simba?
    His MAAAAANE

    How do zombies tell which way the wind is blowing?
    Weather VAAAAAAANE

    How do zombies get haemorrhoids?
    They STRAAAAAAIN.

  68. How did zombies get to Kennedy airport in the early 1980s?

    They took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES, took the TRAAAAAAAAAINS to the PLAAAAAAAANES…

  69. limerick or villanelle, zombies write poems which CONSTRAAAAAIN
    to proper form — while spitting rhymes so boss, they rival tony danza.
    and though haiku, sestina, tanka are forms in which they’re TRAAAAAAINED,
    zombies prefers to craft their lines and stanzas,
    into sicilian QUINTAAAAAAAAAIN.

  70. Who is the zombies’ favorite grunge musician?

    Laaaayyyyynnnne Staaaaaaaaaaaley from Alice in Chaaaaaaaiiiiiinns

    ——-

    Why did zombie Adam and Eve cover themselves in the Garden of Eden?

    They were ASHAAAAAAAAAMED.

    ——-

    who is zombie Jerry Seinfeld’s wacky neighbor?

    KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER

    ——-

    Better get back to work, or I’ll get LAAAAAAAAAID OFF… I mean fired.

  71. On what ship did the zombie captain go nuts when he thought someone had swiped his strawberries?

    THE CAAAAAAAAAINE

  72. Zombie’s favorite character in the Bewitched remake?

    Shirley McCLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    Who said “Go Ahead, make my day” and then ate your brains?

    John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE

    Zombies favorite Gene Kelly movie?

    Singing in the RAAAAAAAAAAAAIN

    Zombie’s Favorite character on seinfeld?

    ELAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE

    Zombie who can’t think of any good zombie rhymes overuses people’s NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES.

    Zombies who have ulcerative colitis can’t eat GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.

  73. What eastern Utah town is a likely breakout spot for the zombie invasion?

    DUCHEEEEEEEEEEEESNE

    How do zombies get from Iowa to Wisconsin?

    VIA PRAIRIE DU CHIIIIIEEEEEEN

    (cheated a bit on that one)

    What late-nineties biopic film do zombies watch in order to see a mustachioed Jared Leto?

    PREFONTAAAAAAIIIIIINE

  74. What to celibate zombies do about sex?

    Abstaaaain.

    How would you describe a cursing zombie ?

    Profaaaane

    Why do zombies consume aspirin ?

    Migraaaaines.

    Who is the Obama zombie’s competition ?

    McCaaaain.

    What do president wanna-bee zombies do ?

    Campaaaaign.

  75. Which edgy, ex-chef, traveler, writer with a TV show where he visits far-away places and samples exotic foods is a zombie favorite?

    ANTHONY BOURDAAAAAAAAIN

  76. Q: Why did the pubescent zombie feel like no-one felt the way he did?
    A: GROWING PAAAAAAAINS

    Q: Who is a zombies favourite fictional jail-breaking banker?
    A: ANDY DUFREEEEEESNE

  77. Why did the zombie avoid canyonlands?
    Rough terrraaaaain.

    What is a zombie’s favorite Anime?
    Serial experiments Laaaaain.

    Zombies weaaaar theeeeeir haaaaaair in braaaaaids.

    Blind zombies read Braaaaaille.

    Japanese zombies might be Aaaaaaainu.

    Zombies in the black tower followed Mazrim Taaaaim.

  78. What zombie was outed as a CIA agent by zombie journalist Robert Novak?

    Valerie PLAAAAAME

    (I really DID read through all of the responses, and I didn’t see this one…)

  79. Q: Now, once again where does it rain?

    A: PLAAAAAAAAAINS.

    Q: And where is that soggy plain?

    A: SPAAAAAAAAIN.

  80. What 1990 Andrew Dice Clay movie does no zombie, or sentient human being for that matter, remember fondly … if at all?

    THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLAAAAAAAANE

  81. Q: What do Programming Language do Zombies use?
    A: Well.. sometimes C#, but mostly Python. (What? You think Zombies like DOMAAAAAAAAIN Specific Languages?)

    D: Esperantistoj zombij mangxas kie?
    R: En La KUIREEEEEEEEEEEEEJO.

  82. And a themed set:

    Overly impulsive zombies have…

    MAAAAAAAAANIAS!

    A zombie that claims they aren’t after brains has …

    MythoMAAAAANIA!

    A zombie who pulls out their already decaying hair has …

    TrichotilloMAAAAAAAANia

    The zombie god has …

    TheoMAAAAAAAAANIA!

    The zombie king has …

    MegaloMAAAAANIA!

  83. Q: Where to sophisticated zombies live?

    A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAIGN.

    Q: And what do sophisticated zombies drink with dessert?

    A: CHAAAAAMPAAAAAGNE.

  84. For all you musical zombies out there

    Favorite Dylan album:
    Slow Traaaaaaaain Coming

    Favorite Alt Metal Band:
    Staaaaaaaind

    Favorite Rapper:
    Big Daddy Kaaaaaaane

    Favorite Fiercely Independent Punk Bank:
    Fugazi (weird, huh?)

  85. What did the zombie Spock sense when he Vulcan mind melded with the Horta wreaking havoc in the pergium mining colony on Janus VI?

    PAAAAAAAAAIN

  86. What do Zombie Plumbers work on?
    DRAAAAAAAAINS

    Really?
    Well, and MAAAAINS

    What do Zombie Chemists work on?
    MEMBRAAAAANES

    What do Zombie Wood Workers use?
    STAAAAINS

    Zombie House Builders?
    FRAAAAAMES

    Zombie Stock Analysists look for?
    GAAAAINS

    Zombie Bowlers?
    LAAAAAANES

    Zombie Carters?
    WAAAAAINS

  87. Q: what do Mid-world ka-tet zombies ride?
    A: Bllaaaaiiiiine

    Q: what do Hawaiian zombies grow?
    A: Sugar Caaaaaaane

    Q: what does zombie pollution make?
    A: acid raaaaaaiiiiin

    Q: where do irresponsible zombies drive?
    A: in the bike laaaaaaaaane

    Q: what do columbian zombies traffic?
    A: cocaaaaaaaine

    Q: where does a zombie get his lobster?
    A: Maaaiiiiinnne

    Q: What kind of LSD do zombies drop?
    A: window paaaaaaane

    Q: what is the best 80’s hardcore punk zombie band?
    A: Bad Braaaaaaiiiiiins

  88. Q. What do zombies who don’t get the point of this list (and can’t rhyme anyway) like to eat?
    A. HUUUUMMMAAAANN FLESSSHHHH!

  89. How to zombies cool off?

    They drink lemon aaaaiiiiiiiiiiid.

    What do they add to tuna fish?

    Mayonaaaaaaiiiiiissssse.

    Why did so many zombies do the macarena?

    They love the latest craaaaaaaaaaze

    Who was the zombies’ favorite Dr Who?

    Tom Baaaaaaaaaaaaaakr

  90. Apologies if this one has already been done…

    Q: What is a zombie’s favorite line in The Graduate?

    A: “ELAAAAAAAAINE!!”

  91. What was Lynton Kwesi Johnson doing when he was attacked by zombies?

    Standing in the RAAAAAAAAIIN AGAAAAAAAIIN, LORAAAAAAIIN!

    What did Billy Holliday say to her zombie husband when he came home late

    Don’t EXPLAAAAIIN!

    What kinds of magic tricks do zombies like?

    LEGERDEMAAAAIIN!

  92. What’s a zombie’s favorite B-52s song?

    Quiche LORRAAAAINE

    What happened when the zombie tried to go through airport security?

    He was DETAAAAINED

  93. My mind slow,That’s why I don’t *nom* wit da big Four-o bro’, I got ta maintaaaaaaaain`Cause a zombie Like me is goin’ insaaaaaaaane!

    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the Membraaaaaaaane
    Craaaaaaaazy insaaaaaaaane need some braaaaaaaain!
    Insaaaaaaaane in the membraaaaaaaane
    Insaaaaaaaane in the braaaaaaaain!

  94. Zombie BRAAAAAAAAAAINS
    are connected via VAAAAAAAAAAINS
    to their heart that PAAAAAAAAAAINS
    due to muscular STRAAAAAAAAAAINS
    after sticking forks in the electrical MAAAAAAAAAAINS.

    Silly Zombie – tut tut.

  95. Where did the zombie go for fresh lobster?

    MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!!!!

    What was the zombies favorite western movie from the 50’s?

    SHAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!

    Name the character actor the zombie thought was under appreciated by larger audencies…

    LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE Smith!!!

  96. Where in Washington State do zomibes live who want to be very near the Canadian border?

    BLAAAAAAAAINE

    What is the favorite Bob Seger song amongst zombies?

    Down on MAAAAAAAIN Street

    What about Fleetwood Mac?

    The CHAAAAAAAIN

    Crosby, Stills, and Nash?

    Daylight AGAAAAAAAAAIN

    Nirvana?

    On a PLAAAAAAIN

    Finally, how about something for zombie fans of country & western?

    Blue Eyes Crying in the RAAAAAAAIN

  97. Q. What do these puns have in common with the crimes Zombies commit?

    A. They’re heeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinous.

  98. Q: What do zombie idiots eat?

    A: PEA BRAAAAAAAINS.

    Q: What do zombie string theorists study?

    A: BRAAAAAAAANES.

  99. What is a zombies favorite drug?
    COCAAAAAAAAAAAAINE

    What is the zombie choice for gas?
    PROPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    aw cmon!

  100. Where do fat zombies find it difficult to scratch?

    Their TAAAAAAAAAAINTS

    Why do zombies watch True Grit?

    John WAAAAAAAAAAAAYNE

  101. What do these zombie jokes fail to do after the first five minutes?

    Entertaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnn.

  102. So much repeating. Even of incorrect rhymes…

    Right. This should be #204. If not, I’m not repeating, I just didn’t see the new ones.

    Q: What d’you call a zombie wearing makeup?
    A: VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIN.

    Q: What do zombie 40k players make with polystyrene and cardboard?
    A: TERRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINS.

    Q: Why do zombies like whoever their favourite comedian is?
    A: He/she ENTERTAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINS.

    Thank you.

  103. begin
    file = dictionary; x = 0
    while x < length(dictionary)
    x = x + 1
    if word(x) = (rhymes_with_”ains”), then print “Q. What’s a zombie’s favourite “(word(associated_with_word(x)))”? A. “(allcaps(drawn_out(word(x))))”!!!”
    wend
    end

  104. You’ve got the right idea. Although that method associated_with_word would probably be quite complex.

  105. Along the lines of the Zombie Rhymes, my office mate came up with some gems… Ghost Rhymes…

    How do ghosts get high?
    Sniffing Gluuuuuuuuuuue!

    What’s the Ghost Favorite Red Sox Outfielder?
    J.D. Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

    First Base?
    Kevin Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuklis!

    What did the ghost buy at Thom McCann?
    Shoooooooooooes!

    What’s a Ghost’s favorite music?
    The Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuues!

  106. What do hip-hop ghosts wear?
    FUBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

    What does the ghost watch at 11:00?
    The Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews!

    Why does the ghost have the sniffles?
    The Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

This is the place where you leave the things you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s