Demon Seed GMail Winners

Posted on June 23, 2004    Posted by John Scalzi

Here are the winners I’ve selected for gmail accounts. For context, once again, the picture of poor, possessed Athena:

Winner #1: Lee Newberry

Ever wake up with that not-so-fresh feeling? Hundreds(1) of decent, hardworking Americans are afflicted with the minions of Beelzebub each year. The only source of professional strength exorcisms is from poorly-credentialed traveling evangelists or costly and demanding Catholic priests.

Until now.

Introducing Demon-eze, a powerful new form of relief in one tiny pill. No more disruptive exorcisms from flaky ministers or self-righteous priests. One pill and you`ll be Satan`s plaything no more. And with virtually no(2) side-effects, there`s no reason not to talk to your spiritual counsellor today.

Demon-eze. It gets the red out.

(1)Information provided by Oral Bill`s Hour of Power.
(2)Minor side effects include fever, headache, head spinning, spider walking, destructive telekenesis, vomiting, public urination, self-flagellation, glossolalia, getting the uglies, and spontaneous flight.

Winner #2: Jess

Medusa visits sweet revenge upon the Goddess Athena by stealing her conditioner.

Winner #3: Scott Lynch

Nostril-sized infrared flashlight: $12.99

Visit to the emergency room: $112.50

The look on your wife’s face when you explain what her daughter accidentally shoved into her sinus cavity today: Priceless.

Thanks to everyone for playing (again). I’m sure I’ll have more gmail accounts to pass around soon.