Oct 31 2008

Previously:
Ahead:

Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

Published by John Scalzi at 9:21 am

This goes out to all the plumbers named Joe out there. I love you, man.

Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin

1. Brad the Milkman

2. Sid the Deli Owner

3. Bryan the Surly Indie Music Store Clerk

4. Kim the Overnight Wal-Mart Stocker

5. Hakeem the Halal Butcher

6. Aloysius the Chicken Sexer

7. Carol the Humorless, Cavity-Probing TSA Agent

8. Klaus the Eurotrash A&R Man

9. Craig the Porn Reviewer

10. Markos the Blogger

11. Jim the Former Securities Trader, Now Best Buy Appliance Department Sales Trainee

12. Jesus the Lettuce-Picker

13. Ted the Secretly Gay Televangelist

14. Patrica the Humanities Degree Wielding Starbucks Barista

15. Steve the Attack Ad Coordinator

16. Phil the Philatelist

17. Tom the Torturer

18. Sarah the Self-Serving Rogue Campaigner

19. John the Wholly Disappointing Top of the Ticket

20. Barack the President

52 responses so far

52 Responses to “Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin”

  1. # Dave Ruddellon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:32 am

    Oooh oooh! I really wanna see Markos the Blogger!

  2. # Andy Smithon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:32 am

    Mott the Hoople?

  3. # eviljwinteron 31 Oct 2008 at 9:35 am

    Kahless the Unforgettable
    Jim the crime-writing IT guy
    Tony the Loan Shark

  4. # elsieon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:38 am

    Re #18 – I think “rouge” was a Freudian slip …

  5. # DG Lewison 31 Oct 2008 at 9:39 am

    Tony the Tiger?

    Vlad the Impaler?

    Aethelred the Unready?

  6. # Justmeon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:42 am

    Rouge Campaigner or Rogue Campaigner? That’s a really wonderful pun if you’ve ever experienced the general chat channel in WoW.

    And how about –

    Vlad the Impaler

    Colin the hoping to get a shred of his credibility back turncoat

    Bill the Philanderer

    Hillary the Massively Disappointed

    Mitt the future king of “I Told You So” land

  7. # John Scalzion 31 Oct 2008 at 9:43 am

    Fixed “rogue.” Although “rouge” does work oddly well.

  8. # Ari B.on 31 Oct 2008 at 9:49 am

    Bob the Builder

  9. # BrianMon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:50 am

    Scalzi the Prolific

    BrianM the unemployed

    W the retiree

  10. # M. Thyeron 31 Oct 2008 at 9:55 am

    Matt the Mudlogger

  11. # martinon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:55 am

    #8 The Daily Show had a segment with Vito the Builder. Then Bob the Builder was interviewd by Stewart calling him out …

  12. # Nathanon 31 Oct 2008 at 10:04 am

    Vito the Importer/Exporter (no really, nothing shady or RICO act worthy)

  13. # Austinon 31 Oct 2008 at 10:13 am

    Ludwig the research scientist

    K-Sizzle the up-and-coming R&B star who has his CD for sale and is always hounding you outside the Virgin Megastore at Union Square

  14. # moiocion 31 Oct 2008 at 10:13 am

    Roger the Shrubber

  15. # Stevenon 31 Oct 2008 at 10:17 am

    And in honor of Joe Biden:

    Sandeep the Donut Maker

  16. # Nekussaon 31 Oct 2008 at 10:21 am

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer

  17. # Jim Winteron 31 Oct 2008 at 10:25 am

    “Aethelred the Unready?”

    No, that’s Bush.

  18. # John Won 31 Oct 2008 at 11:03 am

    Fred the Bull Guide

  19. # Stevenon 31 Oct 2008 at 11:08 am

    And how can we forget:

    John the POW
    Sarah the Hockey Mom
    Barack the Black Muslim Socialist Terrorist
    Joe the Plagiarist
    George the Invisible
    Hillary the Spurned
    Rudy the 9-11

    and in honor of Tom Smith, Rupert the Swishy

  20. # Joe Rybickion 31 Oct 2008 at 11:33 am

    Stephen @19: “Rudy the 9-11″

    Golf clap.

  21. # Kevin Riggleon 31 Oct 2008 at 11:58 am

    Bill the Butcher

  22. # Markoon 31 Oct 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Annie, the evolutionary biologist.

    Larry, the ACLU lawyer.

    Akeem, the falafel vendor.

    Jerome, the Faux-lex dealer from the corner of Broadway and Grand.

  23. # Jawson 31 Oct 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Ralph the Bus-driver (foreign policy expert who’ll smack bin Laden “pow! right in the kisser” and knock him “straight to the moon”… and has the advantage of being in Florida, where he’ll do the most good)

    Ron the Cop (despite his job, focused almost exclusively on his personal finances — and he’s black, too, so that’ll do away with all of the pesky rumors of racism that weren’t dispelled by Obama’s carpetbagging opponent in the 2004 Senate race, see http://www.ilsenate.com/, and works in Greenwich Village, so he’s not really anti-gay)

    Malcolm the Combat Veteran (a true free-enterprise entrepreneur who is the owner-operator of his own transportation line and continues a small-scale fight against an oppressive government; who cares if he was on the wrong side? he’s a veteran! And he hangs around with clergy and hot chicks as a bonus!)

    Spike the Vampire (at least until he gets that pesky soul back and goes all mushy on us)

    Claus the Oil Futures Trader (hangs around with a law professor — who is now himself a tunnel-visioned right-wing nutcase — and understands all of the uses for insulin; a definite electoral pull for the social-climbing bimbo demographic)

    Hint: The irony that these are all Hollywood roles is purely intentional.

  24. # Andrea from SFon 31 Oct 2008 at 12:17 pm

    how about Andrea the disgruntled psychiatric nurse?

  25. # WendyB_09on 31 Oct 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Wendy the unemployed legal assistant…

    scarry ain’t it – even law firms are downsizing…

  26. # Adam Rakunason 31 Oct 2008 at 12:38 pm

    Ethyl the Aardvark.
    Dennis the Peasant.
    Tom the Friend.

  27. # Eddieon 31 Oct 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Kara the Viper Pilot

  28. # Chrysson 31 Oct 2008 at 2:04 pm

    Chryss the Typesetter. Won’t you think of the typesetters? WON’T YOU?

  29. # WendyB_09on 31 Oct 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Eddie @ 27: That would be Starbuck the Viper Pilot…

  30. # Brad Jon 31 Oct 2008 at 2:09 pm

    I am not, nor have I ever been a milkman.

    Any claims otherwise must be a conspiracy.

  31. # dillenger69on 31 Oct 2008 at 2:15 pm

    Let’s not forget the all important …
    Ookla the Mok

  32. # RyanMcNon 31 Oct 2008 at 2:23 pm

    Ming the Merciless!!

    (Technically, it’s Cheney’s job right now…)

  33. # mythagoon 31 Oct 2008 at 3:35 pm

    Gavin the Mayor

  34. # Jon S.on 31 Oct 2008 at 3:52 pm

    Jon the Atheist :)

  35. # Bobon 31 Oct 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Dave the P.O.’ed Talk Show Host

    Katie the Asker of Substantive Questions

    Matt the (Airquotes) Journalist

    George the Profound Disappointment to His Father

  36. # Max Dobbersteinon 31 Oct 2008 at 5:29 pm

    Max the guy who’s totally out of here once his screenplay sells.

  37. # MarkHBon 31 Oct 2008 at 5:44 pm

    Dave Ruddel @ 1, please see Marko the Blogger @ 22.

    *giggles into his beer*

  38. # John Hon 31 Oct 2008 at 5:55 pm

    Ahab the Arab
    Magilla the Gorilla
    Abdullah the Butcher
    Puff the Magic Dragon

    And let’s not forget…

    John the Has-Been

  39. # Louon 31 Oct 2008 at 6:05 pm

    Dude, Forget the Country Music Career. Forget politics.

    I’m Thinking “Die Hard: TNG”

  40. # Jeff Hentoszon 31 Oct 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Adam the Ant (aka, Adam the New Romantic Dandy)!

    Dwayne the Rock

    John@18: Any relation to Kid Rock the Bull God?

    Jaws@23: Hollywood? It’s Halloween!
    Norman the Innkeeper
    Jason the Camp Counselor
    Freddie the Janitor
    Imhotep the High Priest
    Kang the President of the United States.

    Andrea@24: How about Annie the Disappointed Psychotic Nurse?

  41. # Anny Mouseon 31 Oct 2008 at 7:15 pm

    How about Anny the poor broke college student who is paying her own way through college.

  42. # Lucy S.on 31 Oct 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Basil the Bulgar-Slayer!

  43. # Bozo the Cloneon 31 Oct 2008 at 9:53 pm

    He did get Conan the Barbarian onstage with him in Ohio today. The ones that should show up:
    Fred the sub-prime mortgage broker, Connie the corporate trial lawyer, and Brownie the FEMA director.

  44. # hugh57on 01 Nov 2008 at 12:31 am

    Kodos the Executioner

  45. # CartoonCoyoteon 01 Nov 2008 at 1:13 am

    Toad the Wet Sprocket

  46. # Josh Jasperon 01 Nov 2008 at 1:39 am

    Question – if Joe the Not-Licenced-Plumber gets a nice fat tax refund from his under $250K income next year under an Obama administration, do you think he’ll still be as big of an idiot?

  47. # JulieBon 01 Nov 2008 at 11:51 am

    I love these. One can only hope they will all be showing up in your Nano novel. :)

  48. # Dr. Psychoon 01 Nov 2008 at 11:25 pm

    No way is Bush anything like Aethelred the Unready.

    I mean, can you see Bush working for years on his library…?

  49. # Carol the Cavity-Probing TSA Agenton 02 Nov 2008 at 1:45 am

    I’ll have you know that I am full of humor when probing cavities. I HAVE to have humor about it. Unfortunately, those who I am probing are less than amused when I try out my ventriloquist act.

    As for #6: Dude, my father’s middle name is Aloysius. Thanks for that disturbing imagery.

  50. # Craig Ranapiaon 02 Nov 2008 at 1:52 am

    Mack The Knife
    Hannibal The Cannibal
    Pam The Pole Dancer

  51. # Christopher Hawleyon 02 Nov 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Esteban the Taco Vendor
    Paul the Preacher
    Murph the Surf

    … and, of course:

    Dyann the Worthy Bageler

    – [name] Chris the [occupation] Mad-Libber

  52. # Andy Perezon 12 Nov 2008 at 9:10 pm

    Andy the Illustrator

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