Because I know what you really want.
Kitten One conquers the Evil Sock of Evil.
Meanwhile, Thing Two takes on both the Banjolele of Not-Niceness, and the Feather Duster Streamer of Ill Repute. This one ended in a draw.
The Things, totes adorbs.
Incidentally, if you want to experience full on kitten overload, I’ve made a Flickr album of the Things, here. Enjoy.