Citizens of Earth! Here in these dark, cold days of winter deprivation, have you been sitting in your small, cramped, poorly-lit domiciles, eating food straight from the can and staring your “calendars,” wondering what you will do with yourself on the weekend of the Vernal Equinox, when winter is henceforth banished and flowers and tiny bunnies will once again romp across the land? If you are not otherwise occupied with strange pagan rituals at your various henges and woodland altars — and heck, even if you are, because honestly, how much time can you spend at a henge? They rarely have cable TV or wifi — why not come to Millennicon, the science fiction convention in Cincinnati, at which I will be the guest of honor?
Yes! Millennicon! At which we will sit about on the days of equal night and sun, expounding on the great ideas of our time and/or wearing t-shirts with clever-yet-nerdy sayings on them! Oh, the fun we shall have. They will write epic poems of it, in iambic hexameter, no less, or possibly dactylic hexameter, because it will be just that heroic. You will tell your grandchildren about it! And they will listen politely and with a minimum of squirming, because their parents promised them ice cream if they would humor you! Everyone wins!
So, yes: Millennicon. Six week or so from now — more than enough time for you to plan ahead. Hope to see you there.