Holy God, I was presented at the opening ceremonies of Conquest 40 with a Bacon Explosion, which is a huge roll of Italian sausage and bacon, wrapped in a bacon weave and barbequeued until it causes your arteries to harden just by looking at it. Naturally I was encouraged to eat some whilst on stage and tell people what I thought, and this is what I said:
Oh, God, imagine there’s bacon on one side of my mouth and sausage on the other and they meet and have hot and angry make-up sex in the middle while a salt lick cheers them on.
Naturally I offered up tastings of the Bacon Explosion to all who wanted some, so after the opening ceremony people came up and took samples, which prompted author Selena Rosen to ask me whether I know that one of the side benefits of being Guest of Honor at ConQuest was that so many people would want to touch my meat. To which I responded that it wasn’t people wanting to touch my meat that was unusual, but that it had to be wrapped in bacon first.
Yes, people. I know. Bacon. I will never be shut of it. But I’ll tell you what. This Bacon Explosion makes it totally worth it.
Even with the enthusiastic distribution of the Bacon Explosion, I was not able to distribute it all. Half of it now resides in my hotel fridge, calling me. I can already hear my heart weeping. My heart is a coward.