Daily Archives: October 15, 2008

Testing a New Feature

WordPress has just integrated the ability to make polls into its backend, so I thought I might test it out now:

So? Like it? Hate it? Want a pony instead?

(Note: No ponies are to be dispensed)

Update: Hmmmm. Not working. Hold on.

Update: Apparently, it works for some people and not for others (including me). I have no idea why, but until the embedding actually works for me, no more polls using this function. Oh, well.

For those of you who, like me, can’t see the actual poll, it’s also here.

Canadian Invasion Alert

For those of you who live in Canada:

1. Congratulations on surviving your own national elections;

2. I’ll be appearing on CBC radio’s The Point show tomorrow around noon or so. Talking about — wait for it — men and cats. Yes, apparently I’ve become North America’s foremost commentator on male ailurophilia. It’s a heavy burden, it is.

I’m not 100% sure whether I’ll be on live or whether they’ll record me and then run it, but either way the Web site archives the shows as streaming media and podcasts, so if you miss me on the radio you can always catch it online. This will also give those of you in the US an opportunity to hear me blather on this critical subject, as I’m certain you’ll want to.

My Hamstring! My Calf! My Spleen!

Dear Republican Party:

You’re aware that to the rest of us, your transparently insincere whining about voter fraud every time you’re about to get your ass handed to you in an election makes you look like that second place runner who mysteriously gets a leg cramp as soon as it’s clear he’s got no chance to win the race, right? “Oh, I would have won, if not for this darn pulled muscle! Someone should check the track! I think it’s got a design flaw that made me cramp up!”

Yes. That’s it.

I’m not sure you can suppress enough votes to win it this time, guys. You might want to try arguing policy instead. Oh, right. That’s why you need to whine about “voter fraud” in the first place. Well, then. Carry on, I suppose.

Oh I SO VERY MUCH Want to See This

My friend Chad Orzel recently undertook a charity drive on his site, with the proceeds going to educational charity DonorsChoose. His goal is $6,000. I pimped it, as I do, and made the crack that Chad “would dance like a monkey” for your contributions.

Fast-forward to today. Chad’s currently at $1,700 for his drive. This is good, but it’s not $6,000. So he’s decided to offer an incentive:

I said back at the beginning of this that I would offer some sort of big incentive for reaching the full challenge goal of $6,000. I got a couple of good suggestions, but you can blame Scalzi for the winner:

If my challenge gets $6,000 in donations, I’ll dance like a monkey, and post video of it.

This would be fairly amusing, I’m sure, as 1) I can barely dance like a human (save for the wedding shuffle), and b) I have no idea what the Monkey Dance would actually look like. I feel pretty safe making the offer, though, because there’s almost no chance of the challenge reaching $6,000.

“Almost no chance”? “Almost no chance”?

Well.

First, folks, a bit of context. Chad is, like, six feet, 28,000 inches. He’s a pretty big dude. And as everyone knows, large dudes are funny to watch dancing. But there’s more! He’s also a physicist and a fully tenured professor or such, and as well all know, the overlap between “tenured physics professors” and “adept dancers” is trivially small. Finally, Chad has a sort of gawky, innate dignity — he’s a friendly sort, but let’s just say I’ve never seen him prone to wanton acts of physical comedy.

What I’m saying is, making Chad Orzel dance like a monkey would be the comedy highlight of 2008.

It very simply has to happen. And be recorded. And posted on YouTube. And shown on my site.

I need you to help me make this happen. Because, while I’m kicking in money to make this happen, I don’t happen to have the four grand and change we need to get this dancing monkey thing happening. So, if you happen to have a spare couple of bucks lying around, go here and donate. There’s enough of you out there reading this that even $5 could make a real difference in helping me delight in the physical humiliation of others making an impact on the educational projects these donations will go towards. We have strength in numbers, people. This is a project worth making a reality. And you’ll be helping kids and teachers, which is nice, too.

To inspire you all to contribute: Dancing monkeys!

Here’s that donate link again. You know what to do. Yes, yes. You know what to do.

Also: Pass it on. The more people we get in on this, the sooner we get the Chad Orzel Monkey Dance Experience. It literally can’t happen too soon.