Your Thread to Keep You Occupied for Today: Wednesday

What? Wednesday already? Huh. Time flies and such and such and so on.

Today’s thread to keep you occupied:

August (in the US, at least) lacks a major holiday. Propose one. It can be serious or not, but of course it’s more amusing when not.

114 thoughts on “Your Thread to Keep You Occupied for Today: Wednesday

  1. How about “Too Hot to Work” day? It could be in celebration of all the great classic excuses for calling in “sick” or even classic excuses everywhere! “The dog ate my homework”, “the check is in the mail”, etc. Appropriate, no? Since we need an excuse for the holiday itself?

  2. National Tighty Whitie Day… Its the 21st of August and everyone must wear only white underwear (undergarments) that are 1 size too small for the entire day… Please note that mormon’s can substitute their holy underwear for the tighty whitie.

    Rabid…

  3. The 26th of October is Smack Karl Popper With a Poker day on my calendar. And of course everyone already knows about March 14, right? 3/14. At 1:59 PM, you eat pie.

  4. National Led Zeppelin Day. August 20th is Robert Plant’s b-day we could celebrate it then.

    We could play the Immigrant Song instead of the National Anthem at baseball games and everyone would wear black light Zeppelin T-shirts.

    The only downside is the best Zeppelin T-shirts are black and August is a bit hot for black. Other than that it seems like a no brainer.

  5. In Europe, where they have SIX WEEKS OF VACATION, they don’t need no stinking holidays in August because everyone’s on vacation.

    Inexplicably, 2/3 of them head for the Mediterranean or Florida in August, which are the last places I want to be when it’s hot and sticky.

    In August, I’d prefer Canada, Alaska, or even the Bay Area.

    But if we needed a holiday, I’d make it National Sweat Day. Requires absolutely no effort or preparation on anyone’s part to celebrate.

  6. How about “National Get [bleep] Done” day somewhere around the middle of the month. Throughout Summer things pile up, and it would be nice if the nation could step back and just allow that we all could use a day off to catch up.

    Alternate names for the holiday could include: “Get [bleep] Together Day”, “Catch-up Day” or “Yes, I get to sleep in and accomplish nothing (just like every other holiday) day”.

  7. National Awesome Day

    We just celebrate all things that are awesome about America. I figure, if we’re going to have a holiday or special day, we could do with one that makes us proud to be American, right? A little positivity would do us some good…

  8. Every other country seems to have holidays that are just called “Bank Holiday.” We don’t have any of those, so let’s use that!

  9. National “Too Damn Nice to go into Work” day. Everyone gets one day off, of their choice, when it’s just too damned nice outside to sit in a cubicle all day.

  10. Parental Freedom Day.

    Depending on where you live, August is the month where the kids are either going back to school or start getting ready to go back to school. I suggest the last weekend of the month be set aside for some sort of celebration. It would even better if only adults got the holiday off, but the kids all had to stay in school.

  11. August 15, the Ides of August. The month is named after a Roman Emperor, so we ought to be able to celebrate the Ides of it.

  12. 8/31 – my birthday, obviously.
    Too close to labor day for effective holiday-ness, unfortunately. We should really keep these spaced out.
    Really, there should be a National Appreciation of Air Conditioning Day, in which everyone stays inside and really appreciates the heck out of a/c. Extra bonuses for where a/c was invented. Maybe even some quality a/c history. Special events for those without a/c, where they can go and have a refreshing drink of lemonade or some such and also appreciate some a/c themselves.

  13. I second the motion that the 7th of October be Muppet Day.

    If only I may get a concession that the 8th be National Milkshake Day.

  14. Stilt Day! August 21st; Wilt Chamberlain’s b-day.

    @Lauren Uroff #14: The Ides of August are on the 13th. March, May, July and October the ides fall on the 15th, the rest of the year it falls on the 13th.

    March, May, July, October,
    These are they,
    Make nones the seventh,
    Ides the fifteenth day.

  15. PAD – Politician Amnesty Day. Any politician who’s had an affair, etc., during the preceding year can announce it on the 15th. The flood of announcements, all coming at the same time, will mean that any one announcement will be downplayed significantly, allowing each politician the chance to survive the scandal. The rest of us can celebrate the start of the Fall political season. I suggest commemorating the event by having a beer for each politician, as long as it isn’t likely to be a lethal amount.

  16. Just don’t do what we did in Canada, make an August holiday and then call it ‘Civic Holiday’. That should surely win an award for Least Imaginative Name Ever.

  17. National Fresh Air Day – where everyone is encouraged to spend at least one hour outside – and equally encouraged not to put finger to a keyboard, unless required to for their work.

  18. August 20th – Caretaker Presidents Day. This day celebrates those lesser US Presidents who aren’t Washington or Lincoln. The actual day is Benjamin Harrison’s birthday. Harrison was 23rd President and, as far as I can tell, a one-termer who didn’t do much.

  19. August 1st is International Mead Day! It’s a celebration of honey based alcoholic beverages! Sack meads, show meads, metheglins, pyments, melomels, cysers, braggots! Even habanero capsicomel!

    Every August 1st put on your viking helmet, raise your horn, and have a mead!

  20. Any day in August (really, just pick one) should be National Iced Coffee Day. That’s the best month for iced coffee, me says.

  21. @5 # eviljwinter
    If you are a child you get 6 weeks off school! Dream on if you think you’ll get 6 weeks off work in Europe.(Not least cos those of us without kids can’t get a day off because all the parents sod off to look after their little darlings!)

    @10 #Patrick
    Bank Holidays are great since they don’t celebrate anything at all! Here in Britain they occasionally propose new to ones to celebrate something or other but people just shrug so it doesn’t happen.

    Mr Scalzi is right though, you guys need a day off in August!

  22. Lúnasa is August 1 (arguably starting at sunset July 31). It should be celebrated with breadbaking contests during the day, and bedbreaking contests at night.

    (Lúnasa is the wake of Lugh, Irish god of the Sun and…more or less god of Competence. It’s also the modern Irish word for August. Traditionally it was celebrated when the first bread could be made from the first grain of the harvest; the RCC co-opted it as Lammas (loaf mass) and set its date to August 1.)

  23. Rhode Island has a mid-August holiday which I believe is called “Victory Day”; I think it fell on August 10th this year. (I believe it also used to be more of an official celebration of V-J Day.) I actually kind of like the idea of a somewhat somber mid-August holiday to commemorate the end of World War II.

    I also wanted to give Josh Jasper a nod and a shout-out for “Smack Karl Popper With A Poker Day”; I’ve just about finished (and really enjoyed) *Wittgenstein’s Poker*. (But, Josh, are you sure you didn’t mean October 25th? Of course, we’ll observe the holiday on the 26th this year.)

    (Do you celebrate Popper Poker Day with cake or pie? This is important, as I need to decide which to bring to work that day.)

  24. +1 on Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day, suggested by @Eofhan. Did Aaron Diaz invent this holiday, or just publicize it?

  25. how about a “be nice to everyone you come in contact with” day. that includes not flipping people off on the road, saying please and thank-you, and giving one small gift to a random person you pass on the street. i couldn’t possibly imagine a day in which everybody was nice, but it would be… nice.

  26. MasterThief@26,

    And my birthday, so it’s a double reason.

    I don’t know about Bank Holidays- it might encourage bankers. Perhaps we all get the day off while bank executives come and mow our lawns or do other hot and sweaty chores for us. We could sit in deck chairs, with suitably iced drinks (umbrellas in the drinks are your choice) and mock them.

  27. When I was in the 25th Infantry Division in Hawaii, shortly after I arrived I was told the next day was “Adonsa Day” and not to come in to the unit. I figured this was some sort of Hawaiian state holiday, honoring an ancient Hawaiian King or God or something like that.
    Then, the next month there was another Adonsa Day, and also the month after that.
    Finally I asked someone who told me that it was “A Day Of No Significant Activity”, i.e, a break in the training schedule, and that we had one every month or so.

    So I propose a National Adonsa Day, to be held every August.

  28. National Nuclear War preparedness Day? This would be August 6th as it is the anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing. It is also my daughter’s birthday. Coincience? Haven’t decided.

  29. National Everything else day. This way our legislators could quit wasting time debating and voting on assorted holidays brought to them by people with weird obsessions and too much free time.

  30. @ 32 # Vickyuk

    “If you are a child you get 6 weeks off school!”

    And they’re planning to take even that away from us here.

    Of course, thanks to the economy, my brother is about to get a 13 week extension on his unpaid 52-week vacation.

    Not quite what I had in mind, though

  31. The second week in August should be National Camping Week. Everyone gets that Monday off and is encouraged to use the long weekend to pitch a tent somewhere.

  32. You’ve Got Mail day. The postal service delivers all mail randomly, thus forcing people to socialize and meet new folks! What could go wrong!

  33. How about this? International “Contour integration? Just say no!” Day.

    Or the International Charles Stross For Inhuman Dictator of Scotland For Life Day.

    Or Granduncle’s Day. Or Blunt Object Appreciation Day. Or the official Worst Day Ever.

  34. More seriously, since there also aren’t any national holidays for famous women, let’s find a notable woman born in August and celebrate her birthday. So far I’ve found Connie Chung and Halle Berry but I imagine we can do better than that.

  35. Sometime in the early 90s my friend and I began celebrating August 19th because it only comes once a year.

  36. Patrick @ 10

    Every other country seems to have holidays that are just called “Bank Holiday.” We don’t have any of those, so let’s use that!

    Don’t have any what? Bank holidays or (this season) banks?

  37. Latvian Appreciation Day. They seem like nice people. Let’s give them a shout-out.

    Fellatio Awareness Day. Get the word out

    High-Five Day. Duuuuude.

    Bad Tattoo Day. No, Dokken does not rule

    Russell’s Day. Observed by all people who do not observe holidays.

    Manageable Craters Day. The day when we celebrate anagrams.

  38. I may be a bit of a downer here, but I nominate August 9th as a holiday. August 9th was the last major action of World War II (bombing of Nagasaki).

    Instead of Nuclear War Preparedness Day, as suggested by Chadicus @ 40, I would hope August 9th would be a quiet day of reflection, not unlike Yom Kippur, in which we think about those who lost their lives, on both sides, and resolve to prevent use of weapons of mass destruction in the future.

    We now return you back to the thread of “happy” holidays.

  39. August 8th should be Hot Dog Days Of Summer Day — after all, going two whole months from 4th of July to Labor Day in the U.S. means there aren’t enough holiday days off in order to set up a great cookout. Traditionally you don’t have to cook hot dogs, but some sort of grilling or summer fruit pie is required.

    Dr. Phil

  40. We could take off on National Watermelon Day, which is August 3rd. (really! look it up!)

    We could do a Watermelon Drop from the firestation’s ladder truck. How about watermelon eating contests and seed spitting contests – OOH that would be cool! And very fitting as an end of summer holiday!

  41. +1 for AllanM’s Russel day. Any day celebrating set theory is jake by me.

    For Latvian Appreciation Day, can we have pictures of everyone’s favorite fake Latvian, Andy Kaufman? We could eat Latkes!

  42. August 18th. Scalzi Appreciation Day. It’s blindingly obvious! We shall celebrate by eating all manner of bacon flavoured foods, and then read to each other excerpts from Scalzi’s Big Book of Fairy Tales.

  43. And of course everyone already knows about March 14, right? 3/14. At 1:59 PM, you eat pie.

    I don’t know if it was a widespread phenomenon, but here in Cambridge, MA, in the vicinity of MIT, Whole Foods was selling discounted pie on Pi day. Good marketing, good fun.

  44. I vote for “Iced coffee Day” a la Paul @ 30

    I vow to go to 4 to 6 different coffee emporiums (I’m in Seattle so that’s easy) and try an iced mocha in each. Then deal with headache and uncontrollable shaking that will ensue.

    Closer to home, actually at home, August 9th is my anniversary. Next year will be our 30th.
    So every August I celebrate “Luckiest Person on the Planet Day”
    It’s probably not very meaningful to anyone else but it works for me.

  45. Well, according to this webpage (warning: clicking that link takes you to a site aborted from 1993, may cause seizures, eye strain, and flashbacks — however, no blink tag) there are already many ridiculous August holidays. I think I’ll have to go for August 2, National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, though. Nom nom nom.

  46. I propose that today be National Bacterial Infection Awareness Day.

    Bacterial infections are one of the great underappreciated afflictions of our age. We just kill ‘em off with a couple weeks of anitbiotic warfare and call it good. What happens when bacteria starts to win the battle? Are we all going to become walking collections of festering wounds? Or are those blessed with stronger immune systems going to form new symbiotic relationships that make us even stronger as a species? (See mitochondria)

  47. I liked the idea of moving Martin Luther King Day from his birthday in January to the annivesary of the I Have a Dream speech in August. Who needs a government holiday in January?

  48. Beach Dog Day, August 2nd – The logical complement to Groundhog Day. If anyone, anywhere, takes a dog to the beach and that dog sees its own shadow–or licks itself–we get ten more weeks of summer.

    This seems eminently feasible: if our government’s powers of rationalization are sufficient to deny global warming, then surely the government can also control the length of the seasons.

  49. August 15th is my birthday, and I would prefer that everyone celebrate it ALA the Flying Spagetti Monster’s idea of heaven. Beer volcanos, stripper factorys, fireworks and frivolity. plus lots of food.

  50. I endorse Blue Neponset’s proposal of Led Zeppelin day on August 20. The Immigrant Song should be played a lot more often in public venues, IMO.

    August 8 is already designated as Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day. I think that should be more widely recognized — parades, cooking competitions, and, of course, farmers’ markets.

  51. August 24-28 are known as the “epagomenal days,” or “five days out of time,” marking the days when the five principal Egyptian gods were born. These days fell outside the ancient Egyptian calender as well as the Julian calender when it was introduced.
    I like to think of them as days that transcends time — perfect for going on vacation.

  52. I can’t believe no one has said National Bacon Day yet… Scary.

    Though I suppose Matt @ 67 alluded to it well enough.

  53. I’m another August birthday kid. But mine’s the 28th, which falls during the first week of school (sometimes it’s the first *day* of classes). So if we made *my* birthday a national holiday, there would be a reason to just push school back another week and extend summer break. Cake for everyone!

  54. Sorry for going off-topic, but I just saw a news article that Scalzi and all Scalzi-philes must see, just to get outraged about: link

    ‘Whatever’ so totally tops most annoying word poll
    By Michael Hill, Associated Press Writer

    So, you know, it is what it is, but Americans are totally annoyed by the use of “whatever” in conversations.

    The popular slacker term of indifference was found “most annoying in conversation” by 47 percent of Americans surveyed in a Marist College poll released Wednesday.

    “Whatever” easily beat out “you know,” which especially grated a quarter of respondents. The other annoying contenders were “anyway” (at 7 percent), “it is what it is” (11 percent) and “at the end of the day” (2 percent).

    “Whatever” — pronounced “WHAT’-ehv-errr” when exasperated — is an expression with staying power. Immortalized in song by Nirvana (“oh well, whatever, nevermind”) in 1991, popularized by the Valley girls in “Clueless” later that decade, it is still commonly used, often by younger people.

    Aside from the AP writer getting the history of the word wrong – probably too young to remember Frank & Moon Zappa’s “Valley Girl”, but pretty standard from the journalistic entity I call AssPress – this is obviously a biased poll, omitting such currently top-of-the-unpopular expressions as the Sarah Palin-inspired “you betcha”. But seriously, less annoying than “you know”? (or “but seriously”?)

    To go back ON-topic, how about a National Whatever Day around the Ides of August?

  55. August 1 – Ennui Across America
    August 2 – National Keg Day
    August 3 – Aspirin Awareness Day
    August 4 – Haggis Appreciation Day
    August 5 – Thank God it’s “TUMS-Day”
    August 6 – Earth Day
    August 7 – Wind Day
    August 8 – Fire Day
    August 9 – Yads Drawkcab Klat
    August 10-16 Asymptotic Approach to the Truth Week
    August 17-19 – Eschaton Immanentization 3-day Weekend
    August 20 Singularity Day (one year only)

    Or August 20 as Dr. Suess Day.

    either/or

    BTW – best date selection ever was National Talk Like a Pirate Day, for which the originator selected his ex-wife’s birthday.

  56. I told me spouse about today’s assignment; this is what he replied:
    “um aug 13th is national filet mignon day….wtf is wrong with you people…thats a major holiday to me”

  57. Just don’t do what we did in Canada, make an August holiday and then call it ‘Civic Holiday’. That should surely win an award for Least Imaginative Name Ever.

    Actually, I like “Civic Holiday” better than our brand-new Canadian February holiday called “Family Day”. Blech.

  58. You don’t need to mention “bacon-wrapped” when discussing fillet mignon. It’s just assumed.

    Seriously, have you ever had fillet mignon without bacon? What sick, twisted mind would even imagine such a thing?

  59. How about National Bikini Appreciation Day? There must be a proviso that no one over 50 years or 15% body fat may participate, but all are free to enjoy the view.

  60. Since so many school systems insist on pushing the start of school further & further into August:

    Take Your Parents to School Day

    Any date after the 15th will do. It would only last one year as the adult & edumacational worlds would see that it is too stinking hot to try and learn anything in August.

    The next year the same date would be:

    Take Your Kids to the BEACH Day!!

  61. All we have to do is take SysAdmin day, and push it back a little. Instead of the last Friday in July, how about the first Friday in August? Problem solved!

  62. Fie, fie unto thee Scalzi! August 11 happens to be my birthday, and that is holiday enough national recognition.

    HOWEVER, in the interest of widespread appeal for the charming masses, I think a Perseid Meteor Showers Day would work just as well. Everyone must stay home to prepare their families for a nationwide camp out under the stars.

  63. There should be a Natl holiday for me. It should be called “Dave Day”.

    No particular reason. I just think it would be cool.

  64. Apologies if this was said already, but “Dog Day” (of summer), any day of August.

    Thanks, Josh, for Pi Day. My 11 year old son was thrilled, and it is marked on our calendar.

  65. Re #9: June 31? That doesn’t even come once a year.

    I second Fellatio Appreciation day! Celebrate it on the first Saturday night of the month.

  66. Is there a ‘Redundant Day of Redundancy Day’?

    Down here in Australia it’s well into Thursday, which personally is ‘Start Reading Old Man’s War Day’ :D

  67. How about “Wow its a long time between the 4th July and Labor day, the weather too good to be working, why is it there are days off in November, December and January and not now, I really need a holiday holiday”.

  68. Some friends of my brother also noted that August lacked a holiday, so they invented one called Saint Creasterweenhog Day, which sort of mashes all the holidays together. The only holiday tradition I remember from the description of it was the Jack-o-Melon, whereby a watermelon was carved like a Jack-o-Lantern. (They took the hollowed out watermelon flesh and made some kind of tasty beverage with it, IIRC.)

  69. Hmmm. How about national four-day-work-week day. It would always fall on a monday or friday sometime in the middle of the month. :)

  70. National Congress Is Not In Session Day

    August is when they take their longest break (even politicians hate DC humidity), and hey, what’s more American than celebrating government leaving us the hell alone for once?

  71. I think the Russians beat you to it, Grubthrower. “God save and keep the Tsar … far away from here!”

    I suggest International Cat Appreciation Day. With or without bacon.

  72. August 5th, Neil Armstrong’s birthday becomes Space Day when we celebrate mankind’s accomplishments in space.

    It’s also my birthday, but that’s just a coincidence.

  73. @5 – 6 weeks of vacation? I must be in the wrong Europe…

    Still, Catholics celebrate the 15th as some Virgin Mary-related holiday.

    But there should be a “It’s Monday and it’s August, why do I need to go to work?” Day on the first Monday of the month.

  74. August 9: Gerald Ford Day, coinciding with his date of inauguration as the only president never voted for in a national election (was appointed VP after Agnew’s resignation, then ascended to presidency when Nixon resigned). A day to celebrate marvelous things in your life that you didn’t have to work for.

  75. September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. Surely some of the traditional pirate enemies deserve their own days–Talk Like a Cowboy? a Ninja? a Robot-ninja-jedi-cephalapod hybrid?

    Re: #14 and 21–a much simpler mnemonic I learned for the Ides was ‘Julius Caesar eats M&M’s’ (i.e. July for its namesake, March & May, and October as the month of Halloween and M&M-munching).

  76. Dave, Alex, re: Canada:
    In Ontario, at least, the August Civic Holiday is known by many different names (that nobody remembers) in different cities, because it’s a municipal holiday, not a provincial one.

    In RNCNorth (home of the wonderful Family Day – “they can use it in February to go skiing”) it’s a non-mandatory provincial holiday, in favour of the Family Day one they decided to add (because a day in the height of what little summer we get is much less important than a day when it’s -20 and snowing. “Skiing”, remember)

    If I were to add one, it would be the Monday closest to August 24. In appreciation of Victoria Day, which you guys down south don’t get either, we need a “2-4 holiday” at the end of the season to clean up as well. It would also support local businesses – Labatt, Molson-Coors, Big Rock…

  77. How about National MMORPG Gamer Day — where we all stay home and play World of Warcraft and don’t shower….

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