*almost certainly

Turns out I was apparently getting hit on by a lot of straight women at the time as well, with similar results, though it took years instead of weeks to realize it. Seems I was convinced that I wasn’t attractive, so I discounted the possibility of flirting before it even made its way to the conscious part of my brain.

Now that I know that I am hot screaming sex on a stick, I have to chalk up people not hitting on me to either shyness or a feeling on their part that they could never measure up to me, though I think they should not sell themselves so short. But since I’m married, it could never go anywhere anyway, so I just have to make sure to let them down easily and gently.

Warren 21: the disappointment straight men express upon discovering that attractive woman celebrities they have no chance of ever meeting happen to be lesbians, as if that development made any bit of difference to their prospects with those women whatsoever

The lack of men in general to grok the concept that people they find attractive are radically unavailable also explains why there’s a gay rumor about every attractive male celebrity—even Eminem, whose homophobia is so extreme that it’s become a joke. Tom Cruise is the best-known example, though he pretty well destroyed himself with his Scientology wackiness. It doesn’t matter who the guy is, if he’s hot (either physically OR professionally, but especially both), some silly queen will conclude that he HAS to be gay, because all the best people are, you know.

I’ve had the experience of admiring the looks of some young man, to have a friend say “he’s straight!” as if that made some difference. Honestly, if I think something’s on the Moon and you tell me no, it’s on Mars, that doesn’t make a whole lot of difference: I’m not going to attempt to visit it, either way. I don’t find it tremendously more likely that a hot young gay man will find me attractive than that a hot young straight man will, actually. I can tell the straight ones because they’ll talk to me, whereas I’m invisible to the gay ones.

My point is that gay men are no better about this than straight men. And when it comes to the feeling part, I’m no better than anyone else: I remember how I felt, watching Demetri Martin for the first time, when he got to the part where he said “but I’m not gay.” Since Demetri Martin is just exactly my favorite kind of guy (his humor is exactly, precisely the kind I find funniest (except for his fart jokes)), and his physical appearance is far from repellent too, that wacky y-chromosome part of me was going “OH DAMMIT.” Silly, huh?

And clever name, btw.

Salem1692 56: What color is the sky on your planet? And what do they call people with IQs over 80…when they visit?

Glen 70: Pics or it didn’t happen.

Apparently, I have a nice butt.

In that worldview, women – and only women – get hit on. Which is good, because they’re pretty obnoxious about it. They don’t mind the thought of women giving them the same treatment, mostly because in their mind it wouldn’t get to the obnoxious point, because they’ll say “Yes” (for some reason, in their fantasies, only women they’d be attracted to (to be fair, that would be a large majority) would do that). But a guy…

And oh yeah, these are probably the sort of men who can work with women and sleep with women. But any other kind of relationship doesn’t make sense to them, except as it could lead into the latter. So, of course, all guys are like that.

Ask one of theis sort if they would enjoy being in a communal co-ed shower; whether they would look at the women; stare; ask for dates; whatever. Now realize that they think all of that *does* apply whenever Teh Gay shows up, and maybe, just maybe, what’s good for the goose is a little different when the gander is being gandered…

Of course, as one of those people who needs to be more selfish and more assertive in my sexual world to get up to “unobnoxiously normal – you probably can’t push hard enough to be selfish or obnoxious” (as all my partners, and other women I have as friends, have said) I don’t get it. But I did come to a bridge game with my (<5', terminally cute, blonde, female) partner one day, and said "I think I get it better now. I don't mind getting hit on – in fact I quite like it. It should happen more often, really. I don't mind getting hit on by guys; I'll probably say no, but you never know. Slime, on the other hand? Ew."

So. Projection. Yeah. My answer? "if someone propositions you and you don't feel like it, say 'no.' Straight, gay, ugly, married, looking for a kink you don't do, whatever." Yeah, gay guys are going to hit on you, per capita, more than straight women. It's the way society works, and the fear factor of getting it wrong with a violent backlash is more than balanced by "guys make passes, women receive them." But what does that have to do with anything?

I have a couple of gay friends who I tell more and understand me better than my ex-wife ever did or heard. They know I’m straight and if they’re attracted to me at all, they’ve never let on.