First, because I know this will come up: Yes, Subterranean Press and I are working on an official electronic version of The God Engines for everyone else. Patience, please.
Second, I’ve been led to understand by numerous e-mail from a far distant land the natives call “Australia” — wherever that is — that physical copies of The God Engines are difficult to come by (apparently they have to be delivered inside the pouch of a wallaby or something to that effect), and that this places a number of that country’s citizens into a state of despair because it means they won’t be able to consider the work for a “Hugo,” whatever that is (I think it’s a type of brass instrument, between a tuba or a sousaphone). Really, the ways of the people of that land confuse and frighten me; I think it’s all that fermented yeast they eat.
So, in the interest of international amity, I decided to make available an electronic edition of The God Engines, for those antipodean sorts who are also Hugo nominators. But then I realized if I allowed Australians in on this, then other overseas folk — antipodean or not, yeast eaters or otherwise — would point out that they also have a hard time finding The God Engines, as it’s not been released in other countries, either. So I thought, fine, I’ll let all Hugo nominators who are not Americans or Canadians in on this electronic editions. But then I realized that if I didn’t let the North Americans in on this, they would drive to my house and burn it down. Because that is the traditional North American way of displaying disapproval.
So, fine: If you are a Hugo nominator, regardless of geographical location, you are eligible for a special Hugo edition of The God Engines from me for your consideration. I’ll send you a pre-production pdf of the novella (1.2 MB), which means that there may be a copy edit error or two in it; I think you can handle it. But to get it, you must follow to the letter these following instructions:
1. Send your request to “TGE@scalzi.com” and not my standard e-mail address (because it’s easier for me to keep track of requests that way, that’s why).
2. When you send your request, you must include your Worldcon membership number (either for Anticipation or Aussiecon 4) and the name you registered for the Worldcon under, so I can confirm that in fact you are eligible to nominate for the Hugo, and not just some schmoe. DO NOT SEND ME YOUR VOTING PIN. Because if you do, I’ll do horrible, horrible things with it [insert maniacal laugh and ominous thunderclap here].
3. In the body of your request, please cut and paste the following words:
I hereby solemnly declare that I will in fact nominate works for the Hugo this year, because nominating for the Hugos is AWESOME, and those who nominate for the Hugos are AWESOME, and I am AWESOME, so how could I not nominate for the Hugos?
Note: The above declaration does not oblige you to nominate The God Engines. That would be silly. Nominate it only if you feel it is worthy. If you don’t feel it’s worthy, don’t nominate it — but remember to nominate other things. Seriously, remember to cut and paste those above words in your request, otherwise I’ll go, “you’re totally not serious about nominating for the Hugos” and will deny your request until you put them in. Don’t think I won’t!
4. Finally, in exchange for getting this version of The God Engines for no cost, please consider taking some of the money you’re saving in purchasing and shipping the book and donate it to a literacy charity of your choice. No, I’m not going to stand over your shoulder and make you do this one; I’m just asking you to consider it. I’d consider it a fair trade.
There you go. This offer is open through March 12, 2010, so those of you who aren’t yet Hugo nominators still have time to become so. Update: Whoops, too late to be a nominator if you’re not one already. But not too late to register to vote on the actual Hugos. Get to it!