Maxims for Believers
Posted on December 30, 2004 Posted by John Scalzi 10 Comments
Not to distract you all from the spectacle of me and Mr. Duemer frothing at the mouth like angry mad dogs while putatively discussing tolerance, but on his own site Devin Ganger has posted a variation of the Seven Maxims for Non-Believers, modified for use for believers. I think he’s done a fine job, and encourage you all to trundle over and check out his variation on the theme.
That is good stuff. Both do a fine job of purveying the idea of tolerance for your fellow man.
Mr. Ganger’s variation was much more constructive than the seven maxims for A-Holes that I had been toying around with this morning!
But then again, I have been told on more than one occasion that I should go with what I know.
I’d pay a shiny dime to see those maxims, James.
Ditto. Call it a vested interest.
Well then, without further ado:
1. Being an asshole gives me every right to be intolerant of those around me and tell them about it at every opportunity.
2. Being an asshole makes it acceptable to skate through life being completely oblivious to our effect on others.
3. Being an asshole gives me every right to do what ever the hell I want with my children. They’re mine to mental scar at random and don’t give me any that “it takes a village” crap. I’m probably not listening anyway, see maxim #2
4. Because I am an asshole who values my ability to piss people off, I should welcome any and all efforts to make me see the errors of my way and take great delight in smiting them with heavy blows.
5. Being able to hold my tongue when face with rather large or numerous adversaries does not make me less of an asshole. It makes me a smart asshole that values his own hide, just slightly more than his own opinion.
6. I believe that my understanding of just how truly ignorant those around me are, is explanation enough for why I am the way I am.
7. I believe that being an asshole is the one thing that can bridge any and all ethnic, religious, socio-economic status, political affiliations and sexual preference to unite people from all over the world. (Unfortunately it is usually to stand against you not with you, but at least you have brought them together.)
I love it!!!!! I can very much relate.
Of course the entire time I was writing that I could hear Denis Leary’s voice in my mind
A-S-S-H-O-L-E…EVERYBODY!
A-S-S-H-O-L-E…
Oh crap now that song’s gonna be in my head all day…at least I like it! =) (And it’s a vast improvement over the monthlong spree of Christmas music at work that just ended!)
I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of cleaning up a bit of my poor craftsmanship on the A-hole maxims and worked them (along with your own and Devin’s)into my PM blog. If you do, just let me know and I will promptly remove the references.
I have no objection to my own work appearing. Devin will naturally have to answer for his.
Works for me!