39 thoughts on “Yearly on the Vigil I Will Feast My Neighbors, Strip My Sleeves and Say “These Wounds I Had on St. Yogurt’s Day”

  1. Your Board Chow must be great.

    (That’s when you turn your keyboard upside down, give it a whack and eat what falls out).

  2. I’ve cut myself on glue, but it was thoroughly dried carpenter’s glue, so it sort of made sense.

    The cut looked a lot like yours, strangely.

  3. the wound is not on my pointing hand

    Or even more fortunate, not on the adjacent finger. Which, as we used to have to explain to our younger daughter, “is not for pointing.”

    Though, of course, some people do just require pointing with that finger to get their attention.

  4. That’s enough. I’m hereby declaring null and void your manliness license. Please remove your testicles and put them in your freezer into an airtight box, we’ll send someone to retire them as soon as possible.

  5. Giacomoon 23 Nov 2008 at 4:44 pm

    That’s enough. I’m hereby declaring null and void your manliness license.

    Yes. Scalzi is no longer a man. He is now veal. Sweet, sweet, honey-butter marinaded veal.

  6. Even now, insurgent yogurt cells, having breached the Human Skin Barrier are making their way to John’s brain where they will make sure that at least one character in all future novels loves and respects the yogurt… until it turns on them.

  7. I gave myself a very nasty paper cut back in my youth when I worked at Blockbuster. I was assembling a Cruella DeVille standee and I had to bend the entire length of it at a particular crease. I slid my hand up Cruella’s uh, body, to make the fold and it sliced deeply into my hand two perfectly parallel cuts. It turns out cardboard is made by taping two razorblades together with honeycombed paper in between.

    I have an even better horror story about our shrink wrap machine, but I’ll save that for another day.

  8. (examines self) Nope, no dairy related injuries today…the only serious cuts I’ve had were with a putty knife, and a box knife — not at the same time, of course….but aren’t scars fun?

  9. I developed a similarly-placed wound today in a tragic gumbo-making indecent (how does one cut oneself whilst making gumbo? Only during prep. The *real* wound–The Scalding—came much later. Oh, how we suffer for our culinary desires!)

    As for the nails, you might want to try Tabasco Sauce. True, it didn’t stop my brother from sucking his thumb—though it may have played a role in the Tabasco-drinking competition he engaged in during Fesitivales Acadien (it ended in a draw, BTW.) But you live in Ohio, so it might work for you.

  10. Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
    But Scalzi will remember, with advantages,
    What feats he did that day.

  11. And gentlemen in Cleveland now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs’d to not comment here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    Of what happened to Scalzi this day.

    And did this event make you calmer?

  12. Will you remember, with advantages, the feats you did that day? Is this the story that you, the good man, will teach you “son”?

  13. Looks painful.

    It kind of reminds me of an injury I received a few years back in a hotel in Omaha.

    They had one of those paper strips across the toilet seat saying something like: “For Your Protection.”

    Well, the strip did not protect me from a nasty paper cut.

    I guess my story is a bit different–Scalzi was cut on his finger.

  14. Hey John, I thought of this past last week when I cut myself on…baby food. Yup. The sweet potatoes were crusted on the edge and when I unscrewed the cap, it sliced open my hand.

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