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Death to VH-1! Death!

I’m going to pop on my music critic hat here to say something painfully, painfully obvious, which is that VH-1’s list of the 100 Greatest Songs of the last 25 years (That would take us back to 1978) is so horrifyingly wrong on so many levels that it’s hard to know where to begin. Even factoring in that this is VH-1 we’re talking about, which means that the songs under consideration a) have to be mainstream pop; b) usually have to have a video involved, this list reeks. It gets props for tagging “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as the greatest song since 1978 — a totally debatable choice, but inarguable that it’s up there — but everything else about this list is bad. To put it succinctly, any list of music which places Britney Spears’ “… Baby One More Time” above “Born in the USA,” “Brass in Pocket,” and “Beat It” is a list whose creators must be rounded up for the good of society and placed in cages surrounded by rotted produce which all right-minded persons could fling at them.

Other major errors:

* Guns “n’ Roses “Sweet Child O’ Mine” at #3 — Totally wrong G’n’R song. Replace with (duh) “Welcome to the Jungle” or “Paradise City,” neither of which is in the Top 100.

* Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” at #8. Aside from the fact that the song dates to 1974 (written by Dolly Parton, don’t you know), in neither this nor any other world should it outrank Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power” by 11 places.

* The presence of any of the following artists: Celine Dion, Britney Spears, Shania Twain, Meat Loaf, Backstreet Boys.

* Poor song selection for the following artists: Def Leppard (“Photograph” rather than “Rock of Ages” or “Pour Some Sugar on Me”), Janet Jackson (“Nasty” instead of “Miss You Much”), Aerosmith (“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” rather than any three tracks off of “Pump”), John Mellencamp (“Jack and Diane” rather than “Pink Houses”), Hall & Oates (“I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)” rather than “Maneater”)

* Low chart rankings for Devo, Oasis, Metallica, Radiohead, The Ramones, LL Cool J, Chic, and Marvin Gaye; dumbfoundingly high chart rankings for TLC, No Doubt, Cyndi Lauper.

* The absence of the following songs: “Let’s Dance,” “The Boys of Summer,” “Come on Eileen” and/or “Walking on Sunshine,” “Bizarre Love Triangle,” “Sledgehammer,” “Jungle Love,” “Been Caught Stealing,” “There She Goes” (the version from The Las), “Groove is in the Heart,” “A Million Miles Away,” “Here Comes Your Man,” “Save it For Later,” “Today,” “Head Like a Hole,” “How Soon is Now” — for starters.

Anyway, at the very least, the sequencing on this list sucks. Allow me to rearrange the top 20 songs, using only songs from the current list. These top 20 songs are in no particular order:

Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit”
U2, “One”
Public Enemy, “Fight the Power”
Prince, “Little Red Corvette”
Grandmaster Flash, “The Message”
Bruce Springsteen, “Born in the U.S.A.”
Pearl Jam, “Jeremy”
Peter Gabriel, “In Your Eyes”
The Clash, “London Calling”
Michael Jackson, “Beat It”
Marvin Gaye, “Sexual Healing”
Talking Heads, “Once in a Lifetime”
Pretenders, “Brass in Pocket”
R.E.M., “Losing My Religion”
Culture Club, “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”
Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”
Metallica, “Enter Sandman”
Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”
Madonna, “Ray of Light”
Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin”’

Yes, that last one made the VH-1 list (#49). Yes, I know it’s a credibility-destroying choice. Bite me. We all have our weaknesses. Be that as it may, this Top 20 beats VH-1’s by a considerable margin.

Discuss.

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GhlaghgheeFest 2003

My ex-girlfriend has requested more pictures of Ghlaghghee because, as she puts it “they’re the only reason I come to visit your site.” Well, now. Considering how much pain and aggravation I caused her while we were going out, I suppose it’s only fair to give her something in return. Also, men, here’s a quick lesson for you: If you can help assuage decade-long memories of your relationship buttheadedness through the exhibition of a few pictures of your new kitten, for God’s sake, do it. (I should note that the ex in question and I are excellent friends, and not just because of kitty pictures.)

Having said that, our first picture of Ghlaghghee:

Here he is taking a nap underneath my desk in my office. At the time this picture was taken, it was about 4:30 in the afternoon. Rest assured that 12 hours later, he was wide awake and doing his best to attack my extremities while I slept. We’re going to have to work on that. Speaking of which:

Here’s Ghlaghghee attempting to consume my big toe. Aside from being a balanced part of any cat’s complete breakfast, this particular toe has been discovered by Ghlaghghee to be the Root of All Evil, which must thereby be attacked whenever possible. This battle will end only when the toe has been vanquished, or Ghlaghghee has been turned to the dark side (the toe is not his father). Inasmuch as losing a big toe would really impact my ability to wear flip-flops, you should probably expect pictures of Evil Ghlaghghee, complete with pointy goatee, sometime in the reasonably near future. And here’s our last photo of the day:

This is what I imagine is very close to the last thing an unsuspecting cricket ever sees before it is pounced upon. Yes, Ghlaghghee is very cute. Just not if you’re the aforementioned cricket.

Okay, that’s enough adorable fluffiness for one day.

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