Hey there, folks. Most of you know that my fiction is represented by the Ethan Ellenberg Agency, and has been since I’ve been selling fiction. To say that I’m happy with the work Ethan and his team do for me is understating the case — they’ve been both aggressive and savvy in getting my work out there, which is why my books are now available in fifteen languages, and Ethan and his people are trusted advisors when I think about what to write (and to try to sell) next. They know what they’re doing, I’m glad to be working with them, and I think most writers would be lucky to work with such an agency.

Which, as it happens, bring me to this next part: The Ethan Ellenberg Agency is now looking for new clients in science fiction and fantasy, so if you’re in the market for representation, this is a good time to introduce yourself. Below you’ll find a letter from Ethan, talking a little bit about the agency and its clients, and also how to bring yourself and your work to the agency’s attention.

I’m writing to introduce you to myself and my agency and let you know we are actively seeking clients in the Science Fiction and Fantasy genre.

We opened in 1984 and have always had an interest in both genres.  We are a full service agency, representing writers at every stage of their career from unpublished through maturity.  We are a very active, successful seller of translation rights with agents in all foreign markets and a track record of approximately 50 new sales per year.  There is no sub right we do not represent – movie, audio, e-book, translation, United Kingdom rights.

We’re privileged to represent a number of top talents.  In Science Fiction we represent Hugo winner John Scalzi; we also represent Ian Douglas whose military science fiction series for Avon have been selling well and in print for more than a decade.  We recently contracted for 5 more books in these series.  A recent client who is building nicely is Ed Willet, whose most recent book TERRA INSEGURO was published by Daw.

We are even more known for our representation of fantasy writers.  Karen Miller is an international bestseller with publishers in Australia, the United Kingdom and the USA.  We have represented Sharon Shinn from her very first book and today, twenty one books later, we still represent her.  We represented Gail Martin for her first sale to Solaris and just concluded a 4 book deal with Orbit to continue her TALES OF THE NECROMANCER.  We represent Mel Odom whose Tolkienesque series beginning with THE ROVER was a hit for Tor.

Our success in this area is not confined to the adult market; Karen Miller, Mel Odom, Sharon Shinn, and Ed Willet have all sold young adult fiction.

We’re actively acquiring new clients.  The ideal submission for us is an introductory letter, synopsis and the first 3 chapters of manuscript.  We welcome electronic submissions to fantasy@ethanellenberg.com.  We also welcome submission by mail with a self addressed stamped envelope for response.  Please check our website (ethanellenberg.com) and follow the directions carefully so as not to fall afoul of U.S. postal regulations.

We remain upbeat, active and committed to the highest standards of professional conduct and representation.  We are members in good standing of the Association of Author’s Representatives and consistently receive high marks from all the top professional writer’s organizations.  We look forward to your submission.

There you have it. To repeat: I’ve been very happy with this agency, they’ve done a great job with my work, and they’ve been good people to work with. I recommend them.

Nerd musicians and all around sexy-sexy men Paul and Storm are celebrating the 2009 holidays the only way they know how: By writing Chirstmas songs in the manner of other nerd-beloved musicians. Thus: It Might Be Xmas:

This season, we’re once again giving the gift of approximately-rendered stylings of our musical heroes. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday between now and December 24, at least one COMPLETELY NEW and original holiday song in the style of They Might Be Giants will be released.

There are already two songs up, and quite obviously more are on the way. Go on, you know you want to. Wait: You know you need to. Yes, you do. Stop questioning my dictates, damn you.

Stargate: Universe has been renewed for a second season. This is not unexpected news, to be sure; the series has done well in the ratings department, here in the domestic market and internationally. But it’s always nice to have the deed done.

At the link above there’s also some discussion about what viewers can expect for the second half of the first season, which resumes in April. Hint: Charo! Okay, not Charo.

Here’s Ghlaghghee, passionately interested in something on the other side of the window.

Probably a bird. Or a truck with an open flatbed filled with raw tuna. I don’t really suppose there are other options that make sense.

Some things and stuff:

* For those of you keeping up with the Peter Watts border thing, David Nickle has some additional information, plus how to contribute to Peter’s legal fund even if you don’t cotton to the whole “send money electronically” thing. The Toronto Star, incidentally, has the most complete story on the incident that I’ve seen so far.

Also, if I may make a suggestion: While lots of us are interested in supporting Peter at the moment, let’s make sure that in supporting him we don’t add to his woes. Derryl Murphy has a point of view on this, which I think is worth reading. For my part, I think it’s fine and proper to ask questions about what went on and to get others informed and engaged (I mean, quite obviously). But I also think at the moment we have to ask ourselves what is useful and what is theater. The theater parts might not actually be of benefit.

Update, 2:40pm: The latest from Peter Watts himself here.

* I’ve been asked whether I have any opinion on the recent events surrounding Tiger Woods, and my answer is, sure: Woods shouldn’t have cheated on his wife. That’s pretty simple. Other than that, it’s not really my business, and I really don’t care.

That said, I do find it amusing that people are harrumphing that Woods really needs to “put a face” to the apologies he made, which I take to mean that he should trot himself off to Oprah and ESPN and do some ritually-approved self-flaggelation for our delight. My question: Why? First off, I’m personally delighted he wants to deal with it privately, because it’s a private matter. Secondly, or what? Dude’s one of the greatest athletes ever and he’s also, after a decade and a half of being the best golfer of his era, ridiculously rich. I’m guessing at this point he really doesn’t need to work, and in point of fact professional golf needs him more than he needs it, and this is something Woods almost certainly knows. Likewise, when you could take the money you have, jam it into Treasury bills and still make annually off the interest more than most humans will make in their lives, the calculus of your economic considerations changes substantially.

Woods has made it pretty clear he’s said all he’s going to say publicly on the matter, and he’s in a position not to care what other people think about that. Fine, let’s all move on.

* Also been asked why I haven’t been commenting much on the health care discussion in the Senate and in particular the Democratic internal scrum on the matter. The short answer is: Because I’ve been more interested in other topics at the moment, and also because the internal scrum is what’s supposed to be happening anyway, so I don’t particularly find it grabbing my attention. I do think people forget that the Senate and the House are actually supposed to deliberate on law; in a general sense I really would rather have them do that than simply ram things through. That Democrats appear less likely to stay in lockstep than the GOP was when they were in power is likewise more of a feature than a bug, as far as the legislative process is concerned.

Beyond this, at the end of the day, as I’ve noted before, the actual big win for the Democrats (and for Obama) is not whatever bill passes but the fundamental concept that every American under the law should have access to affordable and comprehensive health care. Everything else is squidgy bits and details which can be fiddled with and modified at later dates. The fundamental concept, that’s the thing I’m interested in seeing if they ultimately pull off.

* I mentioned I was going to a series of wrap pieces on the whole decade earlier this month, and here it is mid-month and I’ve done exactly one (which was actually an AMC column). Sorry, I’ve been distracted by other things, and also to be blunt about it, a lot of those things I was planning to write about are angry-making stuff, and I discover I’m just not in the mood for being ticked off about the entire last decade. I’d rather shoot zombies and pet my cat, you know? I’m kind of scraped out on pissed-offedness at the moment. It happens.

I do expect to do some wrap-up stuff, and will probably do some personal lists and such. But the grand parade of proclamations regarding the last decade is looking less likely as the month goes along. Sorry, man. I’ll make sure you get a full refund of your purchase cost.

Realms of Fantasy magazine has a revamped Web site up and at those new and improved digs is also offering folks a free pdf version of its February issue, as a way of getting you to try it, perchance to get a subscription or suchlike. I’ll note (because it’s all about me me me) that this is the issue that features Paul Witcover’s review of The God Engines in it (reminder: some spoilers), but I think more relevantly for the rest of you it features new fiction by Leah Bobet, Aliette de Bodard, Euan Harvey, Ann Leckie, and some scrappy kid named Harlan Ellison. Yeah, I know. Never heard of him before either.

In any event, check out the site and the issue, and if you’ve never tried RoF before, give it a read and see what you think.

As I’m being asked for the link in e-mail yet again — hey, there’s a search function right there in the sidebar, man — here’s a link to The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time. Enjoy. Again.

Peter Watts, the Hugo-nominated author of Blindsight, is in an interesting (and by “interesting” I mean “bad”) predicament thanks to an incident at the US/Canada border, and may need some help. Here are the details, from Watts’ friend, writer David Nickle:

Hugo-award-nominated science fiction author Dr. Peter Watts is in serious legal trouble after he was beaten, pepper-sprayed and imprisoned by American border guards at a Canada U.S. border crossing December 8. This is a call to friends, fans and colleagues to help.

Peter, a Canadian citizen, was on his way back to Canada after helping a friend move house to Nebraska over the weekend. He was stopped at the border crossing at Port Huron, Michigan by U.S. border police for a search of his rental vehicle. When Peter got out of the car and questioned the nature of the search, the gang of border guards subjected him to a beating, restrained him and pepper sprayed him. At the end of it, local police laid a felony charge of assault against a federal officer against Peter. On Wednesday, he posted bond and walked across the border to was released into Canada in shirtsleeves (he was released by Port Huron officials with his car and possessions locked in impound, into a winter storm that evening). He’s home safe. For now. But he has to go back to Michigan to face the charge brought against him.

The charge is spurious. But it’s also very serious. It could mean two years in prison in the United States, and a ban on travel in that country for the rest of Peter’s life. Peter is mounting a vigorous defense, but it’s going to be expensive – he’s effectively going up against the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, and he needs the best legal help that he can get.

He’s got that help, courtesy of one of the top criminal lawyers in the State of Michigan. We, Peter’s friends and colleagues here in Canada, want to make sure he gets the help he needs financially to come out of
this nightmare whole.

The need for that help is real. While Peter is a critically successful science fiction writer, he is by no means a best-selling author. Without help, the weight of his legal fees could literally put him on the street by spring.

We can’t let that happen. So there’s going to be fundraising.

We’re going to think of something suitable in the New Year – but immediately, anyone who wants to help can do so easily. Peter’s website, rifters.com has a link to a PayPal account, whimsically named the Niblet Memorial Kibble Fund. He set it up years ago for fans of the Hugo-nominated novel Blindsight and his Rifters books, to cover veterinary bills for the cats he habitually rescues from the mean streets of Toronto. Peter has made it clear that he doesn’t want to use the veterinary money to cover his lawsuit. But until we can figure out a more graceful conduit for the legal fund, that’s the best place to send donations for now. Just let Peter know that the donation’s for his legal defense, and that’s where it will go.

Here’s the link to the backlist page on Peter’s website. The link to the Niblet Memorial Kibble Fund is in the middle of the page. The page also links to creative-commons editions of all his published work, which he’s made available free. Peter would approve, we think, if you downloaded one or two or all of them. Whether you make a donation to the legal fund or not.

Speaking personally, I’m a friend of Peter Watts and also a fan of his writing; he and I shared a reading at the last Worldcon and his story was just terrific. I don’t know any more details about his altercation with the US Border Guards than what I’m sharing with you now (update: Peter’s side of the event is now on his site), but I’m certainly willing to believe that he’s innocent of the charge laid on him, and this is a mistake as opposed to a genuine international incident. But mistake or not, it’s still going to be expensive for him to deal with.

So, if you’re a fan of his and want to help him deal with this, you know what what to do. If you’re not a fan yet, go check out the work of his linked to above, and if you find it interesting, send some cash his way. Thanks.

Update, 2pm: Bill Schafer at Subterranean Press says that from now until the end of the day, the first 50 people who purchase the “Judge Sn Goes Golfing”  chapbook from SubPress directly will see all proceeds go to to Peter Watt’s legal fund. So if you’ve been putting off getting “Judge Sn,” now you have a good excuse to get it. Here’s a link to the SubPress order page.

Update, 5:30pm: Sold all 50 and Subterranean Press has sent $1,000 to Peter’s legal fund. Thanks, everyone!

Someone just opened a profile for me on AmIAnnoying.com. You can go vote if you want. I did. I voted “yes.” Because, damn. Sometimes, if I didn’t have to live with me every day, I’d just slap the crap out of myself.

The only thing I object to is the person submitting me has me in a category called “weak chins.” Hey, now. My chin isn’t weak. It just doesn’t feel the need to get into everyone’s face, starting with mine.

Over at File 770 Vincent Docherty, Hugo Award Administrator for AussieCon 4, discusses in some detail as to whether blogs and Website are eligible for consideration in the Best Fanzine and Best Semiprozine categories (if they meet the general criteria of either category). The short answer appears to be yes, although I really do suggest folks interested in the subject head over to File 770 and get Docherty’s detailed response.

This question has some interest to me because a) I’m a Hugo winner for the category of Best Fan Writer, for work I’ve written here, and perhaps because of that b) I’ve been asked by curious folks whether I think Whatever qualifies as a “fanzine.”

My short answer to b) is no, I don’t think it does. I think “fanzine” to a large extent implies a purpose-driven publication, be it online or otherwise; i.e., the point of the thing is to be, as the rules specify, a “generally available non-professional publication devoted to science fiction, fantasy, or related subjects.” Whatever isn’t that; it’s a generally available non-professional publication devoted to whatever the hell John Scalzi feels like writing about.

Now, I think I write enough science fiction-related material here to be eligible for the Fan Writer category, which is a good thing considering the Hugo that now resides in my daughter’s room. But Whatever as a whole isn’t enough about that to suggest to me it qualifies in the fanzine category. So I wouldn’t put it forward for consideration as a fanzine, and if it were nominated in the category — which to be clear I would consider a long shot anyway — I would decline the nomination. I do certainly feel a substantial number of blogs and sites would qualify as fanzines, because they are primarily focused on SF/F-related subjects. This just isn’t one of them. Also, of course, Whatever does not qualify as a semiprozine in any way.

(Update: I am informed by those who know, both privately and in the comments, that my definitions here for fanzine are more conceptually restrictive than how the category works in the real world, and that various fanzines have been nominated and have won without a huge percentage of content related to SF/F directly. In which case I’m happy to backtrack a bit, although I will say as a personal matter I’d still be uncomfortable with a fanzine nomination for Whatever in the category.)

A related question is whether Whatever might qualify as a “Best Related Work,” the new Hugo category that arises from the ashes of the Best Related Book category, which I won this year, for a book featuring essays originally presented here on Whatever. My thought on that: I kind of hope it’s not. It seems to me that this category should be for discrete rather than continual works — i.e., projects of a specific and finite scope, as opposed to ongoing and meandering projects.

As an example of what I mean, if on Whatever I decided to do a series of entries composed of subtantial critical commentary on the Best Novel Nebula winners — one a week for the 45 (or so) weeks it took — when it was done, I would guess that the “Traveling the Nebulas” series might be eligible for a Best Related Work nomination, presuming anyone nominated it: it’s on a specific topic; it has a finite length. So a project on Whatever (or any other online site) could be eligible in the category, while Whatever itself isn’t.

Mind you, this is only my thought on the Best Related Work category; I could be wrong about the details of how it’s supposed to work. That said, to my mind it would be a shame if the Best Related Work category devolved into an ersatz “Best Web Site” category. The Fanzine and Semiprozine categories are ones in which Web sites can find recognition; Fan Writer is a category where the blog writers themselves can get that same recognition. I think Best Related Work should be about specific and limited-scope projects.

Which is why we ended up not eating this particular watermelon after we sliced it open. It also smelled a bit off, which added confirmation to our decision, but, really: Creepy animal flesh-looking watermelon was a “do not consume” item as soon as we cut it open. We all feel good about this decision.

Over at AMC this week, I look at the top 20 highest-grossing science fiction films of the decade to see what they might have in common. The title suggests what I may have found, and what I suggest based on the data might be the most successful science fiction film ever, if they ever made it, which, who knows, they just might. As always, feel free to add your thoughts in the comments over there.

Newbie writer complains about how rude I am to Black Matrix and presumably other non-pro markets over at SFSignal; I respond rather in length at comment twelve. Turning off comments on it here so if you want to comment, do it over there.

You know that thing where your kid sings “Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS, Jingle BELLS,” in an overexuberant yet tuneless manner for six hours straight? Yes, well, in the future it will seem more adorable in retrospect than it is right at the moment. So at least you have that to look forward to.

You’re welcome.

Subterranean Press zipped over to me a couple of early copies of the “Judge Sn Goes Golfing” chapbook so I could pet them and love them and rub my scent all over them (okay, that last bit was more than you needed to know), and I have to say I am delighted with how they’ve turned out. They look great, and by “great” I mean holy cow look at me I got a story illustrated by Gahan Wilson. In collaboration terms that’s a little like having Eddie Van Halen drop by your home studio to give song chorus you’ve been working on a little extra push. I’m so happy I could just plotz. You’ll know what I mean when you get it.

This reminds me that I’ve had a couple of questions about the length of “Judge Sn.” It’s 32 pages plus the cover, which is signed by me on the inside back. It’s the sort of thing designed specifically for fans and collectors, rather than the general public, which is why there’s a limited number of them out there. I think it’s worth the cost, but then I would. Heck, I think it’s worth it for the Gahan Wilson illustrations alone. Have I mentioned how geeked out I am about them? Well, I am.

Moving from “Judge Sn” to The God Engines, Paul Witcover reviewed TGE in the February Realms of Fantasy magazine (out now at news stands). I won’t reprint the whole thing here — hey, go buy a copy of the magazine, man — but here’s a nice pull quote:

[G]rippingly dark and subversive… though The God Engines is indisputably a work of fantasy, it is simultaneously a brutal critique of fantasy, a searing evisceration of the valuation of blind faith and magical thinking that underlies so much of the genre, at least at its most popular and mindless.

The whole review is actually very interesting (albeit with spoilers, which I suspect are unavoidable with this particular work), so check it out if you can.

And it was going before I got up the stairs to upload the pictures. Meanwhile, 30 mile an hour wind gusts and other various delights. But no snow! So that’s something. I may not have to eat one of the pets after all. Unless one of them annoys me.

Col. Van Barfoot, 90-year-old Medal of Honor winner, gets to keep his flagpole after all. It’s a Christmas miracle, it is!

Yes, I’ve seen the head-shaped cremation urn, in which the face looks vaguely like me. It’s been around for months. Please stop sending me links to it. It creeps the shit out of me. Thank you.

No, it’s not an iPhone. AT&T’s coverage where I live sucks. It’s an iPod touch. Why did I buy it?

1. It was time to get an eBook reader of some sort or another, and this can handle all the major formats and retailers;

2. Athena likes playing handheld games, and this I figure this is cheaper in the long run than a Nintendo DSi or Sony PSP, because the games are generally cheaper and more in line with her gaming interests;

3. While my Blackberry Storm has various apps for social networking, the fact of the matter is they pretty much generally suck in terms of UI, because the Storm is the red-headed stepchild of app development, and it shows in how apps generally perform on it. What also sucks: Storm’s Web browser. What also sucks: the Storm’s ability to allow me to access my blog’s backend. And so on.

This might not be a problem if I used my phone primarily as a phone, but in fact I use it primarily as a portable engine of social networking, and it’s finally got to the point where it isn’t really getting the job done. The iPod Touch has wifi, and I have one of those Boingo accounts (which codeshares with all the other paid wifi services) for when I’m someplace the wifi’s not free. So it’s pretty functional most places I go, and when it’s not, hey, I still have the Storm (to the Storm’s defense: Good e-mail and adequate camera. There).

4. What the Storm also sucks at: Playing music and video. Really non-intuitive and annoying, actually. For trips, I was lugging about an iPod anyway, so the iPod Touch is merely subbing out for a different piece of my geek travel load out. From a philosophical point of view, I wish the iPod Touch would accommodate my rented music from Rhapsody, but inasmuch as Rhapsody now has an app that lets me access the service via a wifi connection, this is not as huge an objection as it could be.

5. And also, you know: shiny pretty pretty gaah.

Go on, you can beat me now.

The discussion of speculative fiction writers, their markets and what the latter should be paying the former is now getting around in the SF/F geekosphere, which I think is all to the good; it’s one of those things we should talk about and often don’t, so I’m glad to have helped instigate the recent round. I have a couple of what I expect are closing thoughts on the matter, so here they are in bulletpoint form.

* First, my public thumping on Black Matrix Publishing for its ridiculous pay rate seems to have had an interesting effect on certain aspiring folks, along the lines of That arrogant bastard! How dare he tell me who I can and can’t submit to! I’m going to submit to pathetically-paying markets whether he likes it or not! News flash to such folks: Hey, I’m not your dad. Do whatever you want to do. I’m not going to stop you. I don’t think you’re generally helping yourself any, but it’s your karma, not mine. I’ve done my part by explaining why I think it’s a bad deal; you may agree or not depending on your own point of view. Fine with me. That said, later, when you come to me and say “wow, you were right, that was a bad idea,” I reserve the right to say “told you so.” Because I’m a dick that way, you see.

* One side effect of this discussion is that some folks seem to be under the impression that I’m of the opinion that every fiction outlet paying less than the SFWA pro rate should be wiped off the face of the Earth and that what is best in life is to crush these low-paying markets, drive them before you, and hear the lamentations of their editors. Well, no. The sf/f market is what it is. If you can’t place your work in the relatively few fiction markets that pay pro rates, then it’s time to look at the ones that pay less and see if they are worth your time.

But for God’s sake, people, show some discrimination. Writers are supposed to be smart, or at least clever. Use those meaty brains of yours and apply them to the business end of this problem. A market that might pay less than the pro rate but which is widely read and edited by professionals of long-standing reputation? Could be worth it. A “for the love” market of specific, limited scope, edited by knowledgeable enthusiasts, in which no one is making a penny off of anyone else (or planning to), but everyone’s having a good time? Might have its benefits. A for-profit market planning four magazines and two book lines, paying its contributors a fraction of a cent per word? Unmitigated fail. That’s pretty simple. Between those extremes, of course, is a lot of gray area.

Which is the thing. A market paying pro rates doesn’t really need to find some other way to justify itself; it pays pro rates (this in itself opens another can of worms, like those markets standing pat for years at the same very low “pro” rates, but never mind that for now). Every other market has to come in offering something else to make it worth the writer’s time, and I strongly feel that the dropoff on things like “exposure” and “sales credit” is pretty damn steep the further down the payscale you go. The money you get isn’t just about the money you get; there are a lot of intangibles that stick to that cash as well. After a certain point just having the “publishing credit” isn’t going to do it for you — I refer you to a comment on the matter by Hugo-winning editor Patrick Nielsen Hayden if you don’t want to believe me on this.

I get that some aspiring folks think this is all about writers who have “made it” being snobs and forgetting what it was like to be toiling away in the newbie writer salt mines. Well, leaving aside the fact that a “pro” rate of five cents a word means that even long-standing pros aren’t out of the salt mines, they’re just standing nearer to the fresh air, the reason the pros yammer on about this is because we do remember what it’s like to be newbies and to believe that any publication is better than no publication. But it wasn’t true then, it isn’t true now, and it won’t be true in the future, either. It’s tough to hear, but it’s the truth. So make sure you’re getting something for the nothing (or next-to-nothing) you’re getting paid. If you’re not, hold on to your work until you can get something, or, alternately, recognize that if the only market you can get interested in your work is one that hardly exists, maybe the best thing you can do for the work in question is hit it with a shovel and bury it by the river.

* One argument I hear from folks about placing their work in crap markets is that they’re not writing for the money anyway, so what does it matter if a market wants to pay a fraction of a penny a word? The answer is that these two things are not related at all: The reason one writes is utterly independent of whether someone else pays a fair rate for that work.

Hard as it may be to believe for some folks, I occasionally write something because I just feel like it, rather than because I need a check. But it doesn’t then follow that just because I wrote it for fun, that I should sell it, if I sell it, for less than my standard rates. The market doesn’t need to know why I wrote it; that’s not the market’s business. The market’s business is buying my work (or not) on the basis of the quality of the work itself.

Which is to say, don’t match your markets to your motivations; match your markets to the worth of the work itself. Because while writing for fun is fun, getting paid well for something you’ve written for fun is even more fun. Trust me, I know.