The Most Terrifying Thing I’ve Seen Today

Really, there are no words.

Sent to me, apparently, by someone getting me back for the Ultravox video the other day. Yes, well. Talk about a disproportionate response.

Comments

  1. W—– wuh? ——- Uh, huh? What?

    AMazing.

  2. Froonium says:

    You’ve obviously accrued some interest from the Ultravox thing and are being paid back… ooh boy are you being paid back

  3. Jeff Hentosz says:

    ::smoke rolls across the stage::

    Ladies and gentlemen…

    ::lasers crisscross::

    …the one, the only, the amazing…

    ::strobes::

    Gob Bluth!

    ::flashpots explode::

  4. Harvey the Pucca says:

    wha….

    heh heh…

    oh GOD…!!!!!

    as tears are running down my face….. and a manical laughter comes from my throat involuntarily… I CURSE YOU…

    MAy this song // act // performance slip into your mind while reading at a book signing…… or everytime you hear a kazoo…..

    oh no.. i have to watch it again…aaaauuuuggghhhhh…

    double curse you…heh heh heh….

  5. Mike F says:

    That is just what I need to see at 11:41 at night.

    The guy did put a lot of time in that. You have to give him some credit. On second thought, maybe you don’t.

  6. Tumbleweed says:

    True, there are no words, but there IS an appropriate acronym:

    OMGWTFBBQ!?!

  7. tubin says:

    What’s appalling is that either the guy has worked very hard on this or he has some innate talent. He’s sort of on-beat and on-tune for most of it, and it can’t be easy to make that dorky instrument produce a recognizable tune.

    If he put his effort into playing a normal instrument, what could he manage?

  8. --E says:

    That is made of awesome the way Velveeta is made of cheese. It’s fauxsome!

  9. This guy is an outstanding performer. Applause from the bottom of my ukulele-strumming heart.

  10. stoolpigeon says:

    That is completely awesome. Absolutely and totally amazing.

  11. JKRichard says:

    Two words:
    American. Idol.

  12. Drunk, that’s not so bad…

    - yeff

  13. Dave Hall says:

    Now that has got to violate the Geneva Convention as well as several nuclear arms limitations treaties!

  14. klevin says:

    That rocks! I’m still vacillating between horror and utter glee! Truly, one of the things that makes the Internet awesome.

  15. Mike says:

    Now there’s a VP candidate with real potential – and useful too (could provide a real fanfare intro for POTUS).

  16. Teh awesome

  17. Burns! says:

    Genius!

  18. Mike Langlois says:

    Stop the internet, we have a winner!

  19. Ashe Hunt says:

    Was actually weirdly cool until he started singing. So sad.

  20. Purple says:

    This is made that much funnier by the fact that someone sent me the link to that video just the other day. Now I can’t help but wonder if someone else on that email list reads your blog, and emails you stuff. Probably just a coincidence, but it makes me laugh.

  21. Johan Larson says:

    You know, once upon a time you had to wander the streets of a major city to find wacko street-performers doing things like that. Now you can watch them on YouTube in your jammies.

    What a fascinating modern age we live in.

  22. Paul says:

    That is so totally awesome it belongs in Wil Wheaton’s pants.

    “I’ll see you’re Ultravox cover versions, and raise you ukelele/kazoo Europe.” And now you gotta ask yourself, “is he just bluffing, or does he really have the cards?” What’s your play, Scalzi?

  23. Patrick M. says:

    Someday someone’s going to have to explain to me the virtue of a proportional response.

  24. clvrmnky says:

    There is hope for you humans, after all.

  25. Keith L says:

    At first I was perplexed. Then it became awesome.

  26. Dave says:

    Not to long ago, this song came on the radio (on the all 80′s music station) and my wife asked what kind of racket was that. I then explained to her that it was a song that we had played during my years of junior high band. She then proceeded to make sure that I felt like a dinosaur. I’m not sure how she will respond to this.

  27. Utah says:

    I never thought anything could make me NOT want to go to Scotland…

  28. Ed says:

    That guy is a genius.

  29. Mike says:

    The kid looks a lot like Lars Ulrich, Metallica’s drummer. I wonder if they are related.

  30. chris says:

    100% FAIL.

  31. Tom says:

    Brilliant. Subscribed.

  32. adelheid says:

    Now my husband will be humming that all day as he viewed this over my shoulder.

  33. Kyle Maxwell says:

    100% pure WIN.

  34. Djscman says:

    The kazoo is an underrated instrument. And that uke/keytar (keyulele?) is awesome.

  35. JJS says:

    Re #6: Oh my god what the fuck barbeque?

  36. shane says:

    I am in total awe. I prostrate myself before our new kazoo playing overlord.

  37. Rembrant says:

    Words fail me.
    I have to second Patrick’s comment at 23.

  38. Craig says:

    Wow. The guy’s giving a free gig in Edinburgh this week. That’s where I live. Do I dare attend?

  39. The Pathetic Earthling says:

    I dare say, Craig, you are obliged.

  40. Awfully great. And yes, I use that first word with deliberate ambiguity.

  41. Jeff @ 12 (“Drunk, that’s not so bad.”): yeah, but sober it’s flat-out awesome.

    I think it’s the way he committed to it, seemingly without any self-consciousness whatsoever.

    “Venus (venus venus)”

  42. Andrew says:

    I see Wil finally got around to repaying you for the velvet portrait….

  43. htom says:

    That was different. I think that a combination of autoharp and bagpipe might work better, though.

  44. Fiona says:

    Thank you for the warning. My coffee was moved FAR AWAY from the laptop before opening this.

    With the economic meltdown and the seemingly endless political season, this was just the laugh I needed.

    Next task—–email it to everyone in my address book.

  45. MikeB says:

    That is truely AWESOME!!

  46. Sara says:

    You know, I only listened to the first thirty or forty seconds of this song, I didn’t immediately recognize it, AND IT’S STILL STUCK IN MY HEAD.
    .
    .
    .
    Crap.

  47. Dr. Phil says:

    I love the tempo change at 0:32 in — having to leave the piano keyboard alone goes a long way to increasing speed. (sick grin)

    Dr. Phil

  48. Willywoollove says:

    That straight sucked and my brain is mad at my eyes and my eyes are mad at my click finger.

    Ultravox video should be rewarded not punished.
    This was cruel and unusual.
    God have mercy on our souls.

  49. deCadmus says:

    I can only hope this leads to tribute bands comprised of Linus-like pianos, ukuleles and kazoos at Scalzi book-signing events the world over.

  50. Andy W says:

    Two blogs I keep an eye on are this and Antipope.

    There appears to be a congruent set here – and Charlie featured a certain cat/bacon incident on his blog not 2 days past. And lives in Edinburgh.

    I must stop looking for patterns………….

  51. eviljwinter says:

    Why?

  52. martyn says:

    He obviously hadn’t been taking his medication.

    What’s your excuse?

  53. S Belisle says:

    I didn’t really think it was that bad. the kazoo / ukulele combo made for a pretty catchy sound, and the song itself has that wonderful property where no matter how horribly it’s butchered it still sounds all right.

    That probably says more about me than it does about the video, though.

  54. Fat Bob says:

    Terrifying? Terrifying?

    No. Tremendous. Stupendous, even.

    My only quibble: in my day he’d have had cymbals strapped to his knees and a bass drum thumping on his back. Maybe a trombone to go with the kazoo?

    But seriously: a home-built plinky/ukelele/kazoo combo is several colors of awesome.

  55. Honestly i thought that it was rather cool until he started singing and then my brain asplode.

  56. Miles Archer says:

    Anyone have a link to the original video? My 10 year old daughter looked over my shoulder while I was watching and wanted to know why it was funny.

  57. Emmy says:

    How perfectly hideous.

  58. Cat Vincent says:

    Now if he’d performed that while riding a Segway, it would have been perfect…

  59. Nargel says:

    Well, he *is* from Europe after all. ;)

  60. DG Lewis says:

    I was at a Bat Mitzvah yesterday and the DJ played an electro house dance remix of Don’t Stop Believing.

    John, you had to be there.

  61. I think that guy lives upstairs from me.

  62. Unfocused Me says:

    John, with all of the people following your blog, you have a responsibility not to promote this kind of thing. Hundreds of thousands of people are now lying on their floors, clutching their bleeding ears, and crying to the heavens, “Why? Oh God, why? Why did JOHN SCALZI do this to me?”

  63. saintlywife says:

    FU Scalzi!

    Why? Read your email! This annoyance was mine, I tell you….MINE! And not because of an Ultravox (who I adore!) payback, but because a few months ago you unblocked my memories of the *existence* of this song!

  64. Nate says:

    Oh man. And I thought nothing could top the Haysi Fantayzee video you posted last year…

  65. John Shea says:

    For some reason, this is what I imagine a teenage John Scalzi looks like.

  66. John Scalzi says:

    John Shea:

    Not even close.

  67. Gennita Low says:

    OH JOHN RINGO NO!

    It’s that horrifying.

  68. Steph says:

    Coming soon to a filk room near you….

  69. Gina says:

    Gah! This stupid song has been stuck in my head all DAY! I just caught myself whistling it, for crying out loud.

  70. catmom says:

    Genius is a word that is thrown about too casually; yet, the real thing remains unmistakable. Rasputin was a genius, too. Let us be grateful that he is using his powers for music something other than evil blatant homicidal acts on a global scale.

    I wonder if he takes requests; love to hear his take on “Bohemian Rhapsody”.

    Note to self: Must move to Edinburgh before the property values skyrocket, about to become the coolest place on the planet…

  71. alpinmack says:

    That is 91% Awesome. G.O.B. would be proud.

  72. Miscellaneous Steve says:

    Easily the best version of Final Countdown ever. Which doesn’t commit me to liking this version, just noting its superiority to Europe’s original.

    But, okay, it is entertaining.

    I was laughing so hard watching this that people kept peeping over my cube to see if I’d finally gone completely bonkers.

  73. havoc28 says:

    Where do people like that come from? Surely this guy could have gotten laid by at least 10 times if he put half the effort that he put into making this video into losing his virginity.

  74. John Scalzi says:

    havoc28:

    Everyone eventually gets laid. Not everyone eventually learns how to play the ukelele.

  75. Bozo D. Clown says:

    This shows what never getting laid will gibve you the energy to do.

  76. Bander1 says:

    Hit the random whatever button and got this….. Serves me right for wasting time when i gotta go to work…. Can i gouge my ears out? ROFL

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