In Which I Invent the Word “Phlegmnation.”

The definition of which is: The act of cursing someone to be afflicted with phlegm; or, to be afflicted with phlegm, with or without moral judgment cast.

Use in sample sentences:

“I cast you into eternal phlegmnation! May Kimberly-Clark have mercy on your soul.”

“I suffer phlegmnation. You may wish to dunk yourself in hand sanitizer.”

A quick Google check prior to the entry being posted shows no instance of the word “phlegmnation,” and only on instance of “phlegm-nation,” being used similarly to “tarnation.” So I claim “phlegmnation” for all time, for use of all humankind. Please use it in good health, as ironic as that might sound.

 

 

43 thoughts on “In Which I Invent the Word “Phlegmnation.”

  1. We suffer from that a lot around here, particularly the past couple of weeks with tree pollen. Even the cats have had bouts of phlegmnation.

    I thank you for this word.

  2. So phlegmnation is when your sinuses are inphlegmed by having a phlegm war. Having a word for what’s going on in my head does not make me feel better. Can’t someone come up with an anti-inphlegmatory curse?

  3. Uh-oh.

    An American who, most probably, has not travelled much into Far East Asia claims “Phlegmnation” for the USA. In the meantime, in a country, like, say, China, they’ll keep on producing more phlegm in public than the rest of the western world does in private. But what do I know.

    In other news, Americans call a sport where the ball is touched by the foot maybe 0.5 seconds per game “football”, while insisting that a game that literally *depends* on playing the ball by foot should be called “soccer”.

    Nothing to see here, people: all your culture belong to us.

    Question for the (non-)culturally impaired: the above is:

    a) serious;
    b) sarcasm;
    c) both;
    d) neither;

    Do check Google: it will tell you exactly what is right or wrong.

  4. Bob: And I claim the phrase “phlegm war,” the next step after flame war.

    But one where no one does anything, but everyone talks about how bored they are with the whole thing.

    Jetse: Oh, I get it! You’re being snotty. That’s really clever. Hidden in plain sight!

    I almost said you were doing a perfect imitation of a self-righteous, pedantic, stuck-up, toffee-nosed prig, but that spoils the joke.

  5. Phlegmethon. Phlegmnation would be a condition, not a location; you wouldn’t be cast into it so much as you would have it cast upon you. Phlegmethon, though, is what Phlegethon became after it cooled off — a river of warm mucus.
    Och aye, an’ we’re all for a wee gargle an’ glottis.
    .

  6. If Mucinex alleviates excess mucous, then I suggest a round of hot phlegmonade with whiskey for all afflicted with phlegmnation. Well, maybe just the whiskey….

  7. Are you experiencing/suffering this condition yourself? And, having your thoughts forcibly turned to the matter, discovered a void in established nomenclature? An innominate curse, as it were?

  8. phlegmocity (n.): contagiousness (discourteousness × lung capacity) / distance^2 = phlegmocity

    @ Jetse

    In the meantime, in a country, like, say, China, they’ll keep on producing more phlegm in public than the rest of the western world does in private.

    *shudders* Don’t remind me. China is an indescribably splendid country full of rich, diverse cultures and kind people. But there was something at once simultaneously more hygienic and yet infinitely more disturbing about seeing that, in lieu of spitting on the ground (and drawing the kind of censure I can only dream of visiting upon public spitters here in the South), the Chinese carry plastic bags brimming with phlegmatic sputum from constant, onomatopoeically announced, expectorate hocking of loogies.

    Do check Google: it will tell you exactly what is right or wrong.

    I checked. Google said rugby or go home.

    @ Xopher Halftongue

    But one where no one does anything, but everyone talks about how bored they are with the whole thing.

    No, you’re thinking of a flan war.

    Jetse: Oh, I get it! You’re being snotty.

    Isn’t that SuperTed’s sidekick?

  9. Can I get a little bit meta and say that this place is hilarious? Right now, I’ve got a choice between reading Moby Dick for my American Lit class, or John Scalzi and John Scalzi’s commenters. It’s no contest.

  10. Tanith says: Can’t someone come up with an anti-inphlegmatory curse?

    Sure, how about a frontal phlembotomy?

  11. Gulliver, phlegm was the bodily humour associated with a relaxed, quiet temperament. The others were blood, black bile (melan chole), and yellow bile.

  12. @ stoicjim

    Whoa, PG-13 in the Whatizzile…

    @ Xopher

    I stand cholerected. I guess I need to work on my sense of humorism.

  13. I suppose the moment at which the phlegm rises would be phlegmbustion, accompanied by a cry of Phlegm on! if it’s to superhuman levels. But do phlegmable and inphlegmable mean the same thing?

  14. Who do you think you are, Scalzi? One of the Sherman Brothers? You can’t just go around CREATING WORDS, you know. What, do you expect Sick Van Duke and Julie Andrews to just start singing “Supercaliphlegmnationexpialidocious”, just because you thought up a new word?

  15. The thing is it’s just a word. One word. I mean, it’s a nice word, but I’m partial to phrases when it comes to expressing contempt. For example, I always remember this one from an old Leon Uris novel: may you find yourself in a sandstorm behind a camel’s ass. See, now that just sounds miserable.

  16. Phlegm is the classical physiologic humour (not the funny humor) characterized as cold and wet. The dictionary definition of phlegmatic is a person who is unemotional with a stoic/stolid, calm nature. Guess I’m too truly phlegmatic this morning to promote turning common usage on its head. :-)

  17. A public service announcement: “If you are suffering from phlegmnation, you may wish to postpone reading eBear’s Shattered Pillars. Really.”

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