My Nail Makeover

As part of my daughter’s holiday/birthday party this evening, attended by fifteen 10 and 11 year old girls, my wife offered free nail paintings. As they say, one thing lead to another, and thus:

So you can really appreciate the work, a closeup on two fingers, to highlight the red polka dots, which give the green fingernail polish an extra Christmastime festiveness:

I’m just hoping I don’t forget I have this on when I leave the house tomorrow. Because that will be an awkward conversation at the hardware store, won’t it.

59 thoughts on “My Nail Makeover

  1. Like the time my husband didn’t realize the Lush bath bomb he was using had glitter in it – until someone pointed it out to him at a meeting. Glitter sticks to the skin, people!

  2. John, a Real Man ™ doesn’t hesitate to walk into a hardware store with nail polish on. Just look the clerk right in the eye and say “My daughter did it.” Ten gets you one the clerk will look understanding and give you the Dad Guy Nod ™

  3. Lovely! (You good Dad, you!)

    I did once go out by mistake with purple streaks sprayed in my hair, and it wasn’t even near Halloween. My daughter’s school was having “crazy hair day” and I was showing her how the colors might look. Naturally, I forgot to wash it out before I left the house. And just as naturally, everyone I talked to commented on my purple streaks.

    Nail polish remover. Do it now. ;)

  4. You could exercise your imagination. Come up with a litany of really good excuses as to why you have painted man-claws.

    1. “They are my Santa Claws”

    2. “Staring at them fuels my muse”

    3. “All Big-City men paint their nails”

    4. “Oh, My God!! How did that happen?”

    5. “My wife makes me do it”

    6. “Helps me find the right keys. I’m an author!”

    7. “I am doing it to protest _____.”

    8. “Yeah, I know; not my usual color.”

    9. “Hey, why aren’t your nails painted?!”

    10. “I was outed by mistake.”

  5. This is why you *NEVER* doze off at a party … or one of the reasons.

    The girls once “gave” a crewmate a full makeover (minus the clothes thank the gods) at a party one night. After getting dumped into his rack he slept till minutes before roll call, jumped (sort of ;) into his uniform and fell into line.

    The 2nd class PO doing the roll sent for the 1st class who sent for the Chief … who sent for the 1st Lt. (aka head of the deck force).

    It was, after all, a sight to see.

    He then addressed all of us with the sage advice “Never, ever, be the first one to pass out at a crew party with female crew members present. And I never want to see any of you with false lashes again.”

    Worse, the girls took pictures. ;)

  6. Heh. The same sort of thing happened during my Clarion West year. There was a blockade set up to shave the men’s beards, and while they were being shaved and couldn’t defend themselves, someone else painted their toenails. I don’t think any men escaped — except Gardner.

  7. You’re not a real writer unless you go out there and experience life. You go to that hardware store and report right back to us. Maybe throw in a biker bar on the way home, and a little trip to the emergency room on the side.

    Destiny* painted those nails, and Destiny demands you go out with them.

    (*) Or Jessica Louise. I always get them mixed up.

  8. Good thing Clarion in 2004 was more civilized. I haven’t shaved since 1 May 1981 — and if anyone had tried to forcibly shave me there would’ve been hell to play and assault charges to deal with.

    Just sayin’.

    Dr. Phil

  9. Bah, could be much worse. A former roommate of mine got talked into having his legs waxed. The evil women doing it started low and it didn’t hurt too much. By the time they hit the thighs the guy was howling but refused to stop until it was done as it “wouldn’t look right” otherwise. Meanwhile the rest of us were howling with laughter. There was talk of going higher than his thighs and providing the male equivalent of a Brazilian, but the look of sheer stark terror on his face stopped that suggestion from going through.

  10. Just scrawl “X. M. A. S. ” on the knuckles of one hand and “Y. U. L. E.” on the other with a Sharpie. Or a pen knife. Dare people to comment with your eyebrows.

  11. Agreed, Mr Teufel. I’ve gone over 50 years without ever meeting anyone with fingertips as stumpy, and nails as stubby as mine – until today. Thank you Mr Scalzi, you have given me A New Hope.

    Incidentally quite a good subtitle for Episode IV, when you think about Episodes I-III, no? Maybe they were intentionally dire…

  12. Real Men are tough enough to wear nail polish and not worry about it. Don some nice pink gabardine to go with it. I also like Jeff @ 23′s idea, especially if you can find some nice tacky Sov rings to wear as a Brixton Knuckleduster to go with it.

  13. Leave it.
    Go to the hardware store.
    If anyone there asks:
    “My Daughter did it? You wanna make something of it?”

    Use the Santa-Claws line suggested earlier…

    In three or four days the polish will start falling appart so enjoy it for now…

  14. As part of my daughter’s holiday/birthday party this evening, attended by fifteen 10 and 11 year old girls, my wife offered free nail paintings.

    I see, so she usually charges the little girls. ;-)

  15. Ha! Memories of bandcamp. Just sayin’.

    At least your wife will probably let you use her nail polish remover.

  16. Dude, more of the guys at the hardware store have been madeover as a result of ten-year-old slumber parties than will admit to it.

  17. We would always do our father’s hair! Only The Very Best Dads let the women of the house decorate them! :D

  18. I was going to comment on how cool it was that you let your daughter do this, but then I realized it was actually your wife who painted your nails. So that’s doubly cool.

    This is kind of like one of my Xmas presents to my wife: letting her shave off my new beard, which she hates.

  19. I had one pinkie nail painted black in college in 1978. Yeah, I went to Oberlin.

    Not relating to nails, but do you know that Old Man’s War turned up today on Quote of the Day? Right next to Galbraith, Huxley (not Aldous, his granddad) and some Wikipedia dude?

  20. Heh. Fatherhood is full of sacrifice.

    Reminds me of the time I made my partner try out my nursing pump so he could fully experience the joy that is being your child’s sole source of nutrition no matter how much your nipples hurt.

    (Oops! I don’t think I was supposed to tell anyone about that. Oh, well!)

  21. Hardware Store shopping list:

    Acetone

    Streel wool

    For extra man points, use a power tool to remove it..

    Nuff said..

  22. I expect that your wife (and/or your daughter) can/will/should/has say the following to you: “Who says you get to take it off?”

    Miles: I’ve had the same thing happen with my daughter. Probably my son, too…

  23. The joys of fatherhood. Has she done your toes yet? My daughter did my husband’s in pastel glittery polish.

  24. Just put on a long, hair-metal style frizzy-permed blond wig, carry a Flying V guitar and address everyone as “baby.”

  25. My husband was still wearing the black nail polish from his Halloween costume when he fell off his bike. The ambulace guys were amused. I think they removed it in the emergency dept so they could check his (natural) nail colour.

  26. Before I saw the red dots, I was ready to assume you were going to star in a revival of Cabaret.

    Just go to the hardware store in Yellow Springs. It won’t even be commented on.

    (Bill the Splut @40: *I* went to Antioch. One nail painted black? BAH. HUMBUG.)

  27. I suspect that this is part of why you’re a good Dad (and have a good Mom/wife, and good daughter, although you’ll doubt that last repeatedly for the next decade, at least!)

    Got to the theatre early one afternoon, mixed up the papier-mâché for some prop making, took a nap on the couch on the set. Woke up to find that my hair had been papier-mâchéd. Thankfully, that was during the time when I used Brylcreem, otherwise I might have had to shave my head. They all thought it was very funny; now I wish there’d been a photo.

    These days the beard is white and short, but it’s been there continuously since late 1969, when it started as cinnamon and pepper.

  28. John…John…John… the girls done you wrong. That shade of green is clearly bad for you. You are definitely a “winter” and therefore need a darker, more somber shade. maybe in deep blue or mauve or wine or plum.

  29. Reminds me of playing the Pretty Princess game with my daughter. I’m not secure enough to post pictures with the tiara.

  30. Snazzy. And I’m with the people who say “leave it”.

    I’m just hoping I don’t forget I have this on when I leave the house tomorrow. Because that will be an awkward conversation at the hardware store, won’t it.

    It’ll only be awkward if you let it.

  31. Catching up on 2 weeks of posts here, and when I read this one my immediate reaction was “Scalzi, you are awesome.” Followed by “happy birthday, Athena!”

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