Off to Penguicon
Posted on April 21, 2005 Posted by John Scalzi 32 Comments
I’m out of here until Monday; I’m off to Penguicon (I’m actually leaving tomorrow, but since I’m leaving early I’m not updating when I get up). Consider this an open thread for y’all to enjoy while I’m away.
If the prospect of an open thread frightens and terrifies you, you may instead choose to answer the following question: You want the party to wind down but people won’t leave. What music do you use to clear the decks?
Also, my friend Deven has started a blog, somewhat formally, with an essay on cricket and baseball. He’s a very good friend, so swing by, welcome him into the world of blogging and tell him to post more. Like most people, he thrives on the sweet sweet fertilizer of attention.
See you Monday.
Easy, Weird Al, Amish Paradise, it’ll put a smile on my face and scare away all the ‘cool’ pes…err guests.
I have very eclectic tastes and I listen to a lot harder than most of my friends. Switching the stereo over from party music to, say Freya or Slayer, combined with a few crazed looks should work.
A friend of mine used to use two Aphex Twin tracks played at the same time to clear the dance floor. Of course, eventually one hippie got on the floor and started dancing at this point, and randomly tweaking the rpm up and down on both tracks just encouraged him.
Wall of Voodoo’s “Mexican Radio.”
Over and over and over and over…
Most of my friends hate country music. So, naturally I throw in Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash and sing along until everyone picks up and moves on.
My default back in the late 70s-early 80s was anything by The Residents. While singing along.
Jim, if you played “Mexican Radio,” I wouldn’t leave until the downstairs neighbors called the cops about the guy who’s been dancing for the last few hours…
Heh, if people won’t leave, you’re too good of a host. Or, more likely, Krissy is. The food is/was too good. The music is/was too good.
At times like these, you don’t use music to clear the decks! You fire up the I-Pod, pop in (or order) a few more pizzas. You embrace your “good host-ness.” (Again, more likely, Krissy’s.)
You embrace your friends, family, whoever. Sleep later tomorrow. Enjoy the moment.
It is springtime. Days/nights like these are too few in the upper Midwest. We’ve been looking forward to them for months.
As cliched as it may be, I’d choose Ray Charles’ “Hit The Road Jack.” It’s a fun tune for me, and gets the point across in 1:59.
Easy: just about any Swans song featuring Michael Gira’s vocals; certain Bauhaus songs; the opening track to Sonic Youth’s Dirty CD.
“Mogwai Fear Satan”
Actually, “Mogwai Fear Satan” played at the same time as the My Bloody Valentine remix of “Mogwai Fear Satan”.
At some point in my younger life, I owned a copy of the “James Brown Is Dead” remix CD. Thirteen tracks worth of variations on “James Brown Is Dead.” Some hardy souls hung on through Track 6, just to see if there was anything else on the album.
Sadly enough, in this neck of the woods anything by Mozart usually clears the halls in less time than it takes to wave your magic flute.
Nothing I could do could measure up to the technique used by a friend of mine… an abrupt shift to “Yodelling the Classics.” No joke. It’s really quite scary, and therefore effective.
No music required. I just let the Siberian Crotch Hound out of his cage and let him sniff when/who/wherever he wants. Nothing like an 85 lb. dog showing intense interest in your nethers to clear a room!
I had two “roomsweeper” tunes:
The Dinosaur Jr. cover of “Show Me the Way,” and “Little Birdy” by Ween.
I just remembered another good one: in college, I picked up “Magic Polka” at a flea market. That was a party-killer.
I didn’t clear a bar, but instilled a deep depression and hostility by dumping 10 bucks worth of Goodnight Saigon by Billy Joel into a juke box. Good times, good times….
I have a CD featuring 114 minutes of Raffi’s “Bananaphone” on a loop.
It isn’t exactly “music”, but somewhere, I have CD of great speaches by Malcom X, which I bought specifically to use as party-clearing material.
A friend of mine is partial to a loop of “Knee Play 3”, from the Philip Glass opera *Einstein on the Beach*.
The Blues Magoos doing “Never Going Back to Georgia”. Clears a room faster than anything I’ve ever seen.
Clearly the Jingle Cats’ “Meowy Christmas”
Why would they torture those cats? Why?
The person who mentioned “Bananaphone” has a special place in hell reserved for them.
A nightclub where I went to college tried “Rainbow Connection”. This didn’t work well, but I learned you can mosh to it.
After that failed experiment: “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”. Worked every time.
From my personal music collection: “Jesus Christ Superstar” on bagpipes.
Lavinia wrote:
Nothing I could do could measure up to the technique used by a friend of mine… an abrupt shift to “Yodelling the Classics.” No joke. It’s really quite scary, and therefore effective.
By Mary Schneider! I completely forgot! I have volume 2. {shudder}
My wife suggests anything from my MC Hawking collection.
I find the best “music” to clear out the place is any music… sung by me. I just open my mouth and sing, and people make excuses to leave very quickly.
Hey John – you gettin’ a bit of snow there?
“let’s get physical” by olivia newton-john
never fails to make the cool kids run in terror
One word: GWAR.
Doctor Hook’s “Sylvia’s Mother,” but you have to be committed enough to go around the party offering to tell anyone who will listen the story of your own personal heartbreaking breakup.
Either Penderecki or “Da Yoopers”, depending on my mood. ;)