And Now, a Completely Context-Free Quote From My Wife

“I was just checking to see how my hand fit around your neck. It’s not like I was squeezing.”

52 Comments on “And Now, a Completely Context-Free Quote From My Wife

  1. Dear Krissy… not until the next novel’s done, please.

  2. It’s only domestic violence if she squeezes hard. Until that point it’s a loving embrace.

  3. You don’t need to worry until you hear something like…

    1. John, try this and tell me if you taste anything funny.

    2. John, did you remember to mail you life insurance premium this month.

    3. Go in the garage and turn the car off, I left it running for the last hour.

  4. Agree with all of the above. I think it takes 8 lbs per square inch to occlude the carotid artery.

  5. I bet she counted the steps from the bed to the knife drawer too…

  6. I’m guessing the true context had something to do with an attempt to disprove Classy Freddie Blassie’s theory that she married a pencil-necked geek.

  7. Maybe she just wanted to buy you a gift torc and was checking the size before ordering.

  8. You should fire her, or was this consensual? We need more context/video before rendering any decisions or judgments.

  9. Pffft.

    My wife says that all the time when I wake up and she’s got her hands around my neck. You’d think she’d have it figured out by now.

  10. And of course the Klingon’s aren’t going to help, they’re too intimidated by Krissy.

  11. @HGS #6, less to occlude the jugular veins. Wikipedia says 3.4N/cm^2, or 5 psi.

  12. EPIC WIN on the part of Krissy!! Sorry John!

  13. You know what I think? I think she squeezed, then came here and posted as Scalzi, just so she could make it look like he was still alive. Yes, I believe a squoozing has occurred. You shall be missed, Mr. Scalzi.

  14. “Maybe she just wanted to buy you a gift torc and was checking the size before ordering.”

    I was thinking a dog collar, myself.

    At least she wasn’t measuring you for a nose ring.

  15. Man, our wives have the best pillow talk. I was asked to curl up as tight as possible in a Volvo’s trunk for “comparison.”

    I was also informed I would be dead in 72 hours if I didn’t call her the day after our first date.

    What?

    You’re damn right I negotiate with terrorists!

  16. Methinks this was in reference to John’s recent weight loss. Chrissy was seeing how much his neck had shrunk.

    Or, you know, spousal abuse. Whatever.

  17. Bah! Krissy! Sorry.

    No, no, stay over there with your man-strangling hands.

  18. I’m sure this incident was all just perfectly innocent.

    I’m sure that posting this quote had nothing to do with leaving a little tip for the cops.

    I’m sure that everything will be just fine.

    Sure.

  19. You know, it’s almost too bad that we don’t have a photo to go with this. It doesn’t have to be the actual context of the quote, of course, just something appropriate.

  20. Is that what you call it? You’d think that after so many years of marriage she would know how her hand fit?! (kidding–really!)

  21. The more I thought about it..That last part translates to “Don’t be a wussy.”

  22. You might not want her acting out those scenes from the Stargate Universe scripts…

  23. Shouldn’t the SFWA Secret Service be protecting you?

  24. *snortgiggle*

    I see you two are rounding the 20 year mark as well! Congrats!

  25. John,

    Don’t start worrying until you find her reading over your life insurance policy very carefully

  26. one of the few times when facebook’s “Like” button is actually appropriate ;)

  27. Oh, and like you, as all us husbands, haven’t occasionally wished for an operable phaser set to “Pulverize”?

  28. Nah… she’s just checking to see how your diet plan’s working.

  29. What did you SAY?
    I mean right before she did this?

  30. Sounds entirely reasonable to me. We women sometimes wonder about things and curiosity is no bad thing.

  31. Perhaps there are some new dress shirts in your future? Something, you know, presidential-looking?

  32. Might be a good time to remind her of the safe word…

  33. I read somewhere that the first policemen in England wore leather and steel collars around their necks to prevent them from being garrroted on the streets while on patrol.

    You may want to look into this.

  34. DaveH @42: Wow, you’ve got me beat on that one. Sounds like that would end in “Armagedd-it-on”.

  35. Hmmm, I wonder what she’s measuring you up for…At turtleneck?

  36. Beware the Jane Sagan lurking within Krissy. Yeesh.

    “Honey, I love you. But you scare me sometimes.”