This is a finely-calibrated, precision-oriented method, I will have you know.

Shortly thereafter the scales were occupied by a duck and by a woman with a carrot tied to her nose. I have no idea what that was about.

Photo: Fred Teifeld

The answer: No, not really.

More specifically: Look, not to be a dick about these things, and I know you mean well, but I get sent several packages a day from people who want me to promote things for them or otherwise engage my attention (today’s total: five, so far), and that doesn’t include the e-mail solicitations (today’s total: nine, so far). Most of these come with a clear, written explanation of who they are, what they are doing and what they would like from me. This sort of direct, no-nonsense information is helpful because I have a lot of things I need to be doing with my day, so I appreciate people who lay things out for me and don’t waste my time.

Sending me a package with less information about who you are, what you are doing and what you would like from me than these other folks does not intrigue me, other than to make me wonder why you spent so much money sending me something you’re not immediately explaining. Attempting to send me to a Web site for further information when you have not identified yourself or your goals, as you have done with your cute, typewritten note, is not a good idea. Why? Well, hey: did you know that browser-executable viruses exist? They totally do. People have tried to give them to me before, even. I try to avoid them, and one way I do that is not to visit sites I don’t know anything about.

I understand you are trying to be creative and mysterious, but what you’re actually doing is annoying me and calling to mind the failure mode of clever. For future reference, both yours and others who wish to engage my attention, when you send me something, an actual cover sheet, PR release or other informational tidbit is greatly appreciated, and when I say “greatly appreciated” I mean “required, unless you want to irritate me and thereby throw your shipping money down a hole.”

This makes me a no-fun stick in the mud, I know. But I can live with that. You will have to as well, if you want to send me something you’d like me to promote or engage with.

And in case you’re wondering, this is what a “scalzi” worth of Coke Zero looks like. The cats are added for scale.

More later, but I have to do a bit of work now. Something about being away for four and a half days means there’s stuff to catch up on.