In Other Cat News

Here’s Lopsided Cat in a cat carrier, looking very mellow. He looks mellow because he’s stoned. He’s stoned because he just overnighted at the vet’s, where we booked him a room after we found him in the garage covered in detritus and drool, limping and looking like he’d been in a hell of a fight. We were worried he might have had a broken leg; the vet was worried he might have a dislocated hip.

As it turns out, he was perfectly fine — at worst, a little muscle soreness. He was definitely in a fight of some sort, but there was no fight damage or puncture wounds; the drool was the worst of it. He was apparently aggressively gummed. Which I expect means he beat the crap out of some neighborhood dog who thought it might be funny to go after a cat. We’ll have to ask around.

Be that as it may, it was an anxious moment or two there. Happy to say Lopsided Cat is still a badass. And, at the moment, a badass who is just so damn high.

42 thoughts on “In Other Cat News

  1. That should be an interesting conversation with the neighbors.

    “Uh, has your dog received any unusual damage lately?”

  2. I’ll bet that LSC would rip the face off any dog that made him angry. Then again, after a few tense moments, he’ll probably let the kittens climb all over him. And, I agree with James Purcell – NEVER mess with a Maine Coon cat. They’re the most mellow and lovable cats I have ever met, unless you piss them off, then they’ll rip off your arm and beat you to death with it.

  3. “Aggressively gummed” equals zombie rodent packs or perhaps, one zombie raccoon or possum. Sleep lightly, my friend.

  4. Maybe he was feeling a little jealous of the kittens and felt the need to go out and pick a fight. Sounds like he won. Hopefully it’s out of his system and all will be well.

  5. Duuuuuuude… Wotthehell was in that ‘nip? Thassome awesome shit there.

    I wanna pizza. BIIIIIG pizza. Triple anchovies. Triple cheeses. And tuna, lotsa tuna. None o’ that scooshy red stuff.

    Duuuuuuuuuuuude……

    So very glad that Loppy is ok, sir. Give him chin-scritches from me, please. And thanks for the update.

  6. Mr Scalzi, have you by any chance ever read the late Sir Pterry’s [i]The Unadulterated Cat[/i] (Gollancz, 1989)?
    The Campaign for Real Cats is currently without a literary Patron to aid it in it’s struggle against the blandness of Fizzy Keg Cats. Perhaps now you’re owner/food source of a moggy presumably known by a neighbour as “Thatevilstripeycritterthat’sbeatingupthedogagain” you could apply?

  7. One of our cats came back from the vet so completely out of it, he tried to jump into his favorite chair, only got about a third of the way up, then just flopped back to the ground. We put him gently into the chair where he slept it off.

  8. “I don’t always get into fights with dogs, but when I do, I make sure to beat seven different kinds of >expletive deleted< out of them."

    Clearly he is The Most Interesting Cat In The World. Stoned out of his mind or not.

  9. As the once (and always) owner of a 20-pound all-muscle tiger tabby cat (Constantine, who conquered by the claw!!) who took no crap from any other critter, I get this. Connie let the small rodents & birds go about their daily doings as they were no challenge. I’ll leave out his midrange kill because it’ll make this place all verklempt, but his prize trophies were a pair of baby raccoons. Back in his college days he got pranged by a NYC girl in her 320i and shrugged it off with but a small plastic splint over one front paw for 2 months or so.

    He passed peacefully in his sleep just two days before “that appointment” somewhere around 12 years ago (once you hit 50, one’s time sense is for crap). He rests in a place of honor in my backyard and is never far from my memories as he was the only constant thing I had back in the college days.

    In Hoc Signo Vinces

  10. We have had some big cats over the years, and Lopsided looks like a real big cat, in every meaning of those words. Very glad he’s OK, and here’s hoping he didn’t do anything too bad to any of the neighbor critters.

    We had a giant old white cat with red spots, who caught and ate a rabbit, leaving only some fur in a spot in the front yard. He spent a few days at the vets, where they had to help his elderly system actually pass that rabbit.

    Ralph retired after that. Maybe Lopsided should retire from that kind of adventure, and spend more time snoozing by a low fire and lying in the sunny spot. Or whatever he cares to do. Cats do that. Whatever they want, right?!

    PS, Those kittens look dangerously aggressive!! ;-) And really funny. Keep them together, they need each other!

  11. On seeing Mr. Cat, I thought “Holy FSM, when did they get panthers in Ohio??” Very glad to hear that he is none the worse for wear. When one of our outdoor cats tangled with something or someone that left him with an abscess on his paw, I was terrified I’d have to try to catch him and take him to the vet; luckily, he recovered. Little(!) Brother would have been nowhere as cooperative as Mighty Lopsided Cat.

  12. Loppy’s a big dude, all right. He has a really interesting face — looks like it belongs on an even larger kitteh. Glad he’s okay and hope he enjoyed the legal high.

  13. We had a marvelous cat once, a big black housecat from the cat shelter. He was always ferocious and proud. When we bought him a toy mouse it would last for perhaps 30 minutes before being chewed to atoms.
    When he came back after being neutered and woke up, drugged and dizzy, he immediately started his rounds in the apartment. He tried to jump on the couch perhaps 5 times. When we lifted him to the couch he went to the coffee table and tried his usual 2 meter jump to the dining table, with disastrous results.

    We locked him in the kitchen where he first managed to step on his chin while trying to eat, and the fell face first in his water.
    Finally we locked him in the transport box, where he proceeded to try to gnaw his way out for 30 minutes and the – finally fell asleep for 4 hours, at which point we let him out.

    When our female cat was neutralized she just crept under the sofa and didn’t come out for a day.

  14. As it turns out, he was perfectly fine

    So, catastrophe averted?
    .
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    I’ll see myself out.

  15. Never thought of cats as real fighters, until our 4 (dad, mom, two sisters) decided to go psycho all at once and attack each other for reasons no human could ever understand. It was like tasmanian devils (cartoon version). Glad he’s okay and envious that he’s stoned (or was).

  16. LC may be my favorite, prior to the Things’ arrival (judgement pending on them). Look at his face! He’s seen things, man.

  17. We lost Chester Cheese the Third about a year ago – a 25lb+ orange cat that wandered into our lives as a very small kitten. He would chew on our AmStaff’s jowls as a kitten.

    A few years ago, he was grabbed by the head while sleeping on my pickup. My wife woke me up and we stared looking for him when she found some fur. We looked for a while, then went back in the house, where he was hanging out in the front room, looking like “Dude, what’s up?”. We took him to the vet ($300 later, thank you very much). She pointed out the cat now had no claws. She thought a great owl had grabbed him.

    He did have a healthy respect for raptors after that…

  18. I lived with a family that had a cat that could not leave wild turkeys alone. He got a nasty slash on his face for his efforts. He was pretty big, but not big enough to bring one of those down. He did, however, team hunt with the other cat in the house. She was nimble, he was a brute. She would do the climbing and he waited at the bottom.

  19. I like the previous commenter’s note that Loppy is The Most Interesting Cat in the World. It suits him. For some reason his appearance reminds me a great deal of one of my brothers (who is not, nor, to my knowledge, has he ever been, a cat). So I always smile when you post a photo of him. Loppy, the Most Interesting Cat in the World, who looks a lot like my brother George.

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