JoCo Cruise Celebrity Artemis, In Which It Is Revealed I Am an Incompetent Captain

This is me playing┬áCelebrity Artemis, as the captain of the USS Redshits (not a typo), with Steve Jackson as my engineer, Wil Wheaton at the helm, JoCo Cruise intern Joel Pattison on weapons (with every other intern pestering him), Ted Leo on science and Mikey Neumann on communications. Everything goes to hell very quickly, and it’s worth watching the whole thing to see the utter chaos┬áthat goes down, but if you must scan through for the highlights, fast forward to 12:00, where Ted Leo dramatically (and awesomely) drops the mic, and to 14:20, when I strangle Wil Wheaton; keep watching to see what I do to his corpse.

Seriously, I am a terrible starship captain. Never let me captain your ship.

For contrast, here’s the first ship of evening, captained and crewed far more competently by Jean Grae and friends:

And here’s the ship crewed by the Royal Carribean folks, who were, quite frankly, utterly amazing in how into it they were. It was like watching the UK version of The Office in space:

If you want to play Artemis for yourself, this is where you can get it. Try not to strangle any of your crew.

12 thoughts on “JoCo Cruise Celebrity Artemis, In Which It Is Revealed I Am an Incompetent Captain

  1. Clearly an incompetent starship captain, Scalzi!

    OTOH, James T. Kirk’s no great shakes as a SF writer, either – well, unless he’s really Ron Goulart….

  2. I wouldn’t comment on a typo normally, but choas needs to be a word. Looking forward to watching the videos when I have some time.

  3. “I don’t recall Picard having these issues!”
    “No, but he was a real captain.”

    *crying with laughter*

  4. I’ve played this with friends and it’s great fun.

    Turns out I’m also a really good captain. Must have been all those years of leading fleets in Eve Online.

  5. *sign* Between the camcorder audio, the enthusiastic crowd responses, and the general talking over each other, I wish I could understand a word anyone was saying in any of these. Well, OK, I did catch the R.C. weaps yelling about how she wanted to blow shit up.

    Maybe I’m getting old. Or need my ears checked. Or both.

    In the meantime, anybody got a transcript?

  6. @docrockets — I couldn’t understand any of it either; all I heard was garble. I’ll have to take it on faith that it was funny. A transcript would be great!

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