The Most Terrifying Alarm Clock a Teen Can Have

How wake ups happen at the Scalzi Compound:

I am the best dad ever.

38 thoughts on “The Most Terrifying Alarm Clock a Teen Can Have

  1. IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL IT’S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL IT’S A SMALL SMALL WORLD.

    (Everyone!)

    THERE IS JUST ONE MOON AND ONE GOLDEN SUN AND A SMILE MEANS FRIENDSHIP FOR EVERYONE THOUGH THE MOUNTAINS DIVIDE AND THE OCEANS ARE WIDE IT’S A SMALL SMALL WORLD

  2. THE CURE? The group that whined rock&roll to death in the 90s? This is a job for Child Protective Services, Scalzi. Expect bureaucrats (with earplugs) to come knocking on your door any moment now.

  3. If *my* dad had done that when I was a teenager, I would have definitely thought he was the most awesome dad ever. (Although I do think my dad is pretty damn awesome despite his lack of love for The Cure.)

    One’s teenage years are the perfect time to rock out to Robert Smith’s cheerful angsty-ness!

  4. I think I’d’ve preferred that. When I had any kind of sleepover, my father would blare (“blare” = actually-shake-the-house volumes) John Phillips Sousa marches. Adrenaline rush every bloody time.

  5. My father used toss dog treats on my bed. Three Huskies jumping around looking for treats is impossible to sleep through.
    But for some reason he did not see the humor in my tossing dog treats on his bed at three in the morning.

  6. I’m agreeing with all the comments about how neat her room is. We know that’s one thing she didn’t get from her dad!

  7. My dad used to play Benny Goodman on the clarinet. I thought he sounded great but my sisters said he was terrible.

  8. Sorry, John. My dad was the best dad ever. Really. But from all evidence, you’re pretty damn close in the best-dad-ever competition.

    I do have to say, this reminds me of the time when I was a teenager and my dad, who always got up very, very early, came in my room and woke me up by repeatedly touching me in the same spot on my upper arm (which can be really, really obnoxious) until I woke up. But it was because when he went out to go to work he saw a comet in the sky and he wanted me to see it (yeah, I was raised by a science fiction/space geek) before the sun came up all the way. But before I really knew what was going on, just as I was waking up, I think I said something very close to what Athena tweeted.

    So, tell Athena that I feel her pain, but that she should be very happy that she has such a good dad.

  9. Is it just me or does anyone else immediately think about photoshopping out the guitar and placing a long bloody dagger in the hand holding the guitar bridge? With perhaps a blood-soaked paper bag dangling from the other hand.

    *que creepy music from the movie psycho*

    ‘Wake up, Athena! It’s time for breakfast!’

  10. Gee, and all I do is recite the first quatrain of The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, which for some reason she takes exception to!

    I want the You Tube video of you doing this so I can share it on my daughter’s facebook page, so my daughter knows that someone is more evil than me!

  11. With my six year old daughter I have the opposite problem. She’s almost always up before me, but getting her to go to bed can be an effort.

    We have a trumpet; I don’t know how to play it. But I can get a pretty good blat out of it. To get her in bed I chase* her around the house blat blatting until she hides under her covers.

    Good times.

    *Lest anyone think me cruel, her running away involves shrieking laughter and cries of “Again Daddy, again!”

  12. Our niece lived with us and got the spare room with the futon/bed between some large floor speakers that interfaced with the house sound system. She thought the setup was very cool until the first time she decided to ignore her alarm.
    Pink Floyd’s “Time” really loud worked quite well.

  13. Once in the mid-90s, my friend Michael woke up a beach house full of teens and 20-somethings at the beach by playing “Your Cheating Heart” on the accordion. Every morning for a week.

    Why are we still friends, 20-something years later? In part because revenge is a dish best served very, very cold.

  14. This is the kind of stuff my dad does to my baby sister (about Athena’s age). Her responses are about the same. I think Meatloaf is the current flavour of the month. Sometimes I’m glad I didn’t live with him when I was a kid…

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