Election List VII: Bombshells the McCain Campaign Has Yet to Drop About Barack Obama

Once these get out, the electoral map will run red!

Election List VII: Bombshells the McCain Campaign Has Yet to Drop About Barack Obama

1. Obama actually 63% black, not 50/50 as previously reported

2. Has not only started measuring the White House drapes, but has already sent them out to be dry cleaned (“to get rid of that horrible Dubya stench”)

3. Not just a socialist, but a Fabian

4. Feeds kittens to alligators, and then those alligators to pit bulls, then the pit bulls to sharks

5. Born not in Hawaii but in The Land of the Lost

6. Grandfather actually a Sleestak

7. Is so poor he only owns one house

8. While high on poppers, had a threesome with Jeremiah Wright and Rashid Khalidi, while Bill Ayers recorded it on video. The LA Times has the tape but won’t release it

9. Totally told the McCain campaign that he doesn’t actually like any of the voters in Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida or North Carolina or Colorado, and that he’s only being friendly to them for right now, but when the election’s over, it’ll be, like, yeah, don’t even know who you are, so get away from me, losers. And that’s just not nice

10. Found the change he needed in the campaign bus seat cushions, used it to buy cigarettes

38 thoughts on “Election List VII: Bombshells the McCain Campaign Has Yet to Drop About Barack Obama

  1. @ Glenda Larke. You mean he isn’t really from the Land of the Lost.

    @John Scalzi – I hope you aren’t suggesting my first childhood crush, Holly, hooked up with a Sleestak.

  2. Fabian Socialist football cheer:

    “What do we want?”
    “Gradual change!”
    “When do we want it”?”
    “In due course!”

    (I got this from Patrick Nielsen Hayden; dunno where he got it.)

    13. Is such an elite he pronounces ‘nuclear’ NOO-kyoo-lahr

  3. “My friends, Barack Obama is not a Muslim. He is not an Arab. He is not a socialist. But of my friend, Barack Obama, I will only say this: Sheep. I leave the rest to your imagination.”

  4. 17 After smoking cigarette, tossed the butt from campaign bus window while driving through a National Park.

  5. No 8., the threesome one, is suspiciously close to a “real” allegation I heard yesterday. An Australian radio show is doing a series of shows about your election (podcast available here – http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/racerace/ ) and they had a recording of some guy “admitting” to smoking crack with Obama in Obama’s limo while fellating Obama. Apparently this was from the second most popular conservative radio talk show in the US. There was more stuff that showed how low the right would stoop to defame Obama.

    The podcast is hilarious btw. Episode 4 to hear the stuff mentioned above.

  6. “Outdated usage, but still applicable.”

    Get (in the archaic sense) refers to animals (as distinct from humans, and, I’d think, Sleestak, given that they built cities and those really ineffective crossbows). Either way, I stumbled over the peculiarity.

  7. Obama actually 63% black, not 50/50 as previously reported

    He’s GILGAMESH?!?! I knew the guy was a liminal mythic figure, but this is big.

  8. Now here’s where having roleplayed in White Wolf’s World of Darkness helps me out! There’s a werewolf tribe called the “Get of Fenris” so I totally understood “Get of the Sleestak” on the first go-through. Well done, Sub-Odeon. :D

  9. 4. Feeds kittens to alligators, and then those alligators to pit bulls, then the pit bulls to sharks.

    Dude! It’s the Anti-turducken!

    glenda larkeon: You do realise, don’t you, that there are folk out there who will believe that list…?

    Would any of them be here reading it, though?

    Markoon: 16. Not only put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp, but also put the ram in the rama lama ding dong.

    I think that belongs, with a mighty belonging, on the “miracles done by Barack Obama” thread.

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