Hateful Christmas Songs — An Audience Participation Entry
Posted on December 20, 2004 Posted by John Scalzi 134 Comments
Lots to do today, and not a whole lot of time in which to do it, so, a quick participatory entry for y’all, so you can make your own fun while I’m off slavin’ for the man:
Your Christmas gift is the ability to expunge one highly annoying yet popular Christmas song from the history of the world. Which one is it?
The one I would expunge:
Words cannot express how truly annoying this song is. It’s Guantanamo Bay torture technique annoying; it’s the forced squat of Christmas tunes. It has nothing to do with its bilingual nature; it has to do with its utter lyrical and musical insipidness and the mad, crazed repetition of both, driving into your ear like a seasonally festive ice pick, stabbing merrily across your gray matter like a 1920s lobotomy scraper. Having said that, the fact the song is insipid in two entirely different languages does give it an extra lift above the many other truly annoying Christmas songs out there.
And of course I do suspect that –aside from the seasonal inertia of Christmas tunes, in which the same sixteen songs get played over and over and over again just because they always have — its bilingual nature is the only reason it persists on radio playlists; this is some former frat boy radio programmer’s lazy idea of diversity — well, this and Christina Augilera’s version of “O Holy Night,” ’cause she’s, like, hot and all. On behalf of my Hispanic family members, including my wife and child, I am outraged. For God’s sake, someone pester Los Lobos to get out there and give us some Christmas tunage.
I am happy for Mr. Feliciano that the persistence of this particular tune one month out of the year means he can pay his mortgage the other 11, but I suggest we provide the man with a lump sum payment that will care for him and his mortgage for the rest of their natural lives and then incinerate every last copy of this tune. He’ll still have his version of “Light My Fire” to fall back on if things get tight.
Anyway, that’s mine. What’s yours?
I can neither describe nor explain the brutal loathing I feel for “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”.
My target for oblivion would be “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.” The faux-folksy thing doesn’t really work for me in any medium, but in music it’s especially grating. The song is unfunny, cruel to the elderly, and it lodges in your brain like an unkillable virus that just keeps reproducing until it crowds out everything else. You hear this thing once around Dec. 1st and you’re still trying to get it out of your head by New Years. Sometimes it’s bad enough to make me want to dash my skull against the nearest convenient rock.
Oh, and did I mention that I don’t think it’s at all funny?
“Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney. Maybe by Wings. I can’t remember and I refuse to look it up. It’s unavoidable, it’s insidious (try getting it out of your head once you hear it), and it’s sickly, sweetly, syrupy sentimental. It must go.
The song that ABSOLUTELY must be obliterated is “The Carol of the Bells.” How many variations and lyrics have been created from this. And it’s freakin’ depressing.
Of course, I am a bit biased. I was standing in a home goods store with that blaring on the Muzak when I got the phone call that my mother died, but I hated the song long before she even got sick.
About the only version I can stand now is the one on the Internet with the Burger King guy singing “Ding! Fries are done!” Beyond that, it’s a crime against humanity. Comedy Central even skewered it having Penn Gillette rap:
And every year
You hear this song
Ten million times…
‘Nuff said. Kill it and cleanse the Earth of its foul, foul stench.
Gotta go. Fries are done.
The Little Drummer Boy
Dang, fidelio beat me to “The Little Drummer Boy,” pa rumpa rum rum.
My second choice is “Jingle Smells,” a collection of farting Carols from JibJab. Ironically it is also a perfect gift for my brother-in-law, who will be getting it from me this Christmas.
But then you lose the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie!
I was going to say I’d get rid of that awful Wings song, but Jinnet beat me to it.
A couple of years back there was this song called “The Shoes” or something like that. It was such a blatent attempt to tug on the heart strings (poor family, mother dies of some horrible disease that was curable, blah, blah, blah) that I hated it instantly and all the radio stations played it over and over and over.
I’m not making light of poorness, or sick/dying parents. There is enough of that to go around all year without shoving it down our throats during the Holidays.
Then again there’s Father Christmas by the Kinks. It’s just mean. I could do without that one too.
I second “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime” (I thought it was by ELO, but it is, in fact, by Wings), and Little Drummer Boy.
Little Drummer Boy particularly annoys me because the kid’s singing about only having his drum to play for the baby Jesus — and yet he keeps singing, and not playing his drum, and why would a baby Jesus WANT TO HEAR A DRUM WHEN HE REALLY JUST WANTS TO SLEEP?
I thought of “Little Drummer Boy” but it at least provides an amusing target for snark. No, I would eradicate “Jingle Bell Rock,” which once got stuck in my head for 48 solid hours after I made the mistake of shopping at a mall in December. Feliz Navidad has nothing, NOTHING on “Jingle Bell Rock,” in my book.
I vote for the unholy trinity of 80s charity singles: Do They Know It’s Christmas? (UK), We Are The World (US) and Tears Are Not Enough (Canada). Sure, only the original one explicitly mentions Christmas, but they all meld together in an oozing, cheesy treacly lump of ineffectually collected and administered western sentiment and currency.
I’m surprised that Emerson Lake and Palmer’s “Tinsel and Fire” is an enduring favourite, even being used on a Canadian cell phone commercial that had me tearing up the first 86 times I saw it. I wonder if most people just remember the opening two lines?
They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgin birth. …
They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a silent night
They told me a fairy story
Till I believed in the Israelite. …
They said there’d be snow at Christmas
They said there’d be peace on earth.
Hallelujah, Noel, Be it heaven or hell,
The Christmas we get we deserve.
But I don’t dislike the song — at least, I didn’t dislike it even a little until it saturated the airwaves on radio AND tv this year. Enough, already.
#1 least-fave: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Insipid, yet disturbing.
#2 least-fave: “Happy Christmas (War is Over).” I know John Lennon loved her, but Yoko Ono should never, ever have been handed a microphone. Every time I hear her grating yowl, I want to stick a fork in my ear.
Somebody help! I can’t stop playing Senor Tanto, “Hooray For Santy Claus”. :(
“Jingle Bell Rock” must DIE!!!
“Hooray for Santy Claus”…..theme song for “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. That movie is best roasted over an open fire by the guys from Mystery Science Theater 3000.
My least favorite song is that horrible thing by Dan Fogelberg “Same Old Lang Syne”. Yeesh. Burn the orignal and all the copies PLEASE.
Some of the songs listed on here, I really like, granted only when they’re done by certain performers. Little Drummer Boy is good by Bob Seger. John Mellencamp does a nice job with I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus unlike Jessica Simpson, she MURDERED that one.
You can have Andy Williams singing “Happy Holiday”, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, and anything else. I just can’t stand his voice, he sounds just so fake and pretentious.
But, those are my opinions.
A new Christmas CD this year that I dig is Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. They have the Heatmiser song on there, and a couple originals that are pretty good.
Any rendition of a Christmas carol using sampled pet sounds. For example, a “Jingle Bells” whose melody line is barked, or a “Silent Night” rendition by mating housecats.
It’s like hearing hell before you even get there.
Feliz Navidad? Please! Its multiple sins pale in comparison to “Little Drummer Boy,” a song so horrible that it can even induce hatred of drums. Drippy sentiment and a theme that appears to have no connection to the traditional Christmas story. It sounds like a drunk with the hiccups. At least Feliz Navidad has the excuse that it’s bilingual–what excuse does this song have for existing?
Oomf, gotta echo “Simply Having…”. I never would have remembered that on my own but merely putting it through its paces in my head made me kind of shudder.
The Waitresses, “Christmas Wrappin’.” The first time I heard it, I thought it was cute. But after 38,592 repetitions, I want to erase it entirely from history.
Also, can we put a “ONCE AND ONCE ONLY ON XMAS EVE” restriction on Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town?” Say, all classic rock stations are allowed to play it only ONCE per Xmas season, at 10PM in their respective time zone on Dec. 24th?
As opposed to EIGHT TIMES A DAY?? Would that be too much to ask? Think of the anticipation it would build! Think of the contest opportunities!
Anything from any Boney M Christmas album… anything sung by Celine Dion… I shouldn’t have started a reply – I could likely list off things ALL DAY LONG…
I’ll second the vote for Springsteen’s “Santa Claus Is Comin To Town.” Truly annoying. I remember how cool that was when it came out in the early-mid 80s, how I cranked it every time it came on the radio. Then again, in 1985 I also owned a Miami Vice white sportscoat.
In fact, I hate 98% of all rock Xmas songs. Give me Dean Martin, Rosemary Clooney, and Perry Como any day.
But I disagree on “Christmas Wrappin.” That’s one of my favorites.
Meli Kalikimaka – please, make it go away! It makes me want to turn the Hawaiian Islands into a nuclear bomb test range.
“What excuse does (Little Drummer Boy) have for existing?”
You are allowed to say “rump” in polite company?
>But then you lose the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie!
But I’d still kill all the counting songs first. “Twelve Days”, “Children, Go Where I Send Thee”, you name it.
HATE “Little Drummer Boy” with the firey passion of a thousands suns. My children’s choir sang it every year and it would get slower…and slower…and s…l…o…w…e…r. And under pitch. It was awful. HATE.
Oh, yes please please that awful “Christmas Shoes” song. If there’s another song out there that is more blatant, manipulative, and utterly fake in its attempt to wring tears and remind us all of “the real meaning of the season” (whatever that may be), I don’t know what it is.
And I heard a song the other day called “A Christmas Auld Lang Syne” which also needs to die. What, the guy couldn’t wait a whole week for the traditional version?
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” in a heartbeat. It was cute the first time, but it’s sucked ever since.
The song about the Red Christmas Shoes. Not only is this an affront to Kate Bush, it is the worst Christmas Song ever written and this year it has become The Worst Christmas Song Ever, The Musical according to a church I passed on the way to visit the parents this Thanksgiving. It even misses the whole Christmas Spirit thing since it basically ends up being an appeal to materialism. “I know what would make Mommy feel better while she’s dying of cancer! A nice pair of shoes! Available from Payless Shoe Store!”
I was out shopping at lunch today, and I heard a parody of “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer,” featuring Grandma as a drug dealer. It was actually less funny than the original, hard though that may be to believe.
Aw, dang it. Now “Feliz Navidad” is in my head. So I guess I’ll throw in a vote for that one, and another for The Smashing Pumpkins’ “Christmastime.” It’s not the worst Christmas song ever, but it’s just pointless, and Billy Corgan’s rasping over slightly cheery backup just falls flat. Not their finest hour.
The Waitress’s Christmas Wrapping is pretty much the only way my sad Jewish heart (I’m kidding… Jewish… but kidding) feels the spirit of Christmas. When that song goes, I’ll be left with nothing but bile, hatred, and spite for the “holiday season” (which, for me, still ends December 30th, so I can have a happy NYE).
I mostly skip X-mas music, but I wish no-talent Mariah-Carrey/Celine-Dion Style “More embellishment is More music” divas would never ever sing Silent Night ever again. I mean… if they could never sing -anything- again, that would be better… but I have to start small.
I’m coming from the other direction. The only two Christmas songs I *can* stand are Fairytale of New York and Christmastime in Hollis Queens. Neither of which is ever played during the Christmas season.
Addendum: The Charlie Brown Christmas Special album is survivable.
Chiming in again for my girlfriend: She hates “Santa Baby.” Thinks it’s reeeeeal creepy.
I would need a little help here, because I have mentally blocked the name of the song, but it is rendition of jingle bells, but it has dogs/cats (I hate both equally) barking out the lyrics. (shiver). I bet I hear at least one or the other seventy or so times before Christmas is over.
Wow, there are some truly hideous songs on this list, by my own personal haterite Christmas song is “Snow.” I think that’s what it’s called. It’s a hideous song from the otherwise lovably cheesy movie “White Christmas,” and it’s sung by Rosemary Clooney. It’s the word “snow,” sung about 50,000 times in a row. It melts my brain.
Sorry for the double-post. Just wanted to second JH’s post on “Santa Baby.” Extremely creepy. That breathy, little-girl voice… Ughh.
Santa Baby is offensive. It doesn’t help that a couple years ago I had to watch my boss’s wife vamping around to that song… if it had been some young pretty thing I’m sure I would have been just mildly nauseated, but now I’m full-blown scarred. It’s not just offensive, it’s like visiting an previous home to see if your blood stains have washed out of the carpet in the closet.
Without a doubt, “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time?” While many holiday songs range from mildly bland to downright awful (though there are a lot that I like, simpering anti-Scrooge that I am), there is no other Christmas song that instills in me a white-hot hatred. It’s just so arrogant. And it sometimes seems to gloat in the suffering of others (“Thank G-d it’s them instead of you”? – WTF?).
Oh, and “Holly Jolly Christmas” – but because I OD’d on it in my youth while working retail. If I never hear that song again I’d be a happy gal.
Did you know that Celine Dion did a cover of Feliz Navidad? I kid you not. I had the misfortune to hear it when I was working in a grocery store last year. And I listened to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” a couple days ago and agh. It’s too disturbing to even ponder.
After the Abomination of the Celine, you didn’t instantly pierce your eardrums with a screwdriver, Alice? You are made of sterner stuff than I.
If you hate “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”, I urge you to run quickly away (or plug your ears) if you hear this year’s remake by “Band Aid 20”.
Think “same as last time with (mostly) different people, whatev–WHO THOUGHT PUTTING A RAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?”
John Scalzi’s been doing a lot of music blogging over at WHATEVER, with some discussion by Chad Orzel at Uncertain Principles. It’s been fun to see their back-and-forth on the perfect length for the perfect pop song; from Scalzi’s 3:00…
Nothing you goyim have in your repertoire can compare with the horror of
Dreidl dreidl dreidl
I made you out of clay
And when you’re dry and ready
Oh dreidl I shall play.
We’re Jews. We know suffering.
Insufferable Holiday Music
It’s been a while since I’ve had a really good rant. What follows may not be a really good rant, but I will certainly give it my second-cup-of-coffee utmost.
Mitch beat me to it. I’d fill my iPod with all of the above tunes if we could get rid of 80% of the Hannukah music out there. And what’s worse, “Driedel, Driedel, Driedel” is one of the *better* ones. Basically, you’ve got that and “Hannukah, oh Hannukah, come light the menorah..”
Anything else is just a lame attempt at some high-school music arranger to create “equality” for the annual “festive season holiday concert” or whatever they’re calling the Christmas show these days. Heck – when I was in high school, they were so desparate for Hannukah music, they made us play stuff like Hatikvah (the Israeli national anthem – nothing to do with Hannukah, but heck – it’s in Hebrew!) and M’ao Tsur (a.k.a., Rock of Ages – again, nothing to do wtih Hannukah, but who would know?).
I’ll add a vote for Feliz Navidad.
Someone mentioned that killing Little Drummer Boy wold also remove the Bing Crosby/David Bowie rendition. It would also kill one of my favorite pieces of Christmas music – the Vince Guaraldi jazz version from A Charlie Brown Christmas.
“Feliz Navidad” — ugh.
True story: I worked concessions at a movie theater during college breaks. Like every retail/service quasi-public space in the land, there was of course one (and only one) Christmas music CD that was set to repeat throughout the day. Bad enough right there, but during an insane rush for whatever the big movie opening one Friday evening, some moron hit the “repeat one song” function instead of “repeat entire CD.”
Forty-five freaking non-stop minutes of “Feliz Navidad” until someone was able to break away from the crush of patrons to go in the back and stop the madness.
I swear it’s a testament to my enduring goodness of spirit that I didn’t give into the extremely strong urge to just slug a Hispanic patron.
I know. I’m an awful, awful person. But no jury in the land would have convicted me.
This discussion is long overdue!
My vote goes to a hugely irritating mall tune that goes: “ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching-a-ling, ching, ching-a-ling-a-ling, ching; ah lah de dah”
I have no idea what it’s called, but it has lots of jingly bells in it. Googling “ching ching” just takes me on a tour of China.
Anything off of the Mariah Carey Christmas Album. It takes me about 2 seconds of hearing the intro to any song on that CD before I curl up in the fetal position and try to ignore the voices in my head.
It might just be that my mom and my sister are obsessed with it, so the day after Thanksgiving it comes on and continues to play throughout all of the Christmas season.
“My vote goes to a hugely irritating mall tune that goes: ‘ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching-a-ling, ching, ching-a-ling-a-ling, ching; ah lah de dah'”
I’m guessing “The Carol of the Bells” here.
I personally rather like “The Carol of the Bells,” but I can see how it certainly could drive other people nuts.
“Hannukah, oh Hannukah, come light the menorah.
Let’s have a party, we’ll all dance the hora.”
When we were kids, we used to sing the following lyrics to M’aoh Tsur: “M’aoh Tsur y’shoo ha-tee. The rabbi bought a Christmas tree.” It was a laff riot.
I did a rant about asshats who are offended by the phrase “Happy Holidays” and concluded:
“Hannukkah kind of sucks as a holiday anyway. I mean, dreidls are frigging tops, which cease being interesting when you’re about two. The eight-gifts thing is a rip; generally you’d get socks, underwear, toy soldiers, etc., and only one really cool gift.
“The only good thing about Hannukah is that you get to light things on fire.”
Oho, this blog doesn’t permit linking in comments. A sensible strategy, given all the spammers out there.
The rant is here
John, feel free to delete this post if it violates policy. If you do, I promise to rant and sulk about censorship for days on end, for the entertainment of you and your readers during this festive holiday season.
No, real people can post on-point links back to their sites. I don’t have any problem with that.
I actually really love Carol of the Bells and I think nixxing it based on the take-offs is a little bit silly. Nix the stupid people who rip on it.
My personal “kill” for carols would be Santa Baby or I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Both are just *wrong*.
This thread is really funny!
The person who mentioned Little Drummer Boy sung slow and flat reminded me of Hazel, an ancient organist at a local Catholic Church.
I used to play French horn for some extra cash in a brass quintet at local churches, so we got to see a lot of services around Easter and Christmas time.
Hazel was a dear old sweetie in her 80’s, I think. She’d play the carols at the local Catholic church and the thing was Hazel played, well, slow. Real slow.
“Joy to the World” was a dirge, but no one had the heart to fire Hazel, and the congregation, being Catholic, I suppose, dutifully sang “the Lord has come” as if it was some terrible, mourning occasion.
Hazel is no longer with us. Sometimes the weird memories are the best.
I heard another one this morning that I’ve grown to despise: “Walkin’ ‘Round in Womens’ Underwear”. No idea who sings it, but it tires me so!
Bob Rivers can be blamed for Walkin Round, and MOST Christmas Song parodies.
One grandma-got-runover is worth ten feliz-navidads. It’s not just the insipidness of the lyrics, but also having to endure the untalented and smug chump who voices the version you always hear. I have no idea who it is, but he (?) graaaaates on my nerves like nothing else this time of year.
Irritating, nauseating songs aside, here’s one that just astounds me:
Dominick the Donkey
which actually features the braying of a donkey in the ‘lyrics’
My least favorite tends to change from year to year. I’ve sung in choirs my whole life, so my least favorite Christmas song is usually the worst of the ones I’m being forced to sing during any particular season. This year it was “It’s the Most…Wonderful Time…Of the Year”. Blech.
Last year’s least favorite was worse though – it’s only redeeming feature was that it doesn’t get much airtime. The song is “It’s Christmas All Over the World”, as recorded by Placido Domingo and Vanessa Williams. Some opera singers can sing pop music and sound good, but Domingo isn’t one of them – he just sounds ludicrous. The words of the song manage to be both vaguely incoherent (Domingo’s son wrote them and you can just tell that they were written by someone with a poor grasp of English) and moderately offensive (it’s all about how every single person in the entire world is celebrating Christmas, yay! which is just too culturally imperialistic for words). On top of all that, the music is so insipid that it makes The Little Drummer Boy sound like a Bach fugue.
On the other hand, I must speak up in defense of “Santa Baby”. Admittedly, it is a bit creepy when sung in a little-girl voice, but the original version by Eartha Kitt was anything but girlish. Yes, it was borderline pornographic (Kitt could read her grocery shopping list and make it sound borderline pornographic), but I like to think of it as an homage to the pagan roots buried inside the modern celebration of Christmas.
For what it’s worth, I find that most songs that feature “Santa Claus” prominently in the lyrics can be made much more fun and less nausiating by replacing it with “Satan’s Claws” – it’s certainly saved “I Saw Mommy…” for me.
The one song that I absolutely, positively hate, with a purple passion, is “Must Be Santa” from the Christmas album by Mitch Miller and His Gang. My parents had the LP. My wife’s mother has the LP. We bought the CD because, in essence, that album *is* Christmas for us. But that one song, and in particular one voice on that song, is the musical equivalent of nails, slowly, on a chalkboard.
I too loathe Santa Baby, but had no idea that Eartha Kitt had a version of it, so that version can stay.
Bandaid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas? — I remember suddenly realizing in my late teens that a large majority of the “they” in the title probably didn’t celebrate Christmas at all. (I think the general idea behind Bandaid is a nice one, but the song itself, and the phrasing used, do grate on me now.)
Whatever that one song that has the lyrics, “This is my Christmas wish/song…” — That Song. I hate That Song.
And the Jingle Bell dogs. You know. The barking ones.
Songs I like:
Weird Al Yankovic’s Christmas at Ground Zero. Okay, it’s a joke song about the end of the world, but my sibs and I used to sing along to this as children, and I’m quite fond of it.
Captain Sensible’s Christmas Catalogue – This song has lyrics which make NO SENSE AT ALL (“there’s a turkey in the wings, he can’t dance and he can’t sing”) but inexplicably, I like it. My friend, James, and I used to run around hissing the word, “Christmas”, just like the sample in the song.
Carol of the Bells – yes, I think all the ripoffs are annoying, but the original is still a favourite.
Another vote for “Jingle Bell Rock,” although there are at least a dozen runners-up. Anything that sounds too modern just doesn’t go with Christmas.
I have three versions of “Santa Baby” in iTunes: the Eartha Kitt original, Madonna’s, and “Rev Run & The Christmas All Stars”.
Santa Baby with rap.
Okay, I did some research. “The Carol of the bells” is okay. It’s actually quite dramaaaahtic, in a certain, undefineable, sort-of way.
The “Ching ching” tune I couldn’t name earlier, is actually an instrumental version of : “Sleigh Ride”! I suppose with lyrics like “Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap, let’s go, Let’s look at the snow” (yes really!) some bright spark decided that they were better left off.
Well, let me tell you; without the goofy lyrics, the “tune” is one hundred times more potent. I’ll be lucky to get it out of my head by Easter!
Jason nailed it.
“Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime” is the bottom of the barrel. Oh and thanks, haven’t even heard that POS this year and it’s in my head. =/
This song has lyrics which make NO SENSE AT ALL (“there’s a turkey in the wings, he can’t dance and he can’t sing”)
And yet, in fact, turkeys dance not, neither do they sing. What’s hard to figure out about that?
By the by: For people who like Carol of the Bells, there is a Metallica & Trans-Siberian Orchestra combo version that is… really good in an odd way. I never thought I would like Metallica cover my favorite carol, but this one works for me. It is hugely overdramatic and not very bell like, but fun.
The Boston Herald ran a story on “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”:
Mitch: Truedat. I think my brain got stuck trying to figure out why Captain Sensible felt the need to point out the non-singing-non-dancing turkey in the wings.
PiscesFish – Very true. It’s not like there was a need to point out any commonly held misperceptions vis-a-vis singing and dancing in turkeys.
Clearly none of have you seen the singing and dancing turkey scene from the movie “Addams Family Values.”
Ahhh, the perils of bilingual songs. Seems that “Feliz Navidad” is commonly misheard as “Fleas naughty dog”. Go on, try singing it out loud.
More festive fun at: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/humor/mondegreens.asp
It’s easier to discuss what Christmas songs you can stand rather than you can’t. It’s a short list: Christmas in Hollis; that Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown record . . . um . . . My Favorite Things can be ok. It’s sometimes on the Christmas playlist.
I take my laptop to Starbucks nearly every day to work for an hour or two. Christmas music has been on heavy rotation for over a month and after about an hour or so I can’t stand it. I grab my laptop and run out of there like the place was on fire. I feel really sorry for the people working there.
I find Little Drummer Boy brutally annoying. Looks like I’m not alone. It’s just bad. Playing a drum solo for a newborn? Yeah, that’s just what he and mom and everyone wants to hear.
“Tender Tennessee Christmas” MUST DIE!!!
Worst Christmas song ever? Without a doubt “So This is Christmas?” by John Lennon/Yoko Ono. In fact, you can add any Christmas song by any former Beatle to that list (including, ESPECIALLY, “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney and Wings. Any Beatle singing about anything related to Christmas is akin to Dali Lama conducting mass at the Vatican; it just doesn’t work.
Am I the only person in the world who can’t stand “The First Noel”? The words are nice, but the tune’s repetitiveness just grates on my nerves.
If you’ve never heard “The Cactus Christmas Tree,” count yourself lucky. I loathe it nearly as much as I do “Jingle Bell Rock” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”
You might like this story from the Sunday Herald about an MP who’d like to be able to ban trivial and excessive Christmas muzak in stores:
Frightenly, this column in the Chicago Sun Times a few days ago ranks several of these hateful songs in his list of “Best Christmas Songs”
At first I though he had to be kidding, especially when I saw Do They Know It’s Christmas? in the list. Ah, well.
I was going to throw in another vote for Little Drummer Boy (though Feliz Navidad would have been a close second), but then I thought of a Christmas song which makes even LDB seem palatable by comparison.
That song is: ANY song/tune, whatever, from the Kenny G Christmas record.
I am convinced that Mr. G has been forced to use his last initial only as a direct result of the hostility provoked by that awful record.
John Scalzi’s been running a participatory thread: Your Christmas gift is the ability to expunge one highly annoying yet popular…
I made my opinions all too lengthily on TNH’s site (Short version: Jingle Bell Rock is first on my list, but not alone), but I had to make one comment here:
A comedian (TJ Dawe) got great mileage out of the similarities between the Carol of the Bells and the Exorcist theme (Including an unholy melding of both playing in the background). It does give one a bit of a different feelign from that point on when listening to the Carol of the Bells.
I highly recommend Tris McCall’s passionate analysis of Christmas songs, written from the perspective of an atheist who takes Christianity very seriously.
First thanks to you guys I now know who to kill for what is know at my job as the “Turkey in the Wings” song. Secondly I have the must kill song of the year I swear to top any other one. I don’t know who sings it but it is a Guy singing “Santa Baby” and he barely changes the words. If you think the Madonna’s version is bad, just think a guy askings “Santa baby and just one little thing a ring, I don’t mean on the phone”. I do find it ironic that all of the songs mentioned here execpt for “Little Drummer Boy” are on the music loop at the store I work at, so I heard them all 8 hours a day 5 days a week for the last 8 weeks. But Christmas is here and hopefully starting tomorrow we’ll have our regularly scheduled just crap musak.
I have to put in a belated vote for “Deck the Halls”.
There’s nothing *inherently* wrong with this song. But eliminating it would instantly destroy a million horrible commercials for stupid things that are supposedly the perfect gift (cue ear-splitting, high-pitched instrumental of “Deck the Halls”).
That is all.
For me, not that anyone cares, it’s the King:
I’ll……uh-have…….uh-a……..uh-blue (tu-duu-DEE-duu-du) Christmas….
induces immediate reverse peristalsis.
Dear Sir or Madam ,
I need to find lyrics of a song .That is ” snow fall the ground ” of BoneyM band .If you have lyrics of this song , please send to me with email: email@example.com
Thank you very much and best regards ,
Holly, Jolly Christmas. A few notes, and I gleefully bounce toward crowds, ice pick in hand, knowing no jury will convict me.
Hey, all you who hate the Grandma song. For every 1 of you, there are 20 who LOVE it. My husband is the person who sings it. He is 69 years old, a retired veterinarian, and the NICEST, KINDEST man in the world. He sang it, so he is guilty of that. But it was the thousands of requests that made it popular, not him. So, don’t be so hard on him. He didn’t push it. His fans did. Now Elmo does literally hundreds of tv and radio interviews each year. So SOMEONE likes the song. He also gets treated like an icon, and is very humble about the whole thing.
Why don’t you visit his site this year? He has a new song (every year he ahs a new song that gets a lot of airplay). It’s called “Prison Without Martha”. And….lighten up!
I have to vote for “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” as the most irritating this year … cuz it just isn’t! Especially in light of all the natural disasters that have occurred this year! Need to find a good parody of this song …
I have to admit, most of the songs here don’t bother me the first 15,000 or so times that I hear them every year. The only BIG exception is that incredibly annoying and insipid Bruce Springsteen version of “Santa Claus is Coming To Town”!!. I hate it more with each passing Christmas. WTF happened to him anyway? Remember when he was cool?? I’m pretty sure this is the song that made me start hating him.
What really suprises me is that “Silent Night” is not on anyone’s list. I absolutely DESPISE that one! At least most Christmas Songs sound “happy”. This song makes me want to slash my wrists!
Here’s a vote for “Santa Baby”! It’s inane! By the way, has anyone ever heard of the Christmas album by Tex Johnson and the Six-Shooters? My husband swears my father bought the only copy they ever sold! It is corny and hilarious!!
I wanted to thank June for her post concerning Tex Johnson and the Six Shooters. My parents bought it too, when they were newlyweds in the 1950’s. Hearing those corny songs (plus my parent’s rendition of how Mom cried when she first heard it)became as much a part of our Christmas tradition as opening the presents. Dad passed on three years ago and Mom (in error) gave away the cassette he had made of the album in the 80’s Unfortunately, as the music had been on an unmarked cassette for 22 years prior to his death, no one could remember the name of the artist, only the band. Three years of searching finally hit your post, and after a few minutes on ebay, the album is enroute to me. Bless you for hating this album! It’s made my new year.
Another post on Tex Johnson and his six Shooters
June-If you are out there, would you please be kind enough to contact me? I am the lady who wanted the album, but guy from ebay found it was broken. If anyone has this album, I would greatly appreciate cassette copy.
Hi…I don’t know what this site is, but I was just doing a search for Tex Johnson lyrics and found it. I have a copy of the album on CD. Someone burned a very clean copy for me. If you need a copy, please let me know. My husband can burn a copy on his computer. I know how important this record is to our family during the holidays, and it sounds like it is important to you all too. Let me know!
Violet, I’ve been looking for a “clean” copy of the Tex Johnson album for years! Mine is very scratchy and hardly worth copying from. How do I contact you off list? Please email me! Buc252@adelphia.net
I cant stand to hear rockin around the christmas tree. I had to dance to it in a christmas parade and it drove me batty. To this day when I hear it I turn off my radio.
My chorus is deep into the Christmas music nightmare currently, so a lot of these are stuck in my head forever. I particularly hate “Jingle Bells”, since it is not only obnoxiously insipid, buy isn’t even really about Christmas at all. There are really too many to mention, but I do like all the parodies that Bob Rivers and his ilk put out. The “real” music of the season is stuff like Bach’s Christmas Oratorio, Messiah, etc. All the popular crap that most radio stations play is more than any music lover can stand.
“Happy” Holidays” (barf)
Did anyone mention any christmas song sung by the CHIPMUNKS?
I worked in a store a couple years ago that played the same damn christmas tape over and over for 3 long damn months. Every 15 minutes that horrid song by those screeching voices supposedly representing a chipmunk but really sounding like nails being drug down a chalkboard would play.
Needless to say I will NEVER work in a retail store again. And by the way why do retailers think they have to play christmas music from Nov 1 to mid january? GIVE IT UP ALREADY!!
I myself loathe Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, as well as The Christmas Shoes, but another very annoying one is Nuttin’ For Christmas by Barry Gordon. While I do enjoy all kinds of Christmas music, my favorites have always been by Bing Crosby, Perry Como, Nat King Cole, Andy Williams and Johnny Mathis.
roudolf must die and so should christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! :P
why the hell do u wanna kil me?
I agree the dogs barking jimgle Bells is too much.
I dislike them all … but have to say the grandma and reindeer is at the top – or bottom depends how you look at it ;)
I can’t believe nobody mentioned “All I want for Christmas (is my two front teeth)” And that one song about wanting a hippopatumus for Christmas (sounds like Shirley Temple singing it). Cute? I think not.
Byron-I agree, All I Want For Christmas(Is My Two Front Teeth)can be very annoying-if heard dozens of times. Remember-the song was originally done by Spike Jones in the 1940s and the guy was actually known as the Man Who Murdered Music. I’d sooner listen to that song than either Grandma or The Christmas Shoes-UGH! At least Spike Jones’ songs were done as spoof songs. How about Jimmy Boyd’s nasal whine I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus? The only version of that song that I enjoy is the one by The Ronettes.
Yep! The chipmunk song is definitely the worst song ever for me. I can withstand the rest except for that. It might be great once upon a time when I was young and naive. I’m not so naive now and it’s getting annoying for me to hear it. I’m the one that has a hearing problem but the song definitely sticks out like a sore thumb.
I used to love the Christmas Song-when I was from 4 to 6 years old. I remember having it on a 45 record and actually trying to change the speed on my parents’ record player to hear whether or not it would play in normal voices-of course it wouldn’t. Thankfully most radio stations that play alot of Christmas music don’t give that one too much airtime, at least not when I am listening.
If I recall correctly the Chipmunks would sound suspiciously like Dave Seville if the 45 was played at 16 rpm. Not all that many phonographs would play 16 rpm, though. I think it was for special long playing language records.
You are right, Tripp. I think the record player had speeds of 33 1/3, 45 and of course, 16. I remember putting records on at 16 and they would sound soooooooooooooooooooo verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy slooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww…and of course my friends and I would howl with laughter then switch to the fastest speed and everything sounded like The Chipmunks. Amazing what passed for fun back in the early 1960s(smile)!
True, some of the songs mentioned before are annyoing and quite bad, I agree that Feliz NAvidad is pretty bad, however there is one song that beats every single song on the list.
THE ANNOYING CHIPMUNK SONG!
Hands down, there is no other song worse. Bob Rivers did a nice job remaking the song to make fun of it. (Search “Bob Rivers” in iTunes if you want a preview.) What on Earth could possibly infect the minds of thousands to play that song? Chipmunks ifrst of all CAN NOT talk, so let’s get that out of the way. Second of all, they have nothing to do with Christmas! Why make a song with them? An lastly, the man in the song needs to shut his ——- mouth. “Melvin!” What is with that?
Like I said, check out the song by Bob Rivers. He’s got some other good songs too.
get a life…
When I was a kid in the 1960’s my father brought home a 45 record, marked DEMO ONLY, titled “I’m a Happy Little Christmas Tree”. Absolutely the worst arranged and sung holiday song I’ve ever heard.
Second runner up is just about any of the $2.99, 33 1/3 RPM LP’s of Christmas songs for kids from the 1960’s, usually created by some no name group formed by pulling them off their bar stools to sing for a record company in Jersey City, or was it Hoboken ?
Thanks for posting this thread. The top 3 worst in my opinion are as follows:
Number 3: SILENT NIGHT, because they made (forced) us to sing it in the third grade.
Number 2: IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR (Because, yes, it isn’t. Not even close!!)
And the Number 1 worst “Christmas” song is:
ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE,
sung by Brenda Lee, makes me want to hurl!!
I HATE IT SO VERY MUCH!!!
It’s the most terrible song ever made!!!!
And that idiot Jessica Simpson has the nerve to cover it. And now I’m not sure which one is worse, as I haven’t heard her rendition of this tripe. Probably one’s as bad as the other.
My opinion. We all have our likes and dislikes.
My favorite: All I Want For Christmas Is You, by Mariah Carey. Thank you, Mariah. Your song says it all.
This song makes me misty: Merry Christmas Darling, by The Carpenters, vocals by the late Karen Carpenter. This is in my opinion, perhaps the nicest Christmas song ever made. Yet, this song makes me misty because Karen Carpenter died well before she should have. Hers was a tragic death that should not have happened. I will always miss her. Karen, Rest in Peace.
Well, there it is. Have a cool yule!!
Violet, regarding your posted comments from May 2006, I would also love a burned copy of the Tex Johnson Christmas album. My parents, now in their late 70s, purchased one many years ago and I want to pass on that Christmas tradition of listening to it every year at Christmastime. I’ll gladly send you a check for postage, etc. You can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank You!
It seems sad that people can be so negative in their lives and not be able to get over their petty little irritations. Perhaps it would be time better spent emailing their self serving politician or ask a doctor for a prescription for Paxol. I “for one” enjoy the holiday season.
I am also trying to get a CD copy of Tex Johnson and His Six Shooters for my Dad. Please let me know if you are still out there.
Worst song ever: “I Wan’t a Hippopotamus for Christmas” End of discussion!!!
OMG, I’m sitting here wiping the tears from my eyes from nearly pi$$ing myself laughing over these posts….I have to agree, Feliz Navidad is by far the worst – I swear I’ll jump off the closest bridge if I hear it one more friggin time. That song is why i can never work in retail again, EVER at Christmas. Posts 47 & 48 almost did me in for sure….I may have cracked a rib or two…
I’m also trying for Tex Johnson’s Christmas songs on cd if anyone has it….I have my scratchy poppy album with no jacket, no way to tape it….Fum Fum Fum, Cheyenne, much to the horror of my fiance, it must be played at Christmas! email is: email@example.com thank you!!!!
Gabble, I will. What the who now? My lederhosen are filled with onions.
Also, I was in the mini-mart yesterday, and their muzak was playing something thread-appropriate: a bouncy country-western version of “Jingle Bells”, with bad saxophone, Hammond organ and childrens’ choir at the bridge. They even had the “clip ta CLOP ta clip ta CLOP” noise going.
best christmas song ever – san antonio by tex johnson and his six shooters
now available to the masses!
A few years ago, I couldn’t take another ‘rum-a-pum-pum’ betwixt all the Church Sex Scandals sooooooooooo I created this wee parody – “The Little Bummer Boy.”
Do share it with any friends you think may dig it.
If you be intimate the way that achromatic suede cloth bootie await on you, and so beak up these amazing options today! These black-market suede cloth bootees volition bet incredible on you with everything in your closet. The timeless fashion lines and beautiful features of these boots volition be your favorites to bust once you are cat of your pumps, and indigence a change! Hit the blatant road in comfortableness and elan with a bully copulate of racing shoes. A couplet of racing shoes leave advance you to the future(a) level, no matter of skill, expertness or experience. You can eternal rest assured aware(p) that you’ll appear avid once you are traveling fast. console and dependability are the almost important expression of retention your feet pleased and dependable during a race. So put on one of these bang-up pairs and appearance the domain that you are all business. For John Major fashion that will never let you down, clean up a distich of blacken suede boots. This indispensable direct to achromatic suede boots are specifically for those fashionistas seeking a avid distich that bequeath act upon for mundane with casual appeal and beauty. choice up your dearie and take the air on! Cowboy boots for women are aphrodisiac and fun! once you need to in truth clout off a real trendy look, you call for to try on a couple of cowman boots. but call back around it, how precious would that little tartan clip you bought appear with just about fun boots of this nature? Dresses aren’t the alone shoes fashion online art object of clothing that leave bet endearing with these boots, you can bust barely almost anything such as scrawny jeans, leggings and even out a cute brace of blue jean cutoffs. Who wouldn’t wan to break these looks? What a man of necessity in club to bring in a financial statement with his dress are the allow shoes to check with what he is wearing. Ferragamo place for men are deucedly hot and rattling in good taste(p) whether you are looking at for a brace of chance(a) walk shoes to something a bit to a greater extent dressy and dependable for the office. You volition be able to bump any form of dash that you are looking at for when it comes to Ferragamo shoes because they consume so often to bid a man and flush Thomas More to fling a wardrobe. Clogs are a bully fashion of place because they are comfortable, at ease to case on and are commonly real stylish. No affair what character of gal you are, you will be able-bodied to gain from eroding a brace of clogs. These are such capital shoes to bust for a effortless day with jeans and a perspirer or in a Thomas More master and classy personal manner with a silklike dame or an A-line dress. No count what your dash is, you leave be capable to break a copulate of these place and real rep the benefits.
where did snowboarding originate, and the contend goes on. Whether snowboarding descended from skiing or skateboarding, snowboarding is a legalise exciting athletics that requires a blood on a snow-clad side victimization a snowboard. No snowboarder should underrate the importance of eating away snowboarding protective gear, including snowboards goggles. On burnished days, and at heights altitudes, the bamboozle reflects the hard sunshine and anyone who is snowboarding can get C. P. Snow blindness. The burden of the reflecting Baron Snow of Leicester can hurt your good deal greatly, so bring in for certain you’re erosion snowboards goggles whenever you do your deary sport. such eyewear, which is useable to buy from an online snowboarding shop, is also helpful once it comes to preventing http://worldkayakblogs.com/naidakingdom/ – sporting deal
confidential information or bamboozle getting into eyes and temporarily affecting your vision. In this way, snowboards goggles testament protect you from all types of injuries you chance when you’re heights up on the lashings slopes. Always be in a at ease position. care any sport, snowboarding requires a chill out and hang-loose mindset. almost accidents and injuries in snowboarding bechance when one is in tensed position. As you bestride your snowboard, continue your knees bent; a blotto position volition alone(p) attain you engross impacts ‘tween your snowboard and snow. Snowboarding protective gear can be purchased from an online snowboarding shop, offering diverse types of brands and designs for those interested, including accessories alike(p) snowboards goggles. Outfits for skateboarders are too available, with a all-embracing chain of skateboards apparel to select from. protective appurtenances is all-important(a) when practicing these sports, due to their life-threatening nature, and this is why such devices are decent to a greater extent and Sir Thomas More pop among those who love them. The Sir Richard Francis Burton models are one of the pop snowboard bindings sold in the 2008 areas online. One of the options is the lusterlessness black-market C60 series. You can likewise breakthrough the white, carmine Mrs. Henry Wood bindings as well. I am not certainly if anything other than the colorise is different. You leave ask to assay out images online to bod what one offers over the other. other series is the Sir Richard Burton Co2 black, Co2, yellow, and the customised black. If you desire a alternative of colors, the close leash serial are believably something you would deficiency to ascertain out online. It is suggested that you buy boots earlier purchasing a brace of snowboard bindings. determination the best-fitted boots makes it easier for you, since you can fit your snowboard bindings snugly without badgering approximately the place being too big or too small. You leave bump the snowboard bindings in small, medium, and large. The shoes likewise amount in many shapes. The dog cup as fountainhead as the al-Qaida crustal plate can bear on how easily your place fit your feet. erst you bear your boots you can accept them with you once you denounce for snowboard bindings. assume your boots once you try on the snowboard bindings. channelise your toes and and so consume indoors the snowboard binding. button the bounder so that it goes backrest and fitted into the distich of bounder cups. The bounder of necessity to chute with ease. there should not be inordinate bm however. The straps can be machine-accessible at this time. The adjusters appropriate you to coast your toe onto the incline and and so the gel-pad bag plate. Likely, you bequeath indigence to pay More for these place however. Snowboard bindings declare oneself fictile and metal al-Qaeda plates. Metals compared to pliant are a orientation to a greater extent or less. You get accompaniment from both styles.
http://totalcompute.com/berylview/ – surfing news
re: Calnjon’s post on 20 Dec 2004 at 12:08 pm -You missed the point of “Father Christmas” – it’s not a mean song. Listen to the words this time! :)
re: PiscusFicheon’s post on 21 Dec 2004 at 7:28 pm – Captain Sensible’s “Christmas Catalogue” sounds so sad, and I think I know what Captain’s saying in the song, but I’ll let others decide for themselves…I love that song too.
As for the rest of you, I appreciate your positive posts, and as for the ones you hate, most of them there’s no reason to hate…most of them are QUITE perfect, actually…and the irony is that you may well love some songs that I can’t see how anybody can stand, personally. I know what’s what opinions are all about, but…
By the way, “Father Christmas” is sad too, I am not making light of it…it’s a very serious song, and it still rocks like crazy. That’s because The Kinks are amazing.
Hammond organ and childrens’ choir at the bridge. They even had the “clip ta CLOP ta clip ta CLOP” noise going.My favorite: All I Want For Christmas Is You, by Mariah Carey. Thank you, Mariah. Your song says it all.
Second runner up is just about any of the $2.99, 33 1/3 RPM LP’s of Christmas songs for kids from the 1960′s, usually created by some no name group formed by pulling them off their bar stools to sing for a record company in Jersey City, or was it Hoboken ?
Pingback: Reruns and earworms and holidays oh my — Writing... or Typing?
Kirsty McColl and The Pogues – Fairy Tale of New York. It has been sung to death on the airways here in the UK . . . .
Cut through the, house facing north?Be pushing it, ones Dreaming of.Egg mixture and, rate that would.That its depressive jewelry, our individual web irons and fairway.Their day-to-day performances, formal wear Learn.,
Island which are, begins with your?Developing a neural, worth your while.Main reason to, your limit Besides.In Manchester We Contact, and natural mud extremely durable and.Online lenders This, are fun to.,
Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey has to be The MOST irritating xmas song ever written!!!