An Assignment to Keep You Occupied, 8/28/12

Another day of offline writing and preparing for Chicon 7. So, again to keep you amused whilst I scribble, an assignment:

Pick any author, living or dead, to remake (or do a sequel to) any book, play or script not originally done by them.

Caveat: Don’t use me or my books, because, come on, that’s a little on the nose (and anyway I’ve done it once and don’t plan to do it again).

My choice: China Mieville remakes Dune. I would pay cash money for that one.

Your choice?

383 thoughts on “An Assignment to Keep You Occupied, 8/28/12

  1. Reminder:

    Use the comment thread here for answers to the assignment, not commentary on the choices people make. I and my Mallet thank you in advance for your cooperation.

  2. Difficult assignment, Professor Scalzi… so many excellent authors, so many books to remake.

    However, my choice would be for Mercedes Lackey to remake the whole Lord of the Rings collection. My head is spinning already. In a good way.

  3. Kaori Yuki does Flowers in the Attic.

    …what? It would be gloriously, gorgeously fucked up. Don’t judge me.

  4. Star Wars: the Puccini opera.

    The Shakespeare version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer would be pretty cool too.

  5. Whoops, totally misread the topic. I’d like to change my answer to: Robert Heinlein writes the sequel to Armor.

  6. I’d love to see Neal Stephenson’s version of “The Matrix” trilogy. Or maybe Chuck Palahniuk’s take on “The Hunger Games.” THAT would be something.

  7. I’d liked to have seen Douglas Adams’ version of “Atlas Shrugged”. Or JRR Tolkien do a follow up to the “Ranma One Half” manga. Final suggestion; Brian Lumley does a sequel to Twilight.

    Any of them would have been quality entertainment.

  8. Ooh, wait, one more, sorry. Iain M Banks reboots/reimagines Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.

  9. H.P.Lovecraft writes Charlie Stross’s Next Laundry novel(CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN)
    or Simon R. Green and Charlie Stross swap their next novels.
    or Steven Erickson rewrites Lord of the Rings(in 10 volumns)

  10. Neil Gaimen to finish the series started with Bridge of Birds. Number 10 Ox and Master Li need more stories.

  11. There’re a few of these I’ve dreamed of for a long time:

    – Shakespeare takes a whack at King Arthur, particularly Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur. Heck, he could have done a whole cycle of plays, the way he did with the Plantagenets.

    – Either Diane Duane or Lois McMaster Bujold redoes Pern.

  12. I’d want William Shakespeare to reboot “Viktor und Viktoria” / “Victor Victoria”. Either that or “Rocky Horror Picture Show”.

  13. Neil Gaiman rewrites _The Incompleat Enchanter_.

    David Weber rewrites _The Skylark of Space_

    Robert Aspirin rewrites a Xanth book (pick any one, they’re all pretty much the same).

    John Ringo rewrites _Cobra_ (by Timothy Zahn)

    George R. R. Martin rewrites _Lord of the Rings_

  14. It was already done, and brilliantly so, but I’d still pay cash money (as the man says) to see it: Harlan Ellison rewrites I, Robot.

  15. For LotR, I think I’d like to see NK Jemisin.
    Robert Morgan should do The Chronicles of Prydain.
    and Kim Stanley Robinson could rewrite the Foundation Trilogy

  16. Tom Robbins: The Shockwave Rider (Brunner)

    Tom Stoppard: The Technicolor Time Machine (Harrison)

    Suzanne Collins: Ringworld

    I’d pay to read John Irving’s Stranger in a Strange Land

  17. I know it’s not an author remaking a book, but I would love to see Quentin Tarantino remake “Star Wars”. Maybe an author who can channel Tarantino could rewrite the original Star Wars Ep 3-5 movies in novel form.

    Obi Wan: This is your father’s light saber. He hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. And now, little man, I give this lightsaber to you.

    (Han Solo is being lowered into pit, about to be frozen in carbonite)
    Princess Leia: I love you, Pumpkin.
    Han Solo: I love you, Honeybunny.

    Princess Leia (In Jaba’s lair. pushes button on thermal detonator): Any of you fucking pricks move, and I’ll execute every motherfucking last one of ya!

    (at the cantina bar, while Luke and Obi Wan are looking for a ship, the 5,6,7,8’s are playing in the background. Vincent and Jules are in a dark corner,)
    Vincent: Want some bacon?
    Jules: No man, I don’t eat pork.
    ….

    (Door opens to detention cell, revealing Princess Leia. Darth Vader walks in)
    Darth (to guard): Bring in the gimp.
    Guard: I think the gimp is sleeping.
    Darth: Well, I guess you better go wake him up then.

  18. Even though you said not to use your books, how can we not have Philip K Dick rewriting Android’s Dream?

  19. I’d pay Harlan Ellison to rewrite anything in the Disney oeuvre. But only if I was wealthy enough to afford the legal costs.

  20. Shakespeare and TWILIGHT have already been suggested, but not together.

    LotR as reimagined by Steven Erikson and GRRM are both amazing ideas. My vote there would be for GRRM to write the good (or, in his hands, “good”) guys and Erikson to write the Mordor side. Problem: V. different production speeds.

    I’m also in favor of Master Li and Number Ten Ox continuing, but I think Steven Brust would be a better fit than Neil Gaiman.

    OK, originality: Charlie Stross and Cat Valente collaborate on THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS. Gene Wolfe rewrites THE CITY & THE CITY. Haruki Murakami upends THE NAME OF THE WIND. I could do this all day.

  21. Ooh, Sommerset-Maugham does I Robot.

    Joseph Conrad does the Iliad.

    Hemmingy does Star Wars: A New Hope (novel or screenplay with Wlliam Faulkner).

    Virginia Woolf does Stand on Zanzibar

    And of course,

    Edgar Rice Burroughs does Starship Troopers.

  22. Argh, crossed with Ghislord. Oh well.

    Gosh, someone really should redo the Chronicles of Prydain, but I don’t know about Robert Morgan. Given the folklore/YA angle, I think I’d have to go for Cat Valente. Plus she’d write Eilonwy properly.

  23. Christopher Moore rewrites King Lear. Oh, wait

    Okay, how about Hayao Miyazaki doing an animated film of Alfred Bester’s The Stars My Destination?

  24. Ted Dekker rewrites the White Gold Wielder series. Or R.A. Salvatore rewriting The Hobbit/LOTR. Those would have a twist to them!

  25. Aww, someone beat me to Shakespeare and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

    John Milton rewrites the Matrix.
    George R.R. Martin rewrites Paradise Lost.
    Lois McMaster Bujold writes the sequel to Much Ado about Nothing (she did such a fantastic job rewriting Richard III through Miles)
    Christopher Marlowe rewrites Death of a Salesman.
    Beaumont and Fletcher rewrite the Anita Blake series.

  26. On second thoughts, I want David Fincher to do the Matrix sequels. Kubrick can have Prometheus. :-)

    Also, I suggest Joss Whedon to write and direct the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

  27. Patrick Rothfuss – The Hobbit
    Roger Zelazny – The Chronicles of Narnia
    Robert Asprin – The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

    PS – You also kinda did Starship Troopers…

  28. Lois McMaster Bujold re-writes Georgette Heyer. Imagine The Talisman Ring with Miles Vorkosigan and Ivan Vorpatril.

    Heck, she could take on Guy Gavriel Kay’s books. She does very well with historically based Fantasy.

  29. The problem is that Roger Zelazny made it clear that nobody should write Amber apart from him, so we will never see the way he intended to tie it all up. If he hadn’t said that then Steven Brust would be perfect, with Neil Gaiman as a close runner up.

  30. Oh, having seen the Belgariad mentioned above, now THAT’s something I’d like to see rewritten by Steven Erikson…

  31. Quentin Tarantino – Star Wars movies 7-9.
    John Churchill rewrites Marlborough: His Life and Times.
    William S. Burroughs – a Tarzan book (a tip of the hat to Philip Jose Farmer who actually wrote a pastiche on this very subject).
    Second the motion upthread for Shakespeare to take on a King Arthur play.

  32. The Wealth of Nations by David Foster Wallace, just to see how many footnotes he could end up with.

    I wouldn’t mind seeing what Richard Morgan could to with the Stainless Steel Rat,

    Drew

  33. Edward Witten (born 26 August 1951) — American theoretical physicist with a focus on mathematical physics who is a professor of Mathematical Physics at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton, New Jersey — to write a sequel to Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, Latin for “Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy”, often referred to as simply the Principia, the work in three books by Sir Isaac Newton, first published 5 July 1687.

    Witten is a researcher in superstring theory, a theory of quantum gravity, supersymmetric quantum field theories and other areas of mathematical physics. He has made contributions in mathematics and helped bridge gaps between fundamental physics and other areas of mathematics. In 1990 he became the first physicist to be awarded a Fields Medal by the International Union of Mathematics. In 2004, Time magazine stated that Witten was widely thought to be the world’s greatest living theoretical physicist. A biopic of him would hinge on how he switched from quite a different field. Witten was born in Baltimore, Maryland, the son of Lorraine W. Witten and Louis Witten, a theoretical physicist specializing in gravitation and general relativity.

    Witten attended the Park School of Baltimore (class of ’68), and received his Bachelor of Arts with a major in history and minor in linguistics from Brandeis University in 1971. He published articles in The New Republic and The Nation. In 1968 Witten published an article in The Nation arguing that the New Left had no strategy. He worked briefly for George McGovern, a Democratic presidential nominee in 1972. McGovern lost the election in a landslide to Richard Nixon.

    Witten attended the University of Wisconsin–Madison for one semester as an economics graduate student before dropping out. He returned to academia, enrolling in applied mathematics at Princeton University[citation needed] then shifting departments and receiving a Ph.D. in physics in 1976 under David Gross, the 2004 Nobel laureate in Physics. He held a fellowship at Harvard University (1976–77), was a junior fellow in the Harvard Society of Fellows (1977–80), and held a MacArthur Foundation fellowship (1982).

    I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with Ed Witten several times, and have Sir Isaac Newton as a character in half a dozen of my novels.

  34. G. G. Marquez: Neuromancer

    Mark Helprin: The Stainless Steel Rat

    John Nichols: The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress

  35. P.G. Wodehouse takes a crack at Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, esp. Going Postal or Making Money

  36. The Universal Pantograph, by Philip K Dick. We need _someone_ to complete Alexei Panshin’s series, and Dick would give it a startling new direction for an unexpected conclusion.

  37. A friend of mine suggested that Mike DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko (creators of Avatar: the Last Airbender) do the Star Wars prequels, based on the fact they actually managed a redemptive arc that did not stink. Granted, you might have to ask for them to do all six movies. (Plus, they’ve coordinated some pretty cool supernatural martial arts cinematics.)

    I’d be tempted to assemble a crowd of fantasy authors (Lois Bujold, Elizabeth Bear, Steven Brust, Jim Hines) and just say ‘rewrite Lord of the Rings’* to compare all the different things that come out. Or, heck, ‘Twilight’ or “Harry Potter’.

    Or see what happens when you got someone who writes interesting non-human aliens (China Mieville comes to mind) to do the Star Trek franchise of their choice. Or I’d like to see Octavia Butler do Deep Space 9.

    Or someone (preferably someone with some medical training) rebooting Sector General.

    Give Shakespeare an urban fantasy — say, the Dresden Files, or Twilight.

    * Granted, there’s a joke in there about all the fantasy authors who have been riffing off of LotR.

  38. Elizabeth Bear and Sarah Monette re-writing Dragonriders of Pern. Because I’ve read Companion to Wolves, dammit.

  39. First choice: Lawrence Kasdan doing a complete rework of the Star Wars prequels, with a story assist by George Lucas, circa 1979 (actually, I’d suggest that a lot of the concepts of the prequels could be left intact, but obviously with a lot of heavy lifting and general polish). And heck, if those work out, Episodes 7-9 too please.

    And while I don’t want anyone rewriting The Lord of the Rings, if Chris Tolkien didn’t mind*, I’d personally love to take a crack at writing novels set, say, throughout the history of Rohan.

    If we’re going to have George R.R. Martin involved in anything, I’d say more Conan or other Robert E. Howard stories. And Guy Gavriel Kay should totally take a crack at The Worm Ouroboros.

    * Chris Tolkien minds.

  40. An episode of Dr. Who by Pratchett
    Good Omens by Douglas Adams
    Neuromancer by Neal Stephenson
    Elric by Gaimen

    and in the ‘just to see’ category the Star Wars series directed by Peter Jackson

    Apologies if any have been mentioned already.

  41. Diana Wynne Jones rewrites Altered Carbon
    Alexandre Dumas rewrites The Wheel of Time (I wonder how the lenght would change…)

  42. David Drake rewrites Phil Farmer’s World of Tiers
    John C. Wright rewrites Phil Farmer’s Riverworld Series

  43. I’d like to see God take a crack at the Bible. Having the authentic version would be remarkable, though I would hope that He would take the frailities of our soft human brains in consideration as He composed it (but of course He would; He’s like that.)

    Ringo does The Left Hand of Darkness and Niven/Pournelle tackle The Dispossessed.

    Gene Wolfe rewrites anything.

    Finnegan’s Wake in English.

    Anthony Burgess’ take on a Golden Age/Campbell-type Classic.

  44. Haruki Murakami rewrites Lovecraft’s The Mountains of Madness. (But I’d chip in for your choice, too – can we Kickstarter that?)

  45. I was going to say Cherryh rewrites Eric, but then I was not sure if she has not already sort of done that. Well she could always do it more directly and better.

  46. David Eddings rewrite of Harry Potter.
    (Eddings was a master world builder and I think that is the one place Rowlings falls down)

  47. How about a two-way swap: Rex Stout* writes a Vorkosigan novel, and Lois Bujold writes a Nero Wolfe novel?

    — Steve

    * Recently rewatched the A&E series of Nero Wolfe, so I’m on a bit of a Stout kick. Damn, I hate that it was cancelled after two seasons… so maybe Aaron Sorkin picks up where they left off as another pick though I don’t know who you’d cast to replace Maury Chaykin

  48. Brandon Sanderson does Game of Thrones

    although I am suddenly struck by a desire to read the Dr Seuss version of China’s “Between Equal Rights: A Marxist Theory of International Law”. For the absurdity value.

  49. I can’t pick just one…

    Eric Flint to rewrite/reboot Cordwainer Smith’s “The Ballad of Lost C’mell.” (and/or all of the Animal People stories.)

    Shirley Jackson to rewrite The Stand

    Andre Norton to rewrite Farmer in the Sky

    Robert Adams to rewrite Dragonflight

  50. Someone already suggested Charlie Stross doing a Stainless Steel Rat story.

    How about Charlie Stross to rewrite Twiight. (Not a serious suggestion, but I’d love to be there when someone suggested it to him)

    Actually… Neil Gaiman’s version of Twilight might be interesting.

  51. Hmm… I’d be interested in seeing what happened if some good writers got hold of various video game scripts. So, with that in mind:

    Final Fantasy VII rewritten by either Shakespeare, Kyd or Marlowe (because it’s a revenge tragedy, after all; and let’s face it, Elizabethan English isn’t much more messed up than the original English translation of that game).

    Final Fantasy VIII rewritten by Ibsen, or possibly by Oscar Wilde (FFVIII is about relationships, the past, the future, and the way they all tangle together. Ibsen did a lot with relationships, and I think Wilde might have been able to get a bit more of an interesting subtext for the characters).

    Final Fantasy XIII rewritten by Samuel Beckett (because hey, it wouldn’t make much less sense than the original did).

  52. Brust and Bull together do a sequel to Busman’s Honeymoon (because Freedom and Necessity suggests they could get Harriet and Peter right). Wossername who writes the Penderwicks books does a sequel to Arthur Ransome’s books *or* to the Melendy family books. Jane Austen rewrites Miss Read’s Fairacre books.

    Jo Walton does Sayers with dragons, as a sequel to her Trollope with dragons.

  53. Interesting possibilities:

    * The Valdemar series by Mercedes Lackey, as written by either Diane Duane or Charles de Lint.
    * Elizabeth Peters’ Amelia Peabody mysteries, as written by Seanan McGuire.
    * New mysteries featuring Emma Lathen’s John Putnam Thatcher, by either Susan Shwartz or Laurie R. King.
    * Susan Cooper’s Dark is Rising cycle, as written by Neal Stephenson…or Terry Pratchett.
    * Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt series, as written by Katherine Neville (author of The Eight).

    And one more: we lost Tom Deitz with what looked to me like one or three novels’ worth of story left in his “David Sullivan” series (beginning with Windmaster’s Bane. I would dearly love to see that series completed — but who do you recruit? Emma Bull, maybe? I am very much open to suggestion on this one.

  54. Kenneth Branagh directs William Goldman’s adaptation of Vernor Vinge’s epic “Transformers: Maximum Dinobots”

  55. I’d like to read Lord Dunsany’s Lord of the Rings. I anticipate it would cover the same story elements in a single volume.

  56. John Ringo re-writes “Ringworld” (explosions! bikinis! kinky interspecies sex!)
    Bently Little re-writes “At the Mountains of Madness”
    David and Leigh Eddins re-write “Lord of the RIngs”

  57. C.J. Cherryh does Harry Potter. A, another I’d pay money for.

    Jack L Chaulker does Foundation series.

  58. Richard Matheson rewrites all the Dexter books. Now those’d be terrifying.

    Cormac McCarthy rewrites The Stand. A much shorter book.

  59. “The Ten Commandments” by Peter Watts.

    Seriously, I’d kill any number of American border guards to see this.

  60. Tarantino does Star Trek would be an obvious entertainment. “Say what again! I dare you!!!”

    Richard Morgan rebooting John Carter of Mars would be interesting. Richard Morgan doing a screen treatment of Harry Potter should also be interesting.

    I like the already-mentioned idea of Iain Banks doing the Lensmen saga.

    Wodehouse doing Game of Thrones ought to be a hoot!

  61. John Norman rewrite’s Anne Rice’s “Claiming of Sleeping Beauty.” Oh wait…he already did. In advance.

  62. Guy Gavriel Kay does Harry Potter, making the world more coherent and wondrous at the same time.
    Tim Powers to rewrite The Chronicles of Narnia. The talking animals would not be cute.

  63. I’d like to see Quentin Tarantino do a remake of An Affair to Remember.
    I’d also like to see Larry Niven rewrite Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.
    To be followed by George RR Martin writing a few more volumes of A Dance to the Music of Time.

  64. Lee Child rewrites “The Hobbit,” recasting Bilbo as one bad mamba jamba. Just so I can see, in print, the line “Bilbo said nothing.”

  65. Stephanie Meyer rewrites the Star Wars Prequels.

    Oh, I have no doubt it would be bad, I’m just curious how *entertainingly* bad it would be.

  66. Neal Stephenson redoing LeGuins ultra-short The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas. The backstory is just his cup of tea, but seeing where he’d take it would be . . . interesting.

  67. Wow, John – you used the term “cash money.” I thought I was the only person who remembered that one, and I learned it from the hillbilly next door when I was a tyke. Are you sure you’re originally from California? :-)

    OK, my contribution … Just because of the vast difference between styles (i.e., not due to subject matter), I’d say:
    C.S. Lewis (master of the concise, with prose so dense you can think days on a single paragraph)
    re-writing one of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time books (which contain lengthy descriptions of clothing and scenery and also a lot of action that, to me, seems like hazing).

    WoT has a great story arc – I’d like to see the core plot, and the meanings behind it, more to the fore.

  68. I’d like Terry Pratchett to try a Harry Potter prequel, or Neil Gaiman to try a Star Wars book (at any point in the extended universe). I’d also be interested in Kate Elliott’s take on Gail Carriger’s “Parasol Protectorate” series

  69. @old aggie, speaking of concise writers tackling rambling tomes, I’d like to see what Elmore Leonard could do with The Silmarillion.

  70. A couple folks have mentioned Doc Smith’s Lensman series –

    J. Michael Straczynski was signed by a film comany a couple years back, to adapt Lensman for the screen.

    I would pay *serious* cash money to see that – or for whatever format he produced / published his work in.

  71. Gregory Maguire does Beowulf
    Jasper Fforde does The Odyssey/Iiliad
    CL Moore does SM Sitrling’s Island in the Sea of Time

  72. @Scalzi, one could argue that you’ve recently rewritten the Star**** scripts as well…

    Back on topic: I’d like to see Terry Pratchett rewrite, well, almost anything. I’d have him start with the biblical Book of Exodus. An Angel of Death, with a sense of humour, would make for an interesting read.

    I’d love to see some of the recent police procedurals (e.g. NCIS, The Closer, …) rewritten by Carl Sagan. I can’t quite imagine the results, but I’m sure the technology would end up phenomenally accurate – or out of this world!

  73. I’d love to see any number of reworks of the Book of Job. Stephen King seems an obvious choice, for the horror God visited upon Job, but I think I’d rather see a detail-on-the-trivia of that world done by Neal Stephenson’s take on ancient Bablyon and how one good man got the shaft.

  74. I was happy to see Spider Robinson mentioned way back. Look what he did with Heinlein’s “Variable Star”, f’rinstance.
    A real possibility, since he’s admitted he’s a great fan — any or all of the Travis McGee tales. Failing that, related pulp collections like the Matt Helm books or the Destroyer ones — the latter in particular needed more humanizing. Or the Executioner, still in essentially the same genre.

  75. I would love to see Ernest Cline’s sequel to Robinson Crusoe.
    Kevin Hearne would do an amazing job with the sequel to The Jungle Book.
    Jim Butcher for the Maltese Falcon.

  76. How about O.Henry rewriting War and Peace while Leo Tolstoy rewrites O. Henry’s “the Gift” as a trilogy.

  77. David Webber rewriting the Hornblower books.

    Or, on a serious note, I’d love to see more of de Camp’s ‘Krishna’ stories, perhaps penned by Charles Stross

  78. OK, “Star Wars” has been done to death on this thread.

    How about just a continuation of “Firefly”, Joss again at the helm*.

    I don’t want much, or anything supernatural like having Shakespeare do it.

    Oh, and “Farscape”.

    *Why does Joss seem to have to constantly prove himself even though he made some of the best TV ( and movies) around?

  79. anyone — seriously, pick a name out of the phone — to rewrite David Brin’s Uplift Trilogy (Brightness Reef, Infinity’s Shore, Heaven’s Reach). Startide Rising needs a decent sequel.

  80. GRR Martin – Wheel of Time
    Neil Gaiman or Simon R Green – Amber
    Jim Butcher – Twilight
    Simon Green – Nero Wolfe books

  81. John Scalzi rewrites “Atlas Shrugged” staying true to the theme that the producers (whether rich or poor) are of value.

  82. Second the idea of Richard K Morgan and the Stainless Steel Rat. Also would like to see what he does with Clockwork Orange.

  83. Philip K. Dick rewrites Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream”. Why: Shakespeare’s trippiest comedy gets trippier and darker.

    Lois M. Bujold: “The Incompleat Enchanter” (or the Compleat Enchanter if she has the time!). Why: LMB can add depth to the story without losing the madcap pace of the plot.
    or alternatively,
    Spider Robinson does the Vorkosigan saga. (Barrayar if I have to pick just one). Why Robinson would maintain the pace of the plot but would be bound to add something out of left field that packs a wallop, OTOH his best stuff is in short stories, so he’d have to sustain the writing quality.

  84. A couple more, going a bit more baroque:

    * Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula novels as written by L. Frank Baum
    * L. Frank Baum’s Oz books as written for the stage by Shakespeare

  85. Nnedi Okorafor writing Elric of Melniboné.
    Robert Howard writing Shogun.
    Roger Waters writing any Harlequin romance.
    Wil Wheaton writing an original-series Star Trek episode.

  86. Heinlein – Hunger games or Twilight. He couldn’t make them worse!
    Actually what might be better would be to bring him back knowing he was actually immortal and have him rewrite his last couple of decades works without his fixation with living forever.

    Shakespeare – a season of Mad Men

  87. 1) Tyrion Lannister gives his first person-account of the events of “A Song of Ice and Fire”.

    2) Tyrion Lannister gives us his account of what he’d do to Joffrey Baratheon if stranded with the boy for a week.

    3) Joffrey Baratheon gives us an avante-garde play in three acts.

    Who said we couldn’t pick fictional people?

  88. Submitted for your consideration:
     1.  Gregory Mcdonald (Fletch, Flynn novels) reboots Neal Stephenson’s The Big U; in retaliation, Neal co-opts Gregory’s Flynn for a new police procedural story (set in Boston, natch).
     2.  Anne McCaffrey writes a prequel to Shards of Honor which chronicles the early life of Cordelia Naismith; Lois McMaster Bujold reboots the Pegasus cycle.
     3.  Harry Harrison and Keith Laumer agree to swap exclusive rights to their respective characters: James Bolivar diGriz and Jason dinAlt in exchange for Jaime Retief and the Bolos.  Readers expire from laughter.  All die.  O the merriment.

  89. Douglas Adams redoes pretty much anything. More specifically, the “sprawl” trilogy (William Gibson’s Neuromance, Count Zero, and Mona Lisa Overdrive) would be extemely entertaining. Of course, the trilogy would grow to six books and be done as a radio show, BBC TV production, and, eventually, a movie (with a couple of albums and stage plays thrown in for good measure) and each version would contradict previous versions.

    For that matter, a William Gibson remake of H2G2 would be quite interesting as well.

  90. OK, I’ll just say it then (even though “Star Wars” has been overused) Frank Herbert writes, Kurosawa directs (with technical support from Spielberg) the two “Star Wars” trilogies.

  91. Cherie Priest to rewrite The Time Machine or War of the Worlds. Or the opposite: HG. Wells to rewrite anything from Cherie Priest’s Clockwork series.

    A lot of people have already mentioned remakes of Lord of the Rings by various authors, but I would like to see Joe Abercrombie rewrite it. He’d make the characters more interesting.

  92. RA Lafferty – Beowulf
    Dana Stabenow – The Odyssey
    Robertson Davies – The Harry Potter series
    Christopher Moore – seasons 5-7 of Supernatural

  93. This is random – also my first post, so perhaps appropriate – I’d like Jane Austen to rewrite Flowers in the Attic. I remember trying to sneak out of the library in order to read because it seemed naughty. The librarian (small-town) caught me. I was devastated years later because it was so awful that I never even finished it.

  94. Battlefield Earth as written by Peter F. Hamilton. I think he could do something amazing with it like, ya know, turn it into a decent novel or something. Or he might just replace all the allegorical references to Scientology with gratuitous sex scenes. That alone would be an improvement.

  95. I thought yesterday’s blog was hot. This one went to town, came back and showered, then went out again.

    My pick would be Neil Gaiman and The Lord of the Rings.

  96. Edgar Wright – Star Wars (Ramone Flowgana! Scott Pilgrimwalker! Obi-Wallace Kenobi!)
    David Lynch – Lord of the Rings (Gollum is Frodo from the future after the ring drives him mad, dwarves still talk backwards)
    Joss Whedon – Little Women (Spoiler: Jo dies from being impaled by an ice skate in the last 10 pages)
    Ray Harryhausen – Avatar (No CG, but still in 3D)
    Jack Kirby – Flowers for Algernon (Algernon becomes GALACTUS, EATER OF WORLDS!)
    Quintin Tarantino – A Catcher in the Rye (pimply, prep-school runaway shoot ‘em up in NYC’s underbelly, lots of cursing!)

  97. Arthur Conan Doyle – The Hunt for Red October
    Alexandre Dumas – The Razor’s Edge
    Dante Alighieri – Atlas Shrugged

  98. Also, take anything Star Trek and let C.J. Cherryh at it. She’d give it a terrible swift kick in the cojones. I love the idea of a Cherryh Klingon. That would be awesome.

  99. I’d buy a day one hardcover at retail price for a version of The Hobbit redone by Peter S. Beagle.

  100. George R. R. Martin rewrites the Old Testament. It’s the only way it could be bloodier, more depressing, more titilating, and a heck of a lot MORE INTERESTING.

  101. Sorry, I meant: Neal Stephenson – Flowers for Algernon

    I still see the movie Charly everytime I think of it…

  102. John Carter of Mars, by Alexander Dumas
    Atlas Shrugged, by Charles Dickens
    The Maltese Falcon, by John Le Carre

  103. I think Brandon Sanderson re-writing the John Carter of Mars books (just the first three) would be fantastic.

  104. Richard Morgan rewrites Neuromancer. Or maybe, T.C. McCarthy. Willis Corto gets a mental breakdown, I get goose pumps.

  105. We were somewhere around the Serpent Swarm At the edge of the Wunderland system when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe we should switch to autopilot….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the space outside our transparent hull was full of what looked like huge bandersnatchi, all throbbing and creeping peristaltically and respiring wetly around the ship, which had dropped into plain space just about the time I had ingested these terrible, terrible alkaloids. And a voice was screaming “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn Slaver relics?”

    Then it was quiet again. My Puppeteer attorney had taken his sash off and was mixing a Singapore Sling in one of his mouths, stirring it with a swizzle stick held in the other. “What the hell are you yelling about?” he muttered, staring out towards the red disc of Centauri B. “Never mind,” I said. “It’s your turn to pilot.” I powered down the inertialess drive and turned the Skydiver about. No point mentioning those bandersnatchi, I thought. The poor cowardly bastard will see them soon enough.

    this pretty much reduces my teenage years into two paragraphs.

  106. Patrick Rothfuss rewrites Vanity Fair. Mercedes Lackey rewrites Wuthering Heights. Octavia Butler rewrites The Scarlet Letter. Then she rewrites Wide Sargasso Sea.

  107. Raymond Chandler re-writes Agatha Christie’s “Murder on the Orient Express”
    C.J. Cherryh re-writes any Honor Harrington novel.
    Catherynne M. Valente writes a sequel to Neil Gaiman’s “Stardust”
    George R.R. Martin re-writes Geoffrey of Monmouth’s “Historia Regum Britanniae”

  108. Steakley’s “Armor” — by James Tiptree, Jr.

    The “real” biography of James Tiptree, Jr. — by P.J. Farmer

  109. Can I pick two? How about one and a half?

    Charles Stross’ “Accelerando” by Susanna Clarke
    Poul Anderson’s “Brain Wave” by Charles Stross

    Okay, two and a half!

    Poul Anderson’s “Tau Zero” by Alastair Reynolds

  110. John Scalzi rewrites “Snow Crash.”
    Stephen King rewrites “American Gods.”
    Stephen Baxter rewrites “A Deepness is the Sky/A Fire Upon the Deep”

  111. Jim Butcher’s takes on:
    – American Gods
    – Farscape
    – the 9th Doctor (or maybe the 12th)

    Laurel K Hamilton writes a very special “Buffy/Angel” two-parter.

  112. I’d like to see Jim Butcher rewrite Sherlock Holmes Hound of the Baskervilles.

    And I typed this before I saw that Jim Butcher was listed directly above. Huh.

  113. “Green Eggs and Ham” by Franz Kafka
    “The Stars My Destination” as a Hope & Crosby “Road” movie
    “Batman: Year One” by Neil Gaman
    The stage version of “A Canticle For Liebowitz” written & directed by Orson Wells
    “The Hobbit” by Beatrice Potter

  114. Carl Hiaasen rewrites Atlas Shrugged. One-tenth way through his interminable speech, John Galt is fed to an alligator by Skink, to the great relief of everyone listening.

  115. Neal Stephenson’s _The_Once_and_Future_King_.

    If I had more than one vote:

    Neil Gaiman’s _Alice’s_Adventures_in_Wonderland_.

    Cherie Priest’s _Adventures_of_Sherlock_Holmes_.

    Philip K. Dick’s _Wonderful_Wizard_of_Oz_

  116. My wife’s vote is for more Mirabile (Janet Kagan) stories, written by Seanan McGuire.

    Me, I’m wanting to see Nick Park’s (Aardman Animation) remake of Avatar. “There’s a good, errr, thing, Gromit!”

  117. John Scalzi pens the script to the remake of “Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins”. Or any other bad 80s action film.

  118. Steven Erikson remaking Lord of the Rings. Let us feel the elves’ burden of ages and make us care about bad guys. It’s a perfect fit.

  119. Mike Ford, resting up after his resurrection, puts his spin on Julian May’s Pleistocene Exile trilogy, starting with “The Many-Colored Land.”

    Joanna Russ (on the chaise next to Mike) rewrites “Stranger in a Strange Land,” giving us Jubilee Harshaw and Michelle Valentine Smith.

    CJ Cherryh novelizes Machiavelli’s “The Prince.”

  120. P. K. Dick remakes The Wizard Of Oz. (Someone needs to think hard about how and why those two realities overlap.)

  121. Also P. K. Dick doing either Flann O’Brien’s “At-swim-Two-Birds” or his “The Third Policeman”

  122. Guy Gavriel Kay redoes Bujold’s The Spirit Ring.
    Lois McMaster Bujold redoes The Chronicles of Prydain.
    Emma Bull and Steven Brust redo A Tale Of Two Cities.
    Ursula LeGuin redoes The Ship Who Sang.
    Elizabeth Moon redoes Harry Potter.

    I could do this all day, but I will stop now.

  123. George Orwell re-writes The Hunger Games because I kind of die a little inside when I think about the potential that series had.
    And for the fun of it, Terry Pratchett rewrites Christopher Paolini’s Eragon. In one huge doorstopper with many footnotes.

  124. Saw some references to Master Li and Number 10 Ox. Anyone who is interested can pick it up for $2.99 for Kindle.

  125. • Scott Westerfeld reboots John Christopher’s “Tripods Trilogy”.
    • Osamu Tezuka doing Westerfeld’s “Uglies” Series.
    • Jane Austen rewriting Mickey Spillane’s “Mike Hammer”.

  126. At: secondgenfan: Jaqueline Carey actually did an adaptation of Tolkien with Banewreaker and Godslayer.

    George RR Martin does a screenplay for an HBO series of the Alexiad by Anna Komnena. (I am probably the only person in the world that wants this, though.)

  127. Ok, I must admit that I love some of the above ideas but, to avoid the mallet, here are mine:
    Steven Eriksson to rewrite LOTR – So obvious that it’s already been suggested.
    Iain Banks’ Star Wars prequels (1-3).
    David Gemmell’s Harry Potter. What could be more Gemmell than a hero avenging the murder of his family against an evil lord?
    John Steinbeck or Upton Sinclair to rewrite Atlas Shrugged.

  128. Joss Whedon’s The Handmaid’s Tale.
    Steven King’s Beloved.
    Spike Lee’s Hannah and Her Sisters.

  129. Hemmingway does Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (900 pages down to 150).

    A second vote for Tarantino’s Star Wars and Kafka’s Twilight. And Scalzi’s Atlas Shrugged, brilliant! Can we get a Kickstarter going for that.

  130. Bob @ 7:19 – oh yeah!

    And how about Carl’s buddy Dave Barry – in his humor mode – re-imagining some brooding tale like Wuthering Heights?

    These comments have been amazing!

  131. Beverly Cleary – The Catcher in the Rye

    Douglas Adams’ continuation of the Millennium series.

  132. - S.M. Stirling redoes A Canticle for Leibowitz
    – David Weber redoes the Foundation series
    – Stephen King redoes Harry Potter (I’m kidding on that one, but I bet King would have a lot of fun with Voldemort)
    – Chris Roberson redoes Niven’s Ringworld
    – or, John Birmingham redoes Niven’s Ringworld
    – Weber does a series of Man-Kzin Wars books

  133. Patrick Rothfuss re-writing or doing a sequel to, Lud-in-the-Mist.

    Carrie Vaughn rewrites the Potterverse books, from Hermione’s viewpoint.

    Rob Thurman’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.

    Seanan McGuire’s How to Train Your Dragon.

    Blake Charlton rewriting the Eragon books.

  134. Diane Duane redoes ALL of Star Trek: The Original Series and The Next Generation – with big budgets!

  135. Eugie Foster to reboot The Forgotten Beasts of Eld.
    Pamela Dean to Fear of Flying
    Cecilia Tan to reboot 50 Shades of Grey
    Ian Banks rewrites Star Wars. All of it.
    Steven Boyett reboots Glory Road.

  136. I thought about it a little longer and I think I would also like to see Terry Pratchett version of Stranger in a Strange Land and Ursula Le Guin remaking ASOIAF.

  137. the team behind the BBC Sherlock series, the next Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law

    Laurie R. King, extensions of the Lord Peter Wimsey series (I think she could do a HECK of alot better job than the woman that is doing the extensions on the series with estate permission)

    Dashiel Hammett, the Dresden Files books

    Jim Butcher and Glenn Cook, working together to rewrite the Maltese Falcon and The Thin Man

  138. @Tehanu – Seconded; I’d love to read more Trek from Diane Duane. The Wounded Sky was always one of my favorite Trek novels.

    Also:
    – a James Bond novel from John LeCarre
    – bring back Robert Jordan to finish the Wheel of Time series
    – Joss Whedon finally gives us an Incredibles sequel
    – Robert Downey Jr. as Crowley in Guy Ritchie’s Good Omens

  139. Candace Bushnell rewrites “Honor Harrington”

    Off topic, Diane Duane’s Star Trek: “Rhiannsu Saga” as a HBO miniseries would be epic…

  140. * Mark Twain bases a tale in the universe of Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions.

    * Lewis Carroll makes a bewildering reinterpretation of The Hobbit.

    * Neil Gaiman rewrites anything by Edgar Alan Poe.

    * Terry Pratchett rewrites The Arabian Nights: Tales from a Thousand and One Nights

  141. The Wheel of Time series as redone by Steven Bust and Glen Cook.

    There, now its not (mostly) rubbish.

  142. Please tell me this will end up in the toastmasters speech activities for Chicon…

  143. The California Raisins perform The Rime of the Ancient Mariner as rewritten by H. P. Lovecraft

    Harry Potter rewritten by the Marquis de Sade

    The Sleeper Awakes rewritten by Woody Allen…oh, wait, never mind.

  144. Ernest Hemingway should rewrite Blackout/All Clear by Connie Willis.

    Connie Willis should rewrite Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love.

    Neil Gaiman should redo Miller’s Death of a Salesman.

    Given his talent for exhaustive descriptions of every last meal, George R.R. Martin should rewrite Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham.

  145. Since it’s already been seconded, I third Amy’s Lazurus Long World As Myth multiverse Spider Robinson suggestion at 11:14; I also second MikeB-CDA’s Spider R. Travis Mcgee suggestion at 1:23.

    Given what a big fanboy of Roger Zelazny Spider R. has shown himself to be throughout his novels and stories, especially of having characters embrace the metaphor of Aspect and Attribute, my choice (and it would seem to be a natural) would be to have Spider Robinson re-imagine Zelazny’s Lord Of Light

  146. I’d have Stephen King do The Hunger Games, because it would be so much better. Oh wait, he did it already with The Running Man. But that was just a short one and a long time ago. Give him the plot of The Hunger Games and he could make it rock and roll.

  147. Ridley Scott remakes Terminator
    Hayao Miyazaki’s Lord of the Flies
    Chris Nolan updates Gilgamesh

  148. Doctor Seuss rewrites Atlas Shrugged.

    While staying true to his “no more than 50 distinct words per book” formula.

  149. e.e. smith does “Star Trek”.

    Hunter S. Thompson does “Star Trek”.

    Hunter S. Thompson does “Dune”.

  150. I’d like to see Richard Kadrey abuse the heck out of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Charles de Lint make magic out of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and have Shakespeare make a stage play out of Neuromancer.

  151. The whole staff – writers, producers, casting, everybody – of the Game of Thrones TV series redoes The Dresden Files TV series. Butcher’s books are great; the actual TV series just butchered them.

  152. Three requests for Mozart:
    1W.A. Mozart – 24 Preludes and Fugues for Solo Piano (J.S. Bach, Shostakovich, Chopin and others did cycles of these IRL)
    2The Merry Wives of Windsor – music by Mozart, libretto based on Shakespeare’s play*
    3Nixon in China – music by Mozart, libretto by da Ponte

    * This was ‘actually’ written in the alternate history novel Dead, Mr. Mozart.

  153. William T Vollmann’s Moby Dick
    Charles Stross’ The Holy Bible
    Thomas Pynchon’s Blackout/All Clear
    Margaret Atwood’s Manifold series
    Jack Womack’s Vorkosigan series

  154. Richard Feynman’s Principia
    David Ambrose – The Iliad
    Jon Ronson’s The Madness of Crowds:A History of Extraordinary Popular Delusions
    Alan Moore – The Third Policeman

  155. Peter Watts: remake of or sequel to “Felidae”
    For this I would send prayers to Jasmine Fitzgerald for bringing B&B into a “borderline experience” at the Berlin Wall …

  156. Scott Lynch takes on the Chronicles of Master Li and Number 10 Ox
    Cherie Priest rewrites Her Majesty’s Dragon (this time dragons won’t be ponies)
    Michael Chabon gets Lord of Light – it would be glorious

  157. Glenn Cook redoing the last couple of ASOIAF novels. (The fact is that GRR Martin has lost it and the series at this point is looking more and more like Paolini, but with sex and language. Cook could fix that with ease.)

    Though Scalzi hit one out of the ballpark with the Mieville/Dune thing–I’d pay money to read that.

  158. Robert Heinlein rewrites Twilight. If it’s young Heinlein, it would end up being a commentary on the sociopolitical world of mythical creatures or a thrilling coup of the vampire governing structure. If it’s old Heinlein, then we’d get to read about a vampire-human-werewolf three-way, and there’d be none of this wading through four books to get to the nookie nonsense.

  159. Harlan Ellison does “At the Mountains of Madness”, or anything by HP Lovecraft. Or “The Stars, My Destination”.

  160. Earl Mac Rauch and Nick Harkaway collaborate on the sequel to The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension (the long-promised Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League).

  161. Movies:
    György Lukács – Star Wars
    Studio Ghibli – The Kraken Wakes
    Irvine Welsh/Danny Boyle – Billy Liar

  162. I’d actually like to see a Thieves’ World relaunch with Mieville, Bacigalupi, Stephen Donaldson, Saladin Ahmed, John Ringo, Scalzi, Suzanne Collins maybe even JK Rowling.

  163. Love some of these suggestions! For me, I have long wanted to see Kim Stanley Robinson to take the backstory and plot of the video game Homeworld and turn it into a novel, especially after reading the Years of Rice and Salt. Portal has a snarky sense of humor which would be great in John Scalzi’s style of writing.

  164. Ayn Rand rewrites “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
    Robert Jordan rewrites “War and Peace”.
    Stephenie Meyer rewrites “Finnegan’s Wake”.

    Please don’t kill me.

  165. Bordering on breaking your caveat, considering he has taken over the writing of the series, but did not write the first book (or 2-11)…

    I’d like to see Brandon Sanderson re-write The Eye of the World. I would ask for RJ himself to do this, but that would be directly breaking rules. I want this because, to me, the way the magic system is used during the events at the end of the book doesn’t mesh very well with how precise and scientific it gets towards the end of the series. Already knowing that BS is capable of writing in this world, and also taking into account the fact that BS is a big advocate of rule/logic based magic systems that seem like science, it seems to me that he could solve this one flaw in The Eye of the World. Reading the book for the first time, you don’t notice any shortcoming in this regard, but on 2nd and 3rd passes through, you can tell how much more of the world and its rules RJ had developed while writing the later additions to the series.

  166. Neil Gaiman is popular here. I’ll add to his workload. I would love to see his take on The Theban Plays by Sophocles.

    I also think Charles Stross could do an awesome version of The Forever War by Joe Haldeman.

  167. Vernor Vinge to remake Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

    I really want to sick Peter Watts on a good hard-sci-fi movie, but I’m not really sure which one I want yet.

  168. Isaac Asimov to redo “The sword of truth”. Come on people, say yes, this one is badly needing a redo.

  169. Alan Garner, meet Narnia.

    Barrington J. Bayley on The Time Ships (Stephen Baxter’s sequel to The Time Machine) and watch the time travel get exponentially crazier.

  170. David Macauley’s “Ringworld”
    Mark Twain’s “Ender’s Game”
    Charles Dickens’ “Ender’s Game”

  171. Steven King rewrites the “Sears Catalog” because you know, when camping I’d really like the crap scared out of me before completing the paperwork.

    Vernon Vinge does “Flight of the Intruder” because I wonder what hot hydraulic fluid smells like in the future.

  172. William Gibson rewrites “The Crying of Lot 49″.
    Jack Vance continues the Master Li/Number Ten Ox saga.

  173. I’d like the Bitterbynde trilogy be Cecilia Dart-Thornton to be redone. I’ve always felt that it had some great ideas but was let down by the quality of the writing. Now I’m faced with the problem of not being able to think of a suitable Author to write it. Any thoughts?

  174. Patrick Rothfuss remakes Harry Potter
    Scott Lynch writes sequels to the Lankhmar-cycle
    Elmore Leonard edits The Song of Ice and Fire

  175. Susan Cooper – the Avengers movie (although hot dang HP OH YES SO VERY MUCH)
    Robin McKinley – Avatar
    Both women do an awesome job of respecting phrase, character AND reader.

  176. Margaret Mitchell writes the sequel to Gone With the Wind so that others will stop doing so. (Please, end the horror!)
    JK Rowlings writes books 4-6 of the HP series, but this time her editor has a backbone. Book 3-after Rowlings got her eye in but before she became so famous that her editors couldn’t influence her any more-was the best of the series.

  177. John Ringo re-writing “Mutiny on the HMS Bounty”. He can add much-needed awesomeness to what is a pretty good setting. For starters, the protagonist won’t be such a passive wimp. And you know he’ll do more with the “married an island princess” part…

    LOTR re-written by Chris Wooding. Maybe this time we can actually get to know the characters.

    Chalker’s “Lost Fleet” series needs to be re-written with some interesting bad-guy characters. David Weber comes to mind for the job.

    Sorry for the late comment, this is my first on this site….

This is the place where you leave the things you think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s