Apr 30 2009
Meanwhile, On LASER Twitter
Me: Everything is better with LASER in front of it: LASER pizza. LASER gerbil. LASER toothbrush. LASER sigmoidoscopy. Okay, maybe not that.
ElectricPaladin: But everything is also better with KUNG FU. KUNG FU pizza. KUNG FU gerbil. KUNG FU toothbrush. Does this mean that LASER = KUNG FU!?
Me: LASER does not equal KUNG FU, but put them together and it’s even better: KUNG FU LASER Pizza. Who WOULDN’T want that?
Tzinski: adding -tron to the end improves things too. Pizzatron! Gerbiltron!
Me: If you add -tron to the end, you also have to add a number. “Gerbiltron”: Meh. “Gerbiltron 3000″: LASER AWESOME.
Tewha: OMG, I don’t even know what it is but I want a Laser Gerbiltron 3000! With, you know, the preferred options. Whatever they are.
Me: Everyone wants a Gerbiltron 3000. Except the Mac people, who want the iGerbil. Which is prettier but less functional and $500 more.
Tbridge: We really want the MacGerbil Pro.
Me: Yeah, but who can afford the MacGerbil Pro in this economy? Especially with the optional LASERS?
I'm the Creative Consultant for this television show, appearing Fridays on Syfy. Miss a week? For US residents, 
And people say Twitter isn’t useful…
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I believe that should actually say: “Meanwhile, on LASER iTwittertron 4000 Pro…”
If you haven’t seen it already, you totally need to check out “Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Lasers When They Roar”. It’s a rockin’ LASER flash game: http://armorgames.com/play/3469/robot-dinosaurs-that-shoot-beams-when-they-roar
Dammit, now you’ve gone and revealed the Mac tablet’s actual name, AND the laser option. Steve’s black turtleneck ninjas will be hunting you at Penguicon, so be careful.
Hmm.
“KUNG FU LASER Scalzitron 3000.”
Yeah, okay.
I resent the iGerbil reference. Not because it’s at the expense of my shiny Mac toys but because, right or wrong, it makes me think of Richard Gere. That’s just plain rwong.
The Kodi Appreciation Society enjoys the shout-out to the best dog in Ohio.
Member,
Kodi Appreciation Society,
with added Laser-Akitatron 3000 action
You can keep your fancy lasergerbils. I want sharks with lasers attached to their heads! Is that too much to ask? (I can’t believe I took the easy joke like that, by the way.)
Gerbiltron 3000 is so last year, the hot one is the new LASER Gerbiltron 9000 with KUNG FU Action Grip!
Shayera- we don’t have sharks with laserbeams attached to their foreheads, but we DO have Ill-temper, Mutated Seabass with Laserbeams attached to their frickin’ foreheads with optional Kung-Fu abilities…
Will my Gerbiltron 3000 come with an optional Kung Fu Laser toothbrush?
Scalzi, that begs the question: Why not Laser Whatevertron? Come on, just for a day. :)
I can’t wait until next week I get a web-coupon from Papa John’s for a KUNG FU LAZER PIZZATRON 5000! Only $5 when you order a large specialty pizza!
Oh gosh. I was so excited about the KUNG FU LAZER PIZZATRON 5000 that I totally butchered my grammar in that last post. When you read it, add the word “when” inbetween “week” and “I”. [Slinks away in embarrassment]
You need LASER grammar, obviously.
The good news is that you can get a LASER $Animal+tron 3000 compatible device via open source. There’s Linux drivers and plans for Arduino-based hardware so you can roll your own.
The $Animal component can be acquired at the SPCA, who is surprisingly cool about LASER +tron conversions, as it makes people afraid to neglect their pets.
I’m just pissed off that even though I went to the Pacific Laser Institute to get my eyes fixed, I *still* can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes.
So what happens when you add zombies to something? Like Kung Fu Zombie Gerbils with Lasers – step forward or back?
“I don’t even know what it is but I want a Laser Gerbiltron 3000! With, you know, the preferred options. Whatever they are.”
KUNG FU grip, obviously.
I’m amazed that no one has tried to add bacon to this discussion yet.
Is there a pool going on how long before Krissy says, “Enough with the LASERs already.”?
I’d like the slot right before dinner.
I think zombie coolifies, but only with the classics– as proved by PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES.
Dan,
That’s good information, as long as you’re not trying to install Linux on your Kungfu Laser Badgertron 3000.
(Has anyone else noticed that 3000 is much cooler than 2000 or 4000?)
Also, adding an X (with or without another letter).
I remember how this silliness all started: when Ban antiperspirant became (seriously) “Ultra Ban 5000″ in 1971. It had a plastichrome hemispherical cap and was heavily advertised, as well it should have been…
For clarification”:
This could probably be modded to become the Kungfu Laser Badgertron 7000X.
All this talk of laser dogs, and yet not a single one of you has mentioned laser cats?
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/laser-cats/2925/
Tch tch.
That’s it, I am asking for the MacGerbil Pro, with optional lasers, for my birthday.
And here I was told that you add “turbo” to make something appeal to adult males…..
Laser Llama GO! Return Fire!
@ 20:
The All New LASER Baconatron 10000. Now with extra bacon!
Ack. And all I have is a play with Laser Shakespeare Zombies….
LASER Scalzitron 3000, I choose YOU!
Did I call this yesterday, or what?
It’s pretty clear that this is a gambit to bump bacon from the Scalzi-verse of this blog and replace it with super-cool lasers.
I’d trump that by getting someone I know at LLNL to stick a stick of Bacon in the NIF laser assembly, except that the vaporized grease would likely be detrimental to the long term stable operation.
WOOHOO that made my day =)
MT @# 28: Shouldn’t that be Llaser llamas?
So, who here is geek enough to know that LASER is, in fact, an acronym and what it stands for?
(My dad taught optics at Georgia Tech for many years, so I have warm and fuzzy childhood memories about lasers. Seriously.)
Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Come on now…any geek worth his or her salt would remember that one half dead or fully drunk.
Dont forget ‘…with Kung Fu Grip’…
You know, Kodi has the worst dog breath I’ve ever seen…
Put kung-fu and lasers together and you get “Warriors of Zu”, or a whole host of Tsui Hark films.
Which is a very good thing indeed.
Sheila @37: So, who here is geek enough to know that LASER is, in fact, an acronym and what it stands for?
Large Appetite for Spun Edible Roundels. Because SERs include such cool things as pizza.
Like, duh.
@36 DG Lewis: I Llol’d.
I don’t suppose I have an opinion one way or the other about LASER sigmoidoscopy, but I’m quite certain that I don’t want the kung fu sigmoidoscopy.
Waitwaitwait…Kodi defeats the Maccabeans? With LASERS?
Sounds like a pretty weird time-travel novel.
BTW, I’ve known what LASER stood for since I was a child. In fact I think it was a fifth-grade report…back when lasers (the kids today don’t even know it was an acronym, and also they should get offa my lawn) were strictly a research-lab piece of equipment that took up a whole room.
Now…who else is geek enough to remember what ZIP stands for? As in ZIP code?
Zone Improvement Plan FTW!
Mitch, Laszlo, Jordan and Chris want to know what you all are planning to use these LASERS for.
/better not be obscure.
I would like to know where I can get my dog enhanced with those nifty lasers as well. I’m sure she’ll find a use for them.
“Fetch the stick? We don’t need no stinkin’ sticks!”
I need a dog like that!
Or alternatively a giant Godzilla lawn ornament that breaths fire.
Tom G@47
I get your reference – but my wife and I were surprised to discover how few people in our acquaintance have seen the film. Which is a fucking sin, really. Lasers plus popcorn? can’t go wrong.
You’re right about the “tron”. My favorite planet name in the old Master of Orion game was Klystron…”NO Tommy! Do not put the gerbil in the klystron!”
Should’ve equipped Kodi with dual eye-beam lasers for failover capability.