How to Read My New Short Story a Week Early

So, while you weren’t looking, I wrote some new fiction — a short story. And I sold it to, who will post it next week to celebrate its second year of existence. But if you just can’t wait until next week, follow this link to find out how you can get it early, as in, right NOW. No, you don’t have to sacrifice a goat or any other living thing. Leave that to the professionals. This is much simpler, and if you’re a fan of science fiction, something you’d probably want to do anyway. And, hey: New fiction by me.

50 Comments on “How to Read My New Short Story a Week Early

  1. I found it in my inbox and enjoyed it thoroughly.

  2. “the President’s Brain is Missing” was one of my favorite Spitting Image* sketches of all time!


    * British** puppet show, during the Thatcher years – most definitely for adults with a childish sense of humour,

    ** very, very British!

  3. Looks at dead goat on the ground.

    Great. *NOW* you tell me.

  4. I see what you did there. Trying to win our affections by swindling us with the fruits of your labor for No Monies!

  5. Membership, as the saying goes, does have its privileges.

    The story is currently burning a hole in my inbox. Unexpected Scalzi lunchtime reading: bonus.

  6. Thanks for that – what a fun story!! The “Everything but the squeal” story in Metatropolis was quite good as well. You work as well in the short form as you do in novel lengths – any future plans for a short story collection?

  7. I just finished reading “The President’s Brain is Missing” and thoroughly enjoyed it!

  8. So here I am thinking that I might have to re-subscribe to to get the early viewing advantage. New mail arrives — guess that that won’t be necessary after all.

    Settle back with beverage. Reading ensues. Nasal spit-take ensues. DAMMIT, SCALZI!

    (rotted in case this is too spoilerific…)


    “Oenva naq oenva! Jung vf oenva?”

    “Vg’f gur ovg gung yrgf lbh qhax lbhe urnq haqrejngre jvgubhg evfxvat lbhe arpx fanccvat.”


  9. Seems that I have to share my cool-kid-ness. Good story.

  10. Engaging, fun story and Five Guys love- what more could you ask for? Maybe a Five Guys cheeseburger and fries right now… mmmm

  11. Already read it. Now, what the heck do I do with this goat?

  12. Thanks for the story, John. Your political satire is both dry and biting. But dammit, now I have to pack up the kids and go down to Five Guys. What a blessing and curse they have opened up here in Seattle.

  13. There’s a Five Guys in Seattle now? Gift/Curse is right! Live in Everett, work in Seattle. I see a mini road trip in the immediate future. Thanks for the info Hubert, I’ve obviously been out of the loop.

    Oh, I’m glad I can have new stuff to read when I get home from work. Thanks John.

  14. Jeff, it’s actually in Renton (the Landing shopping center), but I thought I’d be colloquial. Probably an easier trip for you anyway from Everett. You can find it on the Five Guys site.

  15. Got it in my in-box this morning, read it at lunch, now feel a little light-headed. I’m sure it will pass after a day or two.

    Nice Clarke reference, by the way – this story was like an episode of the West Wing crossed with the Illuminatus! Trilogy, penned by Douglas Adams from his secret prison in Mole Man’s Subterranea.

    Now if you could point me to the alien groupies?

  16. Read it a couple times over already. Great read!

  17. I just received this in the email from JP newsletter


    We are saddened to report the passing of James P. Hogan at the age of 69.

    Jim was alone at his home in Ireland when he died suddenly yesterday, July 12, 2010.

    The precise cause of Jim’s death has not yet been determined, nor is the exact time known.

    We are in touch with the family and will release further information as it becomes available.

    Tim Gleason

    This Newsletter has been posted to:

    If you are using AOL or a mail client that doesn’t display the URL as a link, cut and paste the link into your browser window.

  18. Jeff S, Hubert…. there’s one in Northgate. Just went to it. Burger… meh, it’s a burger. Fries rock.

  19. I feel light headed… WHAT DID YOU DO to me??

    LOL just kidding LOVED it wished it was longer but then again it wouldn’t be a “short store” then would it!!

  20. Very enjoyable. Thanks, John.
    I was having a bad day/night at work and it cheered me right up.

  21. that was so worth signing up for and i thank you kindly. :)

  22. Good excuse to join Loved it. Especially the ending.

  23. Rick @ 30

    Northgate! man, this is just getting better and better. Not that there’s anything wrong with Renton, but Northgate is only like 12 miles or so.


  24. I saw that in my inbox this morning.

    Tor is full of awesome.

  25. Thoroughly enjoyable, as always. Thank you, Mr. Scalzi.

  26. Jeff S – just wait… there’s one opening in Lynnwood soon.

  27. Loved the story! If I have a spoilery nit-picky type question about it, should I post it here rot13’ed or is there a better venue for that sort of thing?

  28. me neither. What are we doing wrong? wants new scalzi…. :(

  29. I’m with #40 and #41- I can’t seem to find out how to get the story mailed/downloaded.

  30. It has been in my inbox since yesterday. Just read it, awesome!

  31. Sorry, not up to your usual standards (in my opinion). Your dialogue works better between husband/wife than political colleagues.

  32. Funny as hell!

    -loved the dryness of the humour – particularly the exchange regarding the shagging of an alien groupie. Priceless.

  33. Lynn @36 has taken a wrong turning. But click her link, Johnnie! Click it! You may NEED HELP with your ritign kreer!

    Looks like the input end at Quantico fell apart for *some b o d y e e e e* ;)

    I was expecting to read about Rahm Emmanuelle, a brown paper bag and someone’s testes at one point. Thank you for making me laugh for no money :)