Are you tired of all those super peppy pop stars and their toe-tapping Top 40 hits? Or are you that obsessed with the likes of J. Biebz that you wish the fever could last forever? Well, with song stretching, you too can enjoy popular songs the way they were meant to be heard!

Taking the phenomenon to a whole new retro level, Scalzi Enterprises™, gives you “Slow Stop” an ambient Journey through time and space.  You definitely won’t stop believing the awesome.

Note: There is some confusion as to whether listening to this track while high on speed will make it sound like the original track or more fatally, make your head explode. We suggest you don’t try it. Scalzi Enterprises™ will not be held responsible for bloody messes. The company also is protected from lawsuits due to injury caused from bad punning.

John sez:

There are two winners of the Wheaton/Scalzi fanfic contest:

Bernadette Durbin: “Bedtime Story”

Scott Mattes: “Vintarini’s Peak”

The Jury of Awesomeness™ picked them both because we couldn’t decide between them, and then thought, “why decide?” Because, hey, we can totally do that.

Their stories will be bundled up with stories by Wil Wheaton, Patrick Rothfuss, Catherynne Valente, and me, into an electronic chapbook from Subterranean Press, the proceeds of which will go to benefit the Lupus Alliance of America (via its Michigan/Indiana affiliate).

All the stories are in — and fantastic — and are headed for production. We’ll have more information on a release date and how to buy the chapbook soon.

Congratulations to Bernadette and Scott!