An Interview With Athena

Posted on January 19, 2004    Posted by John Scalzi

Athena: What questions are you going to ask me now?

Me: What questions should I ask you?

A: No, you have to ask me! Think of something you want me to tell you!

Me: Okay. How do you feel?

A: Good! No, wait, you can ask me things like “What are books made out of?”

Me: So, what are books made out of?

A: Books are made out of stiff. Do you know what stiff is? Stiff is when you can’t bend stuff. Hello everybody!

Me: I always thought books were made out of paper.

A: No, I’m talking about the outside is stiff so you can’t bend it. You can bend the pages but not the outside of the book. See? Only if it was a soft book like made out of paper. And I love my stuffed animals because they’re so cute.

Me: What’s your favorite stuffed animal?

A: It’s Albert Einstein. (singing) Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein, I like Albert Einstein. And I like Twister, and my little Bob the Builder ball. And I love my little Hello Kitty purse. Did you write that down?

Me: Uh-huh.

A: And I like Halloween because it’s very special that you can eat candy and you get to dress up in costumes.

Me: Some people don’t like Halloween. What do you think about that?

A: People love Halloween every single time! Because they get candy!

Me: Some people don’t like candy. What would you say to them?

A: I would say, but candy is really good and sweet and sugary! Everybody loves candy! And chocolate ears are yummy! They’re not like real bloody ears. They’re made out of chocolate.

Me: When have you eaten chocolate ears?

A: I got them from a house. And it was a pink house. It was a pink house, and it was scary with thunder and lightning, and it had funky music and it gave me a chocolate ear because I rang the doorbell, and if you say “I wish I had a chocolate ear,” it will give you one.

Me: How do like being five?

A: It’s great being five. Soon you get to go to kindergarten or high school. Which one do you get to go to?

Me: Usually, you go to kindergarten first.

A: And then which schoool do you go to after high school? Grown-up school?

Me: After high school, some people go to college. It’s like kindergarten, just with more beer. So tell me something that you know that you don’t think I know.

A: Let me think. You don’t know that stars are made out of diamonds, and I do. They’re like diamonds, and you can never touch them because you’re down here on earth and they’re way up in space. And did you know that they were like diamonds, daddy? And it’s good to go ice skating, and if you go without your mom and dad, you might fall, but if you go with your mom and dad, then you’re safe. That’s all I want to say. Okay?

Me: So you’re done talking.

A: Yes. Ooh, one more thing. I like fishes. And I like all the fishes except for the ones that are bad.

Me: Which ones are bad?

A: The sharks, the squids, the octopuses and the crabs. And jellyfishes.

Me: Why are they bad?

A: Because they bite, they sting, and they squeeze.

Me: You definitely don’t want to be squeezed.

A: Or bit! Or stung. right? And do you know what else?

Me: I can’t imagine.

A: It’s because fishes that are good you can look at them by pulling them up with a fish pole, and they’re beautiful and good, and you can keep them as a fish pet! And that is all. And daddy? That’s all I want to say, but that’s okay because we can write more things later. Okay?