Universal Yums: May 2022 Review

A large, cardboard box filled with a variety of packaged snacks.

Athena ScalziWhen I mentioned that I was going to be doing snack box reviews again, someone commented that I should consider trying out one called Universal Yums. Little did they know that that was the brand I was planning to do all along! This is actually not my first time trying them, though, as I used to get them consistently a couple years ago. But I’m excited to revisit it and try even more snacks!

Universal Yums is a snack box company that changes the country their snacks come from every month, so you get to try a whole world of snacks rather than snacks solely from one specific place (unless you only try one box, then you only get that month’s country). When I tried Universal Yums in the past, a few of the boxes I got were Spain, France, Brazil, and Japan.

This month, I got the United Kingdom! The United Kingdom actually consists of four countries: England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales (which I learned by looking at the map that came in the box), so there’s more than just English snacks to be had. I got the “Yum Yum” box, which is one of the three sizes of boxes you can choose from when you sign up.

The smallest, the “Yum” box, contains 5-7 snacks, and is $17 a month. The medium size, the “Yum Yum” box, has 10-12 snacks, and is $29 a month. And the largest box, the “Super Yum” box, has a whopping 18-20 snacks in it, at $45 a month (these prices are cheaper if you choose an annual plan). I went with the medium sized one because I certainly wanted to have an array of things to try, but felt that 20 snacks might have been a bit much. One good thing is that no matter which size you choose, you get free shipping (in the US)!

So, let’s take a look at the 11 snacks I got in this United Kingdom box! My helper for this session of snacking was none other than my dad, so you’ll be hearing his opinions, as well.

First up, we tried Kent Crisps Lamb & Rosemary Crisps:

A bag of potato chips featuring a quaint cottage next to a river.

(Image from Kent Crisps)

After doing some looking on Kent Crisp’s website, I saw that this flavor was their newest addition. And I have to say it is a wonderful addition, because these “crisps” were super good! They definitely had a strong rosemary flavor, making them taste a lot like stuffing. These chips also possess a special kind of crunch, making them seem almost like kettle cooked chips rather than regular potato chips. My dad gave these crisps an 8/10, while I went for an 8.5/10.

For our second snack, I chose Grandma Wild’s Oaty Biscuits (the one on the right):

Four packages of biscuits, each package a different flavor.

(Image from Out of Eden)

I’m not sure why, but the package of these that came in the box was identical to this one pictured, but said “oat cookies” instead of “oaty biscuits”. Either way, it’s the exact same snack. Anyways, this oat cookie was quite tasty. It was like a granola bar and shortbread cookie hybrid. It was simple, subtly sweet, and would surely make for a pleasant tea time snack. My father and I both gave it a 7/10.

Switching back to savory, we tried Golden Cross’s Prawn Cocktail Twirls:

(I actually don’t have a photo for this one, but it’s the pink package in the box photo at the top)

Upon opening the bag, we were immediately hit with a strong vinegar scent, and upon eating these twirly snacks we found that they had a prominent vinegar flavor, as well. I was saddened by the utter lack of shrimp flavor, as I expected a shrimp and cocktail sauce flavored snack, but was met with more of a unsatisfactory salt and vinegar type chip instead. If I hadn’t had my hopes high for a shrimp snack, these wouldn’t have been that bad, but it’s because I was expecting a shrimp flavor and was not met with such that causes my disappointment. As for the texture, my dad said they were like a spiral-y Pringle. These spirals earned a 6/10 from my dad, and a 4.5/10 from me.

Taking a break from crunchy things, we switched to these wine gummies:

A bright yellow package of gummy candy sitting on a table.

(Photo is from ME because my dad reminded me to take a picture before consuming)

These non-alcoholic wine flavored soft candies had more of a chew than I was expecting. They were harder to get through than what I’m used to with things like peach rings and gummy bears. It wasn’t too much of a hassle, but they definitely get stuck in your teeth pretty hardcore. There were different types of wine on the front of each gummy, such as claret, port, and Chablis, but mainly they just tasted like a slightly worse version of fruit snacks. My dad and I settled on a 6/10 for these.

Our fifth snack was Pipers Cheddar & Onion Crisps:

A bright yellow bag of potato chips.

These were some HONKIN’ chips, okay, these were big boys; bigger than any potato chip I’ve seen in the US. Aside from the size, these crisps were much like the Kent Crisps because of their kettle-chip-esque crunch and texture, so that is definitely a plus. The flavor was a bit odd though, not bad, just kind of odd. It didn’t taste quite like I expected it to, but maybe cheese flavored things there are just different than cheese flavored snacks here? Overall, these were perfectly fine but not stellar, so we rated them a 7/10.

Up next, another sweet snack! Here we have Bristows of Devon Rhubarb & Custard Flavored Bon Bons:

A small red and white package of candy sitting on a table.

Okay, clearly there is a picture of what these candies look like right on the package, but I overlooked it entirely because I thought bon bons were chocolates. So when I opened this candy up and saw brightly colored fruit chews, I was surprised. Even more surprising was how tart they were! Having custard in the title, I thought they’d be more cream flavored, but the description says that rhubarb has a tangy flavor, and they are not joking. Aside from the tart flavor, these seemed to be covered in citric acid, so this candy was a one-and-done for me. A bit painful if you eat too many of those types of things. My dad gave it a 6/10, while I settled on a 5/10.

Onto the last savory snack of the box, we have Johnny’s Pickled Onion Rings:

A purple bag of corn snacks with big green letters that reads "pickled onion rings".

Holy smackers, you are sure to make a face when you pop one of these bad boys into your mouth. These rings are certainly “crying out with flavor”, if that flavor is pure vinegar. According to my dad, the texture is like a Cheeto that gave up, and I fully agree. These little rings will have your tongue raw in four rings flat or your money back (seriously, eat with caution, these are painful to consume). Have one, be done, and never eat them again. A generous 6/10 from my dad, and a 4/10 from me.

Another treat from Grandma Wild’s, here we have a Chocolate Flapjack:

A square of oat cake covered in chocolate, wrapped in plastic.

This ain’t your average stack of pancakes. Apparently flapjacks in the UK are oat bars made with brown sugar and syrup, and can either have toffee or chocolate on top. I should’ve gotten a picture that shows the oatcake as well and not just the chocolate on top, but I’m sure you can use your imagination. Anyways, this oat bar was rather dense, and my father compared it to a Clif bar. I said it was more like a bowl of Quaker oatmeal that had been sitting out a little too long. It seemed a little stale, though that could just be because it made a long journey to get here. I felt that you could definitely taste the brown sugar and syrup it boasted, so that was good, at least. Overall, it was a modest 5/10 from my dad, and a solid 6.5/10 from me.

Ninthly, we tried Millions, specifically the Blackcurrant flavor:

A small package of purple candy, with the word "millions" across the front.

As the name suggests, there are so many of these tiny candies in a package! These little candies are just like Nerds, but chewy! They’re sweet, tangy, get stuck in your teeth easily, everything you could want in a candy. I found this candy to be interesting because I’ve never actually had anything black currant flavored before, since it was outlawed in the US for almost a hundred years. I liked the black currant taste, and thought that the candy wasn’t too strong in terms of flavor. A solid 7/10 from both.

Nearing the end, we have Vanilla Clotted Cream Fudge:

(Image from Universal Yums)

I’ve never had clotted cream, but if it tastes anything like these super sweet candies, I would gladly try it. These little things are packed full of vanilla flavor, and to me seemed a lot like a caramel more than a fudge, both taste and texture-wise. I would definitely eat these all the time if I could. However, my dad thought they were just okay, but I think he’s wild for that, since I thought they were the bee’s knees. My dad gave them a 6/10, while I thought they were deserving of a 9/10.

The last snack of the box was supposed to be a toffee candy, but apparently something happened to it, and Universal Yums sent an apology note and a replacement candy, which ended up being a sour plum hard candy:

Honestly, it didn’t taste much like plum at all. I was surprised it was a green candy, since I figured most plums are more purple than green. This is a great time to mention that my dad is a monster and immediately chewed his hard candy into a million little pieces, meanwhile mine lasted me like fifteen minutes. So props to it for longevity, but less props to it for taste, as my father and I agreed that it was very “meh”. It earned a 6/10 from him and a 5/10 from me.

Out of all these snacks, my dad’s favorite was the lamb and rosemary chips, and his least favorite was the chocolate flapjack. As for me, my favorite was the vanilla clotted cream fudge candy, and my least favorite was the pickled onion chips (mostly because of how oddly painful they were to consume). All in all, I thought this box had a large variety of flavors and textures, which is always a plus. I thoroughly enjoyed snacking my way through the United Kingdom.

I also enjoyed looking through the booklet that comes with the box! It has trivia about the featured country, descriptions and pictures of each snack, games, and even has a recipe (though you only get a recipe in the booklet if you get the medium or large box)! This one featured the national dish of Wales.

Overall, I’m satisfied with my purchase, and am excited to see what box will come next month!

Have you tried Universal Yums before? Which of these snacks sounds the best to you? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!


RIP, Andy Fletcher

Andy Fletcher of Depeche Mode has died, and it’s a sad day for everyone who went to high school when I did (and at my high school in particular, where Depeche Mode was worshiped as unto gods). Andy Fletcher would not have been my bet to be the first DM member to leave us, and his early departure is existentially disconcerting. As I understand it, he would joke that Martin Gore wrote the songs, Dave Gahan sung them, Alan Wilder was the good musician, and he was along for the ride. But you’re not along for the whole ride if you don’t bring something essential to the journey. He will be missed.

— JS

Housekeeping Note Re: Search

Several of you have noted that the search widget in the sidebar appears to have gotten bunged up and was offering up 404s when you tried to search something. Indeed it was, so I uninstalled the search widget and then reinstalled it. Now it seems to work fine. Whether it will continue to do so is a mystery best left to WordPress.

In the future, should the search function over on the sidebar go wonky again, here’s a tip: Go to Google’s search page, type “site:whatever.scalzi.com” into the search area (minus the quotation marks), a space, and then the word or phrase that you are looking for. Google will likely not fail you.

— JS

Understanding the Magic System of Jujutsu Kaisen, or, But Wait! There’s More!

Athena ScalziI watched Jujutsu Kaisen last month (on Crunchyroll, but you can also find it on HBO Max), and while I really enjoyed it and thought it was good overall, I had a hard time following the magic system the world is based around, and thought I’d share my complaints with y’all and see if any of you have similar problems understanding exactly how things work in the world of Jujutsu Kaisen. So, this is not a review, but a piece over something I have a problem with within a show I like and would recommend.

Jujutsu Kaisen, released in the fall of 2020, is an anime about a high school boy, Yuji Itadori, who suddenly gets introduced into the world of cursed spirits and jujutsu sorcery because he swallows the finger of an ancient (and evil) sorcerer named Sukuna, and now they share Itadori’s body. Itadori starts attending Jujutsu High and training to become a jujutsu sorcerer, making friends and gaining powers along the way.

Okay, so, jujutsu sorcerers use cursed energy to power their cursed techniques, which are used to exorcise cursed spirits. Cursed energy comes from negative emotions, like anger. Every sorcerer has cursed energy within their body that they harness to use their special powers. These individualized powers are called innate techniques, and are instilled into a sorcerer when they are born. Besides innate techniques (which are unique to each sorcerer), there are also inherited techniques, which are innate techniques passed through the bloodline of sorcerer families. This means that every sorcerer within that sorcerer family/bloodline will have that power. On top of this, there are non-unique techniques that any sorcerer can use, called barrier techniques.

But it doesn’t end there! Aside from the techniques, there are also cursed objects, cursed tools, cursed corpses, and cursed restrictions. Cursed objects are curses that aren’t fully formed so they exist as objects, rather than being objects that are imbued with cursed energy. Cursed tools, however, are weapons that are infused with cursed energy. These weapons can be wielded by someone that is not a sorcerer. Cursed corpses are inanimate objects that have been possessed by curses and become sentient creatures (I feel like these should be called cursed objects instead since they’re taking control of objects and becoming basically alive through them).

We’re not done yet! You can’t forget the most intense technique of all, domain expansion. It’s a type of barrier technique and is the most supreme power a sorcerer can use. It takes practically all of a sorcerer’s cursed energy to create one, and usually only top tier sorcerers are able to conjure a domain. Just like innate techniques, each sorcerer’s domain expansion is unique to them.

Now that we’ve got the basics down, it’s time to remember every character’s special power. You have to remember the name of the technique, what it does, as well as the limitations on the power (such as needing to be able to see to use it, or the power harming the user). Oh, and every sorcerer’s domain has a special name, too. So once you’ve got that down for every single character, you would think you’re good to go.

But wait, there’s more! You thought you knew which powers a character had, but watch as they suddenly gain a new one they didn’t have before! Or are suddenly able to create a domain even though they’re nowhere near top tier level! You thought this character could do this one thing, but now they can do this other thing! How exciting.

Jujutsu Kaisen just has too much going on. They cram all this magic in and don’t fully explain anything. Sure, they tell what something is, but what does that mean? I just have a hard time understanding the true structure of this power system, and don’t really grasp the limitations the magic has. If the magic system wasn’t so prominent in the show, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but since the show is all about the magic and all about using these techniques and powers, it’s important to understand how it works. And I just don’t.

Is that a classic anime problem? Sure. But in a world where the power system is so structured and everything is based around their hard magic system, I would think there’d be less of these instances.

And I’m not the only one that feels this way! I have seen many a TikTok expressing the exact same problem as me, one of my favorites being this one from a user named “crustypeaches“:


what is a gojo #jujutsukaisen #jjk #gojo #itadoriyuuji #anime #manga #weeb #otaku

♬ you guys should play final fantasy xiv – walnutware

So, all in all, I love Jujutsu Kaisen, but it is not without its flaws. Have you seen it? What did you think? Do you understand everything perfectly, or are you a little on the lost side as well? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!


The Big Idea: Kate Heartfield

They say behind every great man is a great woman, but what happens when that woman has a magic book and has decided she’s had enough of the patriarchy? Author Kate Heartfield takes us back through history, with a brand new perspective. Follow along in her Big Idea for The Embroidered Book to hear a new take on stories you thought you knew.


The idea for The Embroidered Book came to me in late 2015, when Hillary Rodham Clinton was on track to become the first female president of the United States. (And then, of course, that happened. Phew, good thing we’re in this timeline, am I right?)

I was thinking about powerful women: the personal sacrifices they make, the uses they make of wealth and privilege, the bargains they sometimes make with patriarchy and white supremacy. Sacrifices, bargains … it seemed only natural to use magic as a metaphor. And I happened to be reading about women of the 18th century.

I didn’t learn much in school about the women who dominated politics in 18th century Europe. Two that probably come to mind are the empresses Maria Theresa of the Holy Roman Empire and Catherine the Great of Russia, but there was also the Empress Elizabeth before Catherine. And then there were Maria Theresa’s many daughters. The Habsburg girls dutifully married their way into the various ruling families of Europe, wielding their influence through their husbands, or despite them.

Two of Maria Theresa’s daughters took very different paths to power. Marie Antoinette, queen of France, tried to win her people’s love; popular history remembers her now as a hairstyle and an invented catchphrase. Her sister Charlotte, the queen of Naples, was the de facto ruler of a great kingdom that stood up to Napoleon; popular history barely remembers her at all. To be mocked or to be forgotten: are those the fates of powerful women?

Charlotte and Antoinette are the protagonists of The Embroidered Book: two sisters sent to marry men they’ve never met, in kingdoms they’ve never seen. But in my version of history, they have a source of power: a secret book of magic. The sacrifices required change them and their world.

In some ways, the novel is highly accurate: I take research seriously, and I tried to thread my story through known history. In other ways, of course, it’s entirely invented: the magic system, and the secret society that controls it. Looking at history through a fantastical lens is one way to see it as if for the first time, without the other lenses we’ve acquired over the years. 

I should be clear about one thing: Antoinette and Charlotte are (were) extremely flawed people who made a lot of bad choices. But they’re not caricatures. It struck me that these two real, complex women have been erased by history in different ways – or at least, shall we say, embroidered over. The imperialist, patriarchal structures that made their power possible also dictated what forms that power could take, and how history would interpret their choices later. They were simultaneously powerful and oppressed: a dynamic that still shapes the lives and choices of white women like me today.

The 18th century was a time of great promise. But the seeds of the Enlightenment were rotten. The same century that witnessed incredible advances in art, science and philosophy also bequeathed us a legacy of racism, colonialism and white supremacy that survives to this day. And the women who fought at the barricades would remain second-class citizens.

At the end of The Embroidered Book, one of the sisters rails against “this dying century that broke all its promises.” That line came to me very late in the revision process, but it rang like a bell in my head when I wrote it. I feel the same way, about the 20th century rather than the 18th.

I’m a Canadian. When I was 16 years old, Canada got its first female prime minister. She lasted a few months. As it turned out, she was an anomaly. We’ve never had another. Sixteen-year-old me would have been saddened to learn than in 2022, the 45th year of my life, only two of Canada’s 13 premiers would be women. To learn that in last year’s federal election, all four of our major political parties were led by men. It’s far beyond coincidence, and it isn’t changing quickly enough. Whatever forces have long worked against women gaining power, they seem to be working still.

The Embroidered Book: Amazon|Barnes and Noble|Indiebound|Powells

Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s website. Follow Kate on Twitter and Instagram.

Post-Creative Lassitude

John Scalzi

The writing on the new novel is coming along; it needs to be soon(ish) and now that I’m actually home from promoting The Kaiju Preservation Society, making progress on it is moving along more efficiently, which is nice. I’m in the zone where I will write a chapter (more or less) and then, when I’m done, enter a state of pleasant mental lassitude, in which my brain tells me I’m done seriously thinking for the day, but also looks forward to what I’ll be writing the next day and fiddles a little bit, in a very casual way with the detail. What that means is that when I start writing tomorrow, a lot of what I’ll write has been pre-gamed, as it were. It makes the process of writing more congenial than it might be otherwise.

The flip side is that I don’t have much brain to expend on other matters at the moment, like, you know (gestures at the world). I do have enough creative energy to manipulate flowers in Photoshop (see picture above), but kind of just barely.

This is not a bad thing! I’m prioritizing where I’m putting my energy, and it’s on the stuff that I enjoy, and that pays my bills. It would be nice to have a little more energy, and I’m going to work on that (exercising more will help), but in the meantime, I’m doing all right with where things are right now.

How are you today?

— JS

Spoiler-Free Thoughts On “Uncharted”

Mark Wahlberg and Tom Holland look at something intently in “Uncharted.”

Athena ScalziHello, everyone! Now that we’ve gotten the long, emotional post that always comes with returning to the site out of the way, I can start doing my reviews and recommendations and whatnot! For the summer’s first review, I’ve decided to go into uncharted waters and review a video-game movie.

Before I begin this review, I think it’s important to mention that I have never actually played, or even knew anything about, the Uncharted video game series. I tend to avoid trailers as much as possible because I feel that trailers nowadays give absolutely everything away and leave nothing for the film. From what little I had heard and seen before going to see it, I figured Uncharted would be a lot like a Tomb Raider movie: lost treasures, perilous situations caused by trying to retrieve said treasure, and lots of fighting and guns.

And I was correct! Uncharted is an action-packed, celebrity-studded, predictable, and somewhat goofy movie. I actually quite enjoyed it! I’m sure it helped that I went in with low expectations; not everything has to be a hard-hitting, emotional, super deep story that wins Oscars. It’s okay to just put a movie on, eat popcorn, and watch people punch each other.

The characters were fun to watch interact with each other, in a two-dimensional, you’re-here-for-explosions-and-fighting way. I liked Tom Holland’s performance as the lead character, Nathan Drake, and I especially enjoyed the dynamic between his and Mark Wahlberg’s character, Sully. They had an entertaining back and forth, with constant witty jabs at each other. Their characters aren’t the only ones that deserve a mention, though, for there are some killer femme fatale characters (played by Sophia Taylor Ali and Tati Gabrielle) that will immediately make you want to start keeping a dagger strapped to your thigh at all times.

As mentioned before, this movie was highly predictable, and that’s coming from someone who is usually super oblivious to plot twists. People often say, “I saw it coming from a mile away,” and I finally got a chance to feel that way with Uncharted. Not just once, but three times!

The special effects were impressive. Everything looked quite realistic, and as I mentioned before, the main thing I hoped to see in this movie was good special effect explosions and the like, so I really enjoyed this aspect of the film. There were a couple shots that were clearly made for the 3D version of the film, which looked a bit awkward in regular 2D. That took away from the sense of immersion.

Uncharted was a helicopter-heisting, stolen-ship-sailing, treasure-trove-tracking movie, and I was totally here for it. If you can keep your expectations in check, I recommend this movie.

If you’ve played the game and seen the movie, how did it stack up? If you only saw the movie, what did you think? Let me know in the comments and have a great day!


View From a Hotel Window 5/20/22: Gaithersburg, MD

No parking lot, but there is an auto dealership across the street, which makes up for it, I think.

I’m in Gaithersburg for the city’s book festival, and tomorrow I am being interviewed at 3:15 at the Dashiell Hammett Pavilion. I’ll be talking about The Kaiju Preservation Society and anything else I’m asked about, I suppose. This is the final event of my Kaiju tour; after this I have no book-related travel for months, which is good because, uhhhh, I’m supposed to be writing the next novel, and no going anywhere will help. If you’re in or around Gaithersburg, come on by to see me, I’ll be happy to see you.

— JS

When Everything Goes Right

By the time you read this, Love Death + Robots Vol. 3 will be live on Netflix, and those of you who subscribe to the streamer will be able to dig into its nine episodes and enjoy the varied and wildly contrasting stories, styles and aesthetics of each segment. One of those episodes is one I wrote, “Three Robots: Exit Strategies.” It’s a sequel to the “Three Robots” episode in the first season, which was written by Philip Gelatt from my original story. Philip wrote an excellent adaptation and set a high bar for me to meet with my own original script for the sequel. I hope I met it.

I don’t want to go too far into the weeds about the process of making this particular episode of LD+R, but there is one thing about it that I would like to have out there in the world. Which is: You know the writer horror stories that come out of Hollywood? Working on this episode with the teams at Blur Studios (which was the overall producer of the series) and Blow Studio (which handled the animation for the episode) and with Patrick Osborne (who directed it) was the opposite of that. From the moment we decided to do a sequel to the moment it was out in the world, the process of making it — my part of the process, at least — was pretty much a joy.

Mind you, “a joy” does not mean “a totally easy process where no one disagreed with my choices ever,” because, well, that’s not how it works, folks. My script was tweaked and worked on, and bits were added and taken out as we went along. “A joy” in this case means, “kept in the loop, always listened to, never disrespected, and always part of making the episode as excellent as possible.” For a writer, this is the way it should be.

As a result of the process being this way, I can unreservedly say that “Three Robots: Exit Strategies” is, from my point of view, an example of everything going right. When it’s on, there’s no point when I look at the screen that I have a less than happy thought about it. Is it perfect? Probably not, but if it’s not perfect, then that’s probably because of one of my choices. As far as I’m concerned everyone else involved did their job superbly.

This is a pretty great space to be in, with regard to something that’s going to be seen by millions of people around the world. Maybe it could have been made better but I don’t see how. I am as happy with this episode as I am with any creative work I’ve ever had a part in making. I love it. I hope you’ll like it, too.

— JS

Academic Purgatory

Athena ScalziBack in January, I briefly returned to the site to post a piece on how I did at community college during my semester away from the blog (not well, in case you missed it). And since I am once again returning to the blog after yet another semester, I thought I’d update y’all on how spring semester went in comparison to fall semester.

Honestly, not much better.

I was taking Intro to Anthropology, as well as Physical Geology, with anthropology being online and geology being in person on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It seemed so manageable, so much easier than every previous semester I had ever been through, and yet I only passed one out of the two. Much to my surprise, the one I ended up passing was geology, which was honestly a lot harder than anthropology (in my opinion).

The semester started out the same as any other; with me in sixth gear, showing up to every class, completing every assignment to the absolute best of my ability, and I even made flashcards! I was managing to do everything I was supposed to be doing, and on time no less, even though I hated doing it.

I had an A in both classes until the middle of March, the halfway point of the semester. And then they both started slipping, as they always do. As per usual, I just got so tired of doing weekly assignments, watching video after video, completing lab after lab. I was just fed up with the never-ending onslaught of shit I didn’t care about.

And it’s not that I don’t find anthropology or geology interesting, or that I don’t like learning about some of the content, I just don’t want to write papers or be tested over it. It seems so meaningless to be tested on whether or not I can identify diorite or muscovite. Are they cool rocks? Sure. Do I think it’s essential to learn their chemical composition and then be graded over it? Not really.

I eventually stopped logging onto my anthropology class entirely, and watched from afar as my grade plummeted from an A to an F, simply because I didn’t do any of the assignments. I didn’t even bother to look at what the assignments were! I just knew I didn’t want to do them, so I didn’t.

As for geology, I only slid to a C before I realized I should maybe try to pass at least one class out of the entire year of failure, so I have something, anything, to show for the past year.

So how did I manage to pass geology? Well, every test was open book, and every lab was group work. I never really learned anything. I just scraped by on what info I could find in the book and the hard work of my fellow classmates. If it hadn’t been for the girl sitting next to me, and the entire textbook at my fingertips, I genuinely don’t think I would’ve come even remotely close to passing.

I have nothing to show for my semester of geology, other than knowing that olivine crystallizes at 1200 degrees, whilst quartz crystallizes at 600 degrees. Truly remarkable.

On the bright side, I wasn’t the only one that had no idea what the hell was going on in class. In fact, before every class, all ten of my classmates and I would talk about how we didn’t understand a single thing, how we just bullshitted every question, squeaked by on answers we found online, none of it truly made any sense to us. We just needed to pass, that doesn’t mean we actually had to learn anything.

And that’s how all of college is, actually. You just need an A. You don’t need to know what the fuck is going on, as long as you pass, and then you get your little paper. That’s all that matters in the end. That damn piece of fucking paper. The bane of my existence and the object of all my desires (anyone watching Bridgerton?).

I’m so sick of striving for something that says “I’m worthy”. Because without that thing, I feel worthless. And the longer it takes me to get it, the more semesters I waste, the more F’s I get along the way, the worse I feel.

Who am I without that paper? A failure? A waste of space? It feels that way.

If it hurts so bad, why don’t I just pass? Why can’t I just do what needs to be done? Why can’t I do the one thing that would make this feeling go away forever? I just want it to be over, and it feels like it never will be. There’s always more. After my associates, I’ll need a bachelors, because lord knows there’s nothing you can do with just an associates nowadays. And honestly, is a bachelors even worth anything anymore? You practically need a masters to make a decent salary at this point.

In my farewell post back in August, I said all I had to do was pass eight classes. Four in the fall, four in the spring, and I would finally have my associates. But I only passed one. One fucking class out of what was supposed to be eight. I was supposed to be done right now. But there’s still seven classes to go. And five of those classes are ones I already took that I failed that I now have to retake! So that feels very not good.

So, I passed one class, making it the first I’ve passed since Fall Semester 2019 at Miami. So at least that’s something.

Currently, I’m debating whether or not to go back in the fall. Originally, I was supposed to do classes over the summer, but I think I might go insane if I do, so instead I am going to do lots of fun things this summer and try to enjoy life a little!

But, yeah, that’s where I’m at right now, in degree-less limbo. A purgatory of the same courses over and over again. A vast expanse of transcripts filled with F’s and W’s.

We’ll see how long I remain there.


The Big Idea: Oliver K. Langmead

Punching billionaires: Can it be done? Should it be done? In this Big Idea for Glitterati, author Oliver K. Langmead offers a mechanism for it that is (probably) unlikely to get one landed in jail for it.


Capitalism isn’t working too well right now, and one of the most grotesque symptoms of the failing system is the rise of the billionaire class. We are, in many ways, subject to their whims – helplessly watching as they launch themselves into space and get themselves elected into offices they are in no way suited for. I, for one, am weary of them.

Drag culture has an absolutely gorgeous way of satirising wealth. It glorifies the opulence and glamour, while punching up at the power structures that make for gross inequality. When I sat down to write Glitterati, I wanted to use that same kind of satire to express my weariness with billionaires. So, I wrote a book about stupid, weird rich people and why they shouldn’t exist.

There is a prevailing myth that rich people are somehow smarter than everyone else, but the truth is that the vast majority have just been born into wealth; very few of them have ever known poverty, leaving them so divorced from the everyday reality of human life that they become weird and eccentric. Worse, some of them absolutely believe the myth that they are wealthy because they are better than everyone else, making for a class of people who possess such breathtaking narcissism that it makes them difficult to satirise.

Difficult, but not impossible.

I took all the traits we see in billionaires – the smugness, the narcissism, the eccentricity, the opulence – and turned them up, to create a dystopia where everyone believes they are living in a utopia. The lower classes are looked down upon as horrible, seething masses, classified as “uglies” and “unfashionables”, while the billionaire class – the Glitterati – spend their days living in absolute luxury, their every whim catered for. They are avatars of entitlement, and they are buffoons.

At the heart of the story – the heart of Glitterati – is Simone; himself a buffoon, navigating a world he barely understands. Only… something happens to Simone that leads him to question his reality; an event so bizarre that it sets in motion a chain of events that threatens the very foundations of his opulent utopia. And maybe, just maybe, he will realise that there is more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking.

We can’t seem to get rid of billionaires, so we might as well laugh at them.

Glitterati: Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Indiebound | Powell’s

Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s site. Follow him on Twitter.

“Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting,” Ten Years On

John Scalzi

Ten years ago this week I thought I would write a piece to offer a useful metaphor for straight white male privilege without using the word “privilege,” because when you use the word “privilege,” straight white men freak out, like, I said then, “vampires being fed a garlic tart.” Since I play video games, I wrote the piece using them as a metaphor. And thus “Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is” was born and posted.

And blew up: First here on Whatever, where it became the most-visited single post in the history of the site (more than 1.2 million visits to date), and then when it was posted on video gaming site Kotaku, where I suspect it was visited a multiple number of times more than it was visited here, because Kotaku has more visitors generally, and because the piece was heavily promoted and linked there. 

The piece received both praise and condemnation, in what felt like almost equal amounts (it wasn’t; it’s just the complainers were very loud, as they often are). To this day the piece is still referred and linked to, taught in schools and universities, and “living on the lowest difficulty setting” is used as a shorthand for the straight white male experience, including by people who don’t know where the phrase had come from.

(I will note here, as I often do when discussing this piece, that my own use of the metaphor was an expansion on a similar metaphor that writer Luke McKinney used in a piece on Cracked.com, when he noted that “straight male” was the lowest difficulty setting in sexuality. Always credit sources and inspirations, folks!)

In the ten years since I’ve written the piece, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, the response to it, and whether the metaphor still applies. And so for this anniversary, here are some further thoughts on the matter.

1. First off: Was the piece successful? In retrospect, I think it largely was. One measure of its success, as noted above, is its persistence; it’s still read and talked about and taught and used. Anecdotally, I have hundreds of emails from people who used it to explain privilege to others and/or had it used to explain privilege to them, and who say that it did what it was meant to do: Get through the already-erected defenses against the word “privilege” and convey the concept in an interesting and novel manner. So: Hooray for that. It is always good to be useful.

2. That said, Upton Sinclair once wrote that “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.” In almost exactly the same manner, it is difficult to get a straight white man to acknowledge his privileges when his self-image depends on him not doing so. Which is to say there is a very large number of straight white men who absolutely do not wish to acknowledge just how thoroughly and deeply their privileges are systemically embedded into day-to-day life. A fair number of this sort of dude read the piece (or more perhaps more accurately, read the headline, since a lot of their specific complaints about the piece were in fact addressed in the piece itself) and refused to entertain the notion there might be something to it. Which is their privilege (heh), but doesn’t make them right.

But, I mean, as a straight white dude, I totally get it! I also work hard and make an effort to get by, and in my life not all the breaks have gone my way. I too have suffered disappointment and failure and exclusion and difficulty. In the context of a life where people who are not straight white men are perhaps not in your day-to-day world view, except as abstractions mediated by television or radio or web sites, one’s own struggles loom large. It’s harder to conceive of, or sympathize with, the idea that one’s own struggles and disappointments are resting atop of a pile of systemic privilege — not in the least because that implicitly seems to suggest that if you can still have troubles even with those many systemic advantages, you might be bad at this game called life.

But here’s the thing about that. One, just because you can’t or won’t see the systemic advantages you have, it doesn’t mean you don’t still have them, relative to others. Two, it’s a reflection of how immensely fucked up the system is that even with all those systemic advantages, lots of straight white men feel like they’re just treading water. Yes! It’s not just you! This game of life is difficult! Like Elden Ring with a laggy wireless mouse and a five-year-old graphics card! And yet, you are indeed still playing life on the lowest difficulty setting! 

Maybe rather than refusing to accept that other people are playing on higher difficulty settings, one should ask who the hell decided to make the game so difficult for everyone right out of the box (hint: they’re largely in the same demographic as straight white men), and how that might be changed. But of course it’s simply just easy to deny that anyone else might have a more challenging life experience than you have, systemically speaking. 

3. Speaking of “easy,” one of the problems that the piece had is that when I wrote the phrase “lowest difficulty,” lots of people translated that to “easy.” The two concepts are not the same, and the difference between the two is real and significant. Which is, mind you, why I used the phrase “lowest difficulty” and not “easy.” But if you intentionally or unintentionally equate the two, then clearly there’s an issue to be had with the piece. I do suspect a number of dudes intentionally equated the two, even when it was made clear (by me, and others) they were not the same. I can’t do much for those dudes, then or now.

4. When I wrote the piece, some folks chimed in to say that other factors deserved to be part of a “lowest difficulty setting,” with “wealth” being primary among them. At the time I said I didn’t think wealth should have been; it’s a stat in my formulation — hugely influential, but not an inherent feature of identity like being white, or straight, or male. This got a lot of pushback, in no small part because (and relating to point two above) I think a lot of straight white dudes believed that if wealth was in there, it would somehow swamp the privileges that being white and straight and male provide, and that would mean that everyone else’s difficulty setting was no more difficult than their own.

It’s ten years on now, and I continue to call bullshit on this. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor and I’ve been in the middle, and in all of those economic states I still had and have systemic advantages that came with being white and straight and male. Yes, being wealthy does make life less difficult! But on the other hand being wealthy (and an Oscar winner) didn’t keep Forest Whitaker from being frisked in a bodega for alleged shoplifting, whereas I have never once been asked to empty my pockets at a store, even when (as a kid, and poor as hell) I was actually shoplifting. This is an anecdotal observation! Also, systemically, wealth insulates people who are not straight and white and male less than it does those who are. Which means, to me, I put it in the right place in my formulation.

5. What would I add into the inherent formulation ten years on? I would add “cis” to “straight” and “white” and “male.” One, because I understand the concept better than than I did in 2012 and how it works within the matrix of privilege, and two, in the last decade, more of the people I know and like and love have come out as being outside of standard-issue cis-ness (or were already outside of it when I met them during this period), and I’ve seen directly how the world works on and with them. 

So, yes: Were I writing that piece for the first time in 2022, I would have written “Cis Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is.” 

6. Ten years of time has not mitigated the observation about who is on the Lowest Difficulty Setting, especially here in the United States. Indeed, if anything, 2022 in the US has been about (mostly) straight white men nerfing the fuck out of everyone else in the land in order to maintain their own systemic advantages. Oh, you’re not white? Let’s pass laws to make sure an accurate picture of your historical treatment is punted out of schools and libraries, and the excuse we’ll give is that learning these things would be mean to white kids. You’re LGBTQ+? Let’s pass laws so that a teacher even mentioning you exist could get them fired. Trans? Let’s take away your rights for gender-affirming medical treatment. Have functional ovaries? We’re planning to let your rapist have more say in what happens to your body than you! Have a blessed day!

And of course hashtag not all straight white men, but on the other hand let’s not pretend we don’t know who is largely responsible for this bullshit. The Republican party of the United States is overwhelmingly straight, overwhelmingly white, and substantially male, and here in 2022 it is also an unabashedly white supremacist political party, an authoritarian party and a patriarchal party: mainstream GOP politicians talk openly about the unspeakably racist and anti-Semitic “Great Replacement Theory,” and about sending people who have abortions to prison, and are actively making it more difficult for minorities to vote. It’s largely assumed that once the conservative supermajority of the Supreme Court (very likely as of this writing) throws out Roe v. Wade, it’ll go after Obergefell (same-sex marriage) as soon as a challenge gets to them, and then possibly Griswold (contraception) and Loving (mixed-race marriage) after that. Because, after all, why stop at Roe when you can roll civil rights back to the 1950s at least?

What makes this especially and terribly ironic is that when game designers nerf characters, they’re usually doing it to bring balance to the game — to put all the characters on something closer to an even playing field. What’s happening here in 2022 isn’t about evening up the playing field. It’s to keep the playing field as uneven as possible, for as long as possible, for the benefit of a particular group of people who already has most of the advantages. 2022 is straight white men employing code injection to change the rules of the game, while it’s in process, to make it more difficult for everyone else. 

So yes, ten years on, the Lowest Difficulty Setting still applies. It’s as relevant as ever. And I’m sure, even now, a bunch of straight white men will still maintain it’s still not accurate. As they would have been in 2012, they’re entirely wrong about that. 

And what a privilege that is: To be completely wrong, and yet suffer no consequences for it. 

— JS

And We’re Back

Athena ScalziHello, everyone! Thank you all so much for the warm welcome back to the site! I am thrilled to be back (even if I don’t act that way at the staff meetings). I was excited to begin with, but all your kind comments have really made me look forward to being on the blog this summer! I truly appreciate each and every one of you.

In fact, I’d like to address a few comments in particular, starting with everyone that asked about my snack box reviews. As much as I loved Sakuraco and thoroughly enjoyed each box over the past year, I decided that one year was long enough and unsubscribed from them back in March. I found that there are only so many different types of authentic Japanese tea time snacks to be had, and I feel that I have certainly had plenty for the time being.

However, because so many people seem to like the snack boxes post (and because I myself love snacks), I have decided to try a new snack box for the summer! Which one will it be? Stay tuned and find out!

Aside from snack box reviews, I will also be doing my usual variety of entertainment and product reviews, as well as personal essays, and basically whatever else I feel like talking about. I will say I do have a few special ideas up my sleeve for this summer, but I shan’t reveal too much just yet.

I also wanted to take this time to mention that I was so excited to meet so many of y’all on the JoCo cruise back in March. Meeting you fine folks in person was really awesome, and as always I am genuinely grateful for your readership and overall kindness.

So, thanks for being here with me as I get back into the swing of things. I hope you enjoy all that is to come. I know I will!


The Big Idea: Jeff Macfee

Life is full of choices… and not all choices will make you happy. But they might move the plot along. In today’s Big Idea for Nine Tenths, author Jeff Macfee talks about choices and protagonists and how the matters how the latter performs the former.


Most of us live on the edges.

There are plenty of “big character” stories, and I love to read those. A prophesied hero at the center of the adventure. Wonder Woman. Indiana Jones. Ethan Hunt. The one human with a particular set of skills.

But I love to write about characters on the edges. The people who typically live outside the limelight. Wonder Woman’s mechanic. Indiana Jones’s barber. The barista who makes Ethan Hunt’s coffee before Ethan runs off to save the world. I’ve got more room to explore on the edges, creatively. The barrier to entry is low—I’m a guy on the edges. I work in IT, a career that rarely translates to the spotlight, at least not in any realistic sense. I can empathize with someone who doesn’t have the complete grab-bag of skills for a center-stage adventure. And how would they react if adventure came their way? They might persevere, plenty of every-day heroes do. But folks on the edges are going to make more human choices. Sometimes more selfish, impetuous choices. Every now and again, the wrong choice. And how do those wrong choices haunt them?

The “hero” of Nine Tenths is Gayle Harwood, a repoman just doing his job. Only his job happens to be repossessing the powered trinkets of augments, or super-powered individuals. His life is messy. He’s divorced, he’s got a sick kid, his business just gets by, and he’s made suspect choices. Despite personal and professional failures, he’s trying. I can relate. Failing to see your own weaknesses and shortcomings, until hit in the face with them, speaks to me quite a bit. A bit of the author leaked into this equation, for sure. Hopefully that connection, the empathy I’d have for such a person, strengthened the character and the book.

I’m not a genius, as anyone who knows me will attest. I didn’t nail the dynamics in draft one. In early drafts, Gayle made suspect choices and no one confronted him. Thankfully, I have a smart agent, some perceptive first readers, and real life to educate me. In later drafts I surrounded Gayle with friends, work acquaintances, and enemies who called him out on his mistakes. Some kindly, some not so kindly. Mak, his partner, is especially skilled at bringing Gayle down to earth. She’s got her own problems, but like any good friend, she’s too comfortable in the relationship to hold back. And, as throughout the book, there’s consequences for all involved.

Nine Tenths is the story of a man coming to grips with his choices, in messy ways. It just so happens he does that in the shadow of people who can lift cars and walk through walls. Gayle’s life ultimately reflects his choices, good and bad. My two cents—you can write protagonists who don’t always make the likable choice. The key lies not so much in doling out punishment, but in delivering consequences. Get away with a crime, make some money, but lose a friend. Make an immoral choice and profit, but sleep fitfully from then on out. For fiction at least, there’s interest when there’s cost.

I speak in definites as if that’s how fiction always works. As I mentioned above, I’m as fallible as my characters. Take the above with a grain of salt.

And if you’re going to steal Batman’s Batmobile, make sure he’s asleep first.

Nine Tenths: Amazon|Barnes&Noble|Indiebound|Powell’s

Read an excerpt. Visit the author’s site. Follow him on Twitter.

Whatever News: The Return of Athena

Athena Scalzi! Picture taken today.

A housekeeping note that makes me pretty happy: Athena is coming returning to the regular rotation here at Whatever, for the summer at least. You can expect more of her particular brand of writing, with reviews of products and entertainment, personal essays and various other things she’s thinking about and wants to share. You know, whatever’s on her mind.

I’m happy about this because aside from making sure there’s new and interesting writing here, as a reader I enjoy her writing. Yes, I’m biased. Also, it’s good stuff independent of my bias. I know many of you were also wondering if she’d pop up again here; now you know. As noted, right now it’s for the summer, and after that we’ll see where things take us.

Seeing that Athena is returning on a regular basis, we’ll once again be posting our byline photos for our individual posts, just to be clear who is writing what. The exceptions to this will be Big Idea and New Books/ARCs posts, and very brief posts (one paragraph or less) where it doesn’t make sense to add those pictures in. With the super-short posts, we’ll add our initials at the bottom (and as always our actual names will populate up at top).

Welcome back, Athena! It’s good to have you back.

— JS

This Cat Represents Where My Brain Is At This Friday Afternoon

Seriously, I could so totally take a nap right now. Maybe I will!

But before I do, a reminder to people in and around Chicago that I am taking part in the American Writer’s Festival this this weekend, specifically on Sunday, where I will be interviewed by my friend and noted SF/F editor Michi Trota. We’ll talk about The Kaiju Preservation Society, writing, and other cool stuff. The festival is free, so make time in your schedule for it.

Yup, that’s it. Enjoy the rest of your Friday, folks, and the weekend as well.

— JS

The Big Idea: David Towsey

There are times when you feel not quite yourself, and David Towsey gets what you mean. In fact, in Equinox, you could say he’s written a book in which not being quite yourself — just like everybody else — is a remarkably common occurrence.


Most of us have experienced moments when we’re in two minds about something. A situation where part of you thinks it should take one direction, while another part of you suggests a different direction entirely. Sometimes this is characterised as an angel and a devil sitting on your shoulder. Your virtue and your vice, exerting a push and pull on your decision making. And this can be for the small stuff, like: should I have an extra scoop of ice cream? (One of my vices, so the answer is always yes on this one.) But big life decisions split our feelings too. Should I take a new job, even though it would mean a big move and uprooting the family? Should I spend money on a holiday, or save it? Should I tell my father/mother/sibling what I really think of them? This kind of push-pull pressure can often make us feel like we’re at war with ourselves.

That’s the feeling I wanted to explore, in the extreme, in my new novel Equinox. The book has a quasi-secondary world fantasy setting – I say ‘quasi’ because there are some very clear carryovers from our world, such as the presence of Christianity. But the big change, the ‘big idea’, if you will, is that in this world, two people live in every single body – one personality which lives during the day, and a completely different personality in control at night. And this is true for everyone. From the moment they are born until they reach their deathbed, they are sharing life with a sibling.

I imagine, having just read this world’s core concept, you’ve already got a few questions. It’s a real headscratcher, and one that gets people’s imaginations going. Let’s take, as an example, the deathbed experience I mentioned above. If I were to write a character in the world of Equinox who was terminally ill and bed-bound, that character would be facing some very chilling questions: will I die on my side of the split? Or will I just never wake up again, and instead it’s my sibling who will have to experience those final, potentially excruciatingly painful moments? Which then raises the question: which would be better?

To give an example directly from the novel, Equinox kicks off in a prison. The protagonist, Special Inspector Christophor Morden, is called to the cell of a man who has been the victim of some dark sorcery. But prisons are a bit different in this world. When Christophor arrives, he sees a stream of people walking out of the main gates, free as you like. These are night-releases: it’s only their other selves who are incarcerated during the day. Strange as it may seem, they come right back when dawn approaches. This is because the punishment for not returning is being hunted down and summarily executed and, as Christophor notes, he can’t hang just one sibling…

With all this and so much more called into question by my central premise, it’s fair to say this was the most technically challenging story I’ve ever chosen to write. Every character is in fact two characters, who have their own agendas and are all hiding things from each other and/or themselves; it was a lot to keep track of and shape into a coherent narrative. This challenge was, of course, part of the story’s allure. I enjoy the process of taking a concept that would be more manageable if it applied just to the protagonist, and choosing instead to explode it across an entire world. I did this for my Walkin’ Trilogy, with characters coming back from the dead as ‘the thinking man’s’ zombies, able to talk and feel and remember their lives. When I was first starting to write novels, I figured I was just exploring some fun ideas. But as I reflect on that process now, the draw of this world-wide approach is something I’ve come to understand is more fundamental to how I write.

For many readers, Equinox will feel reminiscent of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. But unlike Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic, when the split is spread across a huge range of people and life experiences, it didn’t make a lot of sense for me to take such a binary approach. Early readers of my draft chapters wondered if the night siblings should all be meaner, or more depressed, or something equally as totalising. I understood their point; such a decision would make the concept less challenging for a reader, especially early on in the text. And this is another thing I’ve learned during the process of writing Equinox: all the demands I make of myself as a writer transfer right onto the page for a reader. But as long as I enjoy writing the complexities of the story, I anticipate my readers will enjoy exploring that same puzzle – just from the other side of the equation.

So, folks who are up for a story-setting which raises a lot of questions – some intended, some not – and which might only provide a few key answers, will, I hope, enjoy this more demanding reading experience. But it’s OK if you’re in two minds about it. There were times when the little devil sitting on my shoulder told me to write a more straightforward story. Take an easier path, it said – that way we can finish this chapter and go get some ice cream. Tempting as that was, another part of me knew my writing energy comes from the challenge. The push-pull pressure of the strange worlds that a fantasy writer can create.

The fact I wouldn’t want it any other way is perhaps the only thing I’m not in two minds about.

Equinox: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Indiebound|Powell’s

Visit the author’s site. Follow him on Twitter.

An Observation on Audiobooks

Over on MetaFilter, there’s a conversation thread about this opinion piece on audiobooks in Vulture, where the author has a personal preference about how audiobooks should be performed, and wishes to suggest their preference is actually the best way, which it isn’t really (as with many things in life, the answer is not clear cut, and the best way to narrate an audiobook is heavily dependent on both the text and the performer). I wrote a comment in the thread which I am transplanting here for archival purposes, and because I think it might be interesting to the readership here, many of which also listen to my books in audio.

Unless the book is read by the author — which is very often not a great idea, as authors are not professional narrators or performers — then inevitably the recording is going to be an interpretation, one, because the narrator is not the author and can’t/won’t know the precise intent behind every single sentence, and two, because the narrator is a human with their own inclinations, preferences and opinions about the text (and three, because there’s also usually an audio director/producer involved, who again is usually not the author and has their own opinions, so there’s another layer involved there). An additional factor can be the nature of the audio production process itself — narrators who get booked a lot don’t necessarily have time to read the book before the recording, which means another set of choices about how the book gets read.

As an author, I was not initially in love with audiobook versions of my books because it was an interpretation, and because the narration was not the way I heard the book in my own head — the narrative beats would sometime be different; a word would be given a different emphasis; a character who I heard one way in my head would sound different (and sometimes would feel like they had a different personality entirely).

Two things got me over this. The first was that audio increased my annual income from writing by about a third, which smoothed over quite a lot. The second thing was that I realized that audiobook narration is a performance and that, like one can appreciate the myriad of ways that actors have approached the “To Be Or Not To Be” soliloquy in Hamlet, one can equally look at the choices the narrator makes in their performance and see how they are in conversation with the text, often in ways that are a surprise to me, the author. So the necessary fact of the interpretation stopped being an annoyance and became a thing of interest.

Which is not to say that I like every narration of my work (although I do like most of them just fine). It does mean I don’t get especially annoyed if the way the book is narrated is not precisely the way it was in my head, or how I would do it if I were the one narrating my book (which I am not especially tempted to do, unless I write a memoir). Even the narrator who I think is closest to my own personal voice — Wil Wheaton, who is within a few years of my age, grew up where I did, has the same vocal tics and intonations that I do, and is an actual friend of mine and so can text me when he has a question when recording — makes choices I wouldn’t, or didn’t, with the words.

It offers a certain level of surprise to the text, which means that, oddly, the audiobook version of my novels are the ones I can appreciate most in the role of a reader — filtering the words through someone else gives them a remove that helps me appreciate the words in themselves, and not dwell on the fact of how I set them in their form, and how I was feeling the day I wrote that particular bit, or whatever.

— JS

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