Because someone had to do it, and why not me.
For those of you unfamiliar with the “Bingo Card” concept, basically, if you see one or more of your favorite arguments for how ZOMG EPUBBING WILL CHANGE THE WORLD FOR EVAR on the bingo card, you can be assured that your argument is not, in fact, anywhere as good (or original) as you might think it is. You might wish to cultivate new ones, or at least learn why your favorite argument isn’t always super-mega-ultra-convincing to those of us who have to think about this stuff as it regards our professional lives.
For those who will inevitably be new to the site, and may spittle-fling because they are e-pub partisans, be aware the author of this bingo card is not hostile to electronic publishing, since among other things he was one of the early examples of successful electronic self-publishing, as well as an example of migrating self-published work into the conventionally published realm, and still self-publishes electronically when the mood strikes him. He does occasionally get tired of hearing the same e-publishing arguments, some a decade old now, presented as This Year’s Model. Dudes, sorry. Trade them in.