This goes out to all the plumbers named Joe out there. I love you, man.
Election List VIII: Instances of “[Name] the [Occupation]” That Have Yet to Be Used By McCain or Palin
1. Brad the Milkman
2. Sid the Deli Owner
3. Bryan the Surly Indie Music Store Clerk
4. Kim the Overnight Wal-Mart Stocker
5. Hakeem the Halal Butcher
6. Aloysius the Chicken Sexer
7. Carol the Humorless, Cavity-Probing TSA Agent
8. Klaus the Eurotrash A&R Man
9. Craig the Porn Reviewer
10. Markos the Blogger
11. Jim the Former Securities Trader, Now Best Buy Appliance Department Sales Trainee
12. Jesus the Lettuce-Picker
13. Ted the Secretly Gay Televangelist
14. Patrica the Humanities Degree Wielding Starbucks Barista
15. Steve the Attack Ad Coordinator
16. Phil the Philatelist
17. Tom the Torturer
18. Sarah the Self-Serving Rogue Campaigner
19. John the Wholly Disappointing Top of the Ticket
20. Barack the President
Oooh oooh! I really wanna see Markos the Blogger!
Mott the Hoople?
Kahless the Unforgettable
Jim the crime-writing IT guy
Tony the Loan Shark
Re #18 – I think “rouge” was a Freudian slip …
Tony the Tiger?
Vlad the Impaler?
Aethelred the Unready?
Rouge Campaigner or Rogue Campaigner? That’s a really wonderful pun if you’ve ever experienced the general chat channel in WoW.
And how about –
Vlad the Impaler
Colin the hoping to get a shred of his credibility back turncoat
Bill the Philanderer
Hillary the Massively Disappointed
Mitt the future king of “I Told You So” land
Fixed “rogue.” Although “rouge” does work oddly well.
Bob the Builder
Scalzi the Prolific
BrianM the unemployed
W the retiree
Matt the Mudlogger
#8 The Daily Show had a segment with Vito the Builder. Then Bob the Builder was interviewd by Stewart calling him out …
Vito the Importer/Exporter (no really, nothing shady or RICO act worthy)
Ludwig the research scientist
K-Sizzle the up-and-coming R&B star who has his CD for sale and is always hounding you outside the Virgin Megastore at Union Square
Roger the Shrubber
And in honor of Joe Biden:
Sandeep the Donut Maker
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
“Aethelred the Unready?”
No, that’s Bush.
Fred the Bull Guide
And how can we forget:
John the POW
Sarah the Hockey Mom
Barack the Black Muslim Socialist Terrorist
Joe the Plagiarist
George the Invisible
Hillary the Spurned
Rudy the 9-11
and in honor of Tom Smith, Rupert the Swishy
Stephen @19: “Rudy the 9-11″
Golf clap.
Bill the Butcher
Annie, the evolutionary biologist.
Larry, the ACLU lawyer.
Akeem, the falafel vendor.
Jerome, the Faux-lex dealer from the corner of Broadway and Grand.
Ralph the Bus-driver (foreign policy expert who’ll smack bin Laden “pow! right in the kisser” and knock him “straight to the moon”… and has the advantage of being in Florida, where he’ll do the most good)
Ron the Cop (despite his job, focused almost exclusively on his personal finances — and he’s black, too, so that’ll do away with all of the pesky rumors of racism that weren’t dispelled by Obama’s carpetbagging opponent in the 2004 Senate race, see http://www.ilsenate.com/, and works in Greenwich Village, so he’s not really anti-gay)
Malcolm the Combat Veteran (a true free-enterprise entrepreneur who is the owner-operator of his own transportation line and continues a small-scale fight against an oppressive government; who cares if he was on the wrong side? he’s a veteran! And he hangs around with clergy and hot chicks as a bonus!)
Spike the Vampire (at least until he gets that pesky soul back and goes all mushy on us)
Claus the Oil Futures Trader (hangs around with a law professor — who is now himself a tunnel-visioned right-wing nutcase — and understands all of the uses for insulin; a definite electoral pull for the social-climbing bimbo demographic)
Hint: The irony that these are all Hollywood roles is purely intentional.
how about Andrea the disgruntled psychiatric nurse?
Wendy the unemployed legal assistant…
scarry ain’t it – even law firms are downsizing…
Ethyl the Aardvark.
Dennis the Peasant.
Tom the Friend.
Kara the Viper Pilot
Chryss the Typesetter. Won’t you think of the typesetters? WON’T YOU?
Eddie @ 27: That would be Starbuck the Viper Pilot…
I am not, nor have I ever been a milkman.
Any claims otherwise must be a conspiracy.
Let’s not forget the all important …
Ookla the Mok
Ming the Merciless!!
(Technically, it’s Cheney’s job right now…)
Gavin the Mayor
Jon the Atheist :)
Dave the P.O.’ed Talk Show Host
Katie the Asker of Substantive Questions
Matt the (Airquotes) Journalist
George the Profound Disappointment to His Father
Max the guy who’s totally out of here once his screenplay sells.
Dave Ruddel @ 1, please see Marko the Blogger @ 22.
*giggles into his beer*
Ahab the Arab
Magilla the Gorilla
Abdullah the Butcher
Puff the Magic Dragon
And let’s not forget…
John the Has-Been
Dude, Forget the Country Music Career. Forget politics.
I’m Thinking “Die Hard: TNG”
Adam the Ant (aka, Adam the New Romantic Dandy)!
Dwayne the Rock
John@18: Any relation to Kid Rock the Bull God?
Jaws@23: Hollywood? It’s Halloween!
Norman the Innkeeper
Jason the Camp Counselor
Freddie the Janitor
Imhotep the High Priest
Kang the President of the United States.
Andrea@24: How about Annie the Disappointed Psychotic Nurse?
How about Anny the poor broke college student who is paying her own way through college.
Basil the Bulgar-Slayer!
He did get Conan the Barbarian onstage with him in Ohio today. The ones that should show up:
Fred the sub-prime mortgage broker, Connie the corporate trial lawyer, and Brownie the FEMA director.
Kodos the Executioner
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Question – if Joe the Not-Licenced-Plumber gets a nice fat tax refund from his under $250K income next year under an Obama administration, do you think he’ll still be as big of an idiot?
I love these. One can only hope they will all be showing up in your Nano novel. :)
No way is Bush anything like Aethelred the Unready.
I mean, can you see Bush working for years on his library…?
I’ll have you know that I am full of humor when probing cavities. I HAVE to have humor about it. Unfortunately, those who I am probing are less than amused when I try out my ventriloquist act.
As for #6: Dude, my father’s middle name is Aloysius. Thanks for that disturbing imagery.
Mack The Knife
Hannibal The Cannibal
Pam The Pole Dancer
Esteban the Taco Vendor
Paul the Preacher
Murph the Surf
… and, of course:
Dyann the Worthy Bageler
– [name] Chris the [occupation] Mad-Libber
Andy the Illustrator