Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

This goes out to all the plumbers named Joe out there. I love you, man.

Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

1. Brad the Milkman

2. Sid the Deli Owner

3. Bryan the Surly Indie Music Store Clerk

4. Kim the Overnight Wal-Mart Stocker

5. Hakeem the Halal Butcher

6. Aloysius the Chicken Sexer

7. Carol the Humorless, Cavity-Probing TSA Agent

8. Klaus the Eurotrash A&R Man

9. Craig the Porn Reviewer

10. Markos the Blogger

11. Jim the Former Securities Trader, Now Best Buy Appliance Department Sales Trainee

12. Jesus the Lettuce-Picker

13. Ted the Secretly Gay Televangelist

14. Patrica the Humanities Degree Wielding Starbucks Barista

15. Steve the Attack Ad Coordinator

16. Phil the Philatelist

17. Tom the Torturer

18. Sarah the Self-Serving Rogue Campaigner

19. John the Wholly Disappointing Top of the Ticket

20. Barack the President

52 thoughts on “Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

  1. Rouge Campaigner or Rogue Campaigner? That’s a really wonderful pun if you’ve ever experienced the general chat channel in WoW.

    And how about –

    Vlad the Impaler

    Colin the hoping to get a shred of his credibility back turncoat

    Bill the Philanderer

    Hillary the Massively Disappointed

    Mitt the future king of “I Told You So” land

  2. Ludwig the research scientist

    K-Sizzle the up-and-coming R&B star who has his CD for sale and is always hounding you outside the Virgin Megastore at Union Square

  3. And how can we forget:

    John the POW
    Sarah the Hockey Mom
    Barack the Black Muslim Socialist Terrorist
    Joe the Plagiarist
    George the Invisible
    Hillary the Spurned
    Rudy the 9-11

    and in honor of Tom Smith, Rupert the Swishy

  4. Annie, the evolutionary biologist.

    Larry, the ACLU lawyer.

    Akeem, the falafel vendor.

    Jerome, the Faux-lex dealer from the corner of Broadway and Grand.

  5. Ralph the Bus-driver (foreign policy expert who’ll smack bin Laden “pow! right in the kisser” and knock him “straight to the moon”… and has the advantage of being in Florida, where he’ll do the most good)

    Ron the Cop (despite his job, focused almost exclusively on his personal finances — and he’s black, too, so that’ll do away with all of the pesky rumors of racism that weren’t dispelled by Obama’s carpetbagging opponent in the 2004 Senate race, see http://www.ilsenate.com/, and works in Greenwich Village, so he’s not really anti-gay)

    Malcolm the Combat Veteran (a true free-enterprise entrepreneur who is the owner-operator of his own transportation line and continues a small-scale fight against an oppressive government; who cares if he was on the wrong side? he’s a veteran! And he hangs around with clergy and hot chicks as a bonus!)

    Spike the Vampire (at least until he gets that pesky soul back and goes all mushy on us)

    Claus the Oil Futures Trader (hangs around with a law professor — who is now himself a tunnel-visioned right-wing nutcase — and understands all of the uses for insulin; a definite electoral pull for the social-climbing bimbo demographic)

    Hint: The irony that these are all Hollywood roles is purely intentional.

  6. Dave the P.O.’ed Talk Show Host

    Katie the Asker of Substantive Questions

    Matt the (Airquotes) Journalist

    George the Profound Disappointment to His Father

  7. Ahab the Arab
    Magilla the Gorilla
    Abdullah the Butcher
    Puff the Magic Dragon

    And let’s not forget…

    John the Has-Been

  8. Adam the Ant (aka, Adam the New Romantic Dandy)!

    Dwayne the Rock

    John@18: Any relation to Kid Rock the Bull God?

    Jaws@23: Hollywood? It’s Halloween!
    Norman the Innkeeper
    Jason the Camp Counselor
    Freddie the Janitor
    Imhotep the High Priest
    Kang the President of the United States.

    Andrea@24: How about Annie the Disappointed Psychotic Nurse?

  9. He did get Conan the Barbarian onstage with him in Ohio today. The ones that should show up:
    Fred the sub-prime mortgage broker, Connie the corporate trial lawyer, and Brownie the FEMA director.

  10. Question – if Joe the Not-Licenced-Plumber gets a nice fat tax refund from his under $250K income next year under an Obama administration, do you think he’ll still be as big of an idiot?

  11. I’ll have you know that I am full of humor when probing cavities. I HAVE to have humor about it. Unfortunately, those who I am probing are less than amused when I try out my ventriloquist act.

    As for #6: Dude, my father’s middle name is Aloysius. Thanks for that disturbing imagery.

  12. Esteban the Taco Vendor
    Paul the Preacher
    Murph the Surf

    … and, of course:

    Dyann the Worthy Bageler

    – [name] Chris the [occupation] Mad-Libber

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