I Don’t Even Know Why This Exists, But It Does And It’s In My House And I Have a Spoon

Seriously, I don’t know what evil genius said “I know, we’ll take a cookie and make a paste out of it and then put it in a jar,” but whoever you are, sir or madam, you are diabolical and I salute you. Because, holy crap, this stuff is amazing. If you gave me a jar of this and a multivitamin, I would be set for the day. Yes, yes, I am twelve. So what.

Also, I like how they specify this stuff is the creamy version, thus implying there might be a crunchy version, a fact which will now keep me up nights. Full of longing.

Finally, I suspect that if I made a sandwich out of this stuff and Nutella, I might very well translate bodily into heaven. Yes, I am saying a Biscoff and Nutella sandwich might just be the Rapture in spreadable form. Prove me wrong, people. Prove me wrong.

106 thoughts on “I Don’t Even Know Why This Exists, But It Does And It’s In My House And I Have a Spoon

  1. I love Biscoffs, but I was mystified when I picked up a package of them imprinted with a slogan something like “as served on airlines.” If I were marketing an edible product, I’d want to put as much distance between it and airline food as possible.

  2. I’m halfway through the jar I got last week. This is a monumental achievement of self-control and I feel that I should be awarded a medal.

  3. They have “Cookie Butter” at Trader Joe’s that’s like this, only gingerbread flavor, which apparently also comes in crunchy. It’s good stuff.

  4. Speculoos + nutella between two chocolate chip cookies.

    Thank me later… but don’t call me after you’ve got your latest dentist bill.

  5. I’m addicted to this stuff. I prefer the crunchy (just, it’s mighty close), but it doesn’t seem to go quite as far as the creamy.

  6. I cannot have that stuff in the house. It disappears overnight and leaves me with a sugar hangover. Spreadable rapture indeed.

  7. I wonder if there is a connection between your preferred snacks and the aforementioned root canal. Says the guy who spent the day eating soft foods after visit one of–you guessed it–a root canal.

  8. holy…
    so my favorite kind of ice cream is cake batter – can you imagine, this cold-stoned INTO cake batter ice cream? THAT would be like being in the Summerlands, truly!
    i’ve never had nutella … maybe i should…

  9. OH DEAR GODS. First churro waffles & pancakes and now this??? I did not need to know that this existed. I already make a homemade version of Nutella from scratch, so now I’m going to end up going out and finding this and trying to reverse engineer it. And making homemade nutella, btw, is… freaking evil knowledge to have because it really only requires 5 ingredients (hazelnuts, unsweetened cocoa, powdered sugar, sunflower or canola oil and a pinch of salt) and a food processor – and once you have the homemade stuff, it’s kinda impossible to go back to the store-bought stuff.

    PS – you might want to try making stuffing in a waffle maker. As in Thanksgiving turkey stuffing. I’m dead serious. Put the bread stuffing after it’s been mixed with the broth and is still mushy and soft in the waffle maker – what comes out is a savory piece of deliciousness that, when layered under a slice of turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy is… indescribable and definitely going to leave you near comatose at the end of your meal but happily satisfied.

  10. My wife’s suggestion: One layer of nutella, one layer of the biscoff spread, one layer of nutella on wax paper. No bread. It would just get in the way.

  11. Trader Joes has some awesome chocolate bars filled with this stuff. Look for the Belgian word “Speculoos” on the wrapper. Biscoff is just a brand of speculoos cookies.

  12. Yow. Just yesterday I spotted the speculoos (cookie) butter at Trader Joes. They have in both smooth and crunchy form. It is every bit as dangerous as it sounds.

  13. I have never dared buy this product since I knew I would become addicted…discussing the possibility of a Biscoff/Nutella sandwich is not helping.

  14. That stuff tastes like Christmas in a jar. So good! I also love the fact that it is free of dairy and eggs! Good for me, being a person whose body cannot abide dairy or eggs. In case you’re interested, the Biscoff cookies themselves taste fantastic with chocolate fudge frosting or nutella spread on them. Another delicious snacking option! You’re welcome. :)

  15. If you gave me a jar of this and a multivitamin, I would be set for the day

    Well, be sure to throw in a chunk of cooked animal flesh every once in a while or your hair and teeth will fall out.

    And yes, I know you were joking.

    BTW, do you get paid for product endorsements?

  16. Hiya, folks! Welcome to “Cookin’ with Whatever.” Today’s recipe is ::drum roll:: The Dagwood Scalzi! Like dessert? It’s what’s for lunch!

    Start with two churro waffles. (Make sure they’re buttered!) Spread Nutella on one and set aside.
    Apply a thick coating of Biscoff Spread to the other.
    Now make a dream catcher out of Red Vines and moosh it into the Biscoff.
    Lay on a slice of Wonder Bread.
    You’ve still got Schadenfreude Pie filling in the fridge, yes? I know — dumb question! LOL! Spread it on generously.
    Now a slice of Kraft Singles.
    Top with a light drizzle of syrup and the Nutella waffle, and enjoy with a frosty can of Coke Zero because we gotta watch our calories! LOL!

    As always, enjoy the hallucinations and we’ll see you next time.

  17. Man, you really are a piece of work. It’s cold out, I’ve already been grocery shopping, and NOW you make me aware that this exists? Cruel and unusual punishment, sir.

  18. This Aussie has enough trouble getting her head around the idea of Nutella. I mean, yes, it’s wonderful stuff – hazelnut truffle filling in spoonable format, what’s to argue with? But spreading it on bread? Erk. The idea of someone creating a biscuit spread is like… umm, excuse me, my brane, she breaking.

    (I presume it’s basically a vanilla flavoured version of the same sort of stuff that Nutella is?)

    PS: Anyone implying that we here in the Colonies are “deprived” will be sneered at over Tim-Tams.

  19. Nothing can EVER replace a Nutella and Peanut Butter sangwich. Try one side by side against your proposed Nutella and mushy cookie concoction.

    BTW, both are perfectly healthy if you use whole wheat bread

  20. Trader Joe’s carries a spread made from crushed speculoos, that is, Dutch gingerbread cookies. I actually have some in the apartment, along with a clean spoon. I did not need to remember this.

  21. My daughter is allergic to both peanuts and tree nuts and we discovered Biscoff Spread before we discovered Sun Butter and she absolutely loves the Biscoff!

  22. Of course, if you had the multivitamin you could always use bacon as your dipping food. That would take care of the protein requirement.

    Yes it sounds gross, but I’m willing to risk it for your health, John.

  23. [Deleted for being off-topic. Also, I might have changed the name of the poster - JS]

  24. They call it speculoos here in NL, and it’s in every grocery store. Including the one I’ll be happening past later today… thanks John!

    (Also? Fluffernutter.)

  25. @megpie71: You do realise that the ***CLASSIFIED*** you mentioned are a top secret as a matter of Australian national security and are NOT to be mentioned outside of Australia?

    I mean, what happens if everyone else starts buying them? There’d be none left for us!

    Floods, droughts, and bushfires can all be dealt with with a sufficient supply of ***CLASSIFIED*** after all…

    :)

  26. Does this mean I can be expecting ASIO to show up any moment now? I’ll have to get some more in to serve them – there’s only one pack in the house at the moment, and that’s my emergency supply.

  27. I would say so, and I wouldn’t call one pack an adequate emergency supply either.

    I do have to admit that a recent role playing session broke the holy rules of ***classified*** by having the number of players exactly equal the contents of a pack: they could be shared evenly! The horror!

  28. Gods above. You realise that’s probably what caused all this flooding in Queensland? You’ve only gone and triggered the end of the blinkin’ world! Honestly… some people. Tch.

  29. @ Don Hilliard: Actually, I did consider suggesting weaving the Red Vines with SlimJims, but c’mon. I’m not Paula Deen. Just wait for my recipe for County Fair Savory Surprise. Yes, of course, it starts with a funnel cake, but it does have bacon in it.

  30. megpie71 said ‘Anyone implying that we here in the Colonies are “deprived” will be sneered at over Tim-Tams.’

    Ooh Tim-Tams. I got addicted to them when we were on holiday in Melbourne and Sydney a couple of years ago. It was the Qantas flight I blame – they started by serving individual Tim-Tams with the very first meal on board. “Get the poms addicted before they even land” is the policy, I think.

    Very expensive to get hold of in the UK, but worth it… Why isn’t there a Tim-Tam spread?

  31. In Germany, they also have a white chocolate spread. When we visited friends, they had Nutella and this spread on the BREAKFAST table, along with an assortment of heavenly rolls…put on the duo and YES that was the way to begin the day.

  32. The largest and broadest selection of Tim-Tams I’ve ever seen was in an island province of Papua New Guinea that had just run out of both flour and sugar. But priorities. Don’t get it myself, Tim-Tams are just an inferior version of Penguins (ducks).

  33. When I was a kid, my grandma used to make me what I called “crumbs,” which was where youmix up Graham cracker crumbs with sugar and butter in a measuring bowl and microwave it, and then you eat it. It has to be a measuring bowl so they everyone who sees you knows you intend to eat the whole thing.

  34. Oh yes. I’ve seen the crunchy version at World Market. And my mother swears by spreading Biscoff spread on actual Biscoff cookies and eating them with tea/coffee.

  35. Any comments on the deflabination project in the context of Biscoff spread (or vice versa)? Or perhaps this question must be considered the most diametrically off-topic comment possible and will die a swift death.

  36. @megpie71,

    Don’t Aussies eat a vile concoction called Vegemite? A noxious spread produced from used brewer’s yeast?

  37. Margaret in Mexico:

    The de-flabination is going just fine. I will note that a desire to eat an entire jar of this stuff with a spoon does not necessarily mean I will do so.

  38. Some airline (I think it’s Delta) hands out Biscoff. I always ask for extra and hoard them for later, but I’ve suddenly realized I might be able to buy them in the store, rather than paying $400 for as many as I can stuff in my pockets (they come with a free airline flight).

  39. I only found out about Nutella a year or two ago. That it came from Canada of all places was simply shocking. Now you tell me there this, called Biscoff?? I must experience this as well. Life is too short.

  40. Fraser JH says: “Don’t get it myself, Tim-Tams are just an inferior version of Penguins”

    Got to disagree. While I do like me a Penguin or six, there’s nothing quite like a double-coat Tim-Tam.

    Great. Now I want a chocolate biscuit.

  41. I always hear people going on about Tim-Tams, and I was given some while in NZ as if I was being given the Second Coming of Cookies, and… I don’t get why. They’re fine, don’t get me wrong. All cookies are fine. It would take a lot to make a cookie unacceptable. But I wouldn’t walk a mile for them.

    However, I’m already planning a stop at Trader Joe’s on the way home so as to look for this Speculoos spread…

  42. Trader Joe’s has their own version of this spread, and my local TJ’s will occasionally sample it. The first time I tried it, I looked at the person doing the samples and said, “This is crack in a jar.”

  43. Next time in in CA I’ll add this to my TJs shopping list. Bizarre food item from my family: Cracked wheat bread, cheez whiz and malt vinegar crisps (AKA potato chips). Eat it fast so the crisps are crispy.

  44. is this stuff available in stores, or strictly online? I have a jar of the TJ version, but this is starting to do battle with my willpower. Thanks in advance

  45. Dip apple slices in it. Also? Biscoff recipes on Pinterest. And recipes to make homemade speculaas (Biscoff cookies). omg

  46. Scorpius: Yes, we do have and eat Vegemite. However, here’s the big tip (oh gods, I’m letting *another* bit of Sekrit Aussies Bizness out of the bag – ASIO is bound to be on the doorstep any minute now): don’t spread Vegemite thickly like you would peanut butter or honey. A little bit spread very thinly over the bread is the optimum method and enables you to get the taste without the taste buds being completely overwhelmed.

    Even stranger, the English have their version, called Marmite (which preceeded Vegemite into the world – one of considered names for the product was apparently “Parwill” as a pun on the name of the other spread!) which tastes similar, but somehow not exactly the same.

  47. It’s probably a good thing that there’s about three and a half thousand miles between me and this stuff. The closest I’ll get is licking the computer screen, which I suspect is fairly low calorie.

  48. @John Scalzi

    “I will note that a desire to eat an entire jar of this stuff with a spoon does not necessarily mean I will do so.”

    I don’t…understand this. Is it because you don’t have a spoon? Is it a time management thing?

  49. In re: Vegemite. Megpie71 is right about how best to acclimate yourself to the taste, if you’ve a mind to. Also, be expecting a big salty umami hit tastewise, and absolutely no sweetness at all. I suspect the shock of the savoury is part of the common reaction to Vegemite. It also makes the best toasted cheese sandwich EVER. I follow Alton Brown’s method, leaving out the mustard and replacing it with the Black Gold.

    Note for the culinarity adventurous: Despite the absolute deliciousness of Vegemite, it should never be applied to Timtams; they are two great tastes that don’t go great together. But a teaspoonfull in boiling water makes a delicious soup when you are ill. It doesn’t taste so great when you are well, but when you are under the weather, it’s like nectar.

  50. Don’t Aussies eat a vile concoction called Vegemite? A noxious spread produced from used brewer’s yeast?

    As a New Zealander, I’m patriotically compelled to note they’re Australians. Then again, one thing about travel to other parts of the world is the reminder that 1) if your body clock is telling you 3am is dinner time, everything in the nearest vending machine/open convenience store is delicious, and, 2) “don’t ask, don’t tell” is a much better policy for menus you can’t read than gays in the military.

  51. (I delurked for this…that is the power of spreadable deliciousness)

    The first thing I made when I bought my jar of Biscoff spread was a toasted mini-bagel with Biscoff on one half and Nutella on the other. It was slightly warm, so they became melty together. I ate it as a sandwich. There might have been some “little r” rapture involved. I highly recommend the treatment on your favorite bread-type product.

    The second thing I made was Biscoff cream cheese frosting for a cinnamon cake. It was delicious, but could have benefited from some Nutella (what can I say? I need a little chocolate in my baked goods). I have not yet made it into fudge, but that’s probably next.

    And you can make a homemade version of both, if you can’t/don’t want to buy them. @Joan I believe you could make a gluten free Biscoff if you sub’ed gluten free flours in a speculoos cookie recipe. You have to have the cookies to make the spread.

  52. I’m not sure whether to thank you or blame you. I had no idea speculoos could be found at my local grocery store. I thought it was something I had to special order. It is now ENTIRELY TOO EASY to obtain.

    It says on the jar that it’s a “popular substitute for peanut butter”. Which makes me want to try using it in my peanut butter ice cream recipe.

  53. It says on the jar that it’s a “popular substitute for peanut butter”.

    It is, in exactly the same sense that heroin is a popular substitute for aspirin.

  54. Turns out that I can get Biscoff at Safeways here in Toronto so I don’t have to wait for a trip to CA. Special field trip planned!

  55. We actually received promotional “Biscoff spread with Nutella” with our bread last week. Unfortunately, I can’t post pictures here, so I tweeted one to @scalzi. Enjoy!

  56. Oh, dear. I have to read this on a day I’m going grocery shopping anyway :-) I had seen the Biscoff in the store near the peanut butter and hadn’t really gotten the concept, guess I’ll have to try it.

    And the homemade Nutella sounds like a wonderful thing. I don’t eat the brand-name version, because it’s made with palm oil (which mostly comes from Indonesia, on cut-down rainforests that are critical orangutan habitat), though Trader Joes occasionally has a sunflower-oil knockoff that’s pretty good.

  57. Mr scalzi, you just discovered a fine belgian product, made of speculoos. Invented by a woman who participated in a flemish tvshow called THE inventors/thinkers. She was tired of always having the Same stuff on her breadslices. She didn’t win the contest but everybody loved the idea and history was made in Belgium, every household has a lotus speculoos pasta next to the nutella, the crunchy version is also very good. Our most famous cyclists have these caloriebombs for breakfast.

    Kind Renards,
    A belgian fan
    Caroline

  58. My sister is addicted and I have to bring jars of speculoos spread back to the UK from the Netherlands or France when I’m on business trips. For Christmas I found chocolate speculoos paste – for those that need chocolate with their biscuits!

  59. Yeah, I’ve eaten that stuff with a spoon. It’s amazing. I just need to find out where I can buy more of it in Australia so I can replace my housemate’s jar. And then buy another one for me.

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