The National Flag of Catnapistan

Fun facts about Catnapistan: It has the lowest worker productivity numbers of any country in the world, on account of its population sleeping an average of 20 hours a day, and its main exports are disembowled rodents and hairballs. It’s true! You can look it up!

50 thoughts on “The National Flag of Catnapistan

  1. We need more information about this flag: specifically, of what material is it made and how is it flown? I propose that it must be made of a nice soft microfiber fleece, and “flown” flat on a surface illuminated by a sunbeam.

  2. We need more information about this flag: specifically, of what material is it made and how is it flown? I propose that it must be made of a nice soft microfiber fleece, and “flown” flat on a surface illuminated by a sunbeam.

    I have empirical evidence that at least SOME cats prefer straw to microfiber fleece. There is no evidence that this particular cat is unusually brain-damaged, beyond the normal state of cathood that is.

  3. Catnapistan also boasts a complacent slave population who gladly provides food, shelter, and adoration to its ruling feline class.

  4. What an amazing species. Even tigers sleep around 20 hours a day. They also have a success rate of one in twenty hunts. Which reminds me: what the hell were humans thinking when they started farming? “No, seriously, I want to work more for my food. I’m tired of sleeping and hanging with my buds–and hunting when I need to. I’d rather get on my knees and poke stuff in the ground, do a lot of digging in dirt and such, and carry heavy loads all the time.” Yeah–no.

  5. Catnapistan also has a booming service industry in which textiles are imported, covered with hair of a contrasting color, and then exported.

  6. It has the lowest worker productivity numbers of any country in the world, on account of its population sleeping an average of 20 hours a day, and its main exports are disembowled rodents and hairballs.

    Democrats must have one-party rule in Catnapistan.

  7. Scorpius, your insistence on making political cracks in nearly every single thread you comment in, regardless of whether it has any political content at all, is one of your most tiresome qualities. They’re not nearly as clever as you think they are. Please consider getting a new hobby.

  8. @Deidre, 7:56 PM:

    Catnapistan consists of the furniture upon which you intended to sit. This is the Paramount Rule.

    Is this a joke on the etymology of Paramount – i.e., that it has to be with being atop?

  9. John,

    Hmmm, only 2 of my 7 comments today can be seen as at all political. For a ratio of 0.29. Not even a third qualifies for “nearly every single”.

    Maybe you’re just intimidated by my sharp, rapier wit and superior intellectual capacity. ;)

  10. One of the major crises facing Catnapistan is its trade imbalance with Catnipistan.
    I don’t know. Catnapistan has an unwillingness to pay, and Catnipistan has an unwillingness to sell. I suspect that very little trade goes on at all. Instead, there is a steady stream of illegal immigration in both directions. Well theoretically illegal; neither nation is really inclined to pay attention. Catnapistan does have much better relations with Dogopolis because of reciprocal napping agreements.

  11. Disembowled? Does that mean turned out of a bowl, kind of like a pudding, or a molded Jello salad?

  12. Scorpius: I think John was too polite to say “political and/or personally insulting.” I think you are mostly gratuitously insulting, w/o being witty or pertinent. It’s annoying.

  13. Of course one must be atop. This is the Rule. It matters not how many persons are attempting to occupy the same space.

  14. I propose a few minor changes to the flag. Maybe move the cat to the left side, then make the non-cat occupied side of the flag a slightly darker shade. This will properly represent the acknowledged right of all cats to nap in whatever sunbeam is available.

  15. Gleonguerrero writes:
    Which reminds me: what the hell were humans thinking when they started farming?

    That farming increased their average caloric intake per square mile an order of magnitude, allowing larger villages than small groups of hunter-gatherers, and specialization.

    Food variety and health declined a bit, but population density went up significantly.

  16. Gleonguerrero writes:
    “Which reminds me: what the hell
    were humans thinking when they
    started farming?”

    Beer. Initially, they seem to have been thinking of beer.

  17. ……………………………………………………………..
    This comment was left by Midnight, as he climbed from my lap to my keyboard. You figure it out.

  18. DMA,yes they own US. What is wrong with that picture? We’re dogs’ masters and cats’ mothers. We’re so needy to be liked lol.

  19. The rodents, if actually brought into the domicile here, are left alive to be played with later usually. Flying squirrels usually just get released (although if they’ve been caught once, they’ll be caught again), and mice are scooped up and released by the creek. Regular squirrels are typically gutted and eaten outside.

    Lizards, anoles and skinks, are brought in to train the youngsters (who are typically 1-2 years old and shouldn’t need the training). Then there are the palmetto bugs, which are essentially big 1″ or bigger cockroaches. Although this species evidently prefers to be in palmetto trees where they can suck out sap, so they aren’t really interested in your left over food, they just want to be where they can be dry and out of the weather.

    And then there is the occasional bird that is caught, usually unharmed, that we get to catch and release. The ones that don’t make it don’t make it inside. Not too often, but we still see the remains of a meal on the sidewalk every now and then.

    One of our cats is fearless, she’ll go after a snake without hesitation. Non-venomous that I’ve seen, but I’ve seen baby water moccasins in our pool.

  20. Now I know where to go for vacation next year.
    Also: “Aaaaaawwww!” and “Yay! cat picture!” plus “Yay! Zeus!”

  21. The CIA World Factbook is somewhat scarce on the details of Catnapistan. Usually they do a better job. I suspect a conspiracy. Or maybe they’re still bitter they could never get their field agents to report back once they got them into Catnapistan during the Cold War.

  22. I beg to differ. Catnapistan isn’t a place as commonly understood, it’s a state of matter.

    It’s a little known fact of subatomic physics that cats emit dozons, which are the fundamental particles of sleep. Any living thing close enough to a cat to absorb dozons will find itself getting sleepy…getting very, very sleeeepy. Some cats are high-energy dozon sources, and should be avoided at all costs if there is urgent work to do. Unfortunately, HEDS cats tend to have an extreme tropism toward humans, particularly if the humans in question seem busy.

  23. All hail Catnapist….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    John,
    I have enjoyed reading entries by Scorpius and when he is commenting on topic he offers a window into a different worldview than my own and I find this valuable . However, he no longer limits himself to on topic postings. While the percentages can be quibbled the fact remains that Scorpius, on a regular basis, no longer controls his impulses and posts the first random snarky political thought that comes to his mind.

    There are many other websites where this type of behavior is enjoyed, even encouraged, but Whatever is not one of those. You have given Scorpius more than what any reasonable person would consider fair warning regarding on topic posts.

    Having no standing, other than having been reading Whatever for several years, I none the less wish to put forth the recommendation that Scorpius, based on his own actions, be officially classified as a Troll and be moderated as such.

    Humbly submitted by JAIOJSB,
    Dragon

  24. @georgewilliamherbert: Sorry, guy, but I like Ginny’s answer better. Makes more sense actually. When The Ancestor first put that seed in the ground, they weren’t thinking of increasing population density. They were thinking of “how the hell can I make that stinky stuff with rotting wheat/barley/potatoes/just-about-anything-with-starch in water that gave me such a nice buzz?” Thus was born agriculture.

  25. Just over 600 hits on Google for “catnapistan” with the first one being Whatever. Surprisingly there is a Facebook page for catnapistan; unsurprisingly it isn’t for the country. But I can’t tell what that Facebook page is for — the Google maps street view suggests to me that it’s a private residence.

  26. A trivia note on the flag. Some versions of this flag are temperature sensitive so that as the temperature of the surrounding air goes up, the cat’s body straightens and lengthens. Conversely, as the temperature drops, the body curls into an ever-increasing spiral until nothing can be seen but a small ball of fur.

  27. Capnapistan is perhaps most notable for having a citizenry who showed little elation, dismay, or indeed any response at all during the fall of the Soviet Union.

  28. I heard rumor that the Prime Minister stood up, turned in a circle and went back to sleep when given the news.

  29. “Gleonguerrero writes:
    “Which reminds me: what the hell were humans thinking when they started farming?”

    That farming increased their average caloric intake per square mile an order of magnitude, allowing larger villages than small groups of hunter-gatherers, and specialization.

    Food variety and health declined a bit, but population density went up significantly….”

    which (ahem!) necessitated Catnapistan. For now grain had to be stored, and where grain is stored, there are mice, and where there are mice, cats are welcome, which is how they came to domesticate themselves. For we never plucked them out of the wild, and took advantage of their pack nature to make ourselves their pack leaders, as we did with the wolves, the aurochs, the mouflon….

    “Capnapistan is perhaps most notable for having a citizenry who showed little elation, dismay, or indeed any response at all during the fall of the Soviet Union.”

    May I direct you to Chapter 14, “In Varykino Again” of Pasternak’s Dr. Zhivago, in which Zhivago and Laura acquire “a large fluffy cat, who spend his time in immobile, mysterious contemplation. The rats did not leave the house, but they became more cautious.”

    Neither the fall of the Tsar nor the regime that followed it made the slightest bit of difference to a cat. Ever.

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