Oh, and just to make it official: Yes, I will be at Anticipation this year. I think it should have been assumed by this point, since I said it would be, and also given I’m up for three Hugos I’d look like a bit of a dick if I wasn’t there, wouldn’t I. But I’m still getting people asking. So: Yes. Will be there. And very much looking forward to it. I do still need to register, but I got my hotel room a couple of months ago. Because, you know. They’ll let me register right up to the day. Rooms at the party hotel, on the other hand, are a finite commodity.

In any event: Montreal in August. Be there or be somewhere else. Alone and bored. And away from the cool kids. Totally your choice.

What will I be doing while I am at Penguicon this weekend? I’m glad you asked!

FRIDAY:

No a damn thing, apparently. At least I can’t find anything I’m supposed to be on. Guess I’ll just hang about and be hang abouty. I’ll likely be in the lobby and/or bar. Come say hello.

SATURDAY:

11am: Can I Be Your Friend? Bringing Authors and Readers Together
Panelists: John Scalzi, Jim C. Hines, Wil Wheaton, Mary Robinette Kowal, Daniel Hogan, Dr. Philip Kaldon
Where: Ballroom 7

If I remember correctly, this one’s about managing relationships with your readers online and off, but mostly online.

1pm: Atari Competition!
Panelists: Wil Wheaton, Shawn Powers, John Scalzi
Where: Columbia

Will and Shawn are going to go after each other on the Atari 2600; I’m going to be there to mock the crap out of the both of them while they do it.

4pm: What’s so funny?
Panelists:David Crampton, John Scalzi, Jim C. Hines, Dan Hoyt, Daniel Hogan, Brian Briggs
Where: Poolside 1

We’ll be talking about humor on this one. Not that I know anything about THAT.

7pm: Lie to Me!
Panelists: John Scalzi, Mary Robinette Kowal, Sarah Hoyt, Elizabeth Bear
Where: Poolside 1

We’re going to get up there on the panel and just lie our asses off, apparently. No, it’s true.

8pm: Schmoozing 101
Panelists: John Scalzi, Mary Robinette Kowal
Where: Poolside 1

Mary and I will tell you how to mix and mingle without coming across like an overbearing loser.

SUNDAY:

9am: Book signing
Panelists: Catherynne M. Valente, John Scalzi, Jim C. Hines, Wil Wheaton, Sarah Hoyt, Dan Hoyt, Elizabeth Bear, Daniel Hogan, Brian Briggs
Where: Ballrooms 7/8

I’m signing books! And so are these other people.

And that’s what I’ll be doing. See you there.

Me: Everything is better with LASER in front of it: LASER pizza. LASER gerbil. LASER toothbrush. LASER sigmoidoscopy. Okay, maybe not that.

ElectricPaladin: But everything is also better with KUNG FU. KUNG FU pizza. KUNG FU gerbil. KUNG FU toothbrush. Does this mean that LASER = KUNG FU!?

Me: LASER does not equal KUNG FU, but put them together and it’s even better: KUNG FU LASER Pizza. Who WOULDN’T want that?

Tzinski: adding -tron to the end improves things too. Pizzatron! Gerbiltron!

Me: If you add -tron to the end, you also have to add a number. “Gerbiltron”: Meh. “Gerbiltron 3000″: LASER AWESOME.

Tewha: OMG, I don’t even know what it is but I want a Laser Gerbiltron 3000! With, you know, the preferred options. Whatever they are.

Me: Everyone wants a Gerbiltron 3000. Except the Mac people, who want the iGerbil. Which is prettier but less functional and $500 more.

Tbridge: We really want the MacGerbil Pro.

Me: Yeah, but who can afford the MacGerbil Pro in this economy? Especially with the optional LASERS?

Courtesy of a kind German reader, the cover art for the upcoming German edition of Agent to the Stars:

And you ask: Is there, in fact, a laser-shooting spaceship in Agent to the Stars? And the answer is, why, no, no there is not. But apparently at some point it was decided at all my covers in Germany are required to have laser-shooting spaceships, and who am I to argue. That said, this will present a challenge if there’s ever a German edition of my next book, which I am calling Earthbound Laserphobic Pacifists. But that’s a worry for the future, I suppose.

Over at the AMC column, I answer reader mail on whether women lusting after Hugh Jackman will affect the Wolverine box office, if I hate Georgle Lucas AND THINK HE SHOULD BE SHOT, and why years from now Speed Racer will be seen as absolutely brilliant. Okay, maybe not brilliant. Maybe just as more than a complete failure. It’s all there, baby. Go on over and read, and feel free to comment there too, if you like.